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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Heyaaa Someone close to my(f) partner(m) is in an abusive relationship
  • replies: 6

Im overwhelmed by the pain this woman has gone through. She fits ever category, every sign of a domestic violence victim. She even called the hotline and that was why she was out of that home. And now she's gone back; back to the man who made her fee... View more

Im overwhelmed by the pain this woman has gone through. She fits ever category, every sign of a domestic violence victim. She even called the hotline and that was why she was out of that home. And now she's gone back; back to the man who made her feel worthless and gaslight her into thinking she was nothing. And it's tearing me apart. As a woman. As a survivor of child abuse. When things like this happen I see how much power men can have over us. They had power over me when I was 10 years old. They have power over this woman, the sweetest woman I've ever met. It's hurting my partner. He cares for her so so so much and it breaks my heart. Its two fold. Im hurting for both my partner, and for her. I can't support him, I can't even deal with it myself. I don't know if you can even do anything when they go back to their partners. I cannot deal with not being able to do anything. My psych has always told me that being so hyperaware of being in control/not in control affects my anxiety levels, but I just cannot stop. I'm so scared for her. I feel like I have a right to be anxious here. This isn't just GAD.

Guest_1584 Why is it that talking just wares me out , does anyone else get that ? What is it ?
  • replies: 3

Hi all . For years l've wondered why l am the way l am and what's wrong with me ? Too much talking just exhausts me , l mean l'd find it easier to go do an extra days work or walk 20k instead of talking past my max, especially with the wrong person. ... View more

Hi all . For years l've wondered why l am the way l am and what's wrong with me ? Too much talking just exhausts me , l mean l'd find it easier to go do an extra days work or walk 20k instead of talking past my max, especially with the wrong person. And that usually leaves me with guilt and them scratching their head, and it's getting worse. But l just can't do it.. l was married 20yrs and l've never been a morning person so mornings were literally painful for me because she could be full steam straight out of bed at 7am. She'd have been happy all day long till bed again that night.For me that's my worst nightmare , well , close. Mind you , we'd often talk for hours on end or in bed till 3 or 4 am , sometimes all night. l do like talking and enjoy it, especially with the right person and a natural an ease in talking . Thing is after that l'm done, really , done. l often couldn't even look her way in the mornings fear she'd talk , she'd very often go off to work without a word. l really don't like hardly talking at all untill 10 or 11 , at all ,it's literally hard and if l have l'm usually nervy the rest of the day unless l get a damn good break from talking after that and tbh the rest of the day is fine with me , hell all night too no problem. To add to it l've spent a lot of time on my own after divorce too about 3yrs , and getting older , 50s , and then involved with someone long distance for a few yrs later so we were only together 3 n 4mths a yr the rest was messaging, skyping , so more or less still on my own. And my gf now is up home in her city 1/2 the time too so l'm still alone a lot of the time and all that has made me even worse. l mean say l go have a drink with my brother 3 or 4 hours over the wkend or sometime, we talk quite a bit , it's nice , but l damn near need a stretcher later and just can't wait to get home and some hours with no talking, a few days even is fine with me. And l also get snappy or plain if l'm pushed once l'm talked out , but once l am , l just can't talk past it. Well atm my daughters moved in , just turned 19, and she can talk, 7 to 11, no problem. and at 300k an hr. She's out with friends a lot but if she;s home too long l just have to go hide, go on the pc in my room or something or l'll start getting snappy it;s just too much. l feel terrible and l love time together but as she's gotten older she's almost hypa so l can only do short stints. l hate being like this but it's worse than ever.

Michelle1978 Blindsided after a 2 year relationship
  • replies: 5

I met a really nice man at a speed dating event 2 years ago and it we both liked each other instantly. I always thought we had a great relationship and friendship we always had a great time together. Before Covid hit, we had a week away interstate fo... View more

I met a really nice man at a speed dating event 2 years ago and it we both liked each other instantly. I always thought we had a great relationship and friendship we always had a great time together. Before Covid hit, we had a week away interstate for a holiday which we both enjoyed. Covid19 has made things a little tricky but we managed to get out and do some long walks etc and still saw each other about 3 times a week. we celebrated our two year anniversary a couple of weeks ago and I thought everything was fine. He came over to my place last week and said that we needed to split up and that his feelings had changed and he didnt see a future with me. I was in shock and so upset. I was crying and he was crying too. I was actually comforting him. it’s like he had made his decision and wasn’t prepared to give it another chance or anymore time. I was in shock and wasn’t talking much because I just didn’t know what to say at all. He said that he doesn’t mind if I sms him from time to time. Anyway fast forward 5 days later and I am upset. I feel like I have lost my best friend overnight and it feels strange not haven’t heard from him at all since that night. A couple of friends have said I should contact him and let him know my thoughts given that I have had time to reflect on it but i don’t feel up to it. I haven’t been in a situation like this before and just don’t know what to do.

