Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Kittyyy00 Reaching out for help/support
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm not quite sure how to talk about the problems I am facing in my life, but it feels like it's demanding so much of me and I feel I don't have much more to give. I'm 29 and have a 10 year old son. I have been diagnosed with depression as a teen... View more

Hi, I'm not quite sure how to talk about the problems I am facing in my life, but it feels like it's demanding so much of me and I feel I don't have much more to give. I'm 29 and have a 10 year old son. I have been diagnosed with depression as a teen and put on medication, which I left behind a long time ago. I have struggled with drugs and alcohol for most of my life. I currently only drink, but not excessively anymore. I don't take drugs at all anymore. I spent 12 long years of my life with my son's father who is a controlling, manipulative and abusive person. The time I spent in this relationship cost me so much of myself. I have no friends anymore, I barely talk to my family, just reconnected with my mother and stepfather, I lost my self esteem a long time ago and I feel like I'll never be the same person I once was. Currently we are going through family court to compromise and agree on a parenting plan. He has brought my family and my new partner into the case by throwing extreme accusations around. Final court date is in a few weeks and I can't bare to agree to shared parental responsibility with this man. It's really stressing me. My new partner and I are on a rocky road at the moment. Things were great in the beginning but I broke his trust about 7 months ago. He says he wants to be with me and he's in love with me but still stresses out. We have been dating 1 yr 5 months. Still early in our relationship but we are both mature individuals ready to settle down in our lives. My previous experiences (and possible mental health issues) can make me react in crazy ways and go completely overboard. I feel as though I am chasing someone who is getting further away from me. I don't know what to do. I do love this man and he makes me incredibly happy but he breaks my heart sometimes. What do I do to help? I've tried expressing my feelings through words and gifts and gestures and in everything I do. I'm not coping well with anything at the moment. I smashed my car, it was a write off. I can't make my parents happy. I've called in sick 2 days in a row this week because I can barely get up to get my son ready for school let alone go to work. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way but I do.

brokenbluecat How do you explain this to teenagers?
  • replies: 3

I have been battling for over 20 years. Recently I have had a number of triggers that have lead to me going through the worst episode of my life. I have no motivation, no enjoyment and I am struggling to explain to my teenage boys why I feel "sick". ... View more

I have been battling for over 20 years. Recently I have had a number of triggers that have lead to me going through the worst episode of my life. I have no motivation, no enjoyment and I am struggling to explain to my teenage boys why I feel "sick". There is nothing physically wrong with me, my mental health is really bad. How do I explain this to them without them worrying about me? My husband has also said this weekend he doesn't get it. How do I make him understand? These are supposed to be my biggest supporters but I can't even talk to them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ayu Lonely and lost
  • replies: 1

Hello (it’s my first time posting!) I’ve been struggling with my family life + friend life these past 6months. Recently, my grandfather suddenly passed away and I’ve been focused on grandmother to give them support. I was very close to my grandparent... View more

Hello (it’s my first time posting!) I’ve been struggling with my family life + friend life these past 6months. Recently, my grandfather suddenly passed away and I’ve been focused on grandmother to give them support. I was very close to my grandparents more than my parents growing up. I had never experienced a close family member passing away before this, and decided to distance myself from engaging in friends as I didn’t feel like myself + didn’t want to express my negative thoughts + started brooding over whether my friends could even tell if I was upset at all. I haven’t talked to any of my “best” friends about this and instead sought comfort in friends I’ve only met a few times. Just being around people I knew made me uncomfortable. I used to enjoy going out, doing art... But it’s no longer enjoyable. I’m lost because I want to talk to my “best” friends. But upon getting into miscommunication problems with them earlier on, I told them that “I wanted to take a step back from friendships and hope they could take the extra step forward”... But as a result, they haven’t talked to me in over a month. (We used to talk every day) I would appreciate any advice on what direction I should go towards. I’m honestly lost. Thank you for your time.

Makers_Marker Awkwardness and suffering
  • replies: 1

This post may not sound directly related to anxiety or depression but the reason I am writing it on Beyond Blue and not a Facebook singles group is there's always a chance that my anxiety is playing a significant role. Basically I am a fairly unattra... View more

This post may not sound directly related to anxiety or depression but the reason I am writing it on Beyond Blue and not a Facebook singles group is there's always a chance that my anxiety is playing a significant role. Basically I am a fairly unattractive twenty year old whose never had a girlfriend. I wouldn't say I'm self hating, I appreciate my own good qualities, I just don't have any faith that other people do. The dilemma I'm in at the moment is there is a girl that I fancy (not really a strong enough word but it's the best I could think of). We have been friends for a few months and I am now facing the choice of either asking her out and potentially making our friendship awkward (we aren't incredibly close but do see each other quite a bit), or not asking her out and feeling terrible for potentially missing out on a wonderful opportunity like I've done so many times before. I don't have many people in real life that I'm comfortable talking to about things like this and I'm just really confused about how well you have to know someone before it becomes weird to suddenly ask them out. Do most people ask out friends ? It seems like they do but I've heard so many people say they don't because they don't want to ruin the friendship. I'm so lost right now

secondwife Brother in law being so hateful and mean
  • replies: 1

My brother in law wouldn't even speak to the kids at my father in laws funeral and has said such nasty things about me I think he is mentally ill. He destroys every family occasion being so volatile and if anyone dares to not agree with any of his id... View more

