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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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emotionallydrained Help, I need to separate from my husband due to abuse but he has a MI...
  • replies: 92

I'm new here and very scared of posting on a forum. My husband has been a long time sufferer of anxiety and it has impacted on our relationship and life for well over 10 years. I've always tried to support this as best I can to the point where I've m... View more

I'm new here and very scared of posting on a forum. My husband has been a long time sufferer of anxiety and it has impacted on our relationship and life for well over 10 years. I've always tried to support this as best I can to the point where I've missed family events, functions and just general day to day life events that most take for granted. It started as general depression and manifested in a phobic anxiety. The phobia is mainly illnesses and getting sick (cold and flu). This has made going out hard. I have tried to respect it and help but by helping all I've done is enable the issue. I've now made it ok to control me, tell me not to go out with friends during winter and tell me not to hug my son when he's sick so I don't get sick too. If I get sick, the whole house falls apart as it triggers his anxiety. He's sought treatment a long time ago and doesn't like medications because he doesn't like his reactions to them. He feels he is coping and he can function in life. And he can. He can hold down a job (quite good at his job) and no one is ever any the wiser. He always touches stuff when we're out so I don't have to. I'm the chauffeur and shag on a rock most the time. My family and friends have been telling me I'm being controlled and emotionally abused into thinking I have to give up these things to support him. When I bring it up I constantly get told I'm being selfish by asking to go to a function as I'm not considering how it affects his illness or what happens if I get sick. Our child is now affected by this and can sense there is an issue. When your child asks for a cuddle and you can't give it until he is well again is a big problem and one I can't accept as ok anymore. He has also become angry and violent over the last few years. Our arguments are heated and he can blow up in the space of minutes. I'm always the instigator apparently. I make him angry or I came home 15 minutes late from a party I was once allowed to go to for 1hr and he told me when he gives an inch I take a mile. I keep apologising and saying sorry to keep the family together. I'm at the point where I can't do it anymore - for me and my child. My question is, what do I do? When he is not stressed or angry and living by the rules things are ok. But I'm just one anger episode away from another outburst. How do you leave someone who is suffering MI when they say you're not supportive?

JulieS101 family issues
  • replies: 5

i am feeling so extremely depressed and anxious about both of my parents. I worry about them so much and I always try to make them feel better. I think this has ultimately made them want to distance themselves from me as i am “crazy” and “obsessive” ... View more

i am feeling so extremely depressed and anxious about both of my parents. I worry about them so much and I always try to make them feel better. I think this has ultimately made them want to distance themselves from me as i am “crazy” and “obsessive” which I understand. I just don’t know why i care and worry about my family so much. people tell me to let go and enjoy my life and i try but the worrying does not stop. i always think something terrible will happen to either parent and i have had this feat since i was little but it has evolved as i have gotten older and gotten worse. i sometimes want to move out to start a new independent life but then i think about who will take care of my parents ( even though they don’t need anyone to take care of them!) my family has been having issues lately so this has only worsened my worry. does anyone have the same issues of continual worrying about loved ones even though nothing may be wrong or when something does go wrong the worrying turns into extensive depression and anxiety

puzzlegirl Not compatible, he's moved on, too much at stake to leave
  • replies: 13

Hello, Thanks for reading. We've been together for 22 years, met as teens, and as life has moved on we have discovered we are so different from each other. Add to that, he has found another woman who he totally should just be married to, and it makes... View more

Hello, Thanks for reading. We've been together for 22 years, met as teens, and as life has moved on we have discovered we are so different from each other. Add to that, he has found another woman who he totally should just be married to, and it makes me feel like I want to just disappear. This new relationship of his has pretty much dissolved our marriage, yet there are many implications for jobs/child if we divorce. I am left in a situation where it is very clear that I am unloved and unwanted (these words have been spoken), but unfortunately I still love him. I feel like a fool. I want to disconnect myself from him, but I can't let got of this marriage that has been a big part of all of my life. I wish I could just turn off my love. I am extremely heartbroken, and daily feel pretty low about myself- easy to do when you are told you are not wanted, or shown by action that the other woman is more important. I've reached out because no matter how many times I tell him how I feel, there is little compassion for it. I don't feel 'heard' or understood and it is driving me crazy. I can't really tell close family or friends about this, because that would not go well for his work life. I very much just want to disappear from the marriage, but I feel I am trapped and have to stay. I will until our child is old enough to move out, but then I'd really love a chance at a relationship where I am actually loved and wanted. Does anyone out there feel the same? What tips have you got for a lonely and unloved women? How do I find my value outside of the one place where I 'should' feel accepted? Really, I am just looking for a community of people who just 'get' this. Thanks in advance.

