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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Kaiza81 Marriage, sex and depression.
  • replies: 6

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and af... View more

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and affectionate. Until the last few months. I know my weight is a issue for her,but due to injury exercise has been difficult for me (knee surgerys). Our sex life has dried up, she won't touch me, hug me, kiss me. Sex has just gone bye bye. This has lead me to a lot of depression, I feel inadequate, insecure, I hate myself. I feel like I'm the only one in my world and I don't even like me. i have tried to talk with her but she just always gets angry and says it's all me. I have to change, she will not support me with my depression or be open to finding a way to rekindle our sex life which would help me with my confidence, and maybe help me.

InaPickle Have I fallen out of love with my current partner and regret leaving my ex? Or am I consumed by guilt for having feelings before leaving my ex?
  • replies: 1

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the des... View more

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the desire for children, work options and future goals. There were many times over the years that I considered ending it, but didn't as it didn't 'feel right'. At times I do believe I was in love with him, but these feelings were not consistent over the years, as much as I tried to pretend they were. In the late stages of our relationship, I connected with a colleague at work. Whilst we had worked together for some time and were friends, it was not until an alcohol fueled staff dinner that an attraction presented. We hung out after the event and became flirty over the next week (talking, sexting), it was purely a physical attraction and ego boost, with no physical contact until a single hug on the way home one day. This unleashed a tidal wave of feelings and at this point feelings went from being superficial and flirty, to a strong emotional connection. Although I had previously thought about ending my relationship, these thoughts had not been overly recent and I had certainly not planned on doing it then, but within days of the 'hug' I had told my partner that I felt things had changed (he also felt this over the last few months, longer than me in fact) and that I could not go along with his views on kids and a whole raft of reasons. Within weeks we ended the relationship, absolutely destroying him in the process. I then started seeing my colleague and developed an amazing relationship in which we were both madly in love. However, recently I have begun to question my decision and feelings, I feel constantly anxious, unsure, confused and cry daily (extremely unlike me). The questions that run through my mind: a) do I regret leaving my ex, OR b) just miss the life we created (home, pets etc), OR c) am I consumed by guilt for how it ended - I denied having feelings for someone else but he suspects it and I am strongly against any kind of infidelity, AND d) have I suddenly fallen out of love with my current partner, or are my feelings masked by guilt, anxiety etc?I enjoy talking and spending time with him, the lovely things he does make me smile, but my feelings are unreadable. How can I work through my guilt/anxiety/confusion to clearly understand what it is that I feel/want? Without causing more hurt to others.

fial It just keeps getting worse....
  • replies: 2

After having gone through all the emotional fallout of getting dumped after 11 years and sorting out our intertwined lives, I am now faced with something completely unexpected...... somehow, sometime during our years together, I have contracted an ST... View more

After having gone through all the emotional fallout of getting dumped after 11 years and sorting out our intertwined lives, I am now faced with something completely unexpected...... somehow, sometime during our years together, I have contracted an STD. This just feels like yet another kick in the guts - not something I expected to have to deal with at 50 years of age. It must have come from him.... there simply is no other option. I feel dirty and tainted..... and because of the nature of it, I am faced with having to disclose my status to any possible future partner (not that I anticipate actually having another person in my life - who wants someone with an incurable STD?] So now I have the very real issue of being alone forever as well The more info I get about it, the worse I feel about any future. If I didn't think I was spiraling down into depression before..... I sure as hell seem to be unable to deal with this latest blow. I have become a recluse. Don't go out anywhere, haven't begun to make a circle of my own friends (and honestly, now I have no inclination to do so either], and have absolutely no support network of any kind. This might just be the thing that breaks me completely

jubilation Help
  • replies: 3

Hi all just looking for a voice to give me some advice ☺️ I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years and it started out like you wouldn’t believe it - constant messaging and presents and going out everywhere together it was like a dream had ... View more

