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New relationship confused

Community Member

I started a new relationship on the 17th of November 2017 and we moved in together to her place in Jan 2018. So we've been living together for almost 4 months now.

Her place is a 2 bed apartment and the second bedroom is rented out to guests. So we really only have our bedroom and the lounge.

Now currently our routine is I come home from work, then we spend time together in bed, watch netflix, then cook dinner, then more Netflix, she'll usually be playing games on her phone while we watch shows.

I have Wednesdays and Sundays off and I usually try and organise something for us to do together but I find it hard as usually she'll sleep in on those days until 11:00-12:00 otherwise we usually just watch tv and I try to keep the apartment clean, groceries restocked and things.

I'm used to being very active in regards to always working on little projects, writing, drawing but now I just seem to do nothing, I feel anxious if I try and do things without involving her.

She seems happy and never complains about anything, tells me she loves all the time and is just the sweetest gal, I'm just kind of confused.

My previous partners have always complained to me about things, so I would always be busy fixing things, I have said this to her and she says isn't it great you don't have to do that and smiles and gives me a wink, she's so cute.

I'd just like some advice

3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi CaptainPickles : )

Welcome here : )

I was almost in the exact same situation as you so I really related to your post, hopefully I can give you some insight on what helped me.

Me and my partner have been together 8 months and like you guys, have our own little routine, activities we both do together and tv shows we like- its great

Before I met my partner, I had A LOT of hobbies and I noticed I was reducing them more and more to be with my partner all the time. It just seemed difficult to leave the comfort of our routine to go off on my own and do something.

But you just have to do it.

Communicate with your partner, let her know how your feeling and that you'd like to be a bit more active- she can choose to do this with you or not but either way is completely fine.

What helped me was routine- I chose what I wanted to do and decided to do it on the same time/ day every week, that way it just becomes a part of your weekly routine.

My partner has the option to be apart of it or he can just stay in bed or do something he likes to do, it is definitely ok to do things alone.

I'm happy to hear you've found a wonderful partner, when you do you want to spend every minute with them but it's a healthy, positive thing to have your own separate interests and hobbies as well as the ones you do together.

Take care, I wish you and your partner the best


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hi CaptainPickles, can I also welcome you to the forum.

Try not to compare one partner to another, they all have their own personality and that's what she is showing you by a wink.

As soon as I started reading your comment I noticed that the second bedroom is rented out, that's the problem, your freedom is restricted.

I realise that the extra income would come in handy but there are two other people living with you who are making you feel anxious, and you're joining their feelings with how your previous partners reacted.

My ex used to sleep in on the week ends if she could, but I was happy doing something in the shed or anywhere else, it gave me some spare time alone.

She tells you that she loves you, there's nothing better than that.

Like to hear back from you.


Community Member

Welcome to the forums

I am very happy for your new relationship. Starting a new relationship is both amazing and some what difficult at times, there is a lot of interaction and experiences going on. You are an amazing individual and you have lots of interests that make you who you are, as does your partner. People change over the course of any relationship, they evolve and became the best version of themselves. Balance is paramount you both need to learn and experience grow and move forward as both an individual and as a couple.

Your interests are what makes you an individual and provides you with a place where you can centre and reflect. The same would go for your partner. Make time for your hobbies make time for eachother make time for friends and family.