Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Jaydad Mother of my child left me. I'm 23. Son is 1
  • replies: 4

I don't even know where to begin, it's absolutely killing me. The house we shared, it is now my responsibility to pay for everything. The dog she brought for our family Christmas present, is now my responsibility............... We went on dates, so o... View more

I don't even know where to begin, it's absolutely killing me. The house we shared, it is now my responsibility to pay for everything. The dog she brought for our family Christmas present, is now my responsibility............... We went on dates, so often that they were special, but not so often they lost relevance. We went on family getaways, sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week. We were so happy together everything was falling into place I even had an engagement lined up. I never thought of life without her. That wasn't a possibility anymore, what a silly thought. We had the perfect little family creating the perfect memories.... But not anymore. She just decided to have a break, which drove me insane. Not aggressively insane, more a lose sense of reality insane. The break went a bit too well for her I guess, she decided its best we separated. And that was a couple of months ago now. I'm not coping well at all. I'm not seeing any light in the situation. The scary thing is that when you have everything you have everything to lose. And here I am feeling lost. Useless. Self esteem non existant. Confidence disappeared. Although my son is everything to me I feel I have lost my purpose outside of him. Everything I done was for the family I created. Since the break I've lost the plot and lost her respect dimming any chance of reconnecting. I don't know what to do

SoSo Depression and long distance relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Currently feeling quite depressed and I'm afraid of the impact it may have on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We meet when he was traveling and have lived apart ever since - on ... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Currently feeling quite depressed and I'm afraid of the impact it may have on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. We meet when he was traveling and have lived apart ever since - on separate continents, in separate timezones. We have met up several times for a few weeks at a time and we are both great with communication so there has been plenty of messages, skype, etc. We have an end date planned for six months from now but we're not sure how it will really turn out. It depends on both of our work. Anyway, I've just come back from seeing him and I'm feeling very low. It seems like it gets worse every time and the separation is more difficult to handle. I've suffered from depression on and off pretty much my whole life. I've been medicated a few times but I'm not sure how much it really did for me because I was always sort of numb anyway. For the last few years I've been reengaging with my emotions, probably for the first time since childhood. I have suffered huge anxiety, self-loathing, rage, depression etc but I kept working through it. Then I met my boyfriend and the relationship made me feel so much relief. I finally felt like I had someone I could love and who loved me. The feeling was like nothing else in the world and I guess I got a bit dependent on it. Now there is so much sorrow mixed in as well, due to the constant re-separating that we do and also because as our relationship has progressed we've had arguments. Sometimes quite bad ones. I find arguments very hard to get over even though for him it seems ok to just put things in the past. I get preoccupied by hurt and a fear of everything changing. The sense of safety I had for the first year or so of our relationship was so intense and now I feel like we're as vulnerable as any other couple. Of course we are. I know nothing and nobody is perfect. Intellectually I get that. But emotionally I seem to be feeling like an abandoned child. I want to cry all the time, struggle to get out of bed, find no motivation in work and limited pleasure in things I normally love. All the classics. I seem to be holding things against him a lot and crying and being needy which I hate. He gets upset because he doesn't know how to help... I don't want to place stress on him/the relationship but I also don't want to lie about what I'm going through. Has anyone had experience with dealing with depression and a long distance relationship?

Georgiegirl Thanks and update
  • replies: 1

I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't g... View more

I wanted to say thanks to those who supported me in the new year with my anxiety and relationship with my 15yr daughter. I did seek help reluctantly after having such bad experiences in the past and was terrified to do so. Unfortunately that didn't go well and my privacy was breached and the matter is now being heard in the tribunal. Not to mention, she didn't listen to me and had factual information incorrect. On the same day I fell down the stairs and injured my ankle very badly and was bedridden until 2 weeks ago and have now developed complex regional pain syndrome. The problems with my daughter remain unresolved after the experience with mental health treatment and my injury. I sincerely thank those for their support. Particularly demonblaster.