Hi all just looking for a voice to give me some advice ☺️ I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 1 1/2 years and it started out like you wouldn’t believe it - constant messaging and presents and going out everywhere together it was like a dream had come true and I wanted to run away with her. She had told me about some mental health issues and she was scared to tell me and do the fact about how greatly I took it and I’ve tried to be as supportive as I can by asking her questions and making sure we have open communication, but not to the point where it is constant and too much. Anyway a few months ago maybe 3/4 is when everything has started going downhill again, it’s like i came along made everything so much better and now my effect has just worn off. She is constantly in this state of up and down - and effects me so much because I could be having a good day then she texts me or spams my phone until I reply and annoys me and then ruins my mood. She recently has been so bad she admitted herself to a psych ward, at first I had no problems with it until I visited her and boom I went into a state of shock and i couldn’t handle it - it was so odd and made me so incredibly uncomfortable being in there and seeing her with these nurses and other people. It has just been so much too handle. the thought of breaking up plagues my mind and saying I love her can be quite hard sometimes, and I feel like argumemts start frequently. On top of all this I’ve met à new girl and i can’t get her out of my head and I’m not sure it’s because I’m losing attraction to my current gf and this new girl has the qualities that I wish she had? I do love her at the end of the day and I’d be a huge mess if I lost her - we are so close and so are our two families but im so lost I’d really appreciate any help

Bunny_blue affair depressed
  • replies: 5

I think I'm slipping into an affair with a narried man online, and I do not know how to stop it or if I want to. I love my husband, but the sparks I feel for this other man has made me dizzy. We have not met but talking about it a lot. now I'm just d... View more

I think I'm slipping into an affair with a narried man online, and I do not know how to stop it or if I want to. I love my husband, but the sparks I feel for this other man has made me dizzy. We have not met but talking about it a lot. now I'm just depressed and anxious and guilty and paranoid but so excited, I don't want to throw away 10 years of marriage for a fling, but I do not think I can resist.

Mrs_Sergeant Literally no way out
  • replies: 6

Stuck in a very unhappy marriage & wish I could turn back 3 years & get out. Married 10 years but 2 years ago we sold a third of our house to my Mother-in-law & lived through the renovation from hell for her to live with us. It has destroyed us finan... View more

Stuck in a very unhappy marriage & wish I could turn back 3 years & get out. Married 10 years but 2 years ago we sold a third of our house to my Mother-in-law & lived through the renovation from hell for her to live with us. It has destroyed us financially & emotionally. Husband has been depressed for years & finally had a breakdown this year & has quit his 20 year career in search of something else. There is literally no way out as we have poured everything into this house. I can't afford to head out on my own and take the two kids with me. I have accepted that this is my reality but just wish he wasn't so nasty & would still support me when I discipline the kids but there is no support or communication when we're under the same roof. Can you imagine how much worse it would be if we weren't living together? We'll have to put on the happy family act over Christmas/New Year as we have a lot happening.

Bluebel My boyfiend is snowing signs of depression and I’m struggling to support him
  • replies: 5

Hi there, This is my first ever post. My partner of almost 4 years has recently been showing signs of depression. He has withdrawn from social activities, not doing the things he usually enjoys (walking the dogs, playing guitar, playing board games, ... View more

Hi there, This is my first ever post. My partner of almost 4 years has recently been showing signs of depression. He has withdrawn from social activities, not doing the things he usually enjoys (walking the dogs, playing guitar, playing board games, etc). A few months ago I encouraged him to stop smoking marijuana which he has done both habitually and casually (on and off) for the last 15 years. I encouraged him to do it with support and seek medical assistance though he didn’t want to as he has “given up” heaps of times on his own without assistance. I have encouraged him to seek counselling or talk to a doctor but he really doesn’t want to. He has opened up to me a little, though it was really difficult getting him to talk. I want to support him however I can, though I’m not sure how helpful I am as I become really upset and I don’t think this would be helpful. I have been feeling lonely as he is distant with me and sometimes I feel like it’s my fault. He has told me it’s got nothing to do with me and he doesn’t know why he’s feeling like this. Im trying really hard to be there for him though sometimes I even feel cranky and annoyed with him (I know I shouldn’t ) and then I feel guilty for feeling like that. I don’t know whether I should talk to him about my feelings also, which I would normally do- because I don’t want to make him feel worse. Thanks in advance for reading this and for any advice or thoughts you might have.

veeman Life falling apart
  • replies: 2

So my story... had 2 kids with my partner of 7 years got married 6 mths later found out she was sexting people whilst I was at work (I work away). Met a new beautiful woman who i thought was the bees knees and vice versa. She also had two kids from p... View more

