Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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adamc My Eldest Sister Treats Me Like She's My Mother And Mum Allows It
  • replies: 8

My eldest sister is 40 an I'm 37, we still live at home and for the past several years, she's treated me like she's my mother. I don't know how many times I've overheard her having private conversations about me with mum. On one occasion, I was sitti... View more

My eldest sister is 40 an I'm 37, we still live at home and for the past several years, she's treated me like she's my mother. I don't know how many times I've overheard her having private conversations about me with mum. On one occasion, I was sitting in my room and heard her say to mum "Adam's not doing this, how should we punish him? Maybe not allowed to use the computer? How long would you say? A week? Two weeks? Yeah, how about two weeks? I know, why don't you go tell him? Go on! Go do it!" Then mum comes in and says "No computer for two weeks" and goes back out into the lounge-room with my sister and says "There I said it." Several months ago, I went to go on a walk after dinner and she said "No you're not." Just a few weeks ago I was talking to my young sister on the phone and she came up and said "Off the phone. Dad needs your help"and then shortly after she whacked me on the butt and said "You were told to get off!" And now just earlier last night, my sister used the excuse of going outside to look at the flowers to have another private conversation with mum about me. I heard her say "And if he doesn't, I'm going on strike." Mum came over to me while I was on the computer and said "When you strip and make your bed, you will dust and vacuum your room." When she went into the lounge-room, my sister immediately asked "So what did he say?" I like to buy DVDs and Blu-rays for myself and my sister has recently "revealed" that it upsets her. She tells Dad it's because I have so many and because of her, mum tells me "If we can't have what we want, you can't have what you want." The real reason is because they are "desperate" to get another dog but everywhere refuses their applications. They want none of the responsibility that goes with having a pet. Mum just keeps letting my sister treat me like this but Dad on one occasion told her "You are not his mother, you are his sister. Stop treating him like you are."

misss Feeling confused
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I have been dating this guys for 8 months and things were going great. Around Oct time he opened up to me and said that he suffered from depression, I felt comforted by the fact that he was so open and told me that. Since about Nov time he ... View more

Hi there, I have been dating this guys for 8 months and things were going great. Around Oct time he opened up to me and said that he suffered from depression, I felt comforted by the fact that he was so open and told me that. Since about Nov time he has been really down on himself, feeling low and has become quite withdrawn. We'd keep in regular contact but he didn't like who he was or the person he saw in the mirror so we didn't really see much of each other. Today he has messaged and said that he feels he needs to take a break from seeing me to work on himself. I've told him that understand and hope that he spends the time working on himself to become the person he needs to be. But I'm not really sure what it means in reality and what if anything I should be doing. Do I just give him his space to work it out?

Guest7654 Mom cheated on dad - broken family and hurt 20 years on
  • replies: 2

Dear community, I am trying to heal from a childhood experience and would like to write about it here. My mom cheated on my dad multiple times during their 17-year marriage. My dad forgave her multiple times, never cheated himself and is generally a ... View more

Dear community, I am trying to heal from a childhood experience and would like to write about it here. My mom cheated on my dad multiple times during their 17-year marriage. My dad forgave her multiple times, never cheated himself and is generally a good and nice person. When I started school, my mom not only cheated on my dad with two men simultaneously, she decided to marry one of the guys she was having an affair with, because my father did not forgive her this time and, according to her, “it felt good to be appreciated by another man at that time.” When I learned of my parents’ divorce, I was devastated. As I see it, my mom chose her own sexual and emotional fulfillment over her children’s happiness, their dad’s feelings and their chance to have an intact family, telling herself and others different lies in order to justify her actions. Though I loved my mom, I emotionally took my dad’s side in the situation. I started hating the new guy (my stepfather), not only because it was easier to put the blame of my broken family on him than on the person I loved&trusted - my mother - but because he turned out to be a really big jerk. As in playing violent video games, having a very weak intellect, frequently having anger outbursts, loving to command people around, requiring my “respect” just by the fact that he was legally an adult, ridiculing me and others, smoking, regularly drinking, gambling, using crude language, lying, and having zero motivation for self-reflection. My solution was to pretty much stop speaking to my stepfather when I was about 8 years old. Any time I complained about the stepfather, my mom stated that she was the true victim of the situation, because I don’t get along with the stepfather and she is in the middle of it and that I should be respectful toward him. As though it wasn’t her who created the situation in the first place. Even though I am in my 20s now, I simply can’t come to terms with the fact that a person I am so close to has hurt me so badly, acted selfishly and has continuously found excuses to why she is not to blame. I feel hurt that my mom seemingly takes my stepfather’s side and sees me and my attitude as the only problem. I can’t seem to let go of the childhood hurt as the situation is constantly present when I visit my mother. I am thinking about limiting or breaking contact with my mother (at least for a while). If anyone has advice on how to healthily deal with the situation, I'd be happy to hear your thoughts!

