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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Paisley1516 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post bit of a long one and titled overwhelmed because that’s how I feel. I just want to cry but can’t. currently in Vic under stage 4 restrictions. My situation is I am separated (under one roof as we both on the mo... View more

Hi everyone, thanks for reading my post bit of a long one and titled overwhelmed because that’s how I feel. I just want to cry but can’t. currently in Vic under stage 4 restrictions. My situation is I am separated (under one roof as we both on the mortgage and neither can afford to move out until I go back to work). My marriage was 15 years, we’ve been separated 5 months. Have two children under 4 yrs old. i feel in a good place and do not want to get back together with my ex husband (he cheated numerous times amongst other issues) but I’m struggling sharing the house with him even if we don’t stay in the house at the same time (we literally leave as soon as the other is home). the days are long and isolating with my children by myself at home. I love them and adore them but it’s so hard and they’re being affected by our separation, so coping with their emotions especially our eldest is difficult (I have 75% care). a positive is I have finally found a job in this pandemic climate so going back to work next week, but stressing over settling the children into childcare and finances now I’m relying on myself. I'm also in a new relationship (3 months) with a man who is absolutely wonderful to me, so supportive, kind. He has respected my boundaries around my kids but he has his own issues. He is also separated with two older children but his ex has taken out an interim IVO and he cannot see his children until they go to court. He has taken full responsibility for his marriage breakdown and been very transparent with me. He has depression and ADHD, is on anti depressants and seeing psychologist/psychiatrist. I’ve just come back from visiting him where for the first time I witnessed him being angry (Not towards me or a person) and to be honest it made me second guess is this the right relationship or person to introduce to my own children? I realise we are in the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship but I really love being with him, I just feel he I has a lot going on right now. We had a massive chat yesterday which was really helpful but now I’m home I just feel flat and down and like everything I’m going through is just too much to deal with. i wish there was no coronavirus restrictions going on, my children were happy, I was working and living by myself and my new relationship was smoothly going but all I feel is everything is so difficult I’m seeing a psychologist which is helpful and have some support around me which is good.

Man with no name Shift work
  • replies: 1

Hi all, My partner has recently had to start shift work at her job. This means I am alone with our kids (9&12) a lot each week. It can be a real struggle and my mental health suffers. Don't get me wrong, I love being a father and enjoy doing everythi... View more

Hi all, My partner has recently had to start shift work at her job. This means I am alone with our kids (9&12) a lot each week. It can be a real struggle and my mental health suffers. Don't get me wrong, I love being a father and enjoy doing everything with the kids. While I enjoy time to myself I cant help but feel that i am doing so much as a single father. I feel that I do not have much support, i'm alone. I don't know what to do to change it. Her work can't change. Feeling stuck.

sadmum Losing the fight against my partner’s mental illness.
  • replies: 1

Partner and I have been together for 20 years, we have 4 kids together, a mortgage and a lot of history. He has always had issues but for the last 5 years they have been destroying our relationship and his relationship with the kids. He can’t or does... View more

Partner and I have been together for 20 years, we have 4 kids together, a mortgage and a lot of history. He has always had issues but for the last 5 years they have been destroying our relationship and his relationship with the kids. He can’t or doesn’t want to see it and is cycling between denial, anger, hopelessness and suicidal ideation. I have taken him to multiple Drs, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, I’ve talked him down from being suicidal more times than I can count, I monitor his medication (that he frequently misuses) and spend my life smoothing his and other people’s feathers that he has ruffled. I am exhausted and feel that this is not what I signed up for. I get treated like a housekeeper and a sex object. If I don’t do exactly what he wants I am “mistreating” him, if I do exactly what he wants I still get criticized. I am trapped by years of being stuck at home as a slave and the fact that he doesn’t have a single other person to turn to. I am embarrassed and ashamed by what my life has become and I have nobody I can talk to about any of it. I feel like all his Drs expect me to “take care of him” they don’t seem to realize the toll it is taking on our kids (and me). I just feel hopeless and want to scream and cry but I am the one that everyone depends on, so I have to keep it together.