Seele Stress, Anxiety, Depression, Trauma & A Family To Top It All
  • replies: 4

Hello and welcome to the pilot episode of "It's That Messed Up" I'm your host, Seele (Say-Lay). Characters: Seele, The Partner, Child A (Currently 5YO), Child B (Currently 2YO) Location: Rural NSW, Riverina. The Boring Details: I'm a 28YO Male surviv... View more

Hello and welcome to the pilot episode of "It's That Messed Up" I'm your host, Seele (Say-Lay). Characters: Seele, The Partner, Child A (Currently 5YO), Child B (Currently 2YO) Location: Rural NSW, Riverina. The Boring Details: I'm a 28YO Male survivor of childhood domestic abuse (Physical, Sexual, Mental, Emotional). I suffer from Depression, Anxiety & Stress. I also have low self esteem and a perverse hatred for myself. After reading another Thread in these forums I have decided that I am going to try and start exercising from tonight onwards. Roughly 4 years ago my partner and our daughter, Child A, moved from Canberra to a small-medium sized country town in the Riverina of NSW. This followed a period of almost 3 months where we were homeless after both of lost our jobs within a span of about 6 months. Since then we have struggled tooth and nail to build ourselves back up to a point where we can start feeling happy and comfortable with our living conditions again. In that time we've also had a second child, Child B. Since my adolescence I've always had an issue with Anger Management and my general mental health as a result of the way I was dragged up by my mother and her many partners since my father left her when I was a child. In my opinion I think I am spectacularly well adjusted considering my childhood and teenage years. My partner however, feel differently. She is adamant that I need to seek professional counselling so I can "Get Over" my childhood. I've seen several counsellors and mental health professionals over the past 6 years we've been together, most of which have done nothing but try and desensitise me to the trauma of my childhood by forcing me to remember particular events over and over. I never found this particularly helpful and it never resolved the anger issues I was seeing them for in the first place. Since falling pregnant with our first child my partner has had a dramatically decreased sexual drive, to the point where we now regularly go up to 6 months without touching each other. But there will be more on that in future episodes. Since I'm almost out of space in this text box now I'll sign off and hopefully be back with an update in the next couple of days. Thank you all for watching "It's That Messed Up"

Auggie Trust Issues *Trigger Warning - Domestic Violence*
  • replies: 8

Hi, First of all, please pardon me if my English is all over the place. I am originally from Malaysia and have a partner, Julian from Romania, we have been together for 8 years, most of our relationship is long distance. We are both working in a educ... View more

Hi, First of all, please pardon me if my English is all over the place. I am originally from Malaysia and have a partner, Julian from Romania, we have been together for 8 years, most of our relationship is long distance. We are both working in a educational institution, he is currently in Asia. We started the relationship when he was only 24 and I was 29. Julian travel the world teaching English, we only met once or twice a year when we get the chance. We communicate mostly through Skype, Facebook, emails. In January 2015, I received a contract to work in my home country for a year and I was so excited about it. Julian was teaching in China at that moment, when he found out about it, he quit his job to come and stay with me and since then everything went downhill. I finished my contract a year later and returned to Australia, as a totally different person. I used to be a very happy.person. Since Julian came to live with me in Malaysia, I found myself caught in a very difficult situation. Julian has a temper issue and he always lie to me. I couldn't differentiate if he is telling me the truth or if he is telling me another tale. If I caught him lying and confronted him about it, he started acting crazy, throwing his phone, punching the door, threatening me that he will end his life. He always have something he called 'panic attack' and threw a tantrum no matter where we were and whether it is life threatening. He is constantly lying and I actually knew about it and it really hurts me badly, emotionally. The worse when he started hitting me and it happened 3 times now since 2015. Last year was the worse when he got upset and tried to commit suicide , when I tried to stop him, he attacked me and self harmed. He blames me for every single problem we have in our relationship. I know sometimes I can be demanding when I asked him all the time about where he was and who was with him and what he was doing. But what else can I ask? Julian always said this relationship is a nightmare to him but everytime I asked for us to go our separate ways, he refused to let go and again, he blamed me for making the relationship so difficult. I don't know where to seek advice and where to find help and to understand if I am really the caused of all the problems occurred in this relationship. Sincerely, Auggie

tbb176 can’t get over ex
  • replies: 3

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and... View more

hi to whoever is reading this... i haven’t really talked about this to many people but last year in october i dated a boy for like a week and ever since we have been still talking good and meeting up with each other a lot and he started to hit me and make up so many jokes and everytime i go to hit him not in a bad way he would get angry. no matter what i do he doesn’t care. it’s a toxic as relationship but whenever i’m not talking to him or we have had a fight i start to shut down and get depressed and want to give up. i can’t do it and then he would come back to me and i was the happiest but everytime he would leave i hated it. recently he got into a relationship and he doesn’t want anything to do with me. at school we would just walk past each other like strangers and sometimes yell at each other, i miss him so much and i know i need to let go but it’s literally so hard. he’s got me so attached. also when he wants something he always gets it no matter what, he hates it when he doesn’t get his own way all the time. he’s a user. he’s used me so many times and i kept going back to him. i’ve lost so many friends because of him. i’m completely broken because of him and i can’t deal with it anymore

