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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Von is lost Self worth and dating
  • replies: 9

I’ve been on two dates now with this amazing guy that I met through a dating app. So far he has shown that he is the kind of person I would actually want a relationship with. I don’t have strong self-esteem/sense of self worth and these feelings of h... View more

I’ve been on two dates now with this amazing guy that I met through a dating app. So far he has shown that he is the kind of person I would actually want a relationship with. I don’t have strong self-esteem/sense of self worth and these feelings of him being way out of my league are starting to creep in. He’s into surfing, is fit and active, great sense of style, so nice and funny, and I’m worried that he might lose interest soon because I feel like I’m not at the same level as him. Does anyone have any tips on boosting their confidence at this early stage of dating because I really really don’t want my insecurities being the cause of this possible relationship ending

Emily_1991 Mother inlaw past issues, possible divorce, letting go/forgiving
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone I’m new here. My husband and I were dating for year and had no problems. Once we got engaged, my mother inlaw did some very inappropriate things and my husband (in my eyes) is a mummy’s boy who would take her side even if she did the wron... View more

Hi everyone I’m new here. My husband and I were dating for year and had no problems. Once we got engaged, my mother inlaw did some very inappropriate things and my husband (in my eyes) is a mummy’s boy who would take her side even if she did the wrong thing. It’s been almost 5 years and not much had changed. He finds it difficult to express himself. He has a lot of anger. He has been trying more but for a year now I've been doubting if this is the right choice for me. We have no children yet. We have been putting it off for years because we’re both unsure. We’ve spoken about divorcing many times. is the answer to fix the relationship between his mum and me? he tends to rise his voice, swear and name call when we get into arguments me I've told him so many times I don’t like it and it’s not respectful… I don’t know if I still haven’t forgiven what he’s done to me and maybe that’s why I've been pulling away from him for the last 5 years of our relationship. I barely speak to his mum, I’m finding it extremely hard to forgive all the things she put me through. Just thinking of having children gives me anxiety because I have a feeling she’ll go behind my back and do whatever she wants even if I lay the rules with the children. She’s gone against my values and beliefs many times. Also it’s not fair for me to avoid going to her house with the ‘possible future children’. She deserves to see them too. Maybe I need big help with forgiving her so I can let go of it all and live happily again…. thank you in advance

batticus Relationship strain - pressure to propose
  • replies: 27

Hi all I need help. I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years now. We've had a relationship with lots of ups and downs. Early in, we had issues with intimacy - I was on anti-depressants- unfortunately that resulted in difficulties on my part - s... View more

Hi all I need help. I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years now. We've had a relationship with lots of ups and downs. Early in, we had issues with intimacy - I was on anti-depressants- unfortunately that resulted in difficulties on my part - she took this very personally and became extremely upset and angry. I was screamed at on more than one occasion. This resulted in a phobia of sorts of intimacy that I still struggle with. For the almost 5 years we've been together, we were not physically intimate for most of that time. It's only been in the last few weeks that we've actually started being physically intimate, in the normal sense. Super pleased with this break-through though. The above never stopped me from loving her and we in spite of those issues, we have stayed together. I've worked very hard to try and resolve my issues - I have pre-existing moderate/severe depression, and have generally managed that well. She is a lovely person, although certainly not low maintenance - often things have to be done on her terms. This is something I've so far been able to manage, and despite there being some seriously bad times in the relationship I stayed, and we for the most part have worked through these things. A couple of years ago as a last ditch attempt to make her happy during a very dark period with her- I put an engagement ring on layby. I know this was a bad decision in hindsight, but I though that if I could prove to her I loved her enough, she would reciprocate I guess and make me feel loved. She was upset last weekend, as she didn't think we were going anywhere. She is 36 and I am 28. I love her, but I'm just not ready. We don't live together yet- we have only just started to round the corner of those physical intimacy issues. Up to that conversation I was happy with how things were going. Now I feel like I am under so much pressure. My anxiety and depression has started to spiral out of control in the last few days. I want to make all the effort I can to give her what she wants, but I don't want to do something I'm simply not ready to do just yet. I'm seeing my counsellor next week, but I'm just struggling with the pressure I'm feeling. I keep ruminating about what I should do/shouldn't do/what will be/won't be. It's like a whirlpool in my head I can't seem to escape from. I have no clarity and no plan and feel entirely hopeless. I can't bare to lose her as I love her so, but at the same time I want to propose when we've reached that point.

