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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Stewmi Parenting decisions in blended family
  • replies: 4

This is my second marriage. My kids who are now young adults and late teens have always been in my care. My husband new this when he first insisted to date me. He has 2 young children not yet teens. We are the same age. My older kids dont live at hom... View more

This is my second marriage. My kids who are now young adults and late teens have always been in my care. My husband new this when he first insisted to date me. He has 2 young children not yet teens. We are the same age. My older kids dont live at home. Theyre not in trouble and are well. I have a close relationship with them, theyve only moved out for independence. They got along with my husband. They come back to visit regularly like once a week sometimes they may stay over. Not all at once but to say hello or feel at home. One of them needs to come home as living out there is not working out. My husband does not want any of them back home and he doesnt like them coming regularly. I dont understand as they're not interfering. They're polite and considerate. We have been very accepting of he and his boys as they are our family. But this stance of its his way or the highway i dont understand. I have to ask his permission first and I tend to not anymore because theyre my kids they have noone else as their bio dad doesnt bother and the answer is always no, i don't accept his reason of they need to learn to be more independent. They moved out. I get that but we're a family and my door is open with boundaries ofcourse but his boundaries are like for his younger kids. I can see where hes coming from but theres somethings that arent age or developmentally appropriate. Its a new way of his being and I'm stressing to accept it. Im scared to talk with him as i feel im not heard.

CrazyMaisie I made a mistake and my guilt kills me
  • replies: 2

Hello to whoever is reading this, I have always considered myself a very strong morale, loyal bubbly person. I come from a family of all women as every father/step father I’ve had has cheated on my mother and left. I suffer from severe anxiety so I r... View more

Hello to whoever is reading this, I have always considered myself a very strong morale, loyal bubbly person. I come from a family of all women as every father/step father I’ve had has cheated on my mother and left. I suffer from severe anxiety so I react in ways that I almost can’t control. I’m an impulsive person and have retaliation tendencies The last 3 years I have been in a relationship with someone extremely quiet and different to me. I have settled for a lot, however he has grown heaps and has never sworn at me, hurt me or anything like that. He cherishes the ground I walk on, is INCREDIBLY loyal to the point where no other woman is attractive (not that he will ever admit it) and I love him but I have always felt like there was a slight link missing between us. I have stronger friendships with other people. Recently I hung out with a guy best mate and we kissed and did things (not sex). I didn’t see it coming and I wish it didn’t happen and now my guilt has engulfed me. I love my bf but for a while I just haven’t felt whole. He knows me better than anyone and he adores me and I just turn around and do dumb stuff like this because I am incapable of taking care of myself and my mental health help me, I never imagined I’d be this person and I hate that I have become my worst nightmare. What do I do

Thetiredwife Feeling broken and under appreciated.
  • replies: 4

I’ve been depressed my whole life but I’m highly medicated for ptsd and still struggling. I have a family of special needs kids, I work .7 and my husband who I’ve been with for 20 years is emotionally distant. Always has been. I feel like I’ve spent ... View more

I’ve been depressed my whole life but I’m highly medicated for ptsd and still struggling. I have a family of special needs kids, I work .7 and my husband who I’ve been with for 20 years is emotionally distant. Always has been. I feel like I’ve spent all this time setting myself up for failure. I am stuck in my job and my life. I feel trapped in my void where love should be and I don’t know how to fix it. I spend every waking hour dealing with specialists for myself and my kids and my husband won’t even consider any sort of counselling to assist our issues with communication or even his own mental health. I can’t/won’t leave him. I can’t change careers. I do way too much around the house and my kids are extremely difficult bordering on endangering myself and each other and seem to lack any capability to pitch in at all or treat me with respect. I am broken, lost and desperate.

Orchard Other woman claiming to be pregnant
  • replies: 43

I have been in this relationship for better part of 10 years, my partner took a job at the start of the year which required him not to come home - early start, late finishes, then I found out that another female was there needless to say I had my sus... View more

I have been in this relationship for better part of 10 years, my partner took a job at the start of the year which required him not to come home - early start, late finishes, then I found out that another female was there needless to say I had my suspicions. Then she messaged me saying she was pregnant with his child, we had been in a break to sort things out. He told me that he did indeed have relations with her but with no intention to be with her, however, she has threatened me, sent over 40 messages claiming he is kicking me out so she can move in, has vandalised his things, gone through everything blabbed around the town personal information. She claimed that she would provide test results, but it’s been three days and nothing, she refuses to do a DNA test on said child. I’m fearful because I don’t see her stopping until she gets what she wants which seems to be my life, the house etc. does anyone have any insight into what I should do? Ignore her until she can prove otherwise? Counseling? I’m struggling to see the end to which lengths she will go. I feel what she has sent is half truths and what she wants me to believe. She is going to the extent of driving past, wanting to confront me. I feel that she is claiming to be pregnant to keep him, I feel she needs some professional help.

