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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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JackSparra Just Need Help...
  • replies: 3

Hello, I’m 43 years old. My wife and I separated back in June 2017 after 10 years together. The relationship had become quite toxic, and we argued a lot and it seemed like we were together for the kids and out of convenience, and things hadn’t been g... View more

Hello, I’m 43 years old. My wife and I separated back in June 2017 after 10 years together. The relationship had become quite toxic, and we argued a lot and it seemed like we were together for the kids and out of convenience, and things hadn’t been good for a long time. I met a wonderful girl, who's 31 years old, back in April 2017 who was also married at the time, and in a loveless, mundane marriage. She’d been with him for 12-13 years and married for 10. She made the choice to leave her husband, after many years of trying to work it out with him, and explaining what she was missing from the relationship. We both found a rental property and have been living together since July 2017. She has two wonderful kids who live with us 50/50. Things have been really great but in the last 2-3 months I’ve noticed a change in her. She doesn’t seem to want to touch me, or come and cuddle me or just come and kiss me and tell me how she feels about me. She doesn't tell me to my face how she feels, or just look me in the eye and tell me she loves me. I’m a very outwardly affectionate person, and I’m quite touchy feely which she knows, but every time I’ve tried talking with her, it just seems like it’s one excuse after another. She will say things like “I am affectionate, I sit with you on the couch, we still hold hands, I still kiss you…” and yet it’s always me making the moves to kiss her, or cuddle her. We haven’t had sex in around 5 weeks but again when I’ve spoken to her about it, she says that she’s content just hanging out and chilling etc and she felt that I was putting pressure on her or that there was an expectation to do it. She hasn’t instigated sex in a long time, and says it’s not really her thing, and that she will be more flirty or cheeky rather than just start kissing me to get things started or whatever. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve expressed how I feel in many ways. Over email, text, written letters, in person with her. None of it seems to matter, or it’s like my wants and needs don’t matter. I just want to be with someone who “wants” me and is comfortable with showing it, consistently. I’m consistent with her, and always rubbing her back, or playing with her hair etc and I spoil her a fair bit but even when I go to give her a passionate kiss, she just doesn’t seem into it. Is it me? Am I being too needy or overthinking things which is causing me to feel like this? I just don’t know what to do, or who to talk to about it all.

Maui757 Is it my boyfriend that’s annoying me or his mum?
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I'm having a lot of anxiety about my relationship with my boyfriend lately. We've been together for more than 5 years now and despite the usual ups and downs, things have been pretty great overall. Lately though I've been finding myself getti... View more

Hi All, I'm having a lot of anxiety about my relationship with my boyfriend lately. We've been together for more than 5 years now and despite the usual ups and downs, things have been pretty great overall. Lately though I've been finding myself getting really annoyed every time I go to visit him. He lives with his parents (And has done for our entire relationship except for a 6 month period we rented together - That's another story) and is currently waiting for his own house to finish being built (hopefully end of this year/start of next year). So each time I go to visit him, I always end up getting really annoyed at his Mum (she drives me insane) for multiple reasons. But now it's like I'm getting annoyed at him as well, because he doesn't seem to see the issue his Mum is causing me, and I guess it's making me feel hurt. I'm starting to get so fed up with it that I don't want to be there anymore. But I'm having trouble convincing myself (and my anxiety) that it's just from the stress his Mum is causing me, and not our actual relationship. When we're on our own or away from his parents, things are usually pretty great. I suffer major anxiety and depression, and that is bound to get me down occasionally, but otherwise our relationship seems fine. I'm just not sure what to do in the mean time? I want to see my partner, but I hate spending the entire time being annoyed at him and his Mum!! I asked for some time with JUST us before I went and visited last time, to which he said sure, we could do something by ourselves. But we barely got half a day before we were interrupted by a list of jobs his Mum wanted help with. Now I am happy to help, but we've been helping out EVERY weekend I'm up there (I work away on a mine so I only get to see my partner every 2nd weekend or so, and I'm driving 3hrs after work on a Friday and leaving at 3am on a Monday to go back to work). I was really offended that he didn't see the problem with us not even getting one whole day to ourselves, and we tried to discuss it but it ended in an argument and I'm not sure he quite understood my feelings in the end. Is this stress fixable? Is this something that is pointing towards the end of my relationship? Or do I just need to get things straight between his Mum and him and me and making time for us? Sorry if this is confusing, it's a long story and I tried to keep it short. Maui

auschic Everytime I speak up I regret it
  • replies: 3

Most of my life I kept things to myself. I dealt with alot of pain and negative emotions by myself. I dont know why this is, maybe its because my family was not the 'emotional' type. We never talked about feelings or any of that stuff everything was ... View more

