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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Taylah75 Break up due to sons behaivour
  • replies: 15

Need some advice. ive been in a relationship for close to 12 months. I have a 12 Ye old and my partner has a 9 Ye old full time and doesn't see the mum which he seems to accept. I've had ongoing issues with my sons behaivour with his disrespect towar... View more

Need some advice. ive been in a relationship for close to 12 months. I have a 12 Ye old and my partner has a 9 Ye old full time and doesn't see the mum which he seems to accept. I've had ongoing issues with my sons behaivour with his disrespect towards me and attitude. Yes he's 12 but it's an issue at times where adults don't want to be around him. He's great everywhere at school with friends and when he stays at people's houses and everyone comments on how good he is. we all went away at Christmas with other families and my sons behaivour wasn't great. It did put a downer on the holiday a little. At that time I thought I need to book him to a psych which he has been to every now and then but the whole month of Jan she cancelled his appointments for family reasons. At the time my BF wasn't happy with his behaivour and he said at Xmas he had my back and support. Last Sunday we were at his friends house and their kids had a fight with my son and he called the girl a "... dog" NOT OK. My bf was outside and I left and wanted to chat after the fact. Basically he said he wanted out of the relationship when we spoke in person he said it was due to my son. My son sent my BF a message saying sorry and I need some help with my behaivour and I don't want you to break up with mum. He did acknowledge his message and say he needed to work out his own issues. He rang me the next day after the text from my son Saying He was weak and He wasnt happy how He handled the situation and it's how he rolls within relationships and he's scared and felt trapped but couldn't explain that. I'm not high maintenence in any form. We never had a fight in the year and our two boys are great together no issues there. We were happy nothing else I see was bad. We were telling each other we loved each other the day before this incident occurred. My BF is under severe pressure with his business financially and had two mates pass away in November. I just feel he's done a knee jerk reaction. I sent him a message saying you said you wanted to talk more and I do too and his response was "I'll call you when my head is clear" so I said ok it would be better to communciate sooner rather than later that was only on Wednesday. Feel confused

micky18 Broke up with my depressed girlfriend... feel extremely guilty
  • replies: 5

Hey guys. I'm writing today to get something off my chest and hopefully receive some advice on the subject. My girlfriend is severely depressed, she has a lot of mental health issues and I've always tried my best to help and be there for her as much ... View more

Hey guys. I'm writing today to get something off my chest and hopefully receive some advice on the subject. My girlfriend is severely depressed, she has a lot of mental health issues and I've always tried my best to help and be there for her as much as I possibly could. It's a long distance relationship, but she's in an extremely bad place with everything going on with her life, and has been for a long time. Her family emotionally abusive her, her ex (who she has a child with) is emotionally and extremely physically abusive towards her. She doesn't really have a way out and while I've always been there for her throughout these rough times, trying to work through it together, finding a solution and a way out, things are really taking a toll on me mentally after around a year. The relationship (from my point of view) is over. It's starting to make my depression and anxiety return after so many years and I feel really lonely. We haven't really spent any time together and are constantly fighting or just not speaking to eachother, which resulted in me breaking up with her (I wanted to do it in the lightest way possible... but there is no light way to do something like that). She really is such an amazing person and definitely one of the strongest people I know. I don't say things like that just to be nice, she genuinely is a really amazing person and i feel so much sorrow for her for everything she's going through. I'm not really good at writing so I hope this is clear! I really feel extremely guilty for breaking up with her, she has expressed I have been the best thing to ever happen to her, she found happiness in me which is something she does not have outside of this relationship. I feel completely shit about this all. I really really really want to help her but being around at this point (after a break up) will only cause more and more pain. Please help me! (and possibly her)

chelpformum Dealing with being dumped by the one you love
  • replies: 5

I really I’ve this guy. We were best friends before dating but things changed with a girl he knows so he dumped me. I’m heartbroken and just need tips of self repair in this situation, thank you

I really I’ve this guy. We were best friends before dating but things changed with a girl he knows so he dumped me. I’m heartbroken and just need tips of self repair in this situation, thank you

Flips Becoming a dad to twins
  • replies: 3

I've suffered depression anxiety for over 10 years had alot of ups and downs over my time now I'm reasonbly level but still have my moments, got married 4 years and now expecting twins this has rocked my world going through all these thoughts can I m... View more

I've suffered depression anxiety for over 10 years had alot of ups and downs over my time now I'm reasonbly level but still have my moments, got married 4 years and now expecting twins this has rocked my world going through all these thoughts can I manage even when I struggle with myself at times ? Will I be a supporting parent ? How can I support the wife in these challenging times ?I'm very negative and think financially it' going to be too hard...