My brother in law wouldn't even speak to the kids at my father in laws funeral and has said such nasty things about me I think he is mentally ill. He destroys every family occasion being so volatile and if anyone dares to not agree with any of his ideas or opinions he flips out and starts a fight. Every Christmas he has done a runner in the middle of the night after behaving like a 3yr old throwing tantrums and taking back presents (he's 50). He sends vitriolic text messages to us then expects us to forget they existed. We got him help after a psychotic episode last year at our expense and have always showed him love and acceptance even if we don't agree with his lifestyle (he is gay and HIV positive).how do we deal with him as my mother in law needs all the family support she can get with my father in law passing away from cancer.

Daphne68 Grandmother denied access to grandchildren - daughter ? hates me
  • replies: 6

Hello community i am struggling as I have not seen by grandson of 2 since Xmas, my daughter is single and has chosen this path, she is 32. She had another babe in May 2018 and I have never seen him and there is no contact. She is the first born and a... View more

Hello community i am struggling as I have not seen by grandson of 2 since Xmas, my daughter is single and has chosen this path, she is 32. She had another babe in May 2018 and I have never seen him and there is no contact. She is the first born and as a child was delightful till she reached age 7, then had "rages." I had a second child when first born was 2. I separated when the girls were 4 and 2 and have worked incredibly hard to provide for them and have done my very best, clearly not enough. Older daughter disclosed sex abuse when she was ? 8 or 9, This was perpetrated by a 13 yo boarder who once I found this out threw him out. Terrible time. Teenage years were hell, with chaos, oppositional defiance, rudeness beyond belief. School drop out (both girls) Year 9 which broke my heart as education really is everything. From ages 7 - 20, we have had sooooo much therapy, counselling, in-patient stays, a huge myriad of health professionals, meds, older daughter has self-harmed, went to live with her father who was more like a brother, took and overdose x 1, much physical illness and over-eating, as I write this my anxiety is high as I relive the nightmare of that time. I think I tried EVERYTHING, all those years ago.. and to date. Ensured both girls have own homes. I just want to see my grandchildren say once a fortnight, be a granny. Older daughter does not want to have anything to do with me, and this is sooo painful. Yes I have had and still do, have counselling and I lead a busy fulfilled life otherwise. The grief is just terrible. Older daughter states "she wants to protect the children from me" so I just am at a loss to what more could I have done to make heal and repair and at the same time provide for these girls. Older daughter appears to be a good and responsive mother, she is a good money manager, however in the early days with first grandson I would visit her (drive an hour), only to be watched like a hawk, never left alone with him, not allowed to help her with housework (she lives in abject chaos). Child goes to child care which probably is his saving grace. I just want to be a part of the life of my grandchildren. I and my ex are the only grandparents, and they have no father (the sperm was a transaction). Any bright ideas of dealing with all this please? Say it how you want to .....many thanks Daphne

BB1986 Space
  • replies: 3

My partner wants obe thing at the moment and its for me to give her space . I have not been dealing woth my anxiety and have been in a constant circle of getting good and going backwards for 2 and half years she cant do it anymore i have really made ... View more

My partner wants obe thing at the moment and its for me to give her space . I have not been dealing woth my anxiety and have been in a constant circle of getting good and going backwards for 2 and half years she cant do it anymore i have really made a difference with myself and closwd alot of chapters which previously left open lead to me going backwards and i get she wants space but im unsure on how im supposed to ignore her even when im away at work ????

Pandemonium Second time around
  • replies: 1

I've been with my partner (now ex) for 4 years. We were friends for 2 years before we got together and she's always been in heterosexual relationships before me. About 18 months ago, she broke up with me because she said that she wasn't attracted to ... View more

