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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Felix94 Breaking up with someone you are deeply in love with
  • replies: 2

Today my girlfriend and I broke up. We've been together for 3.5 years. We met when we were both 19, and fell in deeply in love. It was the most amazing opening experience of my life. We connected on so many levels. We cared and supported each other. ... View more

Today my girlfriend and I broke up. We've been together for 3.5 years. We met when we were both 19, and fell in deeply in love. It was the most amazing opening experience of my life. We connected on so many levels. We cared and supported each other. We travelled through India and Nepal together. We told each other everything about ourselves, our insecurities, our childhoods, our hopes and dreams. It was truly an amazing experience. As the years went on though we started to have some troubles. I began to become restless, even though our relationship was so special I wanted something more, I'm not sure why I just wasn't content. I began to take her for granted, and in retrospect didn't treat her so well. I made her feel insecure and as a result, our beautiful relationship began to become less trusting and we would go through periods of being estranged from each other. I let her down quite a few times and we had a few 'breaks.' I'm not sure why I pushed her away because I do love her more than anything. Subconscious patterns developed in our relationship which caused hurt. I never intentionally wanted to hurt her. I guess a lot of the problems in our relationship are from childhood traumas of my own (domestic violence in the family home). So today we mutually decided to break up. I don't want to cause her any more hurt. My hope is that I can sort myself out so that sometime in the future we can maybe be together again. I don't want to poison our relationship now by trying to 'make it work', I'd rather us break up now while we're not resentful towards each other so that we might have a chance in the future. My hope now is that I can deal with my problems and become mature enough to be with her in a healthy relationship in the future. Is this silly to hold on to this hope? Should I just try to move on? I'm not sure. if anyone has any advice for this situation I'd greatly appreciate it. We both still love each other but we aren't growing together as individuals, and we have developed negative patterns in our relationship which I haven't been able to break. I'm hurting so much and have spent the whole day crying. I hope I haven't lost the best thing I ever had. Thank you for listening, Felix

ForgottenHusband123 Wife has left with little to no explaination
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I am in a situation I thought I would never be, my wife has left our home we built last year. We had been together for 12 years, married for 5. For the last year or so things have been different between us, because of the stress of build... View more

Hi everyone, I am in a situation I thought I would never be, my wife has left our home we built last year. We had been together for 12 years, married for 5. For the last year or so things have been different between us, because of the stress of building the house and taking on more responsibility at work we have been pushing each other away. I know that this is not a healthy thing to do but it's how we were managing to cope with the pressure of life. I had noticed her over last 2 months no longer wanting to talk to me about how she feels, finally one day I almost had to yell at her to get her to say something. She did. She told me she wanted to move out, she feels empty, she feels trapped and she feels like she can't be the wife she used to be. I understand why she needs to do this and why she feels like she needs to deal with it away from our home but now nothing is changing. She comes back every week to visit and "talk" but there is nothing new to talk about, she still feels the same. She hasn't had counselling, she hasn't touched any of the books I've given her that have helped me see what was wrong with our relationship and communication. It's like she is stuck in a void of unhappiness and I don't know how to help her. She was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder towards the end of last year and had been seeing someone but stopped after a few sessions. She doesn't seem to care how I feel or how leaving has hurt our relationship further. It's like my needs, my feelings and her respect for me have been forgotten. The more I push for her to seek help and to talk to me the further she pushes away. I know this is a big reason she withdrew from me while at home, so this is behaviour I need to stop. I've told her I am backing away until she wants to help herself. I keep myself busy working on problems I brought to the marriage for when she returns or for when I need to move on. I'm not naïve, I know she may never come back and accept that life is happier without me, but at the moment I can't bare to watch her hurting like this. She has been my best friend for over a decade, we met in high school, and now she seems like a stranger. If there is anything you can suggest to me to help support her or myself that would be great. Interested to hear what others in similar situations have to say. Learning to be alone has been the hardest part and I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have this forum as a resource. Thank you all.

