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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Distraught_mum Desperate mum-my son is a reoffender
  • replies: 2

Am not sure if any forums are going to be of help to me but I hope so. My adult son is a chronic reoffender - traffic offences. He will soon be going to court for the third time in his life and is possibly facing a criminal conviction. He reoffended ... View more

Am not sure if any forums are going to be of help to me but I hope so. My adult son is a chronic reoffender - traffic offences. He will soon be going to court for the third time in his life and is possibly facing a criminal conviction. He reoffended mid last year and was given a 12/12 good behaviour bond and then reoffended again early this year hence breaking his bond conditions. I was unaware of any of this until a few weeks ago when I received a call from the mental health unit at the local hospital trying to get in touch with him. He is now not working at all and is on a benefit, he is isolated and lonely. I fear terribly for the court outcome and his future. He had or so I thought put all this stuff behind him and was doing ok with work etc. he has continued to deceive me and not be honest. He says he doesn’t want to worry me with his problems but finding all this out thru a third source is devastating. Our relationship is pretty much me giving and he taking and I don’t know if he knows how to feel love or compassion for other people including me - pretty hurtful when I am really the only support person he has. I am 60 and don’t know if I can continue to give and give and support someone who shows no thanks or appreciation ever. If I cut him off would it make any difference anyway. I have my own health issues and life to lead and just want to be free to live without this constant stress and worry. Anyone out there in the same situation?

BonnieH family (inlaws) and how im perceived and its effects on my marriage
  • replies: 10

hello, im new here and very uncertain and shaky writing things even beginning to cry because i feel that im releasing things that should be my problems noone elses, I should fix them and not burden others. i am having trouble mainly at the moment wit... View more

hello, im new here and very uncertain and shaky writing things even beginning to cry because i feel that im releasing things that should be my problems noone elses, I should fix them and not burden others. i am having trouble mainly at the moment with my partner's family not accepting me and making me feel very abnormal and need to behave in a certain manner around them and if i dont my partner will be very angry later and give me a lecture on my behavior and how its perceived with his family i keep asking myself am i really that bad a person etc. im very scared of family functions and dread them as it seems such an effort to keep tabs on my subject of conversation, my actions and my behaviour and totally act like a different person and by the end of these events i am so very tired, this has been happening for a few years now and ive only just started to become more concerned as recently one evening a family member sent me very inappropriate message i showed my partner as it was his family and he suggested that i encouraged the messages/behaviour and i was possibly cheating on him, this is freaking me out even more when around his family as i believe my husband doesnt trust me

veruca_boi Is there a condition that causes someone to not be able to move on from situations? *Trigger warning - suicidal thoughts*
  • replies: 5

Hey guys, My housemate and I have been going through some battles the past 6 years with Council and other bodies, and while it has affected my depression severely (I have considered suicide more times in the past 6 years than I had in the 33 years pr... View more

Hey guys, My housemate and I have been going through some battles the past 6 years with Council and other bodies, and while it has affected my depression severely (I have considered suicide more times in the past 6 years than I had in the 33 years prior), my housemate, who has learning disabilities, is literally unable to move on from what we are going through. I'm ready and willing to just give up the fight and "accept" (for the lack of a better word) the way things are, just to protect my mental health, but my housemate is constantly raising the battles we are going through, and repeating himself multiple times. Every time we get an email about one issue, it opens the floodgates for everything else to be discussed. We are constantly fighting, and are contemplating selling our house to move, because this seems like the only way he can move on. I have suggested that he go see a psychologist to talk about what we are going through, but he doesn't see the point if they can't do anything to change the situation. He might feel better after talking to someone, but nothing will be resolved. He can't accept that the system is not perfect, and wants to fight until things are changed, or issues are resolved. I have asked him "what if things never change, and you never get the answers you want?", to which he has essentially said he will never move on. Is there a condition that my housemate might have, which is causing him to not be able to move on?