Most of my life I kept things to myself. I dealt with alot of pain and negative emotions by myself. I dont know why this is, maybe its because my family was not the 'emotional' type. We never talked about feelings or any of that stuff everything was very strict. When i met my bf of 3 years he noticed i didnt express my feelings much and of course being in a serious relationship communication is important. He always told me that i can tell him how i feel no matter what, even if its bad and he will listen. This made me trust him over time of course and i had definitely came out of my shell more and able to freely express myself over the 3 years weve been together. However he sometimes goes against what he said to me and it messes with my head. Last night he did something that annoyed me and i called him out on it he said sorry but i was still annoyed in the moment (i believe i have a right to be annoyed). I walked off and started hanging some clothes out and he asked what was wrong, i said i was still annoyed. He told me i was being dramatic, over sensitive and that i should get over it. i got more upset at this because its like he just invalidated what im feeling because he didnt deem it appropriate. I mean when his annoyed and needs 5 mins to calm down i respect that and dont question it. I just dont get why he would say i can express myself and then do this. It makes me not want to say anything at all. I explained this whole thing to him and he said that im making him out to be a bad guy when literaly all im saying is that he shouldnt invalidate my emotions by saying im being over dramatic... this makes me feel guilty. By the way his reasoning for saying i was being dramatic was because i told him i was annoyed when i went to hang the clothes out. According to him, if i told him i was annoyed straight away (30 secs prior) he would have respected it. I explained how this is upsetting me cos he cant expect me to be perfect, whether i say it straight away or 1 minite later it doesnt change how i feel. I just knew i should of said nothing at all. This is why id rather not tell people how i feel.

Needingadvice2018 confused. whats more important.?
  • replies: 11

Hello, first time posting but needed to find a safe place. Ill try to keep it simple and short. me: two kids (8&12) live with me, see dad fortnight weekends (court ordered). marriage ended due to DV and Ive finally recovered to the place where I am a... View more

Hello, first time posting but needed to find a safe place. Ill try to keep it simple and short. me: two kids (8&12) live with me, see dad fortnight weekends (court ordered). marriage ended due to DV and Ive finally recovered to the place where I am almost back to normal functioning (or whatever that may be). him: two kids (9&11)4.5 yr relationship. shares kids 50/50 with his ex - not court ordered just mutually agreed. us: together 5 years, had child together who is now 2years old. Lived in or own places first 3.5years, then moved in together before baby was born, this resulted in his kids living primarily with mum during the week and weekends with us and then approx 70/30split with school holidays (to us for longer time). Ex wife and kids started having problems with the arrangement about 9 months ago, kids wanted dad closer to them. our houses are 2 hours apart. Dad ended up moving back to where older kids were. Our relationship continued, albeit difficult as I feel like a single mum to 3 kids and miss him consistently. We are struggling with not seeing each other, he misses our youngest and my kids miss him terribly also. I am currently in a position where I feel happy and building confidence again. seeing a psychologist for best part of last 7 years and dealing with what the medical field label PTSD from my first relationship. I am so so scared of loosing the most wonderful man in my life, and we both are really upset and confused as to what we need to do or more importantly whats more important in our lives at the moment. I can not move to where he lives currently, I am finally settled with kids, schooling, working, study, and have a huge extended support crew and family close by who I see almost daily. The thought of moving to where he lives terrifies me, its like history coming alive and I know I cant go back to that mental state again. Its very close to where my ex lives. He on the other hand doesn't want to leave where he is because of his older kids and now blames me for not just moving myself and the 3 kids to where he is. I don't know how to explain to him why Im so scared. Ive tried but he thinks its just excuses. I wish it was. We want to be together but it feels like we live separate lives and everyone is suffering (except his kids as they are happy with the week at dads and week at mums). I guess Im after any advice anyone has, how to deal with emotions, its like i live fifo when we see each other weekends. Im just lost.confused.