Bee1998 Realising I have no true friends, and am fed up with being ignored/not invited
  • replies: 3

I have been struggling lately with depression on my own. To give you a quick back story, in February this year, I lost my best friend of 10 years to suicide. Shortly after, my partner of 1 year broke up with me. Prior to all of this, I had been tryin... View more

I have been struggling lately with depression on my own. To give you a quick back story, in February this year, I lost my best friend of 10 years to suicide. Shortly after, my partner of 1 year broke up with me. Prior to all of this, I had been trying to deal with 'losing' my only full blood sibling (my older brother). He cut contact with me and my family over 3 years ago, and I haven't been able to speak to him or see him since. And it has been really hard for me, because I have been left alone every weekend for the past couple of months, due to my mum getting into a new relationship. Her partner lives an hour away, and my mum goes and stays with him at his place almost every weekend now. In saying this, I have been trying to reach out to friends, as I have recognised my mental health spiralling over the past few months. But every time I contact the few friends I have, they all either don't respond, or say they are busy/already have plans, or make up an excuse saying they are sick... These people who I thought were my friends all know about everything I have mentioned above. I feel like people just simply don't care, and don't understand how hard and lonely it is to spend every weekend by yourself in an empty house, while dealing with grief, anxiety and depression. It's getting to a point now, where I am getting extreme feelings of anger and resent towards all of these people. I thought they were my friends, but they are being selfish and uncaring. Why can't I be invited out too? Why am I not good enough for your time? Why won't you respond to me... what have I done? All of these thoughts run through my mind. But at the end of the day, I know for a fact that I am a valuable friend, and I'm not a bad person in any way. I have a heart of gold, and if these people can't see that, that's their loss. Just am fed up of everyone at the moment in all honesty.... I'm always there for everyone whether they are down, sad or happy. But I never get the same in return?..... don't know what's wrong with people honestly. And people wonder why I don't want to be here anymore.

Niks85 Being ignored and put down
  • replies: 13

Hi there Thanks heaps for listening. My husband and I have been through alot together but this past year has been unbearable. He used to be very loving and supportive of me but that all changed when he found out he couldn't have kids. We both had cou... View more

Hi there Thanks heaps for listening. My husband and I have been through alot together but this past year has been unbearable. He used to be very loving and supportive of me but that all changed when he found out he couldn't have kids. We both had counselling and decided we would do Ivf using a donor. Now we have a gorgeous little girl and he does seem to love her. Last year his company folded because of Covid and now he's just not the same person. I've tried to talk to him but he is the most stubborn man Ive ever known. He has always liked his own space which I always give him but lately it's like he just wants to be alone all the time. He ignores me and puts me down it's like I'm being punished. He doesn't believe in counselling. I'm busy looking for voluntary and paid work we just moved to the country so I can keep busy. I actually can't bare his company and I definitely don't feel loved. I have thought about leaving but I have nowhere to go. What do you do in this situation? My mum and dad came to visit us the other day and they commented on his behaviour too it was like he wanted them to leave. I'm unhappy and stuck at the same time. Any advice appreciated thanks N.

Anzee Phone tracking after DV
  • replies: 5

Does anyone have any experience or knowledge about ways to find out if your phone is being tracked? My (ex) partner and I separated in January for DFV issues and we were forced to stay separated because of child protection being involved. We have bou... View more

Does anyone have any experience or knowledge about ways to find out if your phone is being tracked? My (ex) partner and I separated in January for DFV issues and we were forced to stay separated because of child protection being involved. We have bought a house together and move in in a couple of weeks so are now trying to work things out. He’s slipped up a few times now and has gone back to old ways and when I tell one of my support services they say it’s a big deal and very concerning and report him. I keep telling them they’re wrong about him and denying the abuse but today I spoke to one of my support workers for the first time in a few weeks and she said there was a strange noise when I answered my phone, so hung up and called again and it happened again so she said she was feeling concerned that he was tracking my phone. I acted all blasé about it but when I got home I searched my phone and found that I had a laptop linked into my Apple ID account. I don’t have a laptop, he bought one after our separation and uses it a lot. Any knowledge about this kind of stuff would be appreciated. I don’t want to be paranoid about it but I have had a few notifications for password breaches and unsuccessful login attempts for social media so now I’m started to feel worried.

boopthensnoot_93 Feeling overwhelmed with a sense of guilt
  • replies: 2

Hello, I struggle to articulate my emotions - especially online. I've been in a relationship for around two years now with somebody whom I thought I was "the one" and have commenced building a house together. This was despite her self-harming in fron... View more

Hello, I struggle to articulate my emotions - especially online. I've been in a relationship for around two years now with somebody whom I thought I was "the one" and have commenced building a house together. This was despite her self-harming in front of me whilst intoxicated on one occasion and other tribulations along the way, we have worked through. Although, recently it feels like our connection has waned to a point where, in the workplace, I've made a strong connection with a female work colleague. I have absolutely no plans to act on this as I'm not a man of infidelity and by no means was this even remotely planned. This new connection served as a kind of barometer of where my current relationship is at and has since been a kind of revelation, to a point where I can't sleep and am overwhelmed with guilt. As in - surely I shouldn't be feeling this way about another person as I'm committed. Is my reaction disproportionate to my circumstances, anybody else had similar experiences? If I were to go down the road of ending this relationship, I have absolutely no idea how. This has all culminated in the last three weeks. Unsure how to start.