xenoviah Family Conflict
  • replies: 4

Hi, The last week has been rough for me. I've been constantly thinking about the future for myself and my family. I'm just an average 18 year old and my life cycle repeats itself everyday - attending online lectures for Uni, chatting with friends and... View more

Hi, The last week has been rough for me. I've been constantly thinking about the future for myself and my family. I'm just an average 18 year old and my life cycle repeats itself everyday - attending online lectures for Uni, chatting with friends and doing what I enjoy. Recently I woke up to my parents having a massive argument in the backyard, I could overhear some of the things they were saying, including my mum telling my dad to move out. My parents argue a lot, but most of the time it's only over small things... so I guess that day was just overbearing for the both of them. I didn't speak to any of them until after my dad came home from work during the night, and straight up told me that he was moving out and it hasn't left my mind the whole week. I haven't talked to my mum about this, but my father and I have both separately talked to my step-brother about this - and he suggested I start looking for a job so I can help my mum pay off loans since my dad is leaving. My dad said he'd send over a large amount of money into my bank account every fortnight but I declined because it was a lot, to which he insisted on me taking. I've been struggling to cope throughout the whole week, having sleepless nights and have barely had an appetite, hell, I've barely been to any of my classes this week as well, time which could have been spent here has been instead spent lying in bed all day. I understand that this is just a way of life and I should expect this to happen, but it just hurts me so much. My dad leaves on Monday, and I'm just so concerned with what's going to happen to him. He told me that he's going to rent a room and continue working, but I'm scared that he'll overwork his ass off for no cause. He's been working for majority of his life and all I want is to be able to retire him and my mum, and I feel that life won't be the same as it used to be when my dad won't even be here. I'd like to know how I can cope with this whole situation and if there's anything I can do for both my parents' sake. Thanks

Buzzybees101 Dealing with FIFO loneliness
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My boyfriend has a 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off FIFO roster which he started earlier in the year. We originally moved to our current city for a job I had applied for and got, which turned out to be not anything like what I was sold in the intervie... View more

Hi all, My boyfriend has a 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off FIFO roster which he started earlier in the year. We originally moved to our current city for a job I had applied for and got, which turned out to be not anything like what I was sold in the interview and I was fired a few weeks in for asking why I wasn't being taught things as promised in the interview, which is a whole other story. I have been job hunting for 6 months now, and so far haven't had any luck. I am not from Australia so have no family for support here. I have always suffered with bad anxiety and of course being home alone while he worked, even before he got his FIFO job, made it worse. I don't know anyone in the city we live in and the closest people I know are in another state and I can't visit due to borders etc. When he is home, everything is amazing and I feel so happy, we are looking to move soon to be near the beach and to be closer to where I will be studying next year, and we adopted a kitten from a shelter who helps me so much (I think she senses when I am upset or anxious as she immediately will climb onto me and curl up on my chest purring!). But when he is away, I am struggling with being lonely and having no friends here, we talk daily usually on whatsapp as he has no service and bad wifi there, but he works 12 hour days and by the time he gets off work he only has an hour or so before he needs to go to sleep. We have an amazing relationship and he is so patient and understanding and kind, and I know he is doing this to make our financial situation much better than it ever has been, there is no resentment on either side and I know he is doing it for us, he feels just as bad leaving me behind, I just need some help with how to cope with the loneliness I guess, I don't know where or how to make friends, usually I make friends through my jobs but I wasn't at the last one long enough! Are there any groups etc for partners of FIFO workers that anyone knows of? Or any other suggestions will be greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading

w1nn1e Family acceptance issues
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, has anyone else had a difficult time connecting with their spouse's family? Or any advice appreciated. I have been with my partner for almost 2 years and its great but I don't feel loved by their family. They are never intentionally rude... View more

