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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Hellokitty01 Feeling lost
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I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone who has been abusive verbally towards me, cheated on me, and made me out to be the reason for. I believe I’m a good person and have tried to my best ability to be there for him. I honestly feel so lo... View more

I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone who has been abusive verbally towards me, cheated on me, and made me out to be the reason for. I believe I’m a good person and have tried to my best ability to be there for him. I honestly feel so lonely and feel like I’ve lost myself and who I used to be. I feel like he doesn’t understand me. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Do I frustrate him so much that this is how he treats me? It doesn’t matter how I express how I feel he never seems to understand where I’m coming from. If anyone has been in a similar situation and can shed some light for me that would be greatly appreciated. thank you x

Helpless_one Can't cope with break up *Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence*
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,I have been in a relationship for 3 years I have kids but not to this man, the other day I kicked my fiancé out, its all my fault, I'm so alone I think I was co dependant on his alcohol issues why else would I feel so horrible?he was great he loved ... View more

,I have been in a relationship for 3 years I have kids but not to this man, the other day I kicked my fiancé out, its all my fault, I'm so alone I think I was co dependant on his alcohol issues why else would I feel so horrible?he was great he loved my kids I pushed him about his alcohol problems he would never drink around my kids or his own, when the kids were not around it was alcohol poker machines and sex constantly, I hate sex now because it was all the time he was a sex addict too &drink so much, &here it comes yes in the past he was violant he did abuse me but I think he learned his lesson cause in the past year he hasn't laid a hand on me, it was more emotional abuse, any normal woman would run for the hills,why do I feel so bad why can't I be happy I finally said enough is enough.Well that's why I'm here I can't cope & I need help, I went my doc after work today as I'm struggling to even get out of in bed eat sleep shower anything. My doc put me on anti depressant, i feel like my heart is gone I'm a empty shell and I'm so scared of my future I'm scared of him moving on.what is wrong with me ? Even to sign up to this was pain everything is so hard here's..about me, I have no family except my kids who I adore, I have one friend who has a partner and can't be there for me I meditate at night to try soothe the waking up in shock, when I do sleep I wake up with terrible anxiety and panic attacks.please give me some advice, I'm petrified I miss him yet still am strong enough to stay away I'm forcing myself, I'm 33 I'm not a kid yet I feel like one, hurting crying wreck, Xmas is coming and I will be alone I don't get my kids till the day after Xmas, I feel maybe I fed on the fact he needed me too I know leaving him was the right thing to do just my heart doesn't seem to know that, work is horrible but I force myself to go even if it means hiding in the toilet to cry, it's not just crying that I can't take its the emotional pain. I know to take up hobbies, make friends, excercise, eat right & do all those things but I can't even do them to be honest if it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't even be alive right now, I do meditation, to help me sleep, I've thought about al anon meets though they seem pointless if I'm not with him anymore. when asked how I am my response is well I'm still breathing.I work with all men and every one of them is married, I'm the only girl so I can't even cry to anyone

prairievole "One day someone will come along" turned out to be a lie. How do i cope now?
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I decided to make a this post because i just finished reading a post by a young woman who had her first experience being used by a guy. Many of the posters said encouraging, comforting things AND many of them also said something to the effect of "som... View more

I decided to make a this post because i just finished reading a post by a young woman who had her first experience being used by a guy. Many of the posters said encouraging, comforting things AND many of them also said something to the effect of "someone will come along who appreciates you", "one day it will happen i promise" and "when you least expect it you'll find love". I'm so angry when people say this because sometimes it's not true. And it makes people like me feel even worse about ourselves because if most people find love after many bad experiences, then there really must be something wrong with me, because i still haven't. I'm 32, so i have maturity to help me in these experiences. I'm good looking and outgoing and friendly (not that that matters at all). I'm educated and reasonable and have researched many different approaches to interacting with men. Yet not a single guy i have ever engaged with has ever wanted anything more from me than using me for sex just a few times (if i'm lucky) or just once if i'm not. I have tried soooo many different approaches - i've tried meeting people organically, meeting them online. I have been on dozens of dates. I have tried being clear about what i want. I have tried being more relaxed and 'going with the flow'. I have tried setting boundaries. I have tried just living in the moment and appreciating someone's company. I have tried being elusive. I have tried being upfront. I have tried not caring. I have tried with wildly different men from different walks of life, and different appearances. Not a single man that i have been interested in has ever been interested in me. Sometimes they are upfront about it after a date. Sometimes they lead me on for sex. Sometimes they deliberately lie (for sex). How do i cope with this? Knowing that there must be something wrong with me. I have tried so many other avenues for finding happiness but realised in my early 30s that all i really wanted was to give love, be loved, and have the chance at having a family. And still people lie and tell me "it will happen". If they'd told me that 10 years ago, i'd have believed them. If they told me that 5 years ago, i'd still have believed them. But now, it's proven to be false.