April61 Why bother
  • replies: 15

My husband walked away from our marriage in November after nearly 18 years together. I never saw it coming. He said a whole heap of nasty things. I just took it all and never retaliated we have gone through the courts for our settlement and I thought... View more

My husband walked away from our marriage in November after nearly 18 years together. I never saw it coming. He said a whole heap of nasty things. I just took it all and never retaliated we have gone through the courts for our settlement and I thought things would get better. In April my daughter and I got an intervention order as he verbally and physically assulted her. He has been verbally abusing me since this all started. I cannot get my head around how someone can change like he has. I went back to court yesterday to have the intervention order changed. He did not turn up but sent a letter. The judge read his letter but I was not allowed to say what he had done. In the last week we discovered he was accessing my daughters emails and then on Tuesday he wiped he phone. She was using his old iPhone The one thing I have discovered is that our court system sucks. I fully understand why people get murdered. It is just not worth all the effort when he walks away from everything he has done with no consequences I just can't get past this I know I need to get on with my life for my daughters sake but it is so hard I can't stop crying it turns out he had some one else who was supposedly my friend as well I have stopped talking to friends as I just get the feeling they all are sick of hearing about it I am trying to keep my home for my daughters sake but he is making it harder and harder everything he does costs me money my daughter is 16 and is just amazing she is so much stronger than me I hold it together while she is around but during the days she is at school and I can't do anything but cry he walked away and is now living with his best friend as he calls her he thinks we are all stupid and don't know what's going on.

JONNO1 Wife's work travels, Trust gone ... explain
  • replies: 5

Hi all , I'm sorry to be here , have know where else to go . Simply , partner is a corporate exec , travels alot , last year she travelled for 8 mnths , came back on weekends . I'm a chef and work 14+ hrs/day ; she spent sat/sun at her horses. I have... View more

Hi all , I'm sorry to be here , have know where else to go . Simply , partner is a corporate exec , travels alot , last year she travelled for 8 mnths , came back on weekends . I'm a chef and work 14+ hrs/day ; she spent sat/sun at her horses. I have Sundays off , not interested in horses. So therefore I'm told I have to fit into her life.(been together for 3.5 years). She comes home then spends 1hour watching Tv , doesn't want to go out, I cook a great meal ,but lucky to get a thanks. Problem , WHEN she's away she'll call me most of the time @ 12-1230+ drunk as ....saying I need to socialise . I look after dogs/cats/horses etc while she's away with no thanks at all. Do all the housework , plus outside. Am I whinging, but wait. THIS TIME .... she sends me a text saying "Going for dinner call you after" .... 1am comes , again drunk as (recorded=cause she always says she wasn't , saying her friend/co-worker looks like he's getting micro-managed out of the workplace. I said who else is travelling , reply , > no one just us (on going for 2 years. I simply said does it take 7 hrs to have dinner. She raises her voice , in background is a voice saying things angrily. I know it seems clear , but I don't want to beleive it. How do I feel now , gutted , why me , the usual (AGAIN THERE IS MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES HERE , AND APOLOGIES). I've done nothing wrong , feel like there is nothing left , battle major depression for along time now , someone help. I'm a good person.

Battlin_Business_Owner Feeling lost, alone and unsupported, despite having an amazing family
  • replies: 7

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my... View more

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my life together. I run my own consulting business, my clients love me and the results I get for them, I make decent money from my business, overheads are low. I've got some great business mentors that support me a lot in growing my business, they're so encouraging and give me great feedback and ideas on how to do things better. At home it's a different story. My wife works as well and we have two kids. We both chip in with looking after the kids but let's not kid anyone, she does the lions share and does a great job balancing her work and keeping our home running. So what's my problem? Well generally I really care not at all what people think, the problem is I love my wife and consequently care a lot about what she thinks. My consulting business is only a year old so still has growing pains and there's so much to do, I work most days whether directly (as in with clients) or working on the business planning and systems. Like any business owner, I think they'll all agree, it's a hard slog, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. The one person in my life that I'm close to I want that person to support me and encourage me in what I'm doing, I'm doing it for us, our family. Unfortunately I don't feel I get that. We've been together about 20yrs and it's just not what it was. I don't sleep well. Especially since starting my own business, consequently we rarely sleep in the same bed anymore, it seems as time goes by there's less and less we do together. I try and make time for us to do things together but invariably she doesn't have time (honestly I'm starting to resent the family dog, it gets an hour and a half of her time a day - more than me), or she doesn't feel well. I'm finding more and more I'd rather be alone or with clients as both of those make me happier than being at home. I feel like as the years go by we're strangers who exist in the same space together. I find I get frustrated a lot at home and so I often just get up and leave, before it escalates, I know my wife hates it when that happens but the way I feel at the time, it's for the best for everyone. Sorry for the long post.