I've been with my partner (now ex) for 4 years. We were friends for 2 years before we got together and she's always been in heterosexual relationships before me. About 18 months ago, she broke up with me because she said that she wasn't attracted to me anymore but that she as confused because she hasn't loved anyone as much as she loves me. So I gave her time to think and after about a month before she came back and said she made a mistake and she loves me so much. She said she hasn't figured out the attraction thing yet, maybe its because of her depression which she was always struggling with even before we got together. While we were on a break she went out with someone and slept with him to see if 'there was anything there' but she said she just felt empty and that's what prompted her to come back. Few months down the track I found out she was sending these flirty messages to another guy and she said that she was doing it for me because maybe she just needed to feel sexy again - this hurt me a lot and she said it didn't do anything for her anyway so maybe it just is her depression still. So we stayed together up until a month ago when she moved interstate and a week later she ended it and said that things haven't changed at all. 6 months ago, we bought a house together and started building a life together so I thought we were going on the same direction. I gave her her space and didn't want to push her "emotions" because she always said it would pressure her when we talk about her feelings and that there isn't anything I could do about it. So I just supported her as best I could. She said that she doesn't want to work on the relationship anymore because she doesn't think it will change and that she doesn't see a future anymore. I asked her to come to counseling with me but she refuses and says she isn't in the mental capacity to do it right now, maybe not ever. I started going on my own and have learnt SO MUCH about relationships and how they are largely affected by your past family relationships etc. To me, I know that if she could learn or just realize what I'm learning now that we could make it work because she says that she loves me more than anything - there just isn't that 'spark' but she doesn't think we can get it back. This is why I am at a loss because I know if she just gave counseling a chance, she could at least be at peace with herself even if means we won't reunite.

Walto17 My girl best friend of 8 years cut me out of her life because her boyfriend doesn't like me
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I'll try to make this as short as possible. This girl and me have been best friends for almost 10 years. We met when we were teenagers and we're together sexually early on but not sex just sexual contact. Things never went anywhere after tha... View more

Hi guys, I'll try to make this as short as possible. This girl and me have been best friends for almost 10 years. We met when we were teenagers and we're together sexually early on but not sex just sexual contact. Things never went anywhere after that but she has always liked me but our friendship got stronger over time. We've been there for each other during break ups in relationships and we can openly talk about anything because we both feel comfortable around each other and it's a great feeling because it's hard to find decent people or so I thought. Fast forward to the present, she started seeing this guy (she's 23 his 31) she told me it wasn't serious just fun and then it got serious, and I was happy she found someone. Turns out he treats her bad, his physically assaulted her, tried to chat women up behind her back, even left her to go back to his ex who he has a 5 year old son with, his never met me, but resents me just because of her friendship with me. She stopped talking to me at the end of last year after I sent her a Christmas message and a few months later we started talking and she told me he didnt want me talking to her then in May, I sent her a screenshot of the first time her and me spoke and she didnt reply but he messaged me virtually saying we have a past and I'm ruining their relationship and I need to back off. I messaged him saying he was a hypocrite for trying to ruin our friendship and told him another terrible things she told me he did to her but said I'm her best friend and she loves you he read the message but didn't reply back. I gave them space because she's pregnant to him and I haven't heard from her since but the weekend before that she came over and we had a great time and she showed me the bruises on her arm from him hurting her and she told me she was done with him. So today I thought how come I haven't seem her on facebook recently? Turns out she blocked me even though I haven't talked to her since May. I wished her a happy birthday a month ago and she liked my post. Just not sure what to do because it's made me angry and depressed because I really do value our friendship but and I just fighting a losing battle with her boyfriend hating me?

Sheogorath The Incredible Hulk!
  • replies: 10

My wife is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. She's always making sure that I am well fed, offers me shoulder massages whenever I'm tired and is supportive no matter what I am going through. ...until something triggers an "episode". Rage... View more

My wife is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. She's always making sure that I am well fed, offers me shoulder massages whenever I'm tired and is supportive no matter what I am going through. ...until something triggers an "episode". Rage builds up inside her quickly, clouding her perception so that everyone and everything (myself, friends, luck etc.) is conspiring against her. One wrong word or one tiny setback is "proof" that the world is against her, creating more rage, more perception clouding, more things perceived as "proof". A nasty vicious cycle. The rage can be so extreme that she screams at the top of her lungs in public places - in a restaurant and at an opera theater were two of the worst. One time, the rage didn't end until she exhausted herself from uncontrollable thrashing. Another time, I had to physically restrain her fearing that she was about to attempt murder. I've identified some of the triggers and minimise her exposure to them, but I can't keep her in a bubble all the time. Usually, it's something minor during the day (disagreement with a colleague, delayed bus etc) that sets her off. I've been with her for seven years and I'm committed to helping her with these issues for as long as I am able to. Indeed, I've been teaching her the anger management skills that I use, and her episodes have become less frequent and less severe which gives me hope that the condition can be managed. Despite this, she does not believe on psychology and believes that counseling is a rort. She is also in denial that her anger issues are any worse than an average person's. Typically, as soon as I bring up the topic, her perception changes and she'll say that it's all my fault for being uncaring and calculative and that I'm fabricating her anger issues as a way of manipulating her. I've had to walk on eggshells for five of the last seven days... and I was already feeling overwhelmed by day 2. Right now, frazzled is probably the best word to describe how I feel. I think that my brain has suppressed some very nasty emotions that may bubble to the surface unexpectedly. Something inside me is telling me that our marriage has reached a make or break point. I guess I'm here today probably because I want to vent - and perhaps see if somebody has an understanding of what's going on. I suspect borderline personality disorder, but of course I'm not qualified to make a proper diagnosis. Just writing it all down has already made me feel better though.