Newbie, started this account when mental health was decling

[aza_aaaa]

Hey I'm Aza (nickname not real name) and I'm a high school student who is struggling with my mental health right now. There are multiple reasons why but the most impacting reason is... well let me explain. Both my mum and I are very sensitive. When I accidentally do something to upset her, I feel like I've failed... something. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum, she's an amazing person. But she gets over-the-top when she gets mad, so I get extremely upset and start thinking thoughts like, 'Why was I born?', 'My mum would have a better life without me.' and 'If I was gone, they will move on, right?' I know I should book a therapist, but talking to my mum about this situation could go wrong and end up with both of us sobbing. The fact is, I don't want to displease my mum. She doesn't punish me or anything, but I just feel overwhelming guilt.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Aza,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, 

We're sorry to hear you're struggling. We can hear that the relationship between yourself and your mum is tense at the moment and you feel unable to communicate your feelings to her. Speaking to a therapist sounds like a really useful idea. There are a number of ways you could do this, one way could be to speak to a Kids Helpline counsellor. 

Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided: https://kidshelpline.com.au/ . They'd be able to offer their advice on how you might go about seeing a therapist in a more ongoing way or how you might approach your mum with these thoughts and feelings.

You might also be interested in contacting Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/ We hope that a few of our members will pop by with some words of wisdom for you. Welcome again!
 

[smallwolf]

Just to add to Sophie_M's reply...

you could also chat to a counsellor at school if possible?

They should be able to give you help or advice on what to do.

the thoughts you wrote in your post are typical of those I would have when I do something wrong. I am MUCH older than you and still get those thoughts. For me it is related to perfectionism or wanting to feel as though I was/am good enough or worthy. Those thoughts become a descent into feeling worse than myself. It goes something like this...

I made a mistake -> you screwed up again -> you always makes mistakes -> failure -> fail at everything -> why do I try -> .... -> better I were not here

So... the trick is to be able to stop those thoughts somewhere near the start rather than letting it progress to the end. There are a few ways of doing this and if you can speak with a therapist or someone else they can give you the tools required. For me... it can be a case of remembering my good qualities. It is also remember that a mistake is a opportunity for learning; that I am human; and trying my hardest.

[quirkywords]

Aza

welcome to the forum.

Sophie gave helpful advice.

I agree with smallwolf about trying to se a counsell or maybe Your year advisor who will listen,
zthe relationship with mother snd child can be wonderful but also challenging.
Many reading your post will relate to your post .

It is upsetting when your mum is upset and angry and you may try to rethink the situation. I tried I don’t mean to upset my mum, I know she loves me and replace the negative thoughts.

Thanks for writing your and post again whenever you want to.