Country Mum 82 In law trouble
  • replies: 1

Hi all I am after some advice from anyone who may have experience dealing with a similar situation. How do you handle when you don't get along with your inlaws very well? We use to get along okay but since my 3 children have come along, my inlaws hav... View more

Hi all I am after some advice from anyone who may have experience dealing with a similar situation. How do you handle when you don't get along with your inlaws very well? We use to get along okay but since my 3 children have come along, my inlaws have become jealous of my own parents as obviously I am closer to them, and so they treat them poorly (ignore them, leave them out of things) and this makes me really cross. I don't like seeing my parents left out and treated unfairly when they have done nothing wrong. It makes me not want to be around the inlaws ever but obviously there are times where I have to. My parents dont want to bring the issue up with them as they dont want to start a family war, but not sure how to get it through to the inlaws that their behaviour is not acceptable. We all live very close (within a few streets of each other) so that makes it all even harder!

noharmstartingover Harrassment
  • replies: 4

Hi all, Needing some advice on dealing with a situation. I separated from my wife and have started seeing someone. My ex wife calls and harasses this person and makes repeated calls on private numbers. I am unsure how to handle this as it is affectin... View more

Hi all, Needing some advice on dealing with a situation. I separated from my wife and have started seeing someone. My ex wife calls and harasses this person and makes repeated calls on private numbers. I am unsure how to handle this as it is affecting the new relationship I have formed. Any ideas?

MissJ94 Red flags
  • replies: 2

Im so cautious when it comes to dating. Ive been hurt too many times in previous relationships to easily trust anyone again. Ive heard too many stories of people not being cautious enough, getting married, putting all their faith in someone else, hav... View more

Im so cautious when it comes to dating. Ive been hurt too many times in previous relationships to easily trust anyone again. Ive heard too many stories of people not being cautious enough, getting married, putting all their faith in someone else, have their kids with this person and then everything goes down south and they end up in a messy breakup and fighting over the kids. As a mum of one, that terrifies me. I feel lucky that my sons father isnt in our lives because i know for sure it would majorly negatively affect my mental health if his father was battling to take my son. Ive been talking to this guy for a while now who i met on a dating app. Not the best way to meet someone but im either too busy to go out anywhere or too isolated to go out with non existing friends. He always seems so nice and open and accepting which has been great, i havent had anyone stick around this long before without actually meeting in real life. I keep putting off meeting due to my own insecurities(i really feel like i need someone who will try their hardest to meet and to help bring me out of my shell, that prooves them selves that i can put trust in someone). A recent message from this guy though it indicated hes in talks with other women too though. This guy has known for ages the suburb where i live and today it just seemed he has mixed up who he was talking to and saying that my own suburb where i had to do something was a bit of a trek compared to somewhere i need to go next week. It just crushed me a little because this is the only guy im talking to while it seems that im not the only one hes talking to. We did have a discussion about where we stand and both are looking to forward things but now im very hesitant. Like my walls have sprung back up more solid than ever. Am i over reacting? I just wish this was easier!

Marley2021 Trust, Vulnerability and loving again
  • replies: 3

I separated from my wife of 9 years last year - a result of living too long in different countries and infidelity. Her infidelity came to light accidentally when I came across an explicit record of texts between herself and another married man – whic... View more

I separated from my wife of 9 years last year - a result of living too long in different countries and infidelity. Her infidelity came to light accidentally when I came across an explicit record of texts between herself and another married man – which detailed when they met, their intentions, pictures shared, subsequent arrangements to meet-up, the encounter(s) and the small talk that followed. I confronted my wife in disbelief and despite the irrefutable evidence, she concealed/denied/minimised/lied about what happened. Subsequent conversations revealed the truth but it required me to meticulously isolate parts of the text conversation, infer meaning and ask for explaination. 48 hours later I asked her to leave and I have not seen her since. Recently, I met a new romantic interest (call her lady X). I was not looking for a relationship – we just enjoy each others company and are connecting on a deeper level. From very early on a very ugly tendency of jealous and insecurity plagued me and deeply affected my psyche. Certain thoughts are dominating my mind: Racing assumptions whenever she mentions any other male “friend” in her life, if she is out partying I assumed she's seeing someone else, questioning her history with other men etc. Worst of all, I feel anger & sadness when my mind conjures up a (baseless) idea of how she might be being deceiving me or that she will one day, inevitably discard me for someone else or a previous flame . Lady X's response when I explain my feeling is generally that “almost everyone has experienced pain and heartache in love, it’s just your choice as to whether you carry that burden with you”. She is right of course, but the insecurity episodes are becoming more frequent. Every flare up of insecurity I experience makes me act judgmental and unpleasant. I fear it will eventually push her away and serve to validate my insecurities. I am not finding any means of self-improvement. I tried self-affirmation, I have asked her to verbalise her feelings toward me as a means of validation, I have tried simply blocking out my thoughts, explaining my thoughts to her etc. I have low self-esteem in romantic relationships (a legacy thing from being a fat kid) and difficulties showing vulnerability. I am working on being more open with my struggles with others I trust but it seems too early to start lumping up lady X with my deep personal issues, so I continue to struggle to balance being vulnerable with being capable and self-sufficient

