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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Girlfriend_to_a_cop My boyfriend is new to the police force
  • replies: 4

I am 21y/0 female, my boyfriend has just joined the police force. For about 5 years I have struggled with depression and anxiety, my partner struggles from mild anxiety. I have concerns about him being a cop just like I have concerns about most thing... View more

I am 21y/0 female, my boyfriend has just joined the police force. For about 5 years I have struggled with depression and anxiety, my partner struggles from mild anxiety. I have concerns about him being a cop just like I have concerns about most things, I have read many articles and the book “Emotionsl survival for law enforcement” an excellent book I might add. I am looking for pre assistance into understanding what he will be seeing and how he is going to cope in the work force, with shift work and the trauma that police officers face daily. I know it might be a few years before he sees anything traumatising or that will give him PTSD, but I want to be prepared. Is there any way I can prepare for the future? Thank you in advanced.

DaniellaM Struggling to cope after relationship ending
  • replies: 2

Hi all, this is my first time posting here. Just a couple of days ago, my boyfriend of almost 3 years decided to end the relationship. He told me that he loves me dearly as a person, but is no longer in love with me. I am really struggling to accept ... View more

Hi all, this is my first time posting here. Just a couple of days ago, my boyfriend of almost 3 years decided to end the relationship. He told me that he loves me dearly as a person, but is no longer in love with me. I am really struggling to accept that it is over and I will most likely never see him again. This was my first long term and serious relationship, and being alone all of a sudden is proving harder to manage than I thought. As of right now, I can barely eat or leave my bed and do not have the motivation to return to work. I feel as though my life has fallen apart, as he was the most important thing to me and helped me so much with my mental health. I am also struggling severely with feelings of guilt and shame, as I was unloyal to him in the earlier stages of the relationship. He found out and immediately wanted to end it, but I begged and pleaded for him to give me another chance. I said I wanted to change and fix things (which was not a lie and I was never unfaithful again after those incidents). He told me when he broke up with me that he forgives me for everything that I did, but was never able to move on within himself. However, I'm very confused as to why he chose to end the relationship now, almost 2 years after what happened. Was he not in love with me all this time and just pretending because he didn't want to hurt me? I struggle to believe that he didn't have feelings for me, as up to only just a couple of weeks ago he was making a regular effort to see me, showing affection and telling me he loved me. I just need some advice. I am in strong denial right now and can't stop thinking about the possibility of him changing his mind and coming back to me. But I also know that getting my hopes up like that remove all chances of me accepting it and moving on. What should I do?

RedRose123 In your opinion should I feel guilty because of this?
  • replies: 13

I just had a bit of an argument with my Grandmother in law. She was saying that retail workers and cafe staff etc should never be able to have an off moment. Eg have a slight tone, seem flustered or unhappy. No matter how customers are behaving towar... View more

I just had a bit of an argument with my Grandmother in law. She was saying that retail workers and cafe staff etc should never be able to have an off moment. Eg have a slight tone, seem flustered or unhappy. No matter how customers are behaving towards them. This had me very upset. And I tried to just ignore it. But then the next topic of conversation came up and she said something along the lines about how if someone is being arrogant to you that you shouldn’t stand for it. (I can’t remember exact words and there was a lot more detail in the conversations but I’m trying to be brief). So I said, “you just said retail workers should just put up with it” and mentioned a story about me being in the situation of someone abusing me when I was very young working retail and witnessing people being treated badly in retail on other occasions. She just tried to brush it off saying. I worked as a waitress and I just took it etc. I got quite upset and left the room. I got as upset as I did for a few reasons. One - that topic upset me, because I don’t like how people think they can treat retail staff like garbage. Two - she can be not very nice to retail and cafe workers herself. Three - she was being hypercritical in my opinion. Four - she kept saying I worked as a waitress for years and I was always nice no matter how I was treated etc. I’m worried I seemed too crazy about it. I have severe anxiety problems (which she and other family members who were there know). They had been talking about topic after topic of things that were really stressful to me the whole time we were together so I was already on edge. I tried to stay calm. But I just had to voice my opinion. And I think I came across like a crazy person with how upset I got. There are also some past issues my husband and I have had with his grandparents that had nothing to do with today. And we have been trying to keep piece for his mums sake. So I was on edge about my feelings about that stuff as well. I feel like I just kind of exploded a little. I didn’t yell. But I was obviously cranky. My husband agrees with me. His mum understand why I was upset. But I just feel guilty that I upset his Grandmother and feel like everyone else thinks I’m crazy