Helplesspartner Help supporting my partner - I don't want to give up
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner for nine years, before that we were best friends, we have been in each other’s lives for 15 years. We are 31. We had such a great relationship because we had the fundamentals of a great friendship. We never had fights, lot... View more

I have been with my partner for nine years, before that we were best friends, we have been in each other’s lives for 15 years. We are 31. We had such a great relationship because we had the fundamentals of a great friendship. We never had fights, lots of laughs, the same hobbies, just a great couple. We were saving to buy our first home and planning our family. Since he turned 30, he has been depressed, binge drinking, some drug use (never experimented before this), and just general comments regarding ‘I thought I would have achieved more by 30’ etc. He has history of childhood trauma, which has been bubbling at the surface for years, but he would only talk about it when drunk. About 4 years ago he went to a GP and was diagnosed with depression, commenced antidepressants. He took them for a short while then stopped as he didn't like 'feeling out of it'. He went to one councillor session, however it wasn't a good fit so he didn't return. 14 weeks ago, he confessed to an affair. He had been seeing her for a few weeks and had slept with her once. He was incredibly emotional, with lots of tears and devastation. I was heartbroken and immediately left. He has since told me that he never wanted a relationship with the other woman, but he couldn't live with the secret and he knew it would be over when he told me. He later revealed he had planned to kill himself at that time We are still seperated, and he is spiralling out of control. I've told him he can come home so we can start to rebuild, he says he wants to be home but still isn't here! I believe it is so he can continue his reckless behaviour, and have no one to answer to. I am so worried about his alcohol intake, he is drinking daily to excess. He has told me he drinks in the morning, before,during and after work. He has also started experimenting with drugs. Nothing too sinister, but high amounts of antihistamines, medications etc. He said he is looking to get high, not harm himself as I asked that. We had a great relationship before this, and I feel as though it’s like a Midlife, he is very depressed, often talks about 'im already dead', no goals or ambition at all, describes himself as 'beige' and has told me he has considered hurting himself! I've asked him to see a GP, I've gently supported him, I've cried, I've said 'suit yourself' I am lost and I want my best friend back.

Samvv Advice about an IVO breach
  • replies: 2

The situation: my ex partner was abusive. My response: I contacted the police who advocated for me in court and an IVO was placed on X for 15 months. Since then he had tried to message my mother on Facebook. The message was ignored. I have a family v... View more

The situation: my ex partner was abusive. My response: I contacted the police who advocated for me in court and an IVO was placed on X for 15 months. Since then he had tried to message my mother on Facebook. The message was ignored. I have a family violence support worker who asks me every week about any breaches on Xs IVO. I knew closer to the birth, in one month that he would try and the day before my birthday I get a message on my phone from his son who is 25 and lives with him asking how me and the baby are. Since I never gave his son my number I'm pretty sure X's is using him to get info BUT I also don't want to cut my son's half brother out if I'm wrong. He will need his half brother. Im being manipulated again or am I? Should I report this to DHS? Or should I give his son a chance to do the right thing? He is in breach of the IVO if he is attempting to get to me via others. I ... Am so vulnerable right now I messaged back and just told him I'm fine, the baby is almost due and it's a boy but nothing else. Did I do the wrong thing? Im so conflicted and feel so alone.

Peri125 Depressed
  • replies: 1

I was in a relationship for 6 years before I married my husband. He was very emotionally abusive during that time aswell but I never understood that. He would yell at me and call me names. Say horrible things about my family . He even cheated on me b... View more

I was in a relationship for 6 years before I married my husband. He was very emotionally abusive during that time aswell but I never understood that. He would yell at me and call me names. Say horrible things about my family . He even cheated on me before our marriage and I forgave him but he took that as my weakness and used it against me. After the wedding he moved to Australia and joined him later. After I came to Australia he made me feel like a burden and started giving me all sorts of conditions about how I cannot bring my family here or support them the money I will earn when I get a job. He was horrible to me most part of the time. Then after 5 months I had to go back to bangladesh because I needed to get some work experience and he had an observership where family wasn't allowed. After i went back he started to create fights with me for no reason. Never was there for me in any form. And prevented me to going back to him. Everytime I would ask him about when I can come back he always said no he doesnt want me there. He would not give me a divorce and prevent me from filing for one aswell. He later on told me he was cheating on me and got someone pregnant but she got an abortion. He then wanted me to go visit him but as soon as I was booking the tickets he changed his mind and blamed everything that has happened on me. So I stopped talking to him altogether. After i did so he started calling me everyday and even my mom because I wouldn't pick up. He was still cheating on me while doing which I later found out. His parents were persistent and requested me very much to go and see how things are in Australia and that they will be there with me while I talk to my husband and give it a shot.

