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When you have done and accepted everything to save your marriage

Community Member


i have been reading few posts and found it very helpful but was timid to share my own. thanks for sharing.

Met my husband 7 years ago on a dating site. He seemed wonderful and very caring and loving. At that time he was in the process of separating with his ex wife marriage that lasted18 years. We started to date and he finally asked to move in with me after 3 months as he was selling his place. Everything seemed perfect, he was giving me loads of attention. We decided after try for a child because of my biological clock. After 1 and half years my daughter was born and I had a very difficult pregnancy with gestational diabetes and insulin etc. on the day my daughter was born I could see a change in him, as I I never existed all the attention went on her. I was ok with this as I thought he was first time dad. The neglect continued and although he was here I felt less love and attention. Things got worst over the last few years a lot of arguments about parenting styles as we belong to different race and culture. family issues from his side, his mother is controlling and racist towards me although she lives overseas she has a strong hold on him, constant messaging and calls. That surprised initially that a man in his 50s will just talk to his mum, share everything what is happening in our couple with her. Besides being in Australia for 22 years now my husband has not a single friend or a social circle. He just knows his job and exercise workout. The last 3 years things have gone worst, it started with verbal abuse and then physical abuse several times. He has threatened to leave the home may be 10 times now and I have tried convincing to come back, it’s been back and forth loading his stuff and unloading his stuff. I have reported the abuse to police twice and getting support and counselling from more than a year now. 2 months ago I had to report threat for physical aggression again and this police decided for an exclusion intervention order.

will appreciate any feedback . Thanks and it’s takes courage to share.

2 Replies 2

Dear Nneesh,

First of all can we thank you for your bravery in taking the big step and generously sharing some of your journey with us here today. We know it isn't easy, but it is so important that you have.

We are sorry for what you are going through. We also want to congratulate you for reaching out to police and counsellors over the past few years. These are also things we know are not easy to do but again, are so important that you have. 

We want you to know our wonderful, caring online forums community provide a safe and non-judgmenbtal place where members give and receive support based on their own experiences with mental health. We're here to provide you with as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need.

While the peer support offered here is often quick, it is not immediate. For more immediate support we recommend reaching out to our friends at https://www.1800respect.org.au/. You can free call them 24/7 on 1800 737 732 or webchat them if typing is easier for you than talking via: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome

Remember, if you or others under you care are at risk of harm, this is an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

Please continue to reach out here and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

Community Member

Thanks Sophie for your encouraging response.
I know I should be away from him which is in the best interest for my daughter and myself I finding it hard to let go, we will have an option to be back together under a limited int order in 2 weeks but I am confused of what is best . Having observed him for so long and journaled the anger episodes I suspect he might be bipolar. Always in the flight mode and not assuming his responsibility for his actions. He told me I have done nothing wrong it’s you who get the nastiness out of me.

my daughter is 5 yrs old now, she has been witnessing a lot along with me. Although I am financially independent I can’t like let go. He says that now he has power the manipulate me as he things I stopped him to leave all these years,
I feel it hard to assess what to do next, I feel insecure emotionally but gut feeling says I can raise my daughter by myself but I also worry about his mental health and how he will look after himself on his own. Sounds weird but I have forgiven him for all horrible words and hurt but I am undecided what is next. Sense of heaviness in the heart which is making me heavily emotionally attached to someone who I know I his head He might has been gone many years ago and he was just looking for the right opportunity to take off.
just feel sad about it