Anicca No next of kin/emergency contact
  • replies: 8

Hi, I have Bipolar 2 disorder and GAD. I do not have any close friends or family members. My only support is my psychiatrist and an outreach nurse who visits me weekly. I am getting a Personal Alarm through NDIS to help me feel safe. I can put down u... View more

Hi, I have Bipolar 2 disorder and GAD. I do not have any close friends or family members. My only support is my psychiatrist and an outreach nurse who visits me weekly. I am getting a Personal Alarm through NDIS to help me feel safe. I can put down up to five contacts. I will put down Police, Ambulance, Nurse-on-Call. I don’t have anyone else who knows me. I could put down my psychiatrist but she is not available all the time. My outreach nurse only works two days a week. I thought of putting BB as someone to talk to if that was what I needed for my BP and GAD. Is anyone else in the same position? Thank you, Anicca

Tonyl Secrets to long term marrage please- Couple in 40s
  • replies: 12

Hi everyone, we are all in strange times, leaves us questioning a lot about life. I have been married for 13 years now, together for 14, we are in our 40s now. we run a business together and have two kids 11,10 who we adore. I am the one in the relat... View more

Hi everyone, we are all in strange times, leaves us questioning a lot about life. I have been married for 13 years now, together for 14, we are in our 40s now. we run a business together and have two kids 11,10 who we adore. I am the one in the relationship keeping the spark going etc or at least try. A few years ago my wife pulled me aside and told me that I needed to put more effort in, which I do every day now. I am a gentleman, I wake up in the mornings with a smile on my face, I make an effort to look good etc. I buy her flowers treat her really well , tell her how beautiful she is , take her out for dinner when we can. Ever since this happened my wife has done the opposite. She never tries, never makes a effort to dress up , never wants me in bed. I try to encourage her to wear lingerie , but she never does, it gets frustrating. she is in her 40s I'm not sure if its just life doing the wind down of her hormones/sex drive. but she is not getting turned on. She wont talk about it, if I do bring it up and say anything she rolls her eyes or shuts me down. On top of all this her mood swings are nasty at times. I have to remind myself that its not me its her and secretly tell the kids to just to give her space for a few days. I never argue or nit pick her wrong doings I forgive and forget. however I am the king target for her arguments over the smallest issues and always forced to be the fault of the issues for no reason. i vowed to never give up and keep trying, however lately I fell like giving up all together. I started looking for a exit options for the future , even threw a few cloths in a bag in case things got too bad- god I hope I never get to that stage. I lay there in tears late at night some nights (very manly of me) - I know a lot of what I said is classified as normal in relationships what I want to know is what is the secret to keeping your marriage going long term?

ICanOnlyHope How Can I Hold on When The World Turned its back on Me?
  • replies: 4

Why do I feel like this world is against me? Why can't I finally be happy? I gave tried to stay strong as long as I could and just more keeps breaking the surface of water. I am a 26year old mother to one 6 year old, I escaped a domestic violence rel... View more

Why do I feel like this world is against me? Why can't I finally be happy? I gave tried to stay strong as long as I could and just more keeps breaking the surface of water. I am a 26year old mother to one 6 year old, I escaped a domestic violence relationship with her father. It took a lot of strength to leave and when i did i had a lot of confidence issues, trust issues ect. I thought being in such a toxic relationship I could never love again, i was scared because all I knew was toxic.. what if I became the toxic one? I met a man, a man who loves me and my child, helped me crawl out of the pitch of darkness no matter how hard it was and how much bumps were on that road. I live in Australia, he lives in one state and I live in a different, we met 3 times before completing falling for each other. We have been together for 2 years now. Last year we planned for him to move here... his work got in the way, changed for Feb this year... i had to move house since I had to get closer to school as my child is disabled and requires a specific school, then changed to April... BORDERS CLOSE BECAUSE OF COVID19. Can't self isolate 24 days in this state of his annual leave would be used confined to a room... then not enough annual for when hes back at home to isolate... pushed it off until October. TODAY ANNOUNVED HIS STATE IS IN STAGE 4 RESTRICTIONS FOR 18 MONTHS. I havnt felt his touch for a whole year, I haven't felt same and warm in a year. I dont remember what it feels like to be kissed or cared for... how big are his hands, did his musta he tickle when we kissed? Now what... i can't cope anymore.. i have no strength .. ive lost hope . Hope kept failing me. Please world ... please stop..please let me be Selfish and ask for Happiness.