Justlikemeyourdamagedgood Struggling to cope after my divorce
  • replies: 4

I got divorced 2 months ago and i have been stuck in this depressed rut and i cant get out of it. My ex husband left me for another woman we could not have children. The woman and him now are having a baby together. I just wanted to know if there wer... View more

I got divorced 2 months ago and i have been stuck in this depressed rut and i cant get out of it. My ex husband left me for another woman we could not have children. The woman and him now are having a baby together. I just wanted to know if there were anyone out there that knows how to get passed this

AlreadyNobody Depressed after rocky breakup
  • replies: 4

Sup, Im a 16 year old boy in high school and I'm going through my first breakup, it started with the relationship becoming rocky with her not wanting to go out and do things, in the 4 months we were together we only really met up 3 times on a date wh... View more

Sup, Im a 16 year old boy in high school and I'm going through my first breakup, it started with the relationship becoming rocky with her not wanting to go out and do things, in the 4 months we were together we only really met up 3 times on a date which really got on my nerves, so therefor in my mind I figured id spend as much time as i can with her at school.. It didn't turn out well, I was looking forward to a date with her for weeks and she felt I was too suffocating and that her feelings had changed and felt that I was clingy and obsessive so she canceled the date 3 hours before, I was shattered, she then said she would decide over the weekend if she wanted to be together, I had heard enough and broke up that night, I then started texting her again and I asked her the question if she wanted to get back together weeks later, she said yes, then told me she loved me that night and the next day promptly dumped me and said "oh I meant as a friend", I feel so shattered, all my friends argued against me getting back with her, I didn't listen, now to deal with the teasing, I feel so depressed and defeated.

AskingQuestions After the Affair
  • replies: 8

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair... View more

I have been with my wife for 8 years. For the past 3 I have been severely unhappy. 18 months ago I started having an affair with a co-worker and I planned to leave. After 3 months my wife found out and I cut it off. In reality, I still love my affair partner and want to be with her, but I’m severely concerned about my wife’s mental health (we have 2 children who are 5 or younger) and that is the only reason I have stayed. Since she found out, my wife has been seeing our therapist at times several times a week, has gone on medication, has self-harmed and honestly, I’m worried for her greater wellbeing. She has been hospitalised for her thoughts of harming me and herself in the past. She repeatedly tells me this is my fault, and I agree. But what can I do? I desperately want out but I couldn’t live with myself is something happened to her. I love her as the mother of my children but not as a life partner. What do I do?

Melany Trapped and confused
  • replies: 3

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relations... View more

While working overseas I met my Aussie partner, J and had great time spending the next 5 years together. I trusted him and let him decide on my finance. We bought a property as joint tenants and moved to Australia as a partner in a de facto relationship. I was anxious about his 2 adult children but he assured me that there is no issue. There are a lot of issues and my partner can't do enough for them. J asked me to transfer a significant amount of money into his super and I did. I have been in Australia for almost 3 years and could not find a job yet. And the chances are thinner given the time gap. However we have a high maintenance property which I work hard on. It is a full time job, overwhelming sometime but I enjoy everything I do. But J does not appreciate and does not participate. All he wants is us to go away so leave the property for his son and his mates weekend fun. His son's attitude is that I do not exist or I'm worthless. He wouldn't ask permission but just text that he is "coming with my mates ...". J is blind to this attitude, he says that the kids like me and all other lies. But his son's look at me make me go to the police. I repeatedly told J how much it means to me to have my place, my personal space. But there were too many occasions when I've been hinted by his relatives or friends to let the place for the kids to enjoy or that I do not belong here. J hits at this very core value, he wants me out, travelling around, disconnected, belonging to nowhere. My money was necessary and he did his best to convince me that he loved me and that everything would be fine. I was not allowed at his daughter's engagement party but I had to sign as a guarantor for her loan. Also she wants to have the wedding at our place. So awkward... I wonder if I'm going to be asked to hide somewhere. Is there any protection for non-citizens, how can I make sure I get a decent escape from this situation.