Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Just confused.

Community Member

Hey everyone, not really sure if this is the right topic to discuss straight off the bat, but I would love some insight,

so me and my gf have been together for 3years she loves me and I love her also and we have both grown stronger together. I am abit of an analyst and she is not the best talker but anyway she has just moved into a rental, but here’s the kicker her mother is her tenant. I’m still living at home and am close to moving in with her, but the stepdad that touched her as a child is still with the Mum so the Mum sends him over. he pops in at the rental from time to time to fix things for her, like broken showers and stuff like that, but he does it when nobody is home.

Now I feel like I should say that this bothers me to my gf, we have discussed him on a number of occasions and everytime I wish I hadn’t brought it up.

im pretty good at letting stuff go, but I don’t really like the idea of him letting himself into the house when he pleases. I feel if my gf is okay with it why aren’t I?

I don’t really understand, I’m definitely protective of her these days and I guess going from what she has told me he did to her as a child scares me. Anyway I’m sorry this may of not been the right place to vent. Thank you

1 Reply 1

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello Ando10189,

Just so I can understand, your girlfriend has moved into a rental property that is owned by her mother? Or is her mother living with her as well? You say "tenant" which makes it sound like your girlfriend is the lease holder or owner, but the way the post is written makes it sound the other way round.

Either way, having the man who abused your girlfriend as a child having anytime access to the property does sound troubling. But abuse is a power game, and it is possible that your girlfriend does not feel she has the power to stand up and deny him access to the house. There is a lot of detail missing from your post, but it doesn't sound like this is an issue that has been confronted or discussed in the family.

If you are looking at moving in together, why not get a place of your own rather than going into a place that is owned/controlled by your girlfriend's mother?