Harley81 Step kids driving a big wedge between us
  • replies: 1

I dont know if my relationship is entering its final stages just yet but we are facing some huge obstacles at the moment, mostly surrounded by time spent with his 4 kids and the fact we just never seem to be on the same page. He has 5 kids from a pre... View more

I dont know if my relationship is entering its final stages just yet but we are facing some huge obstacles at the moment, mostly surrounded by time spent with his 4 kids and the fact we just never seem to be on the same page. He has 5 kids from a previous relationship, I have 1 from a previous relationship and we have one together They have not been in our life for the majority of our relationship (4 years) It has only been in the last 12 months they have visited regularly. Since the start of last year, he seems to be putting their needs above anything else. I have tried to be patient and understanding but now a year on I have had enough. I have tried to discuss this with him, talk, make a point of involving each other in decisions about them, and trying to split time between everyone as fair as its hard when we are a family of 8. He just seems hell bent on when he wants to see them, he sees them regardless of what is going on at the time. He made a critical error in the beginning when he left me in a really emotional state to go and pick them up and Im not sure I've recovered ever since. Just after some advice.

JamesT344 My Girlfriend has an eating disorder
  • replies: 5

My girlfriend has an eating disorder and its caused a severe rift between us. She‘s self aware that she isn’t well and has just started seeing someone about it, but I fear it won’t be enough. Her diet alone is bad enough (less than 800 calories, some... View more

My girlfriend has an eating disorder and its caused a severe rift between us. She‘s self aware that she isn’t well and has just started seeing someone about it, but I fear it won’t be enough. Her diet alone is bad enough (less than 800 calories, sometimes as low as 400) but on top of that she exercises 5 days a week doing long runs, and dances full time at a dance school. It makes no sense to me. Before her ‘diet’ she had a body most girls dreamed of- thin waist, toned muscles etc and she ate whatever she wanted. In my eyes she was perfect. She was always happy, always laughing, always was out of the house with her friends or doing something, we never argued, she was very affectionate. Now she’s a completely different person physically and personality wise. She has lost all her muscle, curves everything quite literally just skin and bone. She always looks sad even when she says she isn’t, has a short temper, rarely laughs, has become super stubborn, doesn’t like leaving the house anymore. Her family, friends have all noticed the change. Recently she’s been trying to take it out on me, saying our relationship isn’t the same anymore and that ‘I’M’ the reason for it. She doesn’t understand that it’s the consequences of her eating disorder thats changed her personality making her feel that way. She takes everything I say as a personal attack on her when pre- her ‘diet’ she would always ask and be appreciative of my advice. I’ve told her countless times that isn’t the case and that I just want the best for her but she won’t accept it. To be honest when she had a go at me it made me pretty frustrated. From day 1 of her diet I warned her not to go extreme and the consequences that it could lead to (I have fairly good knowledge of caloric requirements and how to diet since i’m into fitness). I’ve internalised my own unhappiness that her disorder has brought because I wanted the focus to be on her getting better and I didn’t want to make her upset telling her I was unhappy. I can’t type enough to thoroughly explain but some examples are that she no longer has the energy to spend time with me, doesn’t say much and only stays over on rare occasions because she gets anxious when she isn’t in her own bed (at the beginning of our relationship she wanted to stay over ALL the time) This leads me to the position i’m in. I want her to get better so things can be similar to before but I’ve stuck through months of this and can’t take much more.

Billiee Why so vulnerable?
  • replies: 5

Hi All, Feeling vulnerable is a scary thing and we have all felt it multiple times throughout our lives. I strongly believe that it's important to engage in uncomfortable situations as this is the main driver for extensive psychological growth. At th... View more

Hi All, Feeling vulnerable is a scary thing and we have all felt it multiple times throughout our lives. I strongly believe that it's important to engage in uncomfortable situations as this is the main driver for extensive psychological growth. At the moment i'm challenging my thoughts and behaviours for when i'm in a situation of vulnerability as it has been a downfall of mine for many years. For me, feeling vulnerable makes me feel small and i start to lack in confidence and question my judgement which i am not someone whom lacks in confidence, so i am trying to dig deep to find out what the main driver behind these feelings are? I am starting this thread to get some insightful opinions from people who have delved deep into this topic before and to see how others define vulnerability. Any opinions are appreciated and hopefully this thread will help someone else. Billiee

SOS2020 My partner feels too far gone.
  • replies: 3

I fell in love with a man 7 months ago. He has always suffered with mental health issues for as long as he can remember. recently he has gone downhill and has no will to live he feels like he is too far gone for any kind of help. he refuses to seek a... View more

