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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Brokenmama When does it get better? Feeling broken
  • replies: 1

I worked for an employer who hired me into his clinic after I was a patient of his. During my tenure, my manager would ask me questions about my marriage with my husband, my sex life, and psychological health. I am sexual assault/harassment survivor ... View more

I worked for an employer who hired me into his clinic after I was a patient of his. During my tenure, my manager would ask me questions about my marriage with my husband, my sex life, and psychological health. I am sexual assault/harassment survivor and subsequently suffer mental illness, he is aware of this and my psychological history. After the meeting, he offered me a lift home. He asked me questions about penetration, how I have sex, if I wear outfits, how it feels when I have sex and he was “aroused”. I texted him when I got home and said I was feeling uncomfortable about what happened in the car, he wrote it was in a vault, assured me hurt any opportunity he was offering me and he continued to engage in sending sexual information about me. After I did this, I asked him if we would pay and help with my reimbursements but he ignored me. The next day, I was feeling powerless, I offered to provide more sexual information about me in the hope he would communicate to talk about the new work opportunity or organise to pay my wages but he ignored me. I felt ashamed and dirty. I went to my husband for help and showed him the text messages who contacted the manager, but the manager texted my husband saying information I had given me was private, nothing to do with my husband and despite being curious about my personal life, he felt it was inappropriate after he asked me to send information to him. Eventually, he insinuated I was having an affair, it was something he didn’t want to know and he was an innocent victim. He’d write to me and said I made him feel uncomfortable, that I have issues in my marriage but he still wanted to be my friend and support me on a personal basis. He since made accusations that I sent him unwarranted texts, explicit photos and he wouldn’t show evidence of said explicit photos or texts and I didn't send anything like this.

e11e123 I can't control my anger
  • replies: 2

My relationship is suffering greatly because I cant control my impulse and the things that come out of my mouth. He is my 1st bf. I have been cheated on by him 2x in the past I have anxiety n get frustrated n it's hard to contain without clenching my... View more

My relationship is suffering greatly because I cant control my impulse and the things that come out of my mouth. He is my 1st bf. I have been cheated on by him 2x in the past I have anxiety n get frustrated n it's hard to contain without clenching my fists, picking my scalp until it bleeds, picking my skin, etc. I feel as though I have only two options when i'm feeling this way, either I cry to let emotion out or I want to start spewing verbal abuse or get physical This past week he has been busy with assignments and with work n I have no problem with him doing that n I tell him to not call me until he is completely finished everything he needs to do to better his life On Sunday we barely spoke and I had expressed to him the last few days that I have been feeling down and irritated so that he knows if I get annoyed it's not because of him. He spoke to me for 5 mins and told me he would call me after dinner which was fine with me After a few hours I call him to make sure he is ok, he told me he was taking someone home n would call when home After 3 hours I was worried I call again n he hung up. I can tell when he hangs up compared to when it just rings through, (different voicemail). I call again n he hung up again. I know I should have stopped calling n let him get back to me when he had the chance but I felt sick to my stomach and had a gut feeling he was somewhere he shouldn't be. I called a total of 126 times n when he finally picked up he was at a club, I lost it n told him to go home or we are done. The next day we had a bad argument about why he lied to me and I lost it. I was screaming at him and swearing. Him laughing at me made n me even more angry. He adds oil onto flames n makes me worse. I know it was manipulative to give him and ultimatum but at the time I was so enraged I didn't know what else to say. He was upset and told me I was crazy for calling 126 times and didn't understand why I was so angry and I quote I said "Yeah I called 126 times, I would have called 1000 times. I would have gotten on that MotherF plane and burnt down your house is how angry I am". He admitted to lying and he did give me explanation as to why he lied and to me it meant nothing. I would have he rather told me the truth. I cant stand being lied to and its what triggers my rage and anger. Please help me. I cant control myself. My anger gets worst the more times things like this happen, what do I do?!