So my story... had 2 kids with my partner of 7 years got married 6 mths later found out she was sexting people whilst I was at work (I work away). Met a new beautiful woman who i thought was the bees knees and vice versa. She also had two kids from previous relationship. Been together 3 years we have a baby.... then everthing flips on its head now we are separated I have 3 kids too 2 different woman and I just feel like my life has spun out of control. I wa diagnosed with bi polar about 10 years ago. And I take medication. Financially I'm in a hole I only see two of my kids I go crazy at work especially on night shift my head just goes loopy. I see no real way to any happiness... and the only reason I'm still here is cause of the kids.. couldn't do that to them...

lost_101 Boyfriend left me because of my mental illnesses.
  • replies: 6

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight ... View more

He said he didn't love me anymore, that he was sick of me feeling the way I do (anxiety and depression). He used to say he would always love me no matter what I go through in regards to my mental illness, but just a few hours ago, after an overnight depression and anxiety 'episode' he said he can't deal with it anymore. After 7 months he said he was happy to let it go. He said he's sick of me not communicating when I get in those 'episodes' but I've tried explaining to him it's so hard for me to talk when every second I feel like crying and there are millions of thoughts swimming through my mind and I can't immediately grasp at a coherent one. I'm doing CBT and I'm working on it but after 7 months, he said he hasn't seen good enough progress. I tried to tell him that it may take a while for me to break free from my mental illnesses but he said he doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He said he likes everything being to a standard, and that he can see I can't live up to that. I told him we can both set some standards and work around it together but he didn't want to hear it. He eventually admitted he doesn't love me anymore, and broke up with me telling me to move on. He didn't want to hear anything about us working it out, he just wanted me to go. I'm so lost and broken, I have no idea what to do. Because of my depression and anxiety, I haven't loved anyone before until I met him. I was so scared to and I admit it had taken me a while to even settle into the relationship because I've never known of the feelings and differences that come with one. We've had so many good times together that they've outweighed the bad. But the bad is always me feeling sad or anxious about something and as I'm trying to get over it he yells at me and gets so angry so of course that it makes me feel worse, to which he then gets even angrier. I like to work it out on my own but he didn't let me. Maybe in the end we just didn't fit. But I've introduced him to family and they LOVE him, and that made me really happy. He genuinely made me happy, and even after hearing him say he doesn't love me anymore I STILL love him. I really do hate myself. I don't think anyone will love me again. I was just turning 19 when I met him, he was my first kiss and who I lost my virginity to. If it took me until 19 to find that I may never find it again. I'm not pretty so it's not easy. I'm so scared that my life is just going to spiral down again like it had before I knew him. I am truly lost now.

Magic1 Im unable to get pregnant, partner wants a child outside of our relationship
  • replies: 12

I would really appreciate any feedback regarding my situation. Im unable to get pregnant (age) even with IVF, my partner (14yrs younger with already has one young child from previous relationship) wants to have a son at some stage in the future outsi... View more

I would really appreciate any feedback regarding my situation. Im unable to get pregnant (age) even with IVF, my partner (14yrs younger with already has one young child from previous relationship) wants to have a son at some stage in the future outside of our relationship. He wants a son to carry his name which I can't give, but he wants us to be a family but still be able to conceive a child outside of our relationship without having a relationship with this person who ever she will be. He feels that if I think I cannot allow him to look for another women with whom he can have a child with, our relationship is over however he says he loves me to the moon and back and doesn't want us to separate. He doesn't want a new family, he just want a son (which is never guaranteed) in to this world and hopes he can play some kind of part with his upbringing at some point but has no desire to be under the same roof or share any decision makings. He hopes to meet a women who wants a baby without a father. Is this normal behaviour? I can only see complications and heartbreaks looking at the bigger picture. Im at the verge of having a meltdown since this feels so heavy in my heart, not to mention my emotional level. We only been dating 6 months and we are happy together except with this issue. He has agreed to come along to couple counselling where Im hoping that he will understand better the impact of complications on our relationship, not to mention the entire situation feels insane. Any advise, feedback etc I would love hear besides "run while u can" .. I understand that this situation is very complicated and not logistical. Thank u