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NEEDING SOME ADVICE

helpwanted1987
Community Member

I am 31 years old I am a mother of 8 and have been married for 14 years.

I am needing some help on what to do......so here is the story

we have been married for 14 years through out this marriage I have suffered some physical abuse however have not now for about 1 year however emotional abuse every day since marriage up until now.

mind you I cook clean washing take care of all my children showers baths clothing changing nappies all by my self

get kids ready for school pick up and drop them all off.

Also get husband ready for work early hours of the morning make him lunch dinner coffees and buy stupid alcohol.

I am getting to the point where I have had enough I want a life with my children only but I don't know how to leave

am scared and worried about leaving.

worried about needing a house for my children I want to take all my household stuff with us.

scared if I don't have enough support that I will feel like I need to come back to him.

I don't have any friends because I am not allowed I don't have my family support because I choose my husband over my family.

I do everything for his family.

he has worked on and off moving from job to job. I have worked over the years and juggled him and kids for a long time but its the abuse and the alcohol I need to get away from.

please need support and advice please

regards

23 Replies 23

Hi again,

Great to hear you had some positive contact with your family. Having a people support you can make a big difference.

I am worried that you are assuming you and your kids will be able to disappear from your ex completely if you move far away.

Unfortunately, unless you pursue a domestic violence or restraining order and get a court to give you full custody, he will be legally entitled to part custody with his children. Even if you gain full custody and can prove that he is violent, they may still let him have supervised visits. Refusing all contact with him will not be possible.

I don't tell you this to scare you, I just want you to be aware that trying to keep him away from your children will be very difficult to do if he chooses to pursue a relationship with them. I work in child protection and (although it's wrong) the system is designed to protect the rights of the parents, not the best interests of the children.

I'm not trying to say you shouldnt leave. You definitely need to keep yourself and your children safe.

I agree that you can make any place a home.

I'm so glad you keep coming back to let us know how you are doing.

Jess

helpwanted1987
Community Member

Hi everyone,

So here is the update on the 31st of October I left him with my children. My caseworker organised a removalist while he was at work.

Parents paid for storage and we got out.

We stayed in a hotel for 1 night then we got an emergency accommodation house 3 bedroom till I found something else.

I finally done an avo and made a statement for assault on me and my young daughter 6 year old.

He has been charged and bail refused.

I have family court orders getting ready to apply for.

I have been approved for a 6 bedroom house in the private rental for me and my children.

I now feel safe and feel like I have done the right thing for me but mostly my children.

Thank you every one for your help and support and advice.

I am now free I am starting some counciling next week so hoping that will help me also.

I just thought I would update everyone as I finally got some time to do it.

As we have been very busy and I finally meet with my parents.

I have not seen them for 7 years and they meet my youbg children. As well.

Life is finally real and exciting each day with my children.

And we also have fun which is what life should be. Iam so thankful for everything and what had finally happened after 14 years.

Dear HW

So pleased to know you have finally moved away from your husband and the abuse. How are your children feeling? I am sure they are happier being apart from their father, which sounds mean I know. It's reality and you can now get on with your life.

Lovely that your parents are helping and you have met up with them again. I bet it was an emotional meeting. You sound so happy which is terrific.

After the euphoria of getting away and the feeling of being safe and happy wears off, remember you may well have a downside. It is quite normal so do not be upset if you suddenly feel you cannot cope or get scared now you are on your own. You will settle down. I think it is in the period after you leave and get settled that doubts start coming up. This is when the other partner can persuade you to return. Accept the feelings may happen but they will go away. Just believe in yourself and you will manage.

I do congratulate you on moving and you have my best wishes for a safe life filled with happiness. Remember you can come here anytime you wish.

Mary

Hi HW,

Well done! It is such a relief to hear that you were able to make it out and that the police took it seriously.

Thank you very much for updating us. We don't always get to hear the happy endings.

I am so glad that you have your parents now. I am sure.your children will love having a relationship with their grandparents.

I agree with Mary that you might go through a bit of up and down over the next few months, but its great that you are seeing a councillor.

Congrats again, I hope you are enjoying making your new house a home.

Kind thoughts, Jess