bibliophile Leaving home
  • replies: 4

Looking for advice. I’ve recently started looking at houses to rent and moving out of my partners house. I have lived away from previously but have been living back with my parents for 3 years now. I want to move out because I find myself increasingl... View more

Looking for advice. I’ve recently started looking at houses to rent and moving out of my partners house. I have lived away from previously but have been living back with my parents for 3 years now. I want to move out because I find myself increasingly depressed and anxious with everything that goes on in the house (e.g. my parents fighting, my mother and brother fighting) and feel like I just need to live in my own place. Problem is my mum is annoyed at me for wanting to move and keeps pressuring me to just stay and save for a house. Problem is I don’t feel that I want a house right now, especially as I don’t know where I will be in 6 months. My new career is really developing and my manager at work is really encouraging but the fact is that I will probably have to move towns at some stage to develop my career further. I struggle to communicate with my parents that I’m not happy. It’s even little things like I want to cook my own meals and I feel like I can’t because whenever I go to the effort to buy supplies for meals I have planned I’m made to feel bad as my mum asserts that her cooking is fine and should be good enough. Plus there’s the space issue. Despite the fact that it’s a 4 bedroom house, with four adults living there it seems so crowded and it can get quite noisy. I have applied for a house t tent but I’m still waiting to hear whether I’ve been approved or not. In the meantime, I’m getting increasing pressure to just continue living at home instead of moving out and paying ‘dead money’ in rent. Any advice?

chica1000 My husband wants me to have an abortion - 41 yr od pregant
  • replies: 3

I am very confused as of the moment. I am now 9 weeks pregant. When I told me husband, he was not happy and told me to terminate as it was unplanned. He said he is alreayd old (49 yers old) and he is can't be with the baby for the rest of his life. H... View more

I am very confused as of the moment. I am now 9 weeks pregant. When I told me husband, he was not happy and told me to terminate as it was unplanned. He said he is alreayd old (49 yers old) and he is can't be with the baby for the rest of his life. He said it because he is a heavy smoker and drinker. He is also worried about our finances. Although, we only have a mortgage to worry about and I also work. My daughter from my previous marriage is now 19 years old whom he raised. So we don't have a dependent except when I continue this pregnancy. I was in a prolonged contraceptive pills since my daughter was born. My husband told me he had vasectomy since we met 10 years ago. However, although I don't believe it, I thought he might just be joking. To be safe I still take pills. I stopped my pills a year ago and just do widrawal. To my surprised, I got pregnant. So I thought this might be a blessing. Because of that, I want to keep it. However, because of my age, I know that I am at highrisk and the baby can have down syndrome. I am worried about this a lot. I already talk to the doctor and we will get a test from down syndrome at 12 weeks. The other day, I talked to my husband about the pregnancy once again and I asked him 2 questions, I asked if he would support the baby or not. He said he has no choice because he is screwed. Reagardless if I stay with him or leave, he said he will have and be forced by law to support it. In that aspect, I know that he knows hes obligation. Because of this, I thought I should stay and hopefully, it will be okay after the baby is born. However, talking to my adult daughter, she was very supportive emotionally, she told me that my husband although a good man can be narcisistic. I was surpised she said that. She told me that my husband always wants to only listen to himself and is narrow minded. So I thought, do I want to live the rest of my life with him knowing him as a person. But at the other side, I love him and I don't know if leaving him is an option because I don't know if I can survive on my own. Although, I have a stable job for now, I don't know about the future. I am a migrant without a family in Australia except my daughter. She is still livign with us but never help in financel at home yet. Although I don't get along with my inlawes, I think they can be supportive especially the parents of my husband.

