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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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onlinefriends Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history…
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history… I was the youngest of two, raised by a physically and verbally abusive father, a neglectful/absent mother (who was also a victim of the same abuse), and a older ... View more

Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history… I was the youngest of two, raised by a physically and verbally abusive father, a neglectful/absent mother (who was also a victim of the same abuse), and a older sister who was my father’s favourite and who basically got anything and everything she could ever want - we had two very different, incredibly seperate childhoods (despite having grown up in the same house - for example, my mum stayed home and breast fed my sister the first two years, but when I was born, I was put in daycare after two weeks because my mother told me that my father forbade her to breastfeed me, or wake up with me at night, and that she had to work and leave me in daycare) My question is… I am feeling a lot of anger that I cannot express, as both my parents have passed away (separately, they were divorced) in the last couple years, and it has brought up a lot of memories and realisations that I van’t talk to them, or do anything about now. I also cannot talk to my sister (I have tried, but she thinks I am lying, as she didn’t experience anything like what I did, and has no idea of what it was like for me when I was alone with my father). Anyway, I want to ‘get over it’ and forget about all of them, but I have lost so much - my confidence, relationships, trouble at work with authority figures, etc. that it is hard for e to ‘just let go’ without being so angry about it all! I was hoping someone could please shed some light and help steer me in a direction to find a way to stop being ‘their victim’ and feeling sorry for myself and begin living my own life completely without any trace of feeling or memory of them… I am not looking to ‘forgive’ - just accept that I was unlucky to be born into that family and move on - very practical and ‘logical’ approach (as I also have Aspergers ) Thanks!

Skara Damping down a health libido
  • replies: 1

Gday all, Strange topic I know but I've given it a lot of thought and I really don't see any other option to my situation. Only 2500 character so let see how we go. I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for almost 12 of those and have ... View more

Gday all, Strange topic I know but I've given it a lot of thought and I really don't see any other option to my situation. Only 2500 character so let see how we go. I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for almost 12 of those and have 2 awesome little girl (6-11). Recently my wife and I had some trouble getting along and communicating effectively and I suggested couples therapy however after 4 months of it being put off I decided to go on my own. I went and saw the GP and got on a health plan and also went to a phycologist. It really helped me deal with some of my issues and feeling and how to work with them along with ways of opening communication doors with the wife and things between my wife and I are pretty good again apart from one area. We have always been a little, how to put it, on opposite sides of the scale, Both of us (well at least I think) enjoy sex however our desire for it is quiet different and always has been (not a recent development). I find it increasingly difficult to handle the rejection to the point where I defiantly wont try and be spontaneous and I even fear to ask. I just live in hope that it will happen or I make subtle suggestions. I find my wife extremely attractive no only physically but personality wise as well which doesn't help matters. We have talked the ears off a donkey on this subject with mixed results often having any improvement that are made quickly return to the old status quo. I find it extremely difficult to deal with these days and it is really affecting my moods and overall happiness, however leaving simply isn't an option as I am still deeply in love with my wife. My question or request for advice is has any one else out there dealt with this by seeking medication to reduce their libido? I really enjoy sex and would miss it greatly however I would rather give it away then feel the hurt of rejection or pressure my wife into doing something she simply doesn't want to do. Its just something that I can't handle anymore and yes I have spoken to my phycologist about this and I have tried to work and communicate on the matter but as they say it takes two to tango and I'm sick of being the lonely bloke dancing on his own. Please any advice from people that have been through this?

doed03 How do you become emotionally independent?
  • replies: 1

I really do believe the cause of my low moods is from me being too emotionally dependent on people. I rely on them for my happiness, helping me through my problems, giving me validation and all that. And when I don't get the response I want, I start ... View more

I really do believe the cause of my low moods is from me being too emotionally dependent on people. I rely on them for my happiness, helping me through my problems, giving me validation and all that. And when I don't get the response I want, I start feeling hopeless and that no one cares about me etc etc. Don't get me wrong, having support externally is not a bad thing, but I want to be able to be there for myself instead of relying on people for this support. I just don't know where to begin.

Moza Losing direction
  • replies: 2

Hi there people. I have been through a few years of losing losing losing. Not much of a writer , but I will give it a go. Started about 4yrs ago , when I lost my identity within my marriage, I felt controlled to the piont whereI couldn't speak for my... View more

Hi there people. I have been through a few years of losing losing losing. Not much of a writer , but I will give it a go. Started about 4yrs ago , when I lost my identity within my marriage, I felt controlled to the piont whereI couldn't speak for myself. I started to gamble to escape from the control , I felt that I was in control of these moments, and it made me feel good. Of course my then wife found out what I was doing , and told me to stop or it would end our marriage , so I couldn't stop what I was doing, and our marriage ended While we were separated my wife started seeing someone else, and I seen them together out the back of our then home pashing. It was so hard to watch. We had been together since we were teenagers, I remember the pain from that day. And it still hurts.. I then left town to head closer to my parents, who were both ill. I was still gambling, and it got worse. I needed to go into a debit agreement to pay off the gambling debit. Mum was very sick and dementia set in , and we , my family and I decided to put mum into a nursing home, where she could get the 24/ 7 care she needed. Well she wasn't there long and passed away. Dad didn't take it well , his health wasn't great either, he had diabetes type 2 , and had a leg amputation, closely followed by a second, and ended up in a nursing home as well. He didn't last long , about 18 mnths, and he also passed away I tried to make a fresh start somewhere else, but my daughter got very ill , and now has to do dialysis every second day. She was following behind in everything that she couldn't organize. She is a single mother of three . I have dropped everything. My full-time job, my girlfriend , and relocated back to live with her to try and turn things around . I have got a job back where I left a few years ago, close to my X wife , and spend my time off helping my daughter. (I work 1 week on 1 week off ). I have also started gambling again .after stopping for a while when I was with my new girlfriend . I am lost once again, and don't know if I can continue to do what I doing. I need more help. I so sad it is all hurting I don't know if what have written, makes a lot of sense. I probably left a lot of stuff out , but I know one thing I an hurting, like I have never hurt before. I am not a bad person. Why does bad thingskeep happening to me

Dragmedown Im ruining my relationship
  • replies: 4

I recently had a miscarriage and than my partner and i moved house. And we have been arguing almost non-stop since. And its becoming such a strain on our relationship. And i struggle so much he is reaching out to a female he works with which i feel j... View more

I recently had a miscarriage and than my partner and i moved house. And we have been arguing almost non-stop since. And its becoming such a strain on our relationship. And i struggle so much he is reaching out to a female he works with which i feel jealous and threatened by. I dont have anyone to talk to and im so down and so alone. But my partner doesnt seem to care no matter how down i get how much i try to tell him in such a dark place, nothing is ever said or done to ensure my safety. And because i try to keep it together all the time, it comes out in little outbursts of anger or 5-10 seconds worth of crying. So the smallest thing can set me off so im whinging to my partner alot. When ive calmed down i always apologise but lately its becoming longer and longer until i calm down. It might be silly of my to think this way but im worried he will get with this female friend at work and leave me... I just dont know what to do, i dont want to lose him but i dont know what i can do to stop arguing with him....

Vintageheart I’m sorry, I’m selfish.
  • replies: 4

Hey Everyone, I’m a newbie here, this is my first post and I’m a little nervous but I thought I would give this a go.. a bit of background info: I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have since I was a kid - (I lost very close relatives due to illn... View more