CJs_mum Families
  • replies: 3

Hi was wondering if anyone else has had this or something similar happen to them and how they may approach it. I've had anxiety pretty much all my life, mostly due to my dads behaviour after coming home from the Vietnam war. He was controlling, diffi... View more

Hi was wondering if anyone else has had this or something similar happen to them and how they may approach it. I've had anxiety pretty much all my life, mostly due to my dads behaviour after coming home from the Vietnam war. He was controlling, difficult and angry when I was growing up. That said, he's recently been getting help through the awesome ppl at VVCS and is starting to say I'm now "just old enough to start thinking for myself" (I'm 35 this year, sad, I know.) I've been getting help from VVCS too and it's been great. Now, though, my parents -whom I'm living with- are starting to try to take over everything again. Theyll push me off a chair I'm sitting on while eating breakfast (that I bought and made) and tell me that I'm "so useless, I can't sit there." Theyll tell me my cooking is so appalling they can't bare to touch it, and will go and make a disgusting, watery broth or something and make me eat that instead. But then accuse me of not doing anything around the house. theyll make a huge mess in the kitchen, yell at me to clean it up but prevent me from doing so. If I dare say I have plans for the day...omg, the guilt trips come flooding in and the "you haven't done enough housework" and "you're not good enough at..." 's do too. the horrible thing is, it's all too easy to play victim and say "they're right, I'm not good enough" even if I try as hard as possible to achieve something. Its come to a point this week where because of all the nagging and put downs, I'm moving slower than ever, I'm making stupid mistakes, in doing and saying dumb things and getting lost/flustered so easily, this proving them right. the harder I try the more I fail and the cycle continues... how does anyone stop the cycle or prevent it? thanks

c_1698 I don’t want my partner to join the navy
  • replies: 1

Hey so, my partner is in his last few weeks of recruit school for the navy. I’ve really struggled while he’s been gone and my anxiety has become so overwhelming. I hate the instability of it all and not knowing where we’ll be posted and if he’ll be d... View more

Hey so, my partner is in his last few weeks of recruit school for the navy. I’ve really struggled while he’s been gone and my anxiety has become so overwhelming. I hate the instability of it all and not knowing where we’ll be posted and if he’ll be deployed etc. I’ve had to start taking anti depressants just so I’m not so miserable all the time. I’ve come to the conclusion that this lifestyle is not for me, but I love my partner so much and I do see a future with him. I expressed my concerns to my partner and he said he would rather leave than to lose me but I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt if he did that. He said he has other career choices that would be better for us but im scared his family will resent me for being the reason that he leaves. I know it’s his decision but it would be based off my feelings and I don’t know if that’s fair on him. He signs his contracts next week so we have to come to a decision. I love him more than anything and I just want an outcome that’s going to make us both happy. But I don’t know what that outcome is

LoveFlowers Toxic Girl Causing So Much Pain
  • replies: 7

Hi, Two friends of mine had been in my life for over 10 years, before a horrible girl was introduced to them through my friend’s partner. Straight away I could see the toxic signs of this girl, she was vein, gossipy, Instagram/Snapchat obsessed and h... View more

Hi, Two friends of mine had been in my life for over 10 years, before a horrible girl was introduced to them through my friend’s partner. Straight away I could see the toxic signs of this girl, she was vein, gossipy, Instagram/Snapchat obsessed and had a chaotic drama filled life. My other two friends could not see this side to her and regularly began to hang out with her more and more. Eventually she became the queen bee of the group and everyone felt intimidated by her because she was a control freak, although had come from a wealthy family and was able to afford beautiful designer clothing and to do whatever she wanted. She is also a size 6 in clothing and loved to flaunt her body in revealing clothing whenever our group of friends went out together. Although I’m not a shy person, I didn’t feel comfortable flaunting my body around and wearing revealing clothing to try and get attention. I wanted to keep my friends I had known for years by not expressing my dislike for this girl to them, however one day I couldn’t help myself and completely lost it. The toxic girl was trying to plan a surprise party for one of my other friends, and she was being a control freak about the whole thing. She wouldn’t listen to anyone else’s ideas and kept insisting that the party was planned her way. I finally vented my frustrations to her by telling her that I felt disrespected by her and that if we were going to get along, she needed to realise that I have had a friendship with my friend for over 10 years and know her very well, therefore my ideas for the party needed to be respected. The toxic girl went ballistic and caused an unnecessary drama between myself and my other two friends of over 10 years. To my surprise, my other two friends took the toxic girl’s side and gradually became more and more distant from me. I didn’t chase my friends, I let them go as I figured if they couldn’t see through her toxic behaviour then they weren’t worth fighting for. It’s been 2 years since that time and I have felt so much pain and loneliness from losing my friends to that horrible girl. I have watched the toxic girl be apart of my friend’s wedding which I wasn’t even invited to, and have been completely excluded from their social activities. Does anyone else here have a similar experience with toxic friends who can share their story? I feel so lonely at times and don’t know if there are other people who can relate to my experience. LoveFlowers

DazedforDays Simply put, I don't know who I am anymore...
  • replies: 6

Hello, firstly this forum is a great way to realise it's not only you. sometimes I get so caught up in myself, it's utterly ridiculous.. I annoy myself ! I moved to Australia 7 Years ago on the search for what made me tick, what made me happy... When... View more

Hello, firstly this forum is a great way to realise it's not only you. sometimes I get so caught up in myself, it's utterly ridiculous.. I annoy myself ! I moved to Australia 7 Years ago on the search for what made me tick, what made me happy... When I arrived I was told (from a Pap smear I had at home) , that I would need surgery... During this time I met a guy, very outgoing, confident, good job, funny, we clicked and he helped me through that scary time, I felt scared and vulnerable in a new country on my own dealing with such a big thing. We stayed together, it was great, he took me everywhere, showed me this country top to bottom! Fast forward a few years, we are married (pushed forward for Visa reasons) , we barely talk, we have seperate lives, I have changed he hasn't, not that that's a bad thing, but I feel we are so different! he has helped me so much with my anxiety, but I also feel he may be fuel to it also! We handle situations VERY differently, we talk to people very differently, neither of us have clear goals of what we even want. I feel very lost, I have bad social anxiety which after counselling realised it usually flared up because of him as he is very loud and crash.. Rude jokes, bad mannors etc. this sent me into overdrive worrying about what people thought of us. Now we rarely socialise together as I can't deal.. I go quiet and introverted. Lately I have been questioning our relationship a lot, also wether I want to live here or move home. I am totally lost, I don't want to blame the relationship as it was so good before. I need guidance on what to do. I feel like I have lost myself and my personality. I am a total nark to him, always whinging! That just isn't me! I hate it! I can't tell if it's me or the relationship. I don't know what to do to find myself again, to have a clear head and focus. I do yoga and exercise every day to keep my anxiety as level as possible. Gahhhhhh!!!! Sorry for the long read.

mermaidheart Trying to help him
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone. My Partner and I have been together 3 years now, he has suffered from mild depression/anxiety for around 6 years now and is medicated. I dont know how to describe it but lately he has become extremely self centered. He if off in his own ... View more

Hi everyone. My Partner and I have been together 3 years now, he has suffered from mild depression/anxiety for around 6 years now and is medicated. I dont know how to describe it but lately he has become extremely self centered. He if off in his own world so often than any outside influences just aren't considered. He's not coping in social/crowd situations and becomes overwhelmed and frustrated quite quickly. His memory is becoming worse, and lately he has been getting his left and rights mixed up. He'll also be so incredibly adament that an incident took place, relaying the story, explaining it in great detail etc and it turns out to be a completely false thing. He says he needs help, that he doesn't feel like himself but refuses to do anything about it. He asks me to help and support him but never follows through with anything. I once scored him an appointment with a specialist mental health clinic that usually has a long wait list. There had been a last minute cancellation, he got incredibly angry and defensive and I ended up cancelling the appointment. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I keep sacrificing, I keep giving and giving while being hurt by Continuing patterns of behavior. I'm almost Broken

Unsure_ Struggling
  • replies: 3

I’ve thought about joining this forum for a long time but then the thoughts in my head “you’ll be right” or “just suck it up” got the better of me. For the past 5 years I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I’m definitely one of those peo... View more

I’ve thought about joining this forum for a long time but then the thoughts in my head “you’ll be right” or “just suck it up” got the better of me. For the past 5 years I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I’m definitely one of those people that have recognised all the warning signs but chosen to remain confident that things would change but they haven’t) a month ago I was able to gain the courage (from the way I saw how my relationship was effecting my children) to tell my partner I couldn’t do this anymore, of course it didn’t go down well but the living separation has happened and I feel like I can slightly breathe again for the very first time in a long time... it has all taken it’s toll though for the past 5 years I’ve been severely isolated from family and I have no close friends anymore as they’ve all been pushed away, the confidence I used to have is non existent and I don’t even feel as though I can have conversations with people anymore, I’m extremely anxious, I can’t concentrate and I’m very forgetful... sometimes I seriously feel like I’m going crazy.. I cry a lot and could seriously just lay in bed all day if I had the chance... I’m capable of putting on a good front so I can work, I work extremely hard but never feel as though enough is enough...and I’m my own worst critic. I have 2 children and I feel as though my mind is so distant that when they talk to me I can’t remember what they’ve told me...I’m really struggling with life at the moment, I feel as though in the past five years my soul has just been destroyed and I don’t even know myself anymore. I don’t even recognise me, I feel no enjoyment in anything, it’s hard...I’m now 33 and I feel so ashamed for letting myself get like this

Manx Verbal abuse and meds
  • replies: 1

Hi. I've never posted here before but I'm stuck and not sure what to do or how to approach this situation. My partner of almost 10 years has been verbally abusive to me over the years and I have been called all sorts of horrible names and been yelled... View more

Hi. I've never posted here before but I'm stuck and not sure what to do or how to approach this situation. My partner of almost 10 years has been verbally abusive to me over the years and I have been called all sorts of horrible names and been yelled at. I spoke to him numerous times about it and he always talked about fixing his verbally abusive behavior but things only improved slightly. But about a year ago, he accidentally read my diary (which wasn't hidden anyway) and realised how badly it was affecting me and my intention of leaving after the next episode. He decided to see a counsellor and psychiatrist and ended up being on anti-depressants. Things improved significantly and I thought that our relationship was finally on the mend. But he has suddenly decided that he was better and that he doesn't want to take anti-depressants anymore and stopped abruptly this week. He is a grown man and I understand that I can't make him do anything against his will but I'm terrified that he will go back to his old ways. I've told him that the tablets were helping him but he doesn't seem to want to listen. I don't think I can stay in the relationship anymore if he starts verbally abusing me. I wonder if I could somehow get him to stay on the meds?

Flourish Not a daughter anymore
  • replies: 6

I'm dealing with the fact my own Mother has dis owned me as a daughter. Back in 2012 found myself pregnant was forced to keep my pregnancy from Family, my Mother told me I was not to go near family as she felt disappointed and I was a failure. I had ... View more

I'm dealing with the fact my own Mother has dis owned me as a daughter. Back in 2012 found myself pregnant was forced to keep my pregnancy from Family, my Mother told me I was not to go near family as she felt disappointed and I was a failure. I had my daughter a month early where I had no support from partner at the time in 2012, not knowing I was suffering from Post Natal, eventually it blew up one day 2013 to where my partner&Mother called the Police to say I was a threat to my daughter, my Mother siding with my partner making a false statement to say I assaulted my partner. That night, I lost my baby daughter 4 weeks old, my house, my job and any friends that believed his fake stories. I fought in court for the next 11 months in the meanwhile not being out to see my daughter only for visitation rights with DHS office and then eventually having overnight stays to the point where it was half and half custody until sort it out in family court in late November 2013. It was then the father walked away after not getting years own way and decided not to see his daughter any more or have anything to do with me, said Post Natal was no excuse for what had happened & I was just basically a fake. Also my mother at this stage in this 11 months had decided to move in with him to help with my daughter so that he could still continue to go to work, do his sports go out with his friends as if life had not stopped and nothing had changed. My mother disowned me as a daughter and said I was complete failure. I still remember the day where I had to go around to my former family home to collect some of my belongings still wanting to fight me and I still don't know why I don't know what I've done wrong but at the same time I want to deal with it and move on I don't understand how a mother could not support you when you really need her most? After becoming a mother I would do anything and everything for my daughter regardless of what was going on or who was involved with, she is my world! If anyone has dealt with this before knows any techniques whatever to do with this it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I've spent five years with the psychologist and not got anywhere. Please help! Thank you