Try_to_help_to_much When do I say no more!
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone after reading a lot of things I do wish I had looked into B.B. a lot sooner. breif: with my partner 3 yrs today. started as an affair. He has 3 biological children, n a step daughter he raised from a new born. X- Wife was bipolar n sua... View more

Hello everyone after reading a lot of things I do wish I had looked into B.B. a lot sooner. breif: with my partner 3 yrs today. started as an affair. He has 3 biological children, n a step daughter he raised from a new born. X- Wife was bipolar n suacidal for 15+ yrs. they where married 22 yrs. Me 2 children, X husband has OCD n Autisum. Married 11 yrs. We moved intogether August 2016 My son 11 (autistic) daughter 9 and his oldest son 22 (drugs n scuacidal) n youngest daughter.16 (Very depressed, eating disorders) my family - thanks to my understanding x , moved from Vic to Qld. Seemed ok as long as I spent money on them. I treated them like family. If sick etc I was the one that cared for them. Mum remarried - they had a on n off realationship with her. Over time money got tight. Cracks started to apeare. Today I’m leaving. But partner does not want me to go! This year the cracks that appeared are huge and getting bigger by the day. We have been getting counciling and I felt things where going amazing. But the past 15 days I have learnt some shocking home truths. My partner is a pathological Lier. I don’t know where to start. Apaerntly he’s kids have never liked me and anytimethey spoke to there dad via text or ph they where basically putting me down with abuseive in aceptable words. He did nothing about it. So as you could imagine the fire in theses children has now turned into a inferno. They are telling him choose her or us. We have been deciding to move for a while, into a cheaper smaller house. Adult children where to move out. And start to set up there lives. But that inferno was burning - I had no idea. no I lie - I New they did not respect me or our home. They have been msging him day her or use for months. He has been replying to them give me time yep she will go, all good! so he came up with a plan,says let’s move to vic He was to stay here until end of Jan for work n help his mum. Me n my kids set up our house in Vic. i have just found out why! He is choosing his kids. As most would. But then he’s going to say to me the opposite that they are not talking to him n hate him so he’s happy to go. Him n I will be in our normal realationship but long distant for a few eeeks. to his kids we are finished. then he planned to say I miss her I’m going down there to see if it’s changed!! WOW I have know he’s a lier , he’s done this before with our affair!Im wanting to go n drop all ties with him. I hate his plan how could u lie to us like this

Scott72 Nasty to me and its getting worse
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I thought I would write about me to see responses as I feel I would get better value this way. I have never been sick, thankfully and I have worked hard for decades, since I was 14 actually. I am a returned veteran and I have crafted a beautiful life... View more

I thought I would write about me to see responses as I feel I would get better value this way. I have never been sick, thankfully and I have worked hard for decades, since I was 14 actually. I am a returned veteran and I have crafted a beautiful life. I have is all basically, nice house, white picket fence life, two young great kids and married to an intelligent very attractive (internally and ext) lady. What’s wrong is she is not the person I married 17 years ago. Has been ups and downs over the years, however over the past 6-8 months I have felt differently, almost like I felt she was withdrawing from me. Last night she said something which is what I suspected, she said she is depressed. She has had issues at work recently but at home things have really altered. Nasty and there is a communication breakdown. I hear are negative comments most of the time and it seems impossible to get anything right. If I dare attempt to defend myself it ends up in me being cornered, verbally abused or storming off and locking herself in the bedroom. If I try to walk away from any dressing downs which I try to do as a time out approach as it is not constructively going anywhere, it can be days before I hear her voice again. She says she is alone, a failure and has a fog in her mind. I can stand by her, she is not alone and I understand truthfully some of what she is going through. The problem for me is the rage and anger – it is horrible, mean, she belittles me and says some really terrible things. I don’t know what I am doing wrong - I haven’t done anything wrong. Last night my oldest daughter saw this and she was truly frightened. The rage in my wife’s eyes over nothing was way out there. – pure raw rage. She is concerned for her and what’s to help her, but she’s 9. Intimacy is always an issue and it is rare these days if at all. I need to initiate it if it was to happen and this has generally been the case throughout our marriage. Strangest thing though is for many months now I actually don’t really want to. I am a nice man, grounded, great father, loyal husband and a good provider. I am 45 and have a long time to go_ I thought this is what most women would like and I was raised this way. I am not interested in divorce as I love my wife very much, but how do you live with someone who is depressed and just plain nasty to you most of the time ??? Is this fair for young girls to grow up around ?

Painting Emotional infidelity
  • replies: 16

My wife and I have been together for over 8 years, though only recently got married. Our relationship has been very strong over the years and on the surface it appears strong to this day. Earlier this year she became friends with a man from the same ... View more