Hey Everyone, I’m a newbie here, this is my first post and I’m a little nervous but I thought I would give this a go.. a bit of background info: I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have since I was a kid - (I lost very close relatives due to illness) and had trouble dealing with that growing up but always thought ‘this is just the way I am’. It wasn’t until a few stressful events in my life just piled up and piled up (terrible work environment, another illness in the family, a sudden death amongst other things) that I kind of just broke. it all got a little too much and I tried to seek help (seen my local gp) and was told I had anxiety and depression but that’s as far as it went. I never did anything with my referral, I think because I’m not overly comfortable with letting people see my emotions (I have a good poker face) I just have a bit of anxiety following through with it all. But lately I feel so selfish, everything in my life is great - really! Everything just seemed to fall into place the last year or so. Aside from having my dream man, I managed to get the dream house, dream job and my friends are wonderful! yet nothing seems to make me happy. I know I should feel great but the inside of my head is a mess.. I’m not happy with the way I am - I care what people think way too much it consumes my life and I know I am way to hard on myself but If I’m not then Ill feel like I’m not trying hard enough. I’m super paranoid, I always feel guilty and I don’t know why. I have trouble communicating with people yet my job relies on it! And most of all I’m just angry at myself. Angry at myself when I can’t leave the house or go to the shops, Angry at myself for listening to the negativity in my head, angry at myself for feeling this way when I have everything to be happy about, angry at myself because there is always someone worse off and yet here I am with no reason to be sad or anxious. Sorry if this post is long and boring, I just thought I’d try sharing my feelings for a change - I would love to know any tips or advice for loving yourself and life again ! Sincerly C

white-flowers Relationship woes
  • replies: 2

I'm sitting here, crying, having set up the spare bed in our guest room. I don't know if anyone will read this or if I'm posting into nothingness... My partner and I moved in together and you would think it would be a a magical time but it's not. His... View more

I'm sitting here, crying, having set up the spare bed in our guest room. I don't know if anyone will read this or if I'm posting into nothingness... My partner and I moved in together and you would think it would be a a magical time but it's not. His insecurity about my male dominant work life is making it so hard on me. I feel accused for things all the time, even if i bake something for the workplace I'm supposedly trying to hit on everyone I'm working with. I'm not. And now I'm trapped in this house; not wanting any of my friends to know this isn't a fairy tale. I love him but I'm hurting so much right now and don't know what to do. I walk on egg shells constantly. I don't think relationships are meant to be like this but we have a house together now. I don't know what to do.

Bonnie____ Struggling to make friends
  • replies: 3

I absolutely love my job! I’m a female tradie and I learn so much and really do love the work... however being different to all the men at work and at trade school definitely takes its toll. It’s hard to meet people. I’ve had to move to a different t... View more

I absolutely love my job! I’m a female tradie and I learn so much and really do love the work... however being different to all the men at work and at trade school definitely takes its toll. It’s hard to meet people. I’ve had to move to a different town, away from my family. And after two years of not making any friends I’m feeling isolated. It’s not easy to go out and socialise with new people, because I have nobody to go with. I’m in a rural town, so there’s no social clubs or events. I joined a women’s hockey club, but I am much to young so I haven’t been able to make many connections - so I went where I thought young people would be - at a dance school after work... but I was too young to dance with the women (I’m 20 btw) so they put me with the under 16s and I’m not down with the gossip at school so it makes me feel like I can’t be with them either. i work with men around the age of 40, which is awesome because I’m surrounded by so much experience and knowledge... but outside work they are busy with their family and friends... and don’t need to have a young girl from work to hang out with. trade school isn’t the same for a girl as it is for the boys. I am either totally ignored, or I am hit on (until they realise I don’t want it and they too begin to ignore me). Both types of interactions make me feel like I’m different to the rest of the class. our local headspace seems to focus on LGBT kids which is really cool but I don’t belong there... and I’m not sure if I am considered a kid. i want a friend my age. I’m a young mature adult, but not mature enough to belong to adults. ive tried social media but all I can find is boys looking for nudes or a relationship.... I just want a friend and to stop this ever building feeling that I am all alone in the world and that there’s no hope of me finding my place. so until then, it’s another day of getting up to attend work before coming home like every other day to a empty house and nobody to talk to.

Cardi Help- Not feeling supported by my partner
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, This is my first ever post, so I am a little nervous. I am a first time mum and it happens to be my birthday today. However, I feel so unhappy and nothing seems to cheer me up. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I rece... View more

Hello everyone, This is my first ever post, so I am a little nervous. I am a first time mum and it happens to be my birthday today. However, I feel so unhappy and nothing seems to cheer me up. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I received many birthday messages from friends and family, and waited all day for my partner to send me a text or call. I finally received a call from him in the evening and he sang happy birthday, then he asked me to send him some money as he spent all his money last week. Also, he mentioned going to the pub tonight so he may need money for beers. I felt even more upset. My partner is working away up north in the mines until December, so it is just me at home with the baby. I am on maternity leave at the moment, and a stay at home mum. Money is very scarce and I am the sole provider for my baby. This evening, my parents and sister had arranged to pick up my son and I for dinner, since I do not have a car. However, I felt a huge wave of anxiety and pleaded with them not to, since I am embarrassed to go out in public after putting on 40kgs during my pregnancy. My mother also reminds me of how big I have become, and says I have no excuse. My family came over to my house for dinner instead. After they had left, I was still sad and I sat on the couch in tears while rocking my baby to sleep. All day I spent my birthday at home alone with my baby, cleaning the house and crying. Last year my birthday was the same. I was sad and cried all day. I dread my birthday every year. I feel so unloved, alone and unappreciated. My partner never makes the effort to show me how much he cares, especially on my birthday. This year, he went with his kids (previous relationship) to buy a present for his ex for her birthday, and also did the same for Mother's Day in the previous year. This year was my first Mother's Day, he yelled at me as I left for church in the morning and did not wish me a happy Mother's Day nor do anything. The previous year on my birthday, he asked me to order some clothes for his daughter using my credit card and then he went out with his kids after I gave him money. I went to my parents place and then I came home and went straight to bed crying myself to sleep. We have been together for 3 years, but I feel like I am unimportant to him. It's not just on my birthdays, but many other days especially days when I needed him the most. Sorry, I need to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening

BluBear Ended long-term relationship
  • replies: 7

About a month ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I've been feeling emotionally unstable ever since. After the first few days I thought I was feeling good, but lately I've been really depre... View more

About a month ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I've been feeling emotionally unstable ever since. After the first few days I thought I was feeling good, but lately I've been really depressed and feeling like I'm lost. For a long time I'd been feeling that we were only together because it had been so long and was more convenient for us to stay together. I never raised this with her because I knew it would really upset her. Also, often when I spoke about how I was feeling, she said that it was silly to feel that way or to think that, so I stopped saying how I felt if I knew her feelings didn't align. At one point, when I imagined my future, I no longer saw us together but me by myself. There's a drram company I've always wanted to work for in another country, but she didn't like the idea of living there and often said she didn't understand having a "dream company". Finally, I also felt that I had lost part of myself in her. That before we got together, I was a certain person and now that person didn't exist but was just a part of someone else, like my personality was based around being with her. About two months ago, I was coming out of a bit of a depressive phase and I met a girl through work. We worked together for 3 weeks before she returned home to her country, but we got along really well and I felt something for her. I asked myself why I would feel something for someone else and what that meant about how I felt for my partner, and decided that if it had reached this point, then I would finally say something about how I was feeling, and I ended it. My partner asked me if I would be willing to see a counsellor with her to work through this, which I refused. She then said that she felt that I was feeling these things because of my recent depression. We have since moved apart and don't speak. It's been a little over a month, and I am feeling that I just threw away 5 years of our lives. I'm appalled at myself for not giving it a chance in counselling, like I gave up. I've been remembering all of the little things about being with her which just makes me feel worse. I don't think I want to get back together, but I just feel so lonely and lost. I also feel like I deserve to feel this way for breaking her heart, or that I'm not allowed to be so upset about it because I was the one who ended it. I just wanted to get my feelings out somehow. Thanks for reading.