Claire1289 My husband is not well.
  • replies: 1

My husband suffers from depression. He has huge mood swings that turn him into another person. I have difficulties negotiating these moods and need some advice. He is so verbally aggressive and says some disturbing things at times. I am going to make... View more

My husband suffers from depression. He has huge mood swings that turn him into another person. I have difficulties negotiating these moods and need some advice. He is so verbally aggressive and says some disturbing things at times. I am going to make an appointment with his doctor so I can let him know exactly how things are. I think his medication atm is out of kilter. Does depression involve aggression? Many thanks in advance

Snozzcumbers Germophobe wife says I hate her
  • replies: 4

I've been having difficulty with my relationship with wife, we have lived together just over a year and got married recently. My wife is a self admitted germophobe, it has gotten far worse during the pandemic. She is also a HSP (highly sensitive pers... View more

I've been having difficulty with my relationship with wife, we have lived together just over a year and got married recently. My wife is a self admitted germophobe, it has gotten far worse during the pandemic. She is also a HSP (highly sensitive person) and sees a psychologist monthly to help her with perceived problems she is having. The issue is I will do something like leave a tap askew rather than straight, or accidentally let the corner of a clean blanket touch the floor. She will then spiral out of control and what follows is always the same pattern, I will go into it bellow. First she will get angry and accuse me of all sorts of things like being dirty, not listening to her/caring about her or saying my wedding vows were a lie. I apologise and tell her that I'll be more mindful of the tap, or wash the blanket again, etc. But this never satisfies her, she will berate me saying 'you don't listen to me', 'I can't trust you', 'you never learn', 'you make me so angry', 'you ruined my day', etc. Eventually she will say I have to make it up to her, so I start to suggest things I know she likes. These suggestions are always met with a 'no', 'that is stupid', 'do you even know me?' type of comment. After this she tells me to go away and leave her alone. Eventually her anger subsidies and I try and apologise again and make it up to her, this is followed by the same conversation every time. Again I'm accused of not listening to her, I have asked her why she thinks this and she will say I always do things wrong and that my actions speak louder than words. I promise her I will try harder to not do it again in the future, then I'm told my words mean nothing. She will ask me why I'd did what I did, I'll then tell her why (usually I was thinking of something else or rushing) and she will then say stop making excuses and tell me to admit I'm lazy/don't care/am dirty/my mum didn't teach me right, etc. Sometimes I will be so worn down that I will lie and say something like 'sorry I was lazy'. Eventually if I admit to having enough faults she will calm down and the whole thing fizzles out. However, this time I've had enough so I told her what I feel, that is I put up with so much from her and I have never had anyone else talk to me the way she does and have never heard a anyone talked to the way she talks to me. She said if I feel that way to leave, I said no so she went to sleep on the couch and has now left. I need advice, I don't know how to go forward.

white knight Narcissist the label
  • replies: 24

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum ... View more

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum - "My narcissist boyfriend has gone silent for 2 weeks, does that mean it's over?" What followed was numerous answers all centreing on all actions a narcissist does, like using the silent treatment as a weapon, manipulation and grandiose reflections of themselves. Yet no one asked what actions the man labelled a narcissist actually did to deserve that label apart from having no contact for 2 weeks. Was the man using silence/absenteeism as a weapon or was he needing a break from a toxic relationship? Was he batheing in confidence or does he have a narcissist grandiosity demeanor? Does he manipulate or does he over suggest things due to not giving enough feedback? Google "narcissist meaning" there is 9 signs of one- Nine Signs and Symptoms of Narcissism Grandiosity. Exaggerated sense of self-importance. ... Excessive need for admiration. ... Superficial and exploitative relationships. ... Lack of empathy. ... Identity disturbance. ... Difficulty with attachment and dependency. ... Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom. ... Vulnerability to life transitions I'd suggest most people claiming their partner is a narcissist, wont satisfy most of these symptoms. So the label is overused, inflammatory and unjust... bullying. E.g. A woman marries a guy that, later on has proved he is (in her eyes- lazy, looks in the mirror hourly, need constant praise, doesn't show empathy for her struggles and relies on her career success for financial stability. They have had 3 kids and just separated.... He exercises his rights to 50% custody which is opposite of her desire of full custody. His partner labels him a narcissist. He loosely fits some of the 9 signs, enough for her to justify it. Little did anyone realise that HIS symptoms also mirrored depression, lack of confidence from a poor upbringing, stares at the mirror because he has social barriers, feels shame and has a loud voice. Friends believe her. That example might draw a long bow but claims by many that a narcissist is one when they are not is also a long bow...even longer! The message here is evidence, if not presented to endorse the label someone uses...It's likely a gross exaggeration. Best not to fall for others claim someone is narcissistic imo. TonyWK