Hi everyone, has anyone else had a difficult time connecting with their spouse's family? Or any advice appreciated. I have been with my partner for almost 2 years and its great but I don't feel loved by their family. They are never intentionally rude to me nor have they said anything directly to me to upset me, but I get the feeling they just don't care or want to make an effort to get to know me. Maybe its because my family is super close and caring, his is not and I get that every family is different but it makes me worry for the future and whether they are going to be supportive of us or not. Because of covid, I have some serious family issues going on at the moment that has disrupted my life for the past 6 months. I am grateful for other close friends and family that have offered their support during this difficult time. However, my partner's family has barely mentioned it or asked if I'm okay. Could be cultural difference but even just a simple asking if I need anything would make a huge difference to me. They have also never really shown an interest in what I am doing or what goes on in my life. They hardly talk to me when I go over so I don't feel very comfortable or welcomed. Not saying that I'm a princess that deserves the royal treatment at all by the way, but its just easier to avoid them at the moment because our short discussions never seem genuine or positive. So as I said, it makes me worried for the future if we do decide to get married, are they going to be supportive, do they even want to be involved in our lives, etc. Or should I just not worry at all and count it as a loss? I also don't want to talk to my partner about it just yet because its not their fault, and they can't change how their family is (they are aware of how dysfunctional they are), it may cause unnecessary stress and I realize this issue isn't that serious on the grand scheme of things but is just something that has been playing on my mind recently. I have tried doing nice things for them, like bringing little snacks or cooking something for dinner but it is a little upsetting to know we will never be close. I am trying not to take it personally, as I have noticed they're not super social people but it would be nice to feel accepted by them.

BlueeBird Relationship anxiety
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am currently suffering a lot of anxiety about my relationship. We met a few months ago (4) and I was never in the mindset of dating I just wanted something casual from the start I felt emotionally unavailable, I’m sick of getting hurt so I just... View more

Hi, I am currently suffering a lot of anxiety about my relationship. We met a few months ago (4) and I was never in the mindset of dating I just wanted something casual from the start I felt emotionally unavailable, I’m sick of getting hurt so I just wanted to be by myself and heal so I can be better in future relationships. (I had horrible relationship in the past) however this guy fell in love really quickly, and I stuck around coz of lockdown and he is a great company, we got to know each other and now it feels like we are serious, I have been living with him. Things are good we both want to grow in life and we try to understand each other more and more. however coz of my anxiety I have a lot of doubts and insecurities. I am always scared he doesn’t like me or I don’t like him, I never felt obsessed with him… you know that OMG I AM SO IN LOVE type of thing which always made me wonder if I truly like him… I know it’s too early to tell but this anxiety feeling is killing me, I think of leaving him and ending things but I don’t want to feel like I’m escaping but also what if that’s what I really want?! I honestly can’t answer because I don’t know what’s real and what’s my trauma and my brain just keeps asking questions I truly don’t know the answer. I do like him as a person, he is nice and all but I feel like having someone else in my life rn is just a massive baggage that I’m scared of. his flaws affects me a lot in a emotional level, I’m a massive empath, he is the opposite, I know my traumas and flaws, he doesn’t says he doesn’t have any traumas and doesn’t care about that for him because that only brings him down, (is he in denial? Idk maybe he truly doesn’t have any traumas even tho his life was always tough) so we never talk about it which makes me feel not connected emotionally to him, but I feel like he’s always here for me and my traumas but I want to be there for him too, he is purely logic and science, I am emotions and astrology. He’s a great guy and we want same things for our future… but how do I know I truly love and am in love when I can’t even figure myself out?! I am just confused, anxious and frustrated mostly with myself. So many questions, so little answers. anyway I needed to rant- if you also go through relationship anxiety you are not alone.

nib Lonely.
  • replies: 8

I grew up an only child and I have only one friend now. I really do not want to be friends with this particular individual anymore because we are two totally different people and she seems to spend more time with her other friend than with me. I am u... View more