Undecided_Dad 20 year relationship with issues. Do I walk away and start again?
  • replies: 6

Hi I'm new here. Recently my wife and I have had some issues. Some previous history my wife has had several affairs that I know of. The last one ended my career and several friendships. I suffer from PTSD anxiety and depression and have tried all kin... View more

Hi I'm new here. Recently my wife and I have had some issues. Some previous history my wife has had several affairs that I know of. The last one ended my career and several friendships. I suffer from PTSD anxiety and depression and have tried all kinds of medications, therapies etc. Some of this was caused by occupational stress but the affairs are 99% the main issue. Things were going ok for a few years but my intuition told me something was not quite right a couple of years ago. I became very suspicious and started to join the dots. I have used alcohol at night for along time to basically drink myself to sleep. My wife assured me nothing was happening it was just my anxiety playing up and i needed more therapy and medication. I believed her and had more therapy and gave more trust than I was comfortable with. It so happens I was right from the start and it really knocked my mental health for 6. We argued I became very suicidal at the time but eventually things settled down. Less than a year later she was back communicating with the same guy she agreed to have no contact with. I had enough and asked her to pack her bags and leave. And she did. After a short time my mental health was much better. I was living in the family home with our 2 kids and my wife was living on her own. After 3 months or so I asked her to move back in and to see if we could make it work and it did for a while. With the recent fires happening and some extra stress (trust issues) with the relationship I wasnt doing so well. I tried to express this to my wife but she kept playing the "im controlling card" anyway we had an argument watching tv in bed i got upset left the room went to the other end of the house kicked a backpack and a foot stool and left the house. Now I have an interim intervention order. I was upset, frustrated, distressed but i would not say i was angry. I am not a violent person. I get very upset and my safety is a big issue but never anyone elses. I am allowed to live at home but no drinking or domestic violence are the conditions. If I break this I will loose my current job and new careers im working towards the risk is to high. I have to move out but my wife is the bread winner and I cant afford too and i think the kids will come with me. My wife even said to me she had to move out last time and now I have to!?????????????????

OWO2468 How to manage a partner who consistently blames
  • replies: 10

My partner of over 12 years has quite severe mental illness. In his early 20's he was diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar. (Now in his 40's) In my experience, I don't feel that he suffers from Bipolar disorder, but possibly BPD. We have 2 ... View more

My partner of over 12 years has quite severe mental illness. In his early 20's he was diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar. (Now in his 40's) In my experience, I don't feel that he suffers from Bipolar disorder, but possibly BPD. We have 2 kids together. The reason for my post is due to the consistent theme throughout our relationship, being blame and lack of personal accountability. He has very intense emotions that can last hours at a time (when things don't go the way he thinks they should) and he doesn't manage these emotions effectively. He has a very hard time empathising with anyone else's perspective/feelings and in turn, he blames. Huge long story that I couldn't possibly fit in a post, but to bring it to the present day, I keep getting blamed for his unhappiness, his struggling relationship with the kids and also our relationship problems. He feels lonely and his self esteem is very low. He keeps pushing me further away by blaming me, yelling at me and trying to solve problems using anger to get his message across (he says he does this because if he asks nicely, nothing changes, even though in reality that is not the case) I have been reading and trying to learn how to respond to his intense emotions, using empathy and understanding, to set boundaries for myself by letting him know that I feel that he is blaming me and it hurts my feelings, that I understand why he feels a certain way. He automatically gets angrier and insists he is not blaming me and I'm just trying to blame him and make everything all his fault. But when he says "if you just stayed out later that wouldn't have happened, if you'd just went to bed instead of getting in the way, I would have more time with ....., if you'd just send the kids to bed earlier, we wouldn't have these problems, if you'd just do this, this wouldn't happen. It is clear blame and his way of trying to understand why things are the way they are. He tends to come around eventually and apologise. I want to work on breaking this cycle, but don't know how best to respond. So much more to the situation, but I'm hoping to hear some suggestions on the best way to respond to this consistent blame. He also blames the kids when they don't behave in a way he would like or they don't want to do/enjoy what he wants them to and it greatly affects their self esteem. I want to better learn how to respond in a calm effective way. FYI He sees a psych and I'm waiting for my appointment. Seen them in the past also.

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