KC12 Narcissistic father - how to deal with the situation
  • replies: 1

Hi, Since I left home to live overseas, my parents have gone through several issues and separations up until this year when they finally broke up. During all this time my father has kept trying to put my sister and myself against my mother and he has... View more

Hi, Since I left home to live overseas, my parents have gone through several issues and separations up until this year when they finally broke up. During all this time my father has kept trying to put my sister and myself against my mother and he has overall been very disrespectful. I am nearly 30 and I live on the other side of the world but he continues to bring up all the issues nearly every week, text me at night, calling me to talk about himself and seeking attention. He is continuously portraying himself as the victim, accusing my mother and my sister of things that I really know they aren't true. It actually hurts my mental health as I suffer from depression and anxiety and really don't know how to navigate the situation...he would leave me alone for three days but then back again with the same story and I just can't take it anymore. Every time we have spoken on the phone is to listen to him complaining about his job even though he still has a job after the hard lockdown and I have been unemployed for 3 months because of COVID. I called him recently to let him know that I had finally found a job and it took him a minute to turn the conversation and focus it on him and back to his attention-seeking stories. Everyone keeps saying to me that I shouldn't let it affect me as much but at the end of the day he is my father and he was a good father but he hasn't been these years and honestly doesn't think he will change. He believes his own lies and everyone is wrong and he is right in his head. I keep feeling that I have to message him back every time he talks to me even when I don't feel like it, mainly because I want to avoid a bigger problem. I recently got married and I just want to live my life and stop letting him have such a huge influence in my life because he will destroy it. Sorry for the rant, there's obviously a lot more to it but I really can't bring myself to relive all those situations because it's emotionally draining, I just want some guidance and advice about how to live better knowing that this is the father I have got and he is not going to change.

Pippyl Hi I'm new. Single mum living with my abusive parents
  • replies: 6

Hi im new here. Never done anything like this I'm a very private person so I'm reluctant to give info but also I guess that's the point. I think what I'm looking for is likeminded people and support to get me through until this lockdown allows for me... View more

Hi im new here. Never done anything like this I'm a very private person so I'm reluctant to give info but also I guess that's the point. I think what I'm looking for is likeminded people and support to get me through until this lockdown allows for me to make the steps I need to make. I've had a lot of adversity in my life. It's come to the point I can no longer function and I have been bedridden for months. I'm a single mum with no support, I've started to see my own parents are abusive and the cause of so much pain so now that I see that I have no idea how I will raise my child as I was hoping they would take on a role in assisting me. My ex isn't around. So we live with them now as I can't even care for myself and that's when I've relised the severity. I left my ex due to domestic violence done years of work for us both to heal and earlier this year everything started to unravel and feel like I'm right back where I started so it feels I'll never get through it. I feel I've lost my identity like what I had with my ex was an illusion, now I feel my parents and my whole life is also an illusion. I'm scared for my child I think she deserves a foster home or something I feel so inadequate I don't know how to get better for her anymore. I question my worth as her parent I have been through worse and keep strong to keep her safe, I really wish she jus had loving capable parents, I have seriously considered this option and spoke with docs about it but she's had everyone give up on her, my parents actually kicked us out earlier this yr we were homeless then things came to a head and I was advised to return. I left her dad for her to have a better life but I feel nothing's changed coz I'm so broken. What I was trying to escape is actually our reality. So bcoz everyone's given up on her I can't I know how lost she'd be without me and it would be so painful for us both, but I also can't keep going this way. I have never felt normal I have never had genuine loving support that wasn't a person with an ulterior motive so trust is an issue. I don't trust or love myself I try. Honestly if I could foresee this life for her I wouldn't have had her coz it hurts so very much to hurt the 1 person you really love and she's the only person who's ever loved me and I have no idea how to love. Sorry I'm getting heavy it's jus not fair for her. I'm the adult to make the changes I know what I should do but I feel like I'm locked in a prison jus watching unable to do anything.