MikeJ23 Family was not meant for me
  • replies: 3

So I'm on here as no one I know apart from my wife but limited is interested in talking with me regarding my thoughts or issues really. Not that I would burden people with anyway. But the same people are happy for me to listen and provide solutions t... View more

So I'm on here as no one I know apart from my wife but limited is interested in talking with me regarding my thoughts or issues really. Not that I would burden people with anyway. But the same people are happy for me to listen and provide solutions to their own major problems. Without wanting to depress anyone here but I have to vent my story after 32yrs of no one willing to listen.So I started life as a regular child 2 parents but a small family 2 cousins in UK and that's it. Come age 10 my mother died of cancer which I never knew she was sick until in hospital and then never got to say goodbye and after 2 days or so she passed. Doctor misdiagnosed her. My father remarried 2 years later and I had a step family from hell, I was the black sheep, for example while the rest got to ride in car to school, I rode, I was not welcome in my own so called family, now ive always been independent in thought although upsetting I just got on with things and thought one day I will have my own family and it will be as it should be. That family split after 4 yrs and my father not until 22 yrs later apologised for not taking care of me in my crucial years of development. Ive Been married now for 10 yrs and while my wife does listen she cannot help me with any of my depressed states when I compound my issues from my past and present,But the biggest thing I'm struggling with is that my wife is unable to have kids as we found out due to endometriosis and we tried IVF ECT many times ,this is not uncommon but I feel I am not meant to have a family of my own and as my wife is 6 yrs older than myself, I know I will be like many a lonley person if it goes that way, I always wanted a family of my own but I'm not going to leave my wife just because I wanted kids as she did too and I love her and that is the sacrifice I have to make obviously. She has a large family with 5 sisters and many nieces and nephews so she focus es on them some what as I used to but find it hard now. no counselor can assist me, that is where I get to my point in the 32 years that my heartache started that i diagnosed my conclusion is that I will always have times of depression because this the world we live in, it's how I work through the thoughts to then have my period of clean thoughts until the next triggers puts me back into my own psychology office. Depression and anxiety are my oppresers but they cannot control me, they only make appearances when I open an Avenue for them to slip through.

Sunshineandblues Struggling to balance depression and engagement!
  • replies: 1

Hey all.. A few months back I was diagnosed with chemically induced depression. Usually I am quite a passionate and optimistic man though this has not been the case recently. I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for 6 months. My partner... View more

Hey all.. A few months back I was diagnosed with chemically induced depression. Usually I am quite a passionate and optimistic man though this has not been the case recently. I have been with my fiance for 6 years and engaged for 6 months. My partner does not seem to understand that my depression is not her fault and constantly blames herself despite me reassuring her that it definitely is not her doing. I am at a point where I feel a lot of pressure to become the man I was months ago and this has lead me to constant feelings of guilt, anxiety and dishonesty regarding my moods and how I am feeling. I feel I am unable to positively contribute to the relationship and in order to improve my mental state I need to be selfish and break off the relationship. I have never broken up with anyone and the thought of it makes me feel like a monster, I still love her and don't want to hurt her yet at the same time I feel like the relationship is causing me more harm than good. Is ending things the right thing to do? Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this post.

LUCIDFOX_X I went through his phone... And found this...
  • replies: 2

I looked through his phone at the end of January... And I found that he sent photos of me to one of his best friends. The photos of me were topless (nude). I haven't said anything for the past 4-5 months. I don't know what to do. I want to talk about... View more

I looked through his phone at the end of January... And I found that he sent photos of me to one of his best friends. The photos of me were topless (nude). I haven't said anything for the past 4-5 months. I don't know what to do. I want to talk about it but I don't know how to approach the situation? I am so scared that he will just use that I went on his phone on his messages and use that as his argument. He is very stubborn and I feel I will struggle when I try to speak to him about this. I am a very soft and sensitive person. I have said to him that I hate people who invade others privacy, but I did it to him. I am not sure what to do... How do I bring this up calmly to discuss it? I still don't know if I want to bring it up because I don't know if I want the relationship to end... He is my best friend and he's my rock. Despite this. We have had issues with trust in the past. Please, any advice?

Shelbie Pain and torture- inlove with an ex who gives nothing back.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, so my ex partner and I broke up 6 months ago as he has really bad mental issues which made him cheat on me once and just change personalities so he ended it to stop hurting me. We still talk everyday and would be together if we could. I am so... View more

Hi all, so my ex partner and I broke up 6 months ago as he has really bad mental issues which made him cheat on me once and just change personalities so he ended it to stop hurting me. We still talk everyday and would be together if we could. I am so inlove with this boy but it’s like he’s died, he’s a complete different person, he hasn’t no feeling so for anyone or anything anymore, and loving him is so painful. I’m in pain everyday, it is torture. I can’t stop loving him, and im depressed over it as I get nothing from him. Everyday is a struggle for me, I know I can’t be with him, how do you live loving someone you can never be with? I’d rather endure physical pain than be tortured with this everyday of my life, I’m so done, I don’t know how to go on with this anymore, it’s been 6 months of endured torture.. I’m at my whits end with this situation and im not strong enough to let go.. I’ve tried..