Mandeth My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕
  • replies: 38

I’m broken....so many emotions ! I’m so angry at my son, but I’m so worried about him. I’ve raised him and he’s become a monster. He’s only 21. But I still love him He’s done some really awful things to some innocent people. There was a police search... View more

I’m broken....so many emotions ! I’m so angry at my son, but I’m so worried about him. I’ve raised him and he’s become a monster. He’s only 21. But I still love him He’s done some really awful things to some innocent people. There was a police search for 3 days and now he’s in remand. It’s where he should be, but it’s breaking my heart. Drugs, Anything he can get his hands on or smoke. Thinks he’s invincible. Raised in a normal (whatever that is) family home. Happy married parents, 3 siblings that function well in life, good education incouraged, but rebelled again it, rebelled against everything. Always loved and offerd support for his obvious struggles, with trying to function in adolescent life. I feel like we missed something, I don’t understand why he’s so angry and needs to block everything out with drugs and inturn has lead him to a life of crime and violence. He has a 8 month old daughter, our granddaughter, that he’s never met My baby boy is going to jail and I can’t do anything about it, I can’t protect him, I know he’d be scared and I can’t help him, it’s killing me

Katydidx ROCD new relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, i have had OCD since I was a teenager but it had only started to affect my relationships in the past 2 years. Originally my intrusive thoughts surrounded being worried about throwing up outside of the house, eating too much food outside of the ho... View more

Hi, i have had OCD since I was a teenager but it had only started to affect my relationships in the past 2 years. Originally my intrusive thoughts surrounded being worried about throwing up outside of the house, eating too much food outside of the house, needing to go to the bathroom multiple times at home in case I needed to go in the car, worried about getting to hot etc these have settled over the years but can flare up if I become stressed. In 2016 I had been with my then partner for a few years and woke up one day with the sudden thought of ‘what if I don’t love them anymore’. This caused huge anxiety and I went downhill quite quickly. I was struggling to sleep, eat and do anything that required myself to be alone with my thoughts such as showering or driving. I was constantly looking at photos of us, checking my feelings, googling ‘what if’ questions and just in general searching for reassurance. Luckily the googling lead me into articles about ROCD and I started to see a psychologist and got everything back under control. I was still having panic attacks and was very up and down but I was functional. This partner and I broke up eventually and I have been single for a little over a year. This was a good year and I was able to bring my mental health back under control. In January of this year I met a new partner. He is a very lovely guy and I have a good connection with him. But my old ROCD stuff is starting to flare up again. I feel like a wall is built up in front of me and he is beyond the wall. Sometimes I feel so disconnected and awkward. I’m always worried we have nothing to talk about even though we do! Sometimes I feel very excited but sometimes I feel numb. When people ask me how it’s going I say good and that I like him but then I feel like I’m lying to everyone including myself. I’m worried I’m only with him because I want to be in a relationship and that I’m forcing something that is not there even though I’m fine without being single. In fact being single sounds more relaxing knowing I don’t have to worry about any of this I don’t know what to do.

nogo17 Drinking husband
  • replies: 7

I posted about a year ago - I kicked my husband out due to his excessive drinking, hiding alcohol and isolating me in the kids. He would drink and sit outside from the time he got home from work untill bed time. I went to al-anon, lost my family (par... View more

I posted about a year ago - I kicked my husband out due to his excessive drinking, hiding alcohol and isolating me in the kids. He would drink and sit outside from the time he got home from work untill bed time. I went to al-anon, lost my family (parents sisters) they didn’t believe me he had a problem as he was so good at hiding it. Anyway long story short- he agreed to give it away - he got sick Withdrawls- then it was he would only have a few beers on a Friday and sat night, now he is isolating himself out side again and I noticed a beer in front of him (thur night)! I’m stressing it’s going tostart again. He sits outside by himself watching TV that didn’t really change even when he came back. I told him how it makes me and kids feel- yet he said he likes sitting out there. Im thinking I may have just wasted another year of my life hoping things would change. I’m ready to end this once and for all. Last time I had a nervous breakdown.. He is depressed, snappy, angry. If I mention alcohol he snaps at me.. is the drinking going to increase again? Last time it was 5 cartons in 10 days and spirits on top of that..