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long distance relationship

Community Member

i am writing this just to reach out to people that may be able to help me understand.

i’m very young and still in school but recently my girlfriend moved overseas and i have been struggling a bit mentally since. i have been diagnosed w depression and anxiety which i have known about for quite a while now. me and my girlfriend have been together for 8 months and i truely feel like i’ve found the love of my life and someone who i can picture myself being w for a very long time if not forever. everything has been going good, she moved just under a month ago and i really do miss her but ik that it’s just something that’s out of my control. lately we have been facetiming every day and i’m scared i may be being too clingy bc i feel like a lot of the time she doesn’t really want to talk to me and i rlly don’t know what to do. i facetime her every second i get but sometimes she just says she is busy and can’t. the biggest fear for me is losing her which we’ve talked abt together quite a bit and she promises me everything will be alright. but i am so scared of her cheating on me, it’s not that i don’t trust her to stick by her word it’s just i don’t know what to think bc my friends all say i shouldn’t trust her but i feel like i know her on a way different level to them. but what if these are the warnings i should be looking out for. sometimes when we are on facetime she will choose to hang up and watch something on her laptop instead of talking to me. with time zones it just makes it very difficult when i know i could be talking to her but i am not and she’s spending time watching a show. it just really hurts and i honestly don’t know what to do.

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hey there, I'm also in a very long LDR due to the pandemic... I miss my boyfriend very dearly too.

I'm no one to judge your relationship, just want to share some light and advice from my experience...

It's been almost 2 years since I saw my boyfriend and we're 5 years apart in age, so naturally I'm more irrational and act out emotionally, sometimes have the weridest doubts. However, everytime these issues occurs I tend to always turn away from them and become passive aggressive, rather than talking it out.

Questioning, fear and doubts are normal. You said you're very young, I'm not sure exactly how young. But it's all normal. LDR is not meant to be easy. Growing is not meant to be forgiving. I've slowly learnt to see this over the course of my very first serious relationship.

I'm also struggling mentally on top of the pandemic fatigue, work, university and family issues, so I understand how difficult everyday for you may be. I don't know how much time it takes to determine whether she's or he's the one, but I believe in trusting each other, growing together and talking it out.

I can't emphasis how important it is to talk it out. It's super hard, not gonna denie that, it took me a while to get used to it. But things only get worse if there's no communication between you and her.

I'm assuming this LDR is making you feel insecure and maybe that's why you're feeling the way you are. I'm not saying facetiming is wrong, but find a right time for BOTH of you. My boyfriend is busy with his fulltime work, yet we would google hangout each night and leave it on, because we're both okay with it. Also we video chat every day too, nothing wrong with that if it works.

That being said, someone in this relationship needs to be the bigger man (or woman). This means being understanding, patient and forgiving, but also rational. In my case, my boyfriend was that bigger man.

Finally, I just want to reiterate the importance of communication in a LDR relationship. Believe me there will be times you want to give up, but take a breath and think logically. Don't let emotions take over you. Also try playing some online/PC games with your girlfriend, or watch some shows together with her! Find a time that suits both of you.

If this is the relationship you and her want to continue in, both of you will have to put some effort into it 🙂

Have 'the conversation' with her, exchange your thoughts and see how it goes.

Hang in there.

Hey lilhappylilsad,

Thank you so much for your response, it means a lot to me. It seems like you are very down to earth with your response and that makes me really happy because it makes me realise that it isn't always going to be perfect. I have sent my girlfriend a copy of your response because i thought it was the best idea to get some light from someone who is going through the same thing, i hope you don't mind.

We are at the very beginning of our LDR with the last time we were able to see each other around 3 weeks ago, it has been quite difficult but i find that i am very similar to you in the way that i act out emotionally and a bit irrationally. I think talking it out is the perfect way to go but i have trust issues which makes it hard for me to communicate rationally.

I am right in the middle of my teenage years where it's a classic 'high school relationship' which will fall apart after the first couple months. I have been with her for 8 months now and i love her so much, i honestly think it is more than that. I feel like we both need to grow a little bit to understand fully about the struggles that can come along with LDR but i found your reply very very helpful.

I am sorry to hear that you're struggling mentally and i just want to remind you that we are in this together, not many people commit to this and you being apart from your boyfriend for two years has really inspired me and given me a lot of hope. I am really proud of how far you have come with him, i can just tell how strong you are from that.

I am going to continue trying to grow from this as i think it is what is best for us, i don't know if you've felt similar at all but it all feels a bit surreal and like something out of a movie. I am going to keep trying and working to understand LDR's as well because you have emphasised how key it is to talk things out, and i agree. It seems like talking things out can really relieve people of stress and so i am going to try my very best to open up to her and let her know how i am feeling, because that is something i struggle with a lot.

Time zones make it really difficult to find a time that suits both of us but we are finding times that maybe are not that practical but even talking to each other makes us feel better in general. I feel like in this case i want to attempt to do what you were talking about, being the bigger man.

After hearing your response i feel more inclined and committed to this relationship, thank you 🙂

cheers, blank