Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

white knight Tolerance of other people part 3
  • replies: 2

In this post I'd like to mention "the benefit of the doubt". I've noticed more in the last 10 years or so that people often mention, in a group, their criticism of someone without know all of the possible scenarios of why that person does what they d... View more

In this post I'd like to mention "the benefit of the doubt". I've noticed more in the last 10 years or so that people often mention, in a group, their criticism of someone without know all of the possible scenarios of why that person does what they do. For example: A common one is buying meals at a hotel. Waiting more than 30 minutes can start the complaints around a table. Some people have never worked in a hotel kitchen so have never faced the issues that happen there. If one person orders a well done steak and its preferable to have all meals arrive at the table at the same time then there will be a delay in meal delivery as the chef will be waiting for the steak to cook and that will take longer. Sometimes there is a "run on" for one menu order. That might result in a worker scooting off to the butchers. Patrons often dont realise there could be 2 or 3 other sections of the hotel that are also ordering meals....and so on. To reduce any chance of disharmony it is always best to either give the "benefit of the doubt" or make a direct enquiry. A friend recently listed his house on the market for lets say $400,000. After two weeks even before the board was up at the front of the property, he asked me "do you think I should try another agent, he doesnt seem to be doing much". I suggested he ring the agent, he did, the agent told him that he had to take photographs, wait for them to be delvered to him to load on the internet and that he also had to wait for the section 32 that my friend hadnt chased up with his own solicitor. The sale of the house couldnt move forward without it. These sort of instances has caused me to always question people directly with the "benefit of the doubt" before entering into any dispute or pressing on with any criticism. I dont know about you but especially when younger I would dwell over issues rather than contact the other party direct. This was not healthy. I didnt have the communication style I have now as an older man, but my advice for those younger is to embrace the direct route to people you deal with. Dwelling, complaining to others when you dont possess all the facts is not contributing to your wellness. You can also calm situations down with this direct action and in groups this will result in happier times. People you deal with directly will appreciate your effort and you'll make friends that way too. TonyWK

Window0106 Forever hurting
  • replies: 3

I’m looking for advice because I feel I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. Something that feels like I’m constantly in a world of pain. Since my partner and I began our relationship it turns out he has cheated with several women, several times. A... View more

I’m looking for advice because I feel I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. Something that feels like I’m constantly in a world of pain. Since my partner and I began our relationship it turns out he has cheated with several women, several times. At the beginning when I found out I somehow accepted his apology even though he can’t ever actually admit to what he has done. Fast track to years later and I just can’t shake this forever painful feeling that seriously makes me feel so worthless. I struggle to be happy in our relationship and constantly pick fights that ultimately surround trust issues. I have broken it off before but then became severely depressed and just wanted him to be with me once again. I am just so lost as to what to do. I want to leave but can’t seem to handle the thought of it. Any advice is much appreciated xx

Schev Home sick
  • replies: 1

I’ve moved 4.5 half hours away from family and friends to be with my partner as we were previously doing long distance. It’s only been one month and I’m experiencing home sick, and it’s effecting my anxiety has anyone else experienced this? If so any... View more

I’ve moved 4.5 half hours away from family and friends to be with my partner as we were previously doing long distance. It’s only been one month and I’m experiencing home sick, and it’s effecting my anxiety has anyone else experienced this? If so any tips?

Fed_Up_Mumma Over my selfish husband
  • replies: 12

I’ve been married 3.5 years and have a gorgeous 4 year old son and a beautiful 6 month old daughter who are the loves of my life. My husband on the other hand...I love and care about him and don’t want to split up but I just wish he wasn’t so damn se... View more

I’ve been married 3.5 years and have a gorgeous 4 year old son and a beautiful 6 month old daughter who are the loves of my life. My husband on the other hand...I love and care about him and don’t want to split up but I just wish he wasn’t so damn selfish. When I think of him, the first words that come to mind are all negative: selfish, unreliable, lazy. He contributes to the household financially but that’s where it ends. He literally does not lift a finger around the house, has never washed any clothing for anyone but himself. Refuses to bath the kids, won’t play with them outside or take my son anywhere. He won’t even take rubbish to the bins or wheel them out on bin night. I literally have to do everything. He works, eats and sleeps. His world revolves around him and his wants and needs. Not the children or the family as a whole. He spends most of his time passed out on the lounge sleeping. I know he’s depressed, so am I, but the difference is I do something about it. We fight so much about his mental and physical health and not helping out at home. His response is always I hate doctors and I’m lazy. I’m over his selfishness and unwillingness to change his ways. I can’t count on him for anything. If he puts our son to bed it will be 1 hour later than his usual bedtime and he won’t read him a story. He tells me he will do the daycare run one morning then the morning comes and he decides he is too tired and not up to it. So I have to scramble down with unwashed hair and dirty clothes to get my kid there on time. I’m completely exhausted as I do everything when it comes to the baby and our son. I cook, clean and if I take a break he comments on the state of the house etc yet he won’t lift a finger to help. I feel so resentful because he is not the husband or father I hoped he would be. He is his own number one priority. I’m just so tired of nagging him to help out, do things, see a doctor about his mental health etc I’ve literally got burnout from dealing with and living with a lazy, selfish person. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It would be easier talking to a brick wall than trying to get through to him.

peacock Letting go of toxic family members
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am really struggling with a decision I made about eight months ago to cease contact with my sister. She has been cruel and dismissive of me for decades but I have always overlooked her bad behaviour in order to keep the peace within the family.... View more