Mistress Should I call it quits or keep paddling
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone so long story short I’ve been in relationship for almost 12 years we have 2 kids together and our lives have had more downs then any ups. so when I was 17 I fell pregnant only knowing him for 3months he never left and pretty much moved ri... View more

Hi everyone so long story short I’ve been in relationship for almost 12 years we have 2 kids together and our lives have had more downs then any ups. so when I was 17 I fell pregnant only knowing him for 3months he never left and pretty much moved right in now I had mental health issues prior and had my mum who has mental health and I had to deal with her and she was very controlling. during my pregnancy he would work away send me all his money and my mum would take it (my fault for Being so controlled) i also got a payout for a car accident which she tried to take which I didn’t let which then made her kick us out 3 times when my daughter was only 5months now we finally moved out with the clothes on our backs and with the money I had I built a house and home. This is when he then decided to not work and just play video games. At 21 he emotionally cheated on me with some person via internet because of distance he couldn’t physically but he made it clear that relationship was more important then me and when I tried to leave then he forcefully took our daughter away and said I could leave but she couldn’t so I stayed. ( while this was going on I was dealing with mental abuse by my mother) i worked on and off as i can’t seem to be able to do home and work without burning out. my house is always a mess and he only sits down on the pc and comes out to complain about the mess we had another child in 2018 and before that he was gambling I had to deal with his crazy mother who abused me and lived free with us. And then in 2019 I found out he was messing with a. Chick at work Now 2021 he works comes home sits on the pc complains yells at the kids always snapping at us but laughing at the ppl n game he plays with cause it’s playing with a bunch of male and female ppl centerlinkntook $300 off my payment and now I get only $500 each week and $400 gose to rent so financially it’s hard my relationship hasn’t made me happy as he gives me no affection only when he wants he gives more affection to the ppl and game we started relationship counciling but. His walls always gose up I don’t know I am just so tired I’ve tried to fix me but over the years nothing I do helps and I am wondering if I am trying to put water in a bucket that has holes and pointless i can’t believe that I wasted all my youth for nothing and that he claims he loves me but I think loving someone n means doing things for them not always refusing to lift a finger? I am falling apart

akajackal I really need to talk to someone
  • replies: 3

I have things going on in my life, I don't really have anyone to share with. I'm a father of a 8yr old boy and a 7yr old girl. I work long hours. Trying to meet both ends. My wife she looks after house hold, works casual, looks after the kids. I lost... View more

I have things going on in my life, I don't really have anyone to share with. I'm a father of a 8yr old boy and a 7yr old girl. I work long hours. Trying to meet both ends. My wife she looks after house hold, works casual, looks after the kids. I lost both my parents they were gone abruptly. Also in a time when I needed them the most. My brother is an addict. I did not have anytime to grieve for them. I never caught a break. I didn't have my wife or anyone to share what I went through. I had to keep going, providing for the family. Then you have all the ups and downs in life, from loosing job, training, studying, finding another one, then you got covid 19. The only person I could turn to was my wife. Whenever I wanted to open up, I was told being over dramatic, or not giving her more importance even when my parents are not there. Everytime I try to fix things, it's these small bits of faults that she draws out that make things worse. I've lost the motivation to keep going, after all, what's left for me is my family. If I'm only as good as just a money making machine, what good am I for? I hate myself as a person.