My wife and I have been together for over 8 years, though only recently got married. Our relationship has been very strong over the years and on the surface it appears strong to this day. Earlier this year she became friends with a man from the same social club we belong to. She had previously remarked about his good looks and she had also mentioned to me when he was drunk one night, how he thought she was very beautiful. Having had a very stable relationship up to this point, I had never felt threatened in any way. My wife and this man continued to grow their friendship (always hanging out together at social club events and the like). One day I decided to do something I had never felt the urge to in the whole time we had been together, which was check the messages on her phone. There was a torrent of communication between them, flirty and familiar in nature but nothing sexual. I told her right away how I had breached her privacy and was sorry, but also asked her if she had feelings for this man. She said she didn’t and that they were just friends. Months went by. Our marriage was seemingly healthy (regular sex, many dates, lots of fun), but something in my gut was telling me all wasn’t quite right. I decided to have a look at one of her social media accounts and saw hundreds of messages back and forth between the two of them - all hours of the night and day; all of them written when we were not in each other’s direct company. I’ve asked her about their friendship again, which only angers her and leads her to accuse me of being jealous and possessive. I did not tell her I had secretly accessed her messages. I know if I were engaging in a ‘friendship’ in the same way she is, she would be very upset. Indeed I have let so many of my friendships with female friends over the years wither away out of respect for my wife and her feeling of security within our relationship. I am currently in an awful cycle of my wife telling me she loves me to my face, but concurrently having this secret intimate friendship with this other man. It’s been incredibly draining putting on a brave face when I know all the lies she’s telling me. I feel depressed and at the same time have no one to talk to, as I am so ashamed of breaching her privacy the way I have. I feel I am a good man with many good qualities and I would rather my marriage end so I can try and move on, rather than live in this situation which I can only see ending in physical infidelity.

Littleflip How to deal with my boyfriends mum who doesn’t like me
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Hi everyone my boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months which I know is a short time but I’ve known him since I was a kid.___. I re met his mum within the first couple of weeks of us dating and when I did she didn’t acknowledge me which I d... View more

Hi everyone my boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months which I know is a short time but I’ve known him since I was a kid.___. I re met his mum within the first couple of weeks of us dating and when I did she didn’t acknowledge me which I didn’t think anything of at the time as it was after dinner and I figured she was tired from work and looking after her household so I just shrugged it off but in the past few months it hasnt gotten any better in fact the entire time I’ve been dating her son she has never said hello or goodbye to me.___. I was over one night waiting for my boyfriend to pack his stuff and i was left along with her and his young nephew in the lounge room when his nephew spilt his drink I turned around to his mum and said aw no his just spilt his drink is there a towel I can use to clean it up and she didn’t even look up so of course I just got up walked around her and grabbed the tea towel from behind her and cleaned up the spill.__. to make things a little worse she was at my best friends work one day when my best friend said hey you BFNs mum I’m bestfriendsname LFs best friend to which she replied with as yeah my kids know a lot of people.__. when I found out her response it hurt a little I’m not just someone her son knows I’m someone her son is dating.__. i raised my concern with my boyfriend asking him if I done something to up set her but he continues to deny it and say that’s just how she is.—.there have been a few other things that have happened but the thing that has pushed me over the edge was the other day.—. basically my BF and I have had a holiday planned for some time now and we’re due to leave in a couple of days but something has come up and he’s been asked to lol after his nephew on the day we are supposed to leave.—-. I understand that things come up and family is family but you can only rearrange things so much before they cannot be moved or changed.—. when my boyfriend told me this news I was upset we’d been planing this for a while now and it was all paid for only to be told he needs to do this.—. Both he and I were upset but when seeing his mother a few days later she made the worst blow of them all .—. My BF and I were close to her work so we stopped in to say hi which like always I was not acknowledged but I didn’t let it faze me as I’m kinda used to it now but anyway she made a commitment about how family comes first no matter who it is .—-. Hearing this has absolutely crushed me

ElisaP Seem to be full of problems
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I feel like I Jaguar Paw in Apocalypto: like I get one problem after another. I think I am probably borderline Asperger's -Female Asperger's, which is different to the one most people know about: it is a less obvious form if you like. Emotionally it ... View more

I feel like I Jaguar Paw in Apocalypto: like I get one problem after another. I think I am probably borderline Asperger's -Female Asperger's, which is different to the one most people know about: it is a less obvious form if you like. Emotionally it is like I have always been disadvantaged: high sensitivity, along with a fragility in that I have trouble seeing the bigger picture but tend to see details more. This difference in how I perceive is probably not a big one compared to most people, but it creates issues. For one, I cannot socialize as long as most people can and find group socializing taxing. I suspect that I am a bit socially clumsy in being a bit egocentric and less able see things from an overall/group perspective. Real problems exist for me, however, when I come across other people who have similar issues. You would think that I would be good friends with such people -however, if they ever were, it is almost always that they have been 'frenemies'. That is, I have noticed that people who I was close to or thought I was comfortable friends with, have either turned into enemies or I notice simply that people who have bullied or harrassed me resemble so much members of my own family or even friends. I am no longer associating with these "friends" and I have a very strong emotional distance from my family. I do not trust my family for the most part. Don't like my siblings. Don't trust or like my father -actually I don't speak to him. I also have only one friend. I lost one I thought I would have for life, because she was prejudiced towards my struggles. I have been unemployed for almost all of my 20s with an anxiety disorder. Underemployed in my 30s. Was bullied as a young woman in a first job and lost everything. And it has begun again: I was bullied by a godammn teacher in a course I was studying. Reminded me of my cousin of course. I feel it goes back to the egocentricity -in that this individual shares it, but deals with it in a toxic way. I feel sometimes like this is a losing battