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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Rainy80_ Husband left me
  • replies: 5

My husband has been struggling with a mid Life Crisis and has decided it's time to move out and find someone esle we have been married for 13 years we have had our differences but he has totally changed but turned it all on me and I'm lost I'm still ... View more

My husband has been struggling with a mid Life Crisis and has decided it's time to move out and find someone esle we have been married for 13 years we have had our differences but he has totally changed but turned it all on me and I'm lost I'm still in love with him I already suffer from anxiety and depression and this is killing me I'm trying not to contact him to give him space I don't know what to do.

Dadage57 No sex with my wife is making me not love her as much
  • replies: 6

I know people will think im being very selfish but i believe modern gadgets are not helping We are on our 2nd marriage and we have had 10 glorious years of love and happiness, I am 61 and my wife is 57, we share the same interests and always holding ... View more

I know people will think im being very selfish but i believe modern gadgets are not helping We are on our 2nd marriage and we have had 10 glorious years of love and happiness, I am 61 and my wife is 57, we share the same interests and always holding hands in public or kissing in public. She had a hysterectomy a few years ago but still our sex drive between us was fantastic. My wife does suffer depression and has been on medication for many years For the last 6 months or so our sex life has stopped to the fact where we have sex maybe once a month and then its the same spoon position and no kissing. I've tried so hard to do other things to no avail. She has a iphone and ipad and when she gets home from work the ipad comes out and that gets her attention weather it be fb or google etc We then have dinner and its back to the ipad, we then go to bed and its the ipad and then she closes it off and goodnight... I lay there watching tv, i always hold her leg and always caressing her leg but nothing happens. We have spoken about it and she told me i dont know why i dont fancy it and im sorry Ive asked her about worries, stresses, and things like that... I cant help it if i love to make love to my wife and if love to kiss her but its all stopped and im getting so worked up by it i dont know what to do. I asked if she still found me attractive and she says yes, she tells me she loves me every day but as of late im not saying it back, i dont know why but all i can think of is that im angry with her. Even if we go out in the car for a ride or on holiday she sits there next to me on her phone or ipad She was a addict with online scrabble but after a sarcastic comment she went and deleted it. We used to even lay there in bed holding hands and then her iwatch thing would buzz and she would dismiss me and go to notification etc.. or say someone is calling and everything stops Im trying my best not to be selfish on this but im really at the end of my tether... Thanks for reading

Jurani Unsure about my current relationship !
  • replies: 7

I'm wondering if I should continue with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. During this course, he's opened up to me and told me about his past. We come from different backgrounds. I had alot of trouble accepting some of the things he'd done... View more

I'm wondering if I should continue with my partner. We've been together for 6 years. During this course, he's opened up to me and told me about his past. We come from different backgrounds. I had alot of trouble accepting some of the things he'd done, but somehow managed to accept them. The past two years have been unstable however. He was working casually full time, but had a couple of months with erratic workshifts. We were not living together at that time. I helped him out financially a few times and in total gave him $5000 to cover his expenses [not all at once]. That was probably 3 years ago. He now has a permanent full time job. A few months after this, he told me that he wouldn't support ME financially. I actually don't need him to but that made me angry. He moved in with me a year ago but I was hesitant to do this and put my thought process down to Covid which had hit at that time. His sister spilled the beans on him on a visit and mentioned that she'd given him $35,000 [just before we met apparently], which I knew nothing about. This coincided with me giving him $5000 in increments. After he'd filled me in on his past, I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me and he said 'no'. This was obviously a lie because there was no mention of the money his sister had given him. I asked him what he'd used it for and he said he had bills [overdue] and some other expenses. Since I found this out I'm struggling with it. As I was handing over increments of money, there was NO mention that his sister had also given him a huge amount. I told him he couldn't have had THAT many expenses to cover [with her money] and to date, he's given me no explanation. I feel violated. Before he moved in, sometimes I'd leave him at my place if I had to nip out. I had a money tin which I kept cash in to pay for bills. I always knew how much I had in there. Some of that money went missing. I told him about this and he said I must have miscalculated the amount. I then showed him my ledger [he didn't know I had this] and no I hadn't made a mistake and the money never turned up anywhere. At that point he was struggling financially, and insisted it was me who made the mistake [not true]. I've since put the money into a safe I bought and it's all adding up correctly. Before this, I had 3 lots of money go missing. Him not coming clean about the money his sister gave him is now making me not trust him. Should I end it?

Ashley86 I'm new here
  • replies: 3

Hi there I am new here and really don't know where to start. I guess I will tell you about myself. I'm from Canada and moved to Perth Australia back in 2018. I am married but planning on getting out once I get approved for my permanent visa in Septem... View more

Hi there I am new here and really don't know where to start. I guess I will tell you about myself. I'm from Canada and moved to Perth Australia back in 2018. I am married but planning on getting out once I get approved for my permanent visa in September. I thought I married a good man but instead I'm married to a narricist abuser. Not only am I constantly walking on eggshells but I am trying to work on myself as I suffer from major depression and anxiety disorders. I suffer from BPD and OCD. I am doing my best to work on myself but I am struggling. I'm trying to make friends here but once someone finds out about my current situation I don't usually hear back from them. I don't have any family here so why do I stay? I stay because I love Australia, the weather, my church family. The mental health services here are truly amazing. I finally have a great GP and a phycitrist. I also have my rescue dog Rosie who gives me love, joy and happiness each and every day. I feel I could make it work here in Australia but I am scared. I am scared of the unknown and I am scared of being alone.

SingleMum123 Struggling with full-time work and single parenthood
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I recently started a full-time job after being a stay at home mum for a long time. My partner and I separated earlier this year. These are the first school holidays I've had to not spend as much time with my child. It's been harder than ... View more

Hi everyone, I recently started a full-time job after being a stay at home mum for a long time. My partner and I separated earlier this year. These are the first school holidays I've had to not spend as much time with my child. It's been harder than I imagined. I started this job in a lockdown and have been working at home. It's been good for bring close to the school for after school care drop off and pick ups but it has been isolating not seeing my office or my co-workers in person. I feel so guilty not having the time with my child even though I have quality time with her before and after work. Everything feels so busy and I feel pulled in every direction. My ex partner is not very supportive and gets me to arrange everything. I feel like I can't talk to my family. I honestly just want a hug. I'm finding my job difficult and I'm not in a position where I can just give it up. I don't know how I'm going with it performance wide because of the work situation. I haven't met my boss. I feel like crying. Right now, I don't know if things will always feel this hard or I'd things will improve. Thanks.

Rac_ Never will fit in with my Partner’s family
  • replies: 2

I go through stages of being ok with the situation and then on occasions when we go to family events, it rehashes everything for me and I feel intimidated, angry and stressed. I love my partner dearly but I don’t really ‘fit in’ or feel included in h... View more

I go through stages of being ok with the situation and then on occasions when we go to family events, it rehashes everything for me and I feel intimidated, angry and stressed. I love my partner dearly but I don’t really ‘fit in’ or feel included in his family, certain family members disliked me from the get go. how does everyone else deal with family issues?

Maryblue advice on new relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I'm feeling anxious about a 10m relationship that I am in and i'd love some advice. They are a wonderful partner, caring; kind and solid as a rock, and I am extremely happy and we have so much joy together. We agree on so many issues, but... View more

Hi everyone I'm feeling anxious about a 10m relationship that I am in and i'd love some advice. They are a wonderful partner, caring; kind and solid as a rock, and I am extremely happy and we have so much joy together. We agree on so many issues, but we have also come up with some ethical differences that we have found. They believe in abortion however I do not, but they would support me in my choice to keep the child and have committed to be there through it all. They believe they would choose to abort a child for having a suffering medical condition, however I would not do this; although it's important to note that both of us have compassionate reasons for our choices. This makes me concerned about our different world views and how we would navigate it. It's also stressful because I am so happy with this person; and I know that no-one is perfect. I would like someone that im on the same page with on this issue, but I also am very much in love the person i'm with and I know that there are always differences in relationships. I also know that we are talking about hypothetical situations that may never even occur. So i'm seeking advice on whether this is in the range of 'normal/navigatable differences' in a relationship' or is this something I should take strongly into consideration when thinking about the future?