Mech Overwhelming - financial, disaster house, job, relationship and family
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I am 24 and although my problems aren't massive, there are so many that I can't wrap my head around it all and it's driving me insane. I feel like I've created most of these issues as well. Has anyone been in a similar situation? ... 1. ... View more

Hi everyone, I am 24 and although my problems aren't massive, there are so many that I can't wrap my head around it all and it's driving me insane. I feel like I've created most of these issues as well. Has anyone been in a similar situation? ... 1. My partner and I moved into our brand new house over Christmas 2020. the entire year it took and the last few months have been so stressful and exhausting. So many things went wrong and I spent hours every single day on the phone and in stores to keep things in check... We are now dealing with the possibility of our house having to be knocked down and rebuilt but it is all at a stand still currently and I'm struggling to find anyone who can help and support me through this... both professionally and emotionally. I feel like I pushed my partner to buy and build, and I chose the builder, so I feel like this is all my fault my relationship is so strained and my partners parents who haven't worked for a long time having been living with us only 10 weeks after we finally moved into our house... so they have been with us for a while... his grandmother is a controlling narcissist and has just 'told' us she wants his grandfather's ashes buried in our garden because she is also living from place to place... while all of this is going on. We have our spare room and personal robe full of stuff she dumped on us because she didn't want to carry it around. I have had to tell my father that he can not come to our wedding next year(which i feel i pushed my partner to agree to) as my mother and my family will disown me. We had a difficult childhood and I don't blame them. I'm not sure why I have gotten back in contact with him but that's a different story again.. I feel like I started wedding planning because everything else was crashing down around us and I wanted something exciting to happen. My mother isn't very supportive of the wedding and I think that's why. my work has moved me from a place I really enjoyed, to one I really hate, because I took a week off to deal with lawyers regarding our house and a bad flu.. I have gained 15kg over the last 12 months from stress eating. I am so unhappy with myself and my body because of this I try to eat healthy, I try breathing exercises, I try to self care with hobbies and spending time with my animals but nothing is working. Every time I take anti depression or anxiety pills I have bad adverse effects. I've hit a wall and I don't know how to go around it

Cath58 Estranged from Adult daughters since 2013
  • replies: 3

I have been estranged/cut off from my two daughters since 2013 after an emotional separation and divorce from their father. It was a difficult time for all of us. I thought long and hard before leaving their father and our marriage of 26 years. He wa... View more

I have been estranged/cut off from my two daughters since 2013 after an emotional separation and divorce from their father. It was a difficult time for all of us. I thought long and hard before leaving their father and our marriage of 26 years. He was an alcoholic/gambler with a lady 'friend'. The 'lady friend' was the last straw for me, as at times he did not come home. My daughters, at the time of my leaving, were 22 & 25 and living with their partners. I was an emotional mess and had a breakdown. I made many errors in the early days that I see now with the passing of time. Over the years I have attempted to reconcile through letters, but have been met with a cold wall of silence. My early letters were full of apologies, taking the blame etc.. and asking for them to talk to me and explain why they had cut me off with no forewarning or discussion. These letters I had to send via their grandmother (fathers mother) as I had/have no address for them, no phone numbers as they had/have blocked/changed numbers. Blocked me on all social media. Just wiped me completely. It is now 8 years and still nothing. The last few years I have sent a card for their birthdays with a simply message, nothing emotive. Things like 'let me know if you would like to have a coffee'. No long stories, no self pity, no trying to explain, nothing along those lines. I have heard through one of their cousins, that my daughters are not talking to each. It appears we have all gone separate ways. They have cut themselves off from all of my family as well, just the one cousin has contact with my eldest daughter - but little contact. My eldest married in Oct 2019 and apparently her father did not go and her and her sister had a fight the night before the wedding and she left during the night. Such a mess! I have done a lot of work with my psychologist and a lot of introspection. I have moved on with my life and now have a wonderful partner of 5 years and strong relationship. I concentrate on that these days. My question is, do I just leave them alone even if it means forever, or wait until them reach out to me? I feel I am in a loose/loose situation where if I don't try occasionally, they see it as me not caring, if I do try, then I am not respecting their 'boundaries'. Appreciate any insight others may be able to provide.

Fingerless Lost and angry
  • replies: 3

I had a thing with a girl for a little over 4 months when she decided it was to scary, the idea of a relationship that is, so we split but still hang in the same friend group, we both still have feeling for each other that shine through sometimes but... View more

I had a thing with a girl for a little over 4 months when she decided it was to scary, the idea of a relationship that is, so we split but still hang in the same friend group, we both still have feeling for each other that shine through sometimes but the other day she was flirting hard with another guy right in front of me and this guy was one of my new friends who wasn’t aware of what me and her had previously been, I sat there the whole night just having to watch it and hold back my tears, I had a breakdown as soon as I left that place, I feel betrayed and like I wasn’t good enough

Evvee Partners addiction
  • replies: 3

I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting. My partner smokes a fair bit of weed. When we started going out he had stopped and it was for a good couple of months until one of his friends gave him a little bit for helping him. Since th... View more

I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting. My partner smokes a fair bit of weed. When we started going out he had stopped and it was for a good couple of months until one of his friends gave him a little bit for helping him. Since then it hasn't stopped. We no longer go out for dinner, or lunch if we do his constantly on his phone or 'itching to get home'. Or he will go out stoned. I've made it clear more then once, I hate going out in public with him when his like that. I get this over whelming thoughts of an I not good enough to do this sober? Are you bored? Should I even bother? I've told him every now and then fine but everyday it's a joke. I get told all the time this is the last time I promise. I need to stop. I just need it cause I've had a hard day. I'm stressed. He won't tell me what his stressed about or if he does it's nothing that I can talk to him about bc he doesn't continue. His a different person. Quiet constantly on his phone. I can't touch him or anything. He doesn't drink as much as I do, but I don't do it every day. It's not something I want to do. I get told when we get home we will go for a walk a drive, we have plans for the weekend and there's always an excuse as to why we can't do it. I've told him more than once if your going to do it can yiu just tell me? The response I get it why do I need to tell you everything. He just brought me a pretty expensive promise ring. I felt over the moon like all my worries have disappeared. I got the whole I promise I will stop we will do this that and everything. But no. It's still going. I don't know what else to do. I feel like if you can't even promise to stop or at least slow down. Why are you promising me a future. He doesn't cheat go out and party which yea that's a great thing. But at the price of coming home everyday to nothing. It's hurting. His sister does it as well who we live with. I don't know how to approach it anymore. If I start I just get stop starting your shit. Or I'm coming crazy.

CBear12345 Relationship breaking down
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 9. We are having big issues in our relationship and he wants to separate. I have done things in the past I have lied and my jealousy gets in the way a lot. I handle those situations very badly, I ... View more

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 9. We are having big issues in our relationship and he wants to separate. I have done things in the past I have lied and my jealousy gets in the way a lot. I handle those situations very badly, I have apologised for these things but still brings them up every argument we have. He can’t get past it. But everything that is wrong in our relationship is my fault, he thinks I’m manipulative and a narcissist. He wants space so he has asked me to leave our family home but being in a remote town there is v limited options for other accommodation so resorting to having to live in a caravan. I feel so lost, stuck and alone I have no family support or many friends where we are. I’m not able to leave as he won’t let me take the kids away, on the same token I don’t want to take them away from their Dad. We can’t have a proper talk without it blowing up. I want to make this relationship work but he thinks this is not going to work as I keep doing the same stuff over and over. He has said he’s done and it’s over. I don’t know what to do. I am speaking to a counsellor to change the way I handle things that come up but he keeps saying it’s all to late. Any advice would be great.