I grew up an only child and I have only one friend now. I really do not want to be friends with this particular individual anymore because we are two totally different people and she seems to spend more time with her other friend than with me. I am unsure if I should cut ties with her or not, and this is not a conversation that I am ready to have with her. Discontinuing this friendship means that I will be left friendless. I never used to be like this. When I was in Kindergarten until Year 8 I had some good friends I spent recesses and lunches and weekends with. But, all of this changed when I started being bullied relentlessly, and when all of my friends moved away and when people started turning against me over rumours they heard about me. I also have had a grown man spread lies about me to his entire family and to our lawyers, and have got a grandmother who I am now estranged from threaten to call the police on me and file a restraining order because I stood up to her abuse, and a aunt who I am also estranged from block me on social media out of sheer pettiness (she's one of those brainwashed boss babe influencers), but that's a story for another day. This particular individual and I will go out for lunch ONLY if the place of choice is within a certain radius from her house. She's also very tight with her money. She invites her other friend to family events, who she has known for as long as she's known me, and doesn't even think about inviting me as well. Her mother is exactly the same. She never invites my mother out for lunch whenever my mother is not working, but she spends time with her other unemployed friends. She also expects that I spend time with her daughter, but I am seriously reconsidering now, as she never wants to do anything exciting with me, like trying lunch at a new place that is of a further distance from her house, or travelling. It is NOT my job to consistently reach out to her daughter; she can reach out to me every once in a while. She never uses social media, she never looks at me in the eyes when I talk to her, she has a monotone, emotionless voice, like Daria Morgendorffer, she's just very boring all round. I am more lively, passionate and upbeat, and a confident, and I just can't be friends with someone like this anymore. What's your advice? nib.

RebeccaS How to deal with my boyfriends porn addiction which is now involving one on one communication with them
  • replies: 13

My boyfriend has a life long porn addiction which came about because of child sexual abuse he suffered, he's now in his 40s. I knew he watched it but was only aware it was an addiction when he told me 4 years into our 8 year relationship and he later... View more

My boyfriend has a life long porn addiction which came about because of child sexual abuse he suffered, he's now in his 40s. I knew he watched it but was only aware it was an addiction when he told me 4 years into our 8 year relationship and he later had some therapy sessions which didn't seem to change much. I haven't been too concerned about it I think now it was because I don't think I understood just HOW addicted he really is. My major problem right now is that I have found out that he pays for a subscription where he is chatting, swapping photos and videos and Im fairly sure he is accepting video calls from the girls too. THIS is a problem for me. He is cheating on me by doing this. I am very understanding as to why he has this addiction but this cheating is not something I can support but I also don't want to make him anymore ashamed of the addiction he has. I knew all of this (he didn't know I knew yet) and I had given him the opportunity to tell me is it a subscription and chatting too or just watching porn and he lied. I told him my boundaries that I can support him through the porn watching addiction but the cheating I cant support and told him to unsubscribe and stop the chat stuff and he hasn't done it. I want to support him through this awful addiction he has from an awful childhood trauma but I'll never be ok with him cheating with these porn star girls with the communications he has with them. I'm afraid he's now become addicted to contacting them. I'm so upset I can barley eat or sleep. I love him but how can I ever work this out?

Amme3000 Unhappily married feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 18

Thanks for reading. I have been with my partner for almost 12 years and we have 2 children. He is a really nice man however he has never really listened to me. This includes my needs and wants even if I am really clear. So there have been times where... View more

Thanks for reading. I have been with my partner for almost 12 years and we have 2 children. He is a really nice man however he has never really listened to me. This includes my needs and wants even if I am really clear. So there have been times where I really needed his support and he wasn't there for me even though I drop everything to support him and make his life easier. Now in January 2021 I was in a bad place psychologically, having anxiety attacks and suicidal ideation. I am no longer in this space and have gotten a lot of support around this. Anyway I stood there and told him how I was feeling and that I needed his support. I explained what I needed from him at this time to help me through. I was very vulnerable. I was honestly scared for my own safety. Things did change and he was there for me....for two weeks, and then things went back to how they were. So I got support from my psychologist and a male friend. Forward on a few months I felt like I was having an emotional affair which I didn't think was fair so I told my husband. I told him what was happening and the reasons behind it. Again nothing changed. Since then he has been through my phone behind my back (on several occasions) and he became incredibly jealous. He has made me choose between my friend (who has been one of my best mates for years) and him, which I do get but is hard because I miss the person who was there for me in my time of need. We are now going to counselling and things have changed but as soon as we are put under pressure things go back to how they were. I don't know why I am rambling here I just feel like 12 years is a really long time to be in a relationship with someone who never really cared about your needs. But on the flipside of the coin it is a really long time to just throw away. I am feeling so lost and confused in regards to my relationship and I don't have anyone that I can talk to about it. Especially as we continue to have to go into Lockdown together with our 2 children. I can't get away from him to get the space I need to work through this.