Guest_920 Feeling rejected after years of dating
  • replies: 4

I thought it would be good to post and ask you guys for some help as I'm a little unsure what to do now. I'm a 27 year old female and have done almost 4 years of online dating whilst also going to meetup groups. I was in a serious relationship for tw... View more

I thought it would be good to post and ask you guys for some help as I'm a little unsure what to do now. I'm a 27 year old female and have done almost 4 years of online dating whilst also going to meetup groups. I was in a serious relationship for two years up until I was 24. It ended quiet badly (being cheated on) and I do feel ever since then I struggled with dating. I guess in the past four years I thought I would be in a relationship by now or at least have dated someone seriously rather than just flings. I have been on so many online dates I have lost track and rarely go on second dates. Sometimes they will ask me on a second, only then to seem not interested or will cancel. The online dating has become a bit of an addiction for me as I feel I get excited about the possibility of meeting someone new and am hopeful of a different outcome everytime (but it doesn't seem to happen). During this time I feel my depression has come back and I find it challenging not to worry about my lack of love life. I have lost alot of friendships over talking about dating frustrations with friends and problems I'm experiencing (which does make me feel more lonely than before). I have invested so much time into this that I feel I have lost the essence of who I am and what makes me interesting. Putting so much time into something with lack of results and leaving me feeling unconfident. More about who I am, I have grown up in a lovely family and am grateful for everything I have. I am bubbly, friendly and love to have a laugh. I do get down from time to time though and when people see this side they tend to back away and make reasons for not being able to talk or hangout. I do understand it would be frustrating to see a friend go through the same cycles over and over again, and can be hard to know how to respond. I guess I don't know whether I should just accept I may not find a relationship at this point. Would love to hear any similar situations or advice that could help. Thanks so much! I'm feeling very rejected from the whole experience. Don't get my wrong I have had some really lovely dates but I'm wanting more at this point.

FrankWhite Alienation from all family and friends
  • replies: 5

Hi there. I've decided to post in this thread as my wife and I really have nobody else to turn to. I went into a depressive, recluse state over the last year, of which resulted in me deleting social media (and subsequently losing all of my friends du... View more

Hi there. I've decided to post in this thread as my wife and I really have nobody else to turn to. I went into a depressive, recluse state over the last year, of which resulted in me deleting social media (and subsequently losing all of my friends due to this - what an amazing time we live in!). My wife was my full support system throughout this time, despite the fact that she suffers from multiple illnesses, one of which being bipolar disorder. She could see the warning signs and approached my "best friend" to communicate with me as nobody else would. Her messages to him were of a great concern, as I've seen them since. He then came into my workplace, tried to convince me to divorce her, and then days later couldn't understand why I was upset and wouldn't acknowledge that he'd done anything wrong. This same friend had my support throughout a LOT of questionable decisions and his own battles (to which I constantly rushed to his aide), but he showed no concern when I was battling depression. I've not spoken to him for four months and don't intend to, yet in this time, he appears to have convinced every one of our mutual friends that we're in the wrong and bad people. We've stayed completely silent as we don't want any part of rumours and nonsense. Also in this time, I recovered thanks to my wife's support, and have since left my job to help tend to her and help care for her. Since doing this, I've lost all of my friends (to which I believe deleting social media is a big part). My family and my wife's family exclude both my wife and I, and we could honestly be dead in our home and nobody would notice. Please know that we don't intentionally alienate our families. Quite the contrary. We visit them all around once a week. In the last 6 months, we have also adopted a more minimalistic approach to life and have given a lot of our possessions to our nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, etc. We've also told them to not feel bad if they don't want them, and to just donate them to the Salvation Army, of which we also do very frequently. We also support our local dog's home and make up care packages for them. My point is, I don't think we're bad people. But we live within 10km of all of our family (I can see my brother's house from where we live), yet people only ever contact us if they need anything. No phone calls. No popping-in. Nothing. My wife's birthday is this week, and nobody even knows. I'm exhausted of putting in the effort with people. Any thoughts?