Baffi Hi i am new and just got out of mental abuse relationship
  • replies: 10

Hello everybody I feel very lucky to have found this forum. Hopefully i can get some advice here and help some members too. About me, 50 years, 2 kids, single mum, healthcare professional. I met 1 1/2 years ago, which i thought at that time, a lovely... View more

Hello everybody I feel very lucky to have found this forum. Hopefully i can get some advice here and help some members too. About me, 50 years, 2 kids, single mum, healthcare professional. I met 1 1/2 years ago, which i thought at that time, a lovely foreign guy, who is younger than me. We fell in love, he was the most caring and sweetest soul. Until the 1st lie showed up. He was actually married, according to him, marriage was broken down and he had a small child. He was just waiting for his papers in agreement with his wife and to get in the future divorced. Slowly he became more controlling “where have you been?” and asking for screenshots when i was going out. Which kind of annoyed me, but idiot me, thought no harm done in sending them. Then everything became worse and worse. He would literally make up stories about me in his mind. He got jealous about Gardeners, ex husband, coles click and collect guy and my workmate, lets’s call him Aaron. Aaron is in a relationship and i am not attracted to him at all. But he would not stop. In between he would say sorry and being sweet again. And i would fall over and over in his trap, believing that finally he understood that i am loyal to him and that i love only him. We would spend the weekend together, all perfect. After that, silent treatment. Which confused me. In 1/2 years i have heard it all. From name calling, over suspicious brusing on my body. We would fight, break up and be together again. This story went on and on. I started to cry at work, he would constantly ring me at work , video calls! He would never stop. He was paranoid on my bday about Aaron so he didnt come. He said sorry later and brought gifts. I was so hurt. Still am. Who does that?! He also had claimed that he had put cameras in my house. He would sms that he is watching the footage and i had a guy in the house, and go mental at me. I would go more mental because i knew he lied because noone was in my house. We had a bad fight recently i drove to meet him, we talked and all was good. Just to receive later a message, something like “ thank you for all, i will never meet you again. I replied the same and added that i would rather be dead than going through this nonsense on a daily basis. I feel just so broken. I almost had a mental break down at work, i am still crying a lot. I feel so broken beyond repair. I wonder how i could give him my heart and he had nothing else in the mind to destroy me and to do a character assassination.

sav8331 I am in need of advice and help
  • replies: 10

Hello i am new here and not really sure what to write, my wife has left me and i have all these feels and not sure how to deal with them. i have spoken to lots of people and professionals and the biggest thing that they have said is that i criticize ... View more

Hello i am new here and not really sure what to write, my wife has left me and i have all these feels and not sure how to deal with them. i have spoken to lots of people and professionals and the biggest thing that they have said is that i criticize myself and blame myself for everything. does anyone know how to keep the thought out of my head that its all my fault?

Timbo118 Help for a mate.
  • replies: 1

Hi Dr Kim, I have a very dear friend who has recently had a two year relationship ended and it seems to have been the catalyst for some worrying behaviour. The woman he was in a relationship with is a very old friend of my partner (we have been toget... View more

Hi Dr Kim, I have a very dear friend who has recently had a two year relationship ended and it seems to have been the catalyst for some worrying behaviour. The woman he was in a relationship with is a very old friend of my partner (we have been together for over four years after both losing our marriages years ago) and they met through us. His marriage ended after his wife had an extramarital affair about 4 years ago which hit him very hard. They have three children and he has supported them all and had full custody of the youngest, who is now a 17yo girl, for the entire time. I suspect that he has never properly dealt with his marriage breakup and this latest relationship breakup is the straw that broke the camel's back. He was very committed to this relationship but the woman made it abundantly clear that she was only interested in a one day per week thing and that there was no chance of any more. He is an emotional Irishman who puts everything into a relationship but despite the above was devastated when she ended it. He seems to have become very needy, constantly looking for sympathy, incessantly speaking of his resentment and contempt for her and taking on the opinions of anyone who will listen and give him advice then exaggerating or deliberately misquoting their words to sway other's opinions and generate more sympathy. I have been his best friend for about 16 years and along with my partner and another couple, we are his only really close friends. Unfortunately for him, we are a pragmatic group who have been supporting him through this. However, he has now crossed a line and is attempting to manipulate my partner in a brazen attempt to sway her support away from her dear friend and drive a wedge between this group and his ex partner. We have made it clear to him that he needs to get over his ex and move on with his life. We have had enough but simultaneously we are concerned for his mental health. We socialise extensively with this group and have several trips away planned over the next month but his behaviour is troubling and our patience running out. I had a very frank exchange with him last week and he seems to have improved but then, after a dinner party last night, he communicated in a positive way with me but sent a very needy and depressed message to my partner. What can we do to help ?