I fell in love with a man 7 months ago. He has always suffered with mental health issues for as long as he can remember. recently he has gone downhill and has no will to live he feels like he is too far gone for any kind of help. he refuses to seek any kind of help because he feels like nothing will work and he will be permanently broken. i’m reaching out to this community to provide support on how I can help him until he is ready to seek help himself. I understand that he can be sanctioned but right now I want to try every other option until I have to resort to that plan. When he says things like he is too far gone or two broken what are some things that I can say or conversation starters I can use to help him talk about what he’s going through? he has lost the ability to open up and talk and this scares me. He stopped taking his antidepressants a week ago because he believes they aren’t helping but he won’t go and seek a doctors opinion. It’s like the old saying you Can lead a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink. please let me know if you’ve been in a position like this and how you have supported a loved one through one of the worst times in their life? I can’t lose this person it’s the kind of love you only find once in a lifetime and I would do anything to help him get better and see life from a different perspective. he isn’t sleeping very well and he is an eating a lot which I know isn’t helping the situation. There’s only so much one person can do. thanks

MummaOf4 New Baby
  • replies: 5

I wanted to share my experience of motherhood. My fiancee and I have been together almost 3 years and I absolutely love him. We fell pregnant and at 22 weeks we got told that our son has a rare heart condition and needs multiple surgeries. This has p... View more

I wanted to share my experience of motherhood. My fiancee and I have been together almost 3 years and I absolutely love him. We fell pregnant and at 22 weeks we got told that our son has a rare heart condition and needs multiple surgeries. This has put me into so much depression from day 1 and still continue to have it. I feel broken, to the point of wanting to take myself from this world. My partner is a great dad but our relationship has changed in so many ways since bub was born. He is so far up his daddy bum that I've never had the chance to bond properly with him, I try to settle him but I can't. He just won't because he will only settle for his dad. I've felt like I'm a worthless mum and that I can't even take care of my own child because fiancee won't let me I understand he wants to look after him and help me relax but how am I meant to be his mum when I can't. Thank you for listening

Ijustneedhelp Relationship Issues due to anxiety, depression, anger issues...grudge holding?
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm not sure where to start. I kind of just want/need to post here for help, tips, whatever else really. The state I'm in and how I'm acting, I am so close to having my wife leave me. The main issue here is that I have anger issues and tend to ho... View more

Hi, I'm not sure where to start. I kind of just want/need to post here for help, tips, whatever else really. The state I'm in and how I'm acting, I am so close to having my wife leave me. The main issue here is that I have anger issues and tend to hold grudges towards people in my wife's family for how they are as people, how they live their lives. I tend to believe they are not the best people when they havent done anything to me personally. I think I get my guard up unnecessarily to the point where it is hirting my wife and my relationship with her. I need help on how to move on and be more accepting and not so hot headed. I really need help because I really don't want to lose my wife. She is everything to me. I know, you're probably thinking- if my wife is my everything then why not act better for her. I know, to me it is so silly. I think I get paranoid that if her family can do average things, they could do it to me/us but they never have and I know they never have and I get my mind so caught up in thinking ridiculously that I just start thinking negatively and acting negative. I am embarrassed of myself and my actions and I want/need to be better. Any help or tips would be greatly appreciated or just a chat. Thanks.

white knight Relationships and expectations
  • replies: 0

If you believe relationship should have zero expectations, you are mistaken. There should be a minimum of obligations to your partner. In that framework is communication, teamwork and care. Side issues are more complex- In laws is a prime example. Co... View more

If you believe relationship should have zero expectations, you are mistaken. There should be a minimum of obligations to your partner. In that framework is communication, teamwork and care. Side issues are more complex- In laws is a prime example. Conventionally one is expected to blend into them although you didn't marry them. So tolerance is required and your own expectation that you can love your partners family and maybe they'll love you back? It's great when that all works out but we all know it's a gamble. For best mental health we should seek and strengthen those relationships that have obligations that do not place pressure on you. If the realisation arrives that isnt working out then a sensible measured plan of action is ideal. E.g. you don't like how your mother in law controls you or you can't reach her expectations...you can try a drift away approach before even considering - no contact. Sometimes your partner is dissatisfied with this decision - again expectations at play. You see my message, that expectations/obligations smother our freedom and can lead us to feel abandoned and worthless. Pressure from others can lead to guilt feelings. So in such situations you might also have expectations of your partner, to comfort/support you from toxic relationships. It's not that simple. Those without mental illness won't understand you. So keep your expectations minimal. And resist too many from others. It's ok to put your own needs as priority as long as you return love and care to others when you are capable. Anything beyond basic traditional expectations is unfair and needs boundaries. Your partner should try to understand these needs. Do you think too many expectations from others has an adverse affect on your well being? TonyWK