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My mind is all over the place

Community Member


Very new to this. My situation is very complicated and I'm really struggling with where my heads at.

I'm predominantly a very closed off person and don't let many in, it spans back a lot to when I was a child and I lost my mum at 16 from a long battle with cancer, a month after she died my sister moved away to go to uni (I only ever knew living with my mum and sister) so my cousin (who is like my brother) moved in with me but then left after a year to take up a brilliant job offer, it made me very sceptical about everything as it felt like everyone always seem to leave me for whatever reason.

Fast forward to now, and 2 years ago I separated from my wife. we have 2 young children (less than 10) and pretty much the first year apart I spent trying to rebuild myself and ensuring that my girls were protected more than anything. I got to a point where I wanted to get out and meet new people as I didn't grow up in Australia and do not have much of a circle of friends so I got out to a meetup group which was great. 2 weeks later I got a call to say that the girls mum had been involved in a serious accident and was in a coma. I pretty much dropped everything to be there for my girls, working full time and being a 100% dad to 2 emotionally drained girls was really really hard and tiring. Their mum was in hospital for 9 months and is unlikely to recover completely so its likely that I will always be the primary parent which I'm fine with.

Her and her parents have a hold over me as we never got around to separate our assets and they treat the house that I am back living in (the previous family home which I moved back into when the accident occurred) but they treat it as their own and give me very little privacy. Home life is really draining due to this and I've made the decision recently that I need to sell the house urgently in order to try and move forward with my life.

What complicates further and what is really messing with my head, is that for a long time I've felt that love will never happen for me at least until my kids are grown up until I met someone that was perfect, we started out as friends when she had a boyfriend, but she was not happy with him and split up with him and we started seeing each other more (as friends initially) but it soon got a lot more than that.

5 Replies 5

Community Member

She asked me to open up to her as my walls were high, so I did, my entire walls came down. The connection we had was amazing, it was one of those where you think you've known each other for years even though it hasn't. We got really close, to the point where I was falling in love with her, we were so close but I knew she was having trouble in her mind with what to do which scared me but she reassured me she wouldn't be going back with her ex. She then said that it wasn't right for her to keep me on the hook whilst she sorted her head out, and a week later she told me she was getting back with him. It hit me for 6 and I've been struggling to deal with it.

Its strange as I didn't enter this with any expectation of a relationship, but it opened my eyes to that and I can't get over it. I'm really depressed, probably with everything hitting my life and I am so distracted all the time. My mind constantly wanders to her but I am now working towards setting the rest of my life up by selling the family home, but I can't feel happy any longer. I feel like I've lost something (that maybe I never had) but I can't seem to concentrate on my kids and I struggle to eat, I've lost 5 kilos in 2 weeks and I don't know what to do. My life is so complicated and it feels like I'll never find someone that can fit into my life going forwards and its really depressing me.

I see my life as being stuck in a massive dark cloud but thought that I might have finally found the silver lining but its now gone and I don't know why or how I can get it back. Maybe everythings just crept up on me all at once but I don't really know how to move forward.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Mrpdad,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm really sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment, it sounds like you've been through a lot recently and I really feel for you.

I read your post and had to reply to let you know that you're not alone but I must tell you I do not have the experience to give you the best advice and I'm hoping that one of the more experienced guys will jump in and share their wisdom.

I'm sorry you haven't got a reply yet, it is not a reflection on what you've posted or on you, sometimes a delay causes posts to be missed then they move down the list and people don't see them. Just one of those things.

Although I have no personal experience in whats going on in your life, I definitely have experienced lows of my own and it is so important that you try to look after yourself, not only for you but your kids as well.

Have you considered seeing a psychologist to talk through things? Maybe start off by making an appointment with your GP, they will be able to point you in the right direction.

I wish I could offer you more help, I really hope things get better for you.

Please take care of yourself


Thanks for the reply Gem,

I was starting to feel better during the week, I'm working through my life and the girl came back into my life this week which has brought a lot back. We've been communicating by Snapchat a lot. She went back to her ex and told him we hooked up, she tells me she's not sure whether she wants him and tells me she can see a future with me. She even said that if he wasn't in her head then without doubt she would be with me.

So I was told today, that she shouldn't be talking to me as she's been told not to. So I asked her why she was talking to me, and she said that she knows that she shouldn't be talking to me, but she can't not talk to me. I know she's confused, but this feels too much and I'm not sure if I'm being played. I feel like she wants to be with both of us, but is keeping me on the hook. Head and heart are saying to stick it out, but my gut is saying the total opposite. I know that I can offer her what she wants, and I don't believe the other guy can so I'm unsure.

I'm probably not in a place where I can deal with this properly at the moment with everything else, but she just seems so right for me I'm really don't think I want to say bye to her.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Mrpdad, no problem : ) Sorry about the late reply

I'm glad to hear things picked up for you, any time you feel better even if its just a week helps in the long run- even if it doesn't always last, at least you know that things don't always stay bad and you'll have another better week soon.

It definitely sounds like a complicated situation, sometimes when people are unsure about what they want they will try to keep two scenarios going. This is both difficult for them and unfair on any other people involved and in this situation, its unfair on you.

It is your choice to stick it out, maybe it'll all be worth it but it also might end in disappointment for you.

Maybe talk to her again, try to get a straight answer and let her know that you can't wait around forever.

You certainly have a lot going on at the moment but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have a happy relationship with someone who makes you happy, maybe this is her or maybe you haven't met that person yet.

Have things settled down at home with the family?

Take care of yourself


Gday .

Yeah you've had a rough time of it that's for sure l'm sorry about everything that's happened. l hope your kids are doing ok this would've a;; been very rough on them to so lots of love their way eh, and that'll help you a lot too.

On the gf , look l know this won't be music to your ears and it is just me ok , it's just how l would feel. But l couldn't take her back and l'd never trust her again. She left him for you and now you for him and back again , well , maybe. l can't believe he took her back. Your a good man that's obvious with what your dealing with and worth more than that and l'm afraid l wouldn't be any women's second choice sorry. she is obviously stuck in the middle and again sorry but l think your probably asking for more of the same with either the ex or someone new , if you took her back. Just be careful eh .

l'm not trying to tel you what you should or shouldn;t do , it's upto you and your life, only suggesting and saying how l would feel. But maybe you should sit it out and just go on with your plans and look after the kids , look after you. l know how hard it is to find somebody special but there will be someone else if you do the right thing by yourself,

But good luck with everything , l really hope it all comes together for you in whatever you decide.