MRSFLETCH I think I'm married to a narcissist
  • replies: 2

I supported this man for two years then we got married and he's trying to control me tell me what to do, yells at my kids constantly, uses harsh names when telling at us. He is always right, no one else's opinions or ideas matter in his eyes they are... View more

I supported this man for two years then we got married and he's trying to control me tell me what to do, yells at my kids constantly, uses harsh names when telling at us. He is always right, no one else's opinions or ideas matter in his eyes they are all idiots. No remorse for the court system hes dragged us through. He works when he wants, plays xbox the rest of the time. I bought the home we are in with my money. He came into this relationship with absolutely nothing. I need help

KittyMum Confused on relationship,
  • replies: 2

Hi ive been in a relationship for 8 years ever since high school it has its ups and downs. But recently another guy has come onto the scene. He always there for me and we can chat for ages talking about everything, he's admitted to liking me. Im star... View more

Hi ive been in a relationship for 8 years ever since high school it has its ups and downs. But recently another guy has come onto the scene. He always there for me and we can chat for ages talking about everything, he's admitted to liking me. Im starting to get these fantasy about being with him. We have been chatting lil sexually and he seems to give me butterflies. Im not sure if what I want is to be in a relationship with him or be a side fling? I still love my partner but im not sure why im doubting about being with other guys Please has anyone else been in this kind of situation before. Im torn inside on what I should do

Troy010 Lost love
  • replies: 3

Hi all, i am a new member of this amazimg support group. I suffer badley from depression and sometimes really really bad anxiety,and yes i understand now that alcohol is not what should be going into my body. I have been with my wife for 31 years and... View more

Hi all, i am a new member of this amazimg support group. I suffer badley from depression and sometimes really really bad anxiety,and yes i understand now that alcohol is not what should be going into my body. I have been with my wife for 31 years and married for 16 years,and have two great adult kids. As everyone , 2020 was not the best year with my dad passing and having To leave a job after 10 years,leaving some very special friends/workmates. My wife and i have both been drinkers all of our lives (both from about 14 ) but the last 12 years have been the worst were we basically are/where i major alchohlics for the last 12 years. I have attempted to stop a few times over the past 2 years, 8 months in 2019 and the again for 2 months at the negining of 2020 , to now,where i hate alcohol so much i KNOW i will never drink it again. And i am Now being sober again for 5 monthes, i wanted my wife to do th e same but she just doesnot want to stop drinking. Our last 4 or 5 years have not been the greatest due to alcohol and the nasty nasty demonds it brings When way too much has been consumed. The longer i dont drink,the more i think which is not good,and i know have come to a very hard situuation. I no longer have the love for my wife that i have held so highly for so long,and this i causing a lot of distress with me,where i am now thinking about doing things to myself which i know are wrong,because to me it seems easier than what i now have to do, i know that just makes no sense,im struggling with it as well. There is a bigger back story to my marraige with my with being mentally abusive towards me for a few years , but only because of alcohol, but it still doesnt excuse some of the terriable, hurtful,and so downgrading coments my wife use to direct at me,until it came to a head last year. The deal was we both stop drinking and reset...relove...and go again...but it seems a road im travelling on my own. I can feel im different, i no longer want to be married, i no longer want to give what love i have left just beacuse its whats expected. I do have appointments with my gp today because i really feel im going to do something so stupid if i dont sort this, and myself out. Am i selfish,,am i doing this wrong,,should i be ashamed i can't / don't want to be married anymore. I hope all the above makes a bit of sense and i thankyou for reading my issues.