Hi, I am really struggling with a decision I made about eight months ago to cease contact with my sister. She has been cruel and dismissive of me for decades but I have always overlooked her bad behaviour in order to keep the peace within the family. Recently I decided I had had enough and let her know that I could not take anymore. She turned it around to make out that I had the problem as usual. I don’t regret my decision to walk away but at times it is so painful and I cry for hours. Friends tell me it will get easier with time but sometimes it feels that the pain will never go away. I have tried so many times to forgive her but it started to affect my mental health and I had to cease contact. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Does anyone have a similar experience and does it get easier. Thanks

artgirl1234 My boyfriend doesn’t want sex, but is fine with other sexual favours
  • replies: 7

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 months now. Our sex life in the beginning was fine. but now he doesn’t want sex, at all, but he’s fine with fother things, and actively wants me to do them. He says he’s still attracted to me, but says ... View more

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 months now. Our sex life in the beginning was fine. but now he doesn’t want sex, at all, but he’s fine with fother things, and actively wants me to do them. He says he’s still attracted to me, but says he doesn’t want sex anymore, he just doesn’t feel right doing it or says he’s not in the mood. This issue has been going on for over a month, and i want to be there for him and help him with getting past this but it’s difficult when i don’t know the reason why, and neither does he. He has a history with depression and body image issues, if that information is relevant. can anyone help me with some advice?

theaussiedude Relationship with my Dad
  • replies: 4

I posted before about my ex breaking my heart about not opening up... I don't want to talk to my friends about this topic because they value my dad very highly and I don't want them to think anything different of him As I mentioned in my post, Heartb... View more

I posted before about my ex breaking my heart about not opening up... I don't want to talk to my friends about this topic because they value my dad very highly and I don't want them to think anything different of him As I mentioned in my post, Heartbroken- need advice-- I said my Dad has cancer I have found it hard to love him as I get older, he was extremely abusive physically and emotionally to my siblings and Mum. He is just verbally/emotionally abusive now... The last physical incident happened 16 years ago now. I can see how sad and lonely he is, and I feel sad for him, but I am struggling to care and love him.. and I know when he passes, his final words will be "I am so sorry for the way I treated you".. and that will destroy me if he says that

Marsia Husband drinking again
  • replies: 1

I posted in here back in Dec 2020 when I was having huge problems with my partners drinking. Big issues, around drinking & his behaviour which I won’t go into now. Thank you for the support I received back then (I think it was Geoff who I spoke to se... View more

I posted in here back in Dec 2020 when I was having huge problems with my partners drinking. Big issues, around drinking & his behaviour which I won’t go into now. Thank you for the support I received back then (I think it was Geoff who I spoke to several times). Was able to seek AOD support for him & even though he never rang the numbers or went to appointments, he seemed to slow his drinking down & made all sorts of promises that he would stop drinking soon. But he’s back into the big binges. Just went out for the evening to come home & find him very drunk at home alone. I am in bed but have heard him swearing & slamming a door as he went to bed himself. I am not looking forward to having to deal with all this again. Don’t know how I’m going to tell him all over again he has to stop. It was very draining last time

Mary_A Husband cheating online for 10 years
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have been with my husband for the last 10 years. All the years, he has been on and off cheating online talking to girls and flirting. I have stayed because I want to keep what we have and hoping that he will change. Now I am not sure if its ... View more

Hello, I have been with my husband for the last 10 years. All the years, he has been on and off cheating online talking to girls and flirting. I have stayed because I want to keep what we have and hoping that he will change. Now I am not sure if its worth it anymore. We have two children together. I must admit that I have been cruel to him verbally abusing him and would lash out and physically hurt him. I have no respect for him and things has been painful for him as well. Yesterday I found out that he has been subscribing for online prostitution and have engaging in it. I have found multiple and it’s terribly hurting me. He told me due to my behaviour he had been making bad choices and I said to him that my behaviour comes from the pain that I have been feeling in our relationship and that I’m depressed. I don’t know how to stay and forgive him when I have not been. I want to seperate but I feel guilty for my children. I want us to stay as a family for them but I don’t think I can keep allowing him to treat me like this. I don’t know what to do.

Rhianna_n Absolutely fuming...
  • replies: 2

Hi there, A little long but context is important... A month ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The pregnancy itself was fine, no issues or complications. At one of my prenatal appointments I discussed the fact that my living situation wasn’t i... View more

Hi there, A little long but context is important... A month ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. The pregnancy itself was fine, no issues or complications. At one of my prenatal appointments I discussed the fact that my living situation wasn’t ideal and was promised help via a hospital social worker. For four months I was promised to be high-priority for housing, something I’ll admit I felt too proud to take but wanted as a temporary option for me and my baby so we could be safe until I got back on my feet. I felt good about escaping a domestic violence situation and overcrowding and looked forward to the birth. Fast forward to 5 days after giving birth in a hospital with no visitors because of covid, having endured a 36-hour labour that was painful and needed medical interventions that terrified me, the social worker announces that the hospital can no longer keep me there and the house she found for me is deemed unsuitable so if I have no family to house me, my son would go into foster care. I had no choice but to return to my parents house with a manipulative mother. She never congratulated me on the birth so I hesitantly sent her a message updating her about the baby. That same day the social worker announces that child protection workers have been contacted as a complaint was made against my baby’s father. I 100% believe that she made the complaint along with my dad. They have no grounds to file one. In fact, I spent 10 years in a house with her while she drank herself stupid nightly, didn’t feed me and my siblings, verbally abused and manipulated us, refused to wash our clothes, assaulted my dad along with many, many other things. And her emotional abuse and manipulation is still happening. I’m scared of her and I feel pure hatred towards her. Honestly, if she dropped dead tomorrow, I wouldn’t shed a tear. I hate how she makes me feel and I hate how angry and jaded I’ve become in what should be one of the happiest times of my life. I’m not sure if others have experienced similar, but it would be nice if anyone could offer any ways of coping until I can leave and be free of both her and my dad. I really needed to reach out as I feel alone and severely depressed.