KC_xo I don’t know what to do anymore I’m so lost
  • replies: 4

... I can’t even write a post cause I am so messed up. so many mistake so many regrets I always make when will I ever learn im just always sad to the point I hate having to wake up and live a normal day qhen does life ever get easy when do I get to b... View more

... I can’t even write a post cause I am so messed up. so many mistake so many regrets I always make when will I ever learn im just always sad to the point I hate having to wake up and live a normal day qhen does life ever get easy when do I get to be happy when do I get to be treated as a human being i don’t know what I’m doing wrong that I get treated so badly i really really hate myself

LeeA18 Obsessive thinking
  • replies: 3

Hi my relationships broke up 3 months ago. Due to his depression/anxiety apparently. I say apparently due to me seeing a text and photos he created that I saw on the day he broke up with me to another woman. Since then, I am obsessively thinking abou... View more

Hi my relationships broke up 3 months ago. Due to his depression/anxiety apparently. I say apparently due to me seeing a text and photos he created that I saw on the day he broke up with me to another woman. Since then, I am obsessively thinking about the relationship, him and what I saw. I approached him about the text I saw and he explained himself but then he blocked me on social media. That was 2 weeks ago. So I have been hurt a few times since the break up. I just feel like there is something wrong with me. How do I stop thinking about it 24/7. I wake up during the night thinking about it. I have depression and anxiety and on anti-depressants. I am seeing my psych this week where I will tell him. It is just driving me crazy.

Always_a_Mum The Great Divide
  • replies: 1

I am a mum to one daughter, who is now 30 yrs old with 2 sons (6 and 4). My daughter has declined into smoking dope, shopping around for prescription drugs and has now been taking illicit drugs. She was raided by police and is now on a 6 mth good beh... View more

I am a mum to one daughter, who is now 30 yrs old with 2 sons (6 and 4). My daughter has declined into smoking dope, shopping around for prescription drugs and has now been taking illicit drugs. She was raided by police and is now on a 6 mth good behaviour bond. Her partner and father of the boys has enabled her habit, but has had a wakeup call and speaks with me freely and honestly. My daughter on the other hand will not. I called her out on the lies she told me over the phone – I became very upset as this was the day I found out she had been taking illicit drugs (I also told her the state of her house was absolutely disgusting, which it is) – she became very defensive and later left me a message to say this is the last time I would hear her voice, as “I never support her”. Unfortunately now, her father (we divorced some 12 years ago) borderline alcoholic, who has married a much younger woman who is also into drugs, has communicated to advise our daughter that she is to have no contact with his wife. He has brought me into his text message several times – which give the impression we have conspired or ganged up against her. As my daughter will not speak to me, I am unable to explain that I had no input to the message from her father and was unaware he was going to include me. Her children were sent to their father’s parents for 6 weeks, while she and her partner tidied up their act and their home. The boys are now home, and I would have to say I am a little worried about them. DOCS have also been involved, but only to the point of visiting the older boy’s school How do I move to mend this relationship with a super defensive daughter. I miss her very much.

PamelaR Supporting partner with anxiety and depression through grief
  • replies: 4

Hi all It's been 10 days or more since I've posted in the forums. I've just travelled interstate by car for a funeral for one of my partner's family members. What can I say. It was exhausting, the travel, the sleepless nights in strange places, the f... View more

Hi all It's been 10 days or more since I've posted in the forums. I've just travelled interstate by car for a funeral for one of my partner's family members. What can I say. It was exhausting, the travel, the sleepless nights in strange places, the funeral, the unexpressed emotions by my partner and his family. While I love my partner and his family dearly, they have difficulties expressing how they feel. This ultimately culminates in my hubby and I having 'hissy fits' with one another. Driving and living 24/7 with my partner during this time drove me nuts. I want to scream, yell, curse, do a dummy spit, pull my hair out. It's excruciating, but I'm getting through it. Home now and my cats, once they'd forgiven us, are my stabilisers. Hubby has gone off on his own - peace, quiet and ability to do my own thing. Hmmmm...... I sound terribly unsupportive don't I? Well, this is not quite right. He's had my undivided attention, much talking, much love. Just need a little space to breath and do what I want to. Now to let go of my own grief. I've known the person (let's say A) for over 30 years. Since I met my hubby and went to family get togethers. Many diners we had. Such a lovely soul, who'd do anything for you, whose life was good. Rest in peace A. Thoughts go with you. I have a pain in my chest that won't leave me at the moment, think it's only anxiety from all the upheaval of the past 2 weeks. I just need rest and time out for myself I think. Supporting others when you have your own mental health issues is difficult. It's so important to take care of yourself too. Does anyone have any experiences they'd like to share here? Feel free to do so. PamelaR

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