J_123 If I wasn't married, I would break up with him
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, long story so please bear with me. I desperately need help. I've been married for nearly 2 years but with him for 7. I've always felt lonely, never part of a team, always a bit bored, but I figured that this is as good as it gets. Almost... View more

Hi everyone, long story so please bear with me. I desperately need help. I've been married for nearly 2 years but with him for 7. I've always felt lonely, never part of a team, always a bit bored, but I figured that this is as good as it gets. Almost a year ago to the day, I caught up with my friend who I've known for 6 years and something felt different, something clicked. Neither of us tried for this to happen, in fact we actively tried for it NOT to happen, but over the course of the year we developed deep feelings for each other. He lives in a different state now and at this point has said we need to stop talking to each other for a while because I need to sort myself out. My husband is a good person, but I sincerely feel that we have nothing substantial in common. He wants a house and kids, and i want to travel and I do not want kids. I always tried to convince myself that I did, but I realised recently that I don't, at least not for a very long time and he wants them within a few years. As for the little things, he has never wanted to do things that I want to do, if it wasn't his idea it wasn't a good idea. He doesn't like coming out with me, he never liked visiting my family, and I always feel like I'm casting around for things to say. Yes, I was in love with him, but now I realise (with the help of my friend) that even in our best moments, I always felt like I was walking on eggshells and that I had CONVINCED myself that this was as good as it was going to get. I've AlWAYS felt unappreciated. I really don't think we are right for each other and I find myself thinking "I wish "my friend" was here" in every single situation, where as I enjoy time apart from my husband more than time with him. The kicker is I brought this up (nix the other man) and in the past week my husband has been trying very hard, except I feel it's too late and everything he is doing is making me cringe and just annoying me. But he is a very good man (except the mild neglect and selfishness that he's now trying to fix), he clearly loves me, and I don't want to hurt him. But I am betraying myself if I stay, I don't love him, I don't want to be here. I think if I stay I'll always resent him for holding me back. This isn't new. I've been complaining about being lonely for years. Just about all the anxiety attacks I've had in have been related to him in some way. It's just that I recently realised it wasn't my fault. Thanks for sticking it out, any help is appreciated

Spw63 Sad & Lonely
  • replies: 4

Hi all I recently joined well I’m married but very sad and lonely. I told the wife I was seeing a psychologist but no reaction so not sure what to do she has no idea how bad I really feel.The main problem is that I met a lady online we chatted and fl... View more

Hi all I recently joined well I’m married but very sad and lonely. I told the wife I was seeing a psychologist but no reaction so not sure what to do she has no idea how bad I really feel.The main problem is that I met a lady online we chatted and flirted it was so much fun she’s gone now but made me realise how sad and lonely my life really is.So hard every day to keep going

Fergy16 Black Sheep of the Family
  • replies: 4

Hi, This is my first time posting so here goes. I am a 45 year old married woman with two teenager children. My parents divorced when I was 18 and my mother left the family home. Since then I seem to have become the family scapegoat while my younger ... View more

Hi, This is my first time posting so here goes. I am a 45 year old married woman with two teenager children. My parents divorced when I was 18 and my mother left the family home. Since then I seem to have become the family scapegoat while my younger brother has taken on the role of the golden child. My brother is now 41. My father is a wealthy man who has given my brother a very well paid role in my father’s business and has moved my brother and his wife and children to Melbourne where he is living. I am living in Brisbane and now find myself responsible for my mother’s emotional and physical well being. We have never had a close relationship as her narcissistic behaviours prevented any closeness. I do however make sure that I go on outings with her regularly so that she doesn’t get lonely. She went through a very bad break up about 3 years ago and is living on her own. Despite this, she never posts any of this on her Facebook feed. To other family members it would appear as if I don’t exist in her life. I makes me seem like I am a bad daughter. Whereas my brother visited recently and they went out for dinner (I was not aware of this) as my brother and I are estranged. My mother then posted on Facebook about how wonderful it was to see him and how much she misses him and loves him to bits. Then other family members commented about what a wonderful son he is. There was and has never been any mention of me. This hurts me to the core and has been going on for many years. My father often tells me during phonecall that my husband deserves a medal for being married to me. I don’t know why they think I am so awful and I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me. I never call my dad anymore because I am so afraid of being put down. Sometimes this is about my job. I am a teacher. At other times it is about my parenting, or the behaviour of my children. Anything really. So he calls me regularly. I just feel so worthless.