GingerMan505 Building communication strategies with my partner
  • replies: 20

Hi all, First time poster here ‍. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life, stemming from physical abuse as a child, and this has manifested itself in relationship issues. Over the last 6 months I have been seeing a psycholog... View more

Hi all, First time poster here 🙋🏼‍. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life, stemming from physical abuse as a child, and this has manifested itself in relationship issues. Over the last 6 months I have been seeing a psychologist to help me overcome these issues, but 2 months ago I had a breakdown and broke up with my partner, who I have been with for the past 2 years. It was a huge wakeup call for me that I need to really double down on my efforts to overcome these crippling demons and I've added things like practicing mindfulness and journalling into my daily routine. My (now former) partner is incredibly understanding and supportive and we have agreed to once a week catch ups to see if she's willing to try again (I certainly am), but a huge thing for her is to build an effective communication strategy so as I don't bottle things up in future and we end up in the same place again where I just flip and call things off. My question is, has anyone got any particular strategies they use to openly and honestly communicate with their partner to help them? I'm really determined to beat this and be with the woman I love so now matter how left-field you think a suggestion may be, I'm keen to hear it. I'm just trying to find out how we can stay strong in the future. Thank you

LostSoul01 Lost and confused with my BF
  • replies: 4

First time writing here or any place like this.. can’t really ask for advice from family and friends.. so here it goes.. I’m not sure... recently my BF & I had VC. He was at his bosses place and they’ve had a few drinks. While he was on the phone he ... View more

First time writing here or any place like this.. can’t really ask for advice from family and friends.. so here it goes.. I’m not sure... recently my BF & I had VC. He was at his bosses place and they’ve had a few drinks. While he was on the phone he had left his room and returned with his boss (he says they are close) and he has been living with him for a few months. He is moving out so was showing his boss how empty the room was and that he had packed all his stuff. before you knew it his boss tackled him onto the bed and they were carrying on like little kids, on top of each other 🤷🏽‍all the while I was still on video chat and could see and hear everything. I kept quiet until I saw my BF end up on top of his boss.. his boss said a comment “can’t feel anything” to which my BF said “it’s not in yet” I piped and said WTH are you doing? He responds sleeping on my boss.. they were both drunk & I hung up. He called and I didn’t as wet and sent a message saying him and his boss were just playing around and they’re relationship is brother to the brother. im now at loss as to whether my so called BF maybe gay/bi? Or am I jumping to conclusions because of what I saw unfold and cannot unsee it? he keeps saying no he isn’t gay or likes boys etc but I’m not sure if that’s entirely true or if it’s just me now putting up my walls? I can’t also talk to him about when he’s sober because it turns into an argument with myself being made the blame

MummaPetal Separated and need to move out
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've made the heartbreaking decision to leave my husband after 14 years of marriage. I have had enough of being gaslighted and feeling physically and emotionally neglected in the marriage. Couples counselling did not work for us because he was... View more

Hello, I've made the heartbreaking decision to leave my husband after 14 years of marriage. I have had enough of being gaslighted and feeling physically and emotionally neglected in the marriage. Couples counselling did not work for us because he wasn't honest and deflected his issues my way. I've had individual counselling and was told that my husband may have Avoidant Personality Disorder. My physical health is suffering from the strain of living with him. I've told him my intentions to leave. He acts dejected but does not make any attempts to save the relationship. I don't want it to be saved. I want to move on and learn to be happy again. I'm wanting to move out but I have no regular income. Rental applications ask for income details and I only have savings. I don't think I'm eligible for any benefits. I've been a stay at home mum. I've enrolled to do some industry refresher courses in the hope to secure some part time work. I'm not comfortable living at home because my husband is unpredictable. I don't think he would hurt me physically but it's very hard not feeling heard where I am now. I don't know where to go or what to do. I have family but they're unable to have me stay for a while. Thanks. Mumma Petal

Missy580 Help
  • replies: 27

Hi guys, I need some advice. My ex and I were together for a year and a half and broke up 5 months ago. The connection we had together started to fade and I found that the person he was at the beginning of the relationship also started to fade. When ... View more

Hi guys, I need some advice. My ex and I were together for a year and a half and broke up 5 months ago. The connection we had together started to fade and I found that the person he was at the beginning of the relationship also started to fade. When the relationship came to a end we both accepted that the timing wasn’t right for us. In the last 5 months he has frequently contacted me with the “ I miss you” and “ can we talk”. Out of the numerous times, I have each time given him the chance to talk to me and meet up with him. Recently he asked to meet and we both decided to take things slow and see how it goes before getting back together. Then the next day he suddenly changed his mind saying his “confused”. I have been dealing with him coming in and out of my life and getting my hopes up each time. I know this isn’t good for me but why can’t I let go? how can his mind change so suddenly overnight?