Skye79 Morning I thought I will give this a try
  • replies: 2

Hi I been struggling with depression, anxiety and panic attacks for over 25yrs. I with professional help, psychiatrist & psychologist. I have had a lot of trouble with finding medication that works longer then six months, at this stage I had at least... View more

Hi I been struggling with depression, anxiety and panic attacks for over 25yrs. I with professional help, psychiatrist & psychologist. I have had a lot of trouble with finding medication that works longer then six months, at this stage I had at least 15 different medication changes. I’m married (20yrs) with 3 teenagers, my husband been very supportive and we have tried to teach our kids to understand (I never want them to feel it’s them). Just over the last few months I think I have finally broken my husband and feel he’s having a break down and I have no idea how to support him, he’s always been the strong one and I know I have to carry him for a bit but I’m scared that I’m not strong enough for the both of us. We are talking about doctors appointment. Which is good but feeling very lost Thanks for taking the time to read

PlainJane01 How can I get my happy Mum back?
  • replies: 5

The last 6 months has been so rough for my Mum. Dad had a heart attack, his mother passed away leaving us to run into toxic family members who bullied my mother. Since corona she has only had 3 shifts at her place of work. She feels awful and as if s... View more

The last 6 months has been so rough for my Mum. Dad had a heart attack, his mother passed away leaving us to run into toxic family members who bullied my mother. Since corona she has only had 3 shifts at her place of work. She feels awful and as if she can’t ‘provide for her family like a mother should’. I try to help but I struggle with my own depression and feel like I don’t have my Mum there to help me, as I don’t want to burden her with my problems. She says since Dad had the heart attack she feels like ‘things will never be good again’. It breaks my heart. I need my happy Mum back. I would appreciate there any Mothers or people in a similar situation that could give me advice.

Mumoftwo16 Am I over reacting
  • replies: 1

I've been a relationship for 91/2 years we've had our share of ups n downs like any relationship we have a 6 year old together. But over the last 3 1/2 years it's been more downs than ups. I got a phone call from a guy stating i should check my partn... View more

I've been a relationship for 91/2 years we've had our share of ups n downs like any relationship we have a 6 year old together. But over the last 3 1/2 years it's been more downs than ups. I got a phone call from a guy stating i should check my partners phone as he was texting a girl he worked with so I did found messages staring he had been checking her out and he wanted to take things further that he fancied her. When I confronted him he said it was just two friends joking around 12 months later same thing but different girl again told same thing just me over reacting. Two years ago I lost my dad very suddenly very unexpected he was my word the only person that really got me always knew when something wasn't right with me and always knew what to say and do to make me feel better I've really struggled without him here depression has set in big time. But 4 months i found out my partner had been secretly massaging and meeting up with a 27 year old 18 years younger than him again I confronted him only to be told they were only friends and nothing happened that she had bad depression that he was trying to her. Not once has he been there for me with mine the only support I've got from him is my dad is gone and that he is never coming back i just feel like I'm nothing to him And all he is doing is disrespecting me as a partner, mother because this is something I would never do to him. I asked him to cut all contract with this girl he said would told me he was off Facebook and Instagram but Friday I found out he has still got Instagram and he blocked me from seeing he's account and is now following the 27 year old. I don't know what to think I'm so broken

Belle1223 *TRigger Warning -Struggles with abusive ex, parents in law and kids
  • replies: 3

Ex and I separated in December. He was violent towards me and police became involved. we were together 15 years. Probably for about 2 years he was a abusive and the 6 months before we separated it became physical. It was very traumatising. I’d just h... View more

Ex and I separated in December. He was violent towards me and police became involved. we were together 15 years. Probably for about 2 years he was a abusive and the 6 months before we separated it became physical. It was very traumatising. I’d just had a new baby who is now 1yo. I left a few times but went back as he seemed very remorseful. But the entire pregnancy and her first 6 months were incredibly stressful. We also have a 2yo and 10yo, and I struggled caring for them and going through being treated so horribly. I asked his parents for help a number of times when he was in one of his abusive rants (calling me nasty names, accusing me of disgusting untrue things. Saying he hoped Awful things would happen to me etc). Even one time while on the phone to his mum he started saying he should hurt people. His parents didn’t want to help me. They would talk to him on the phone for a while and then he would get off the phone and tell me how they sent their love. Occasionally I would get a text message after calling for help saying something like ... he seemed ok and they hoped I was well. Even after I left due to the previous violence his mum wouldn’t pass on a message to him to not return to the house after the temporary order ended (I couldn’t Msg him due to not wanting the temporary restraining order to be revoked). She said sorry but it would have to come from me. I understand it was never their responsibility to help me but I just felt so alone over the years this abuse was going on I got a restraining order for 2 years. I allowed him visits every 2 weeks supervised with his parents. They would come to my home and stay about half a day every 2 weeks. There were times my ex was verbally abusive to me and they witnessed this. He would send me abusive messages every couple of weeks. It was mentally draining trying to look after 3 kids, work and deal with his abuse. He sent my parents threats of violence 2 weeks ago and I decided to stop all visits. He came over last week anyway and I called the police. The past few years has been so horrible and draining. I feel as though I can’t cope with him and his family anymore. I hold resentment towards them all. I just want to be in peace and look after my children...I feel I need to look after myself. The parents just keep nagging me to see the kids. Not to help me in any way, but just for me to let them visit, or bring the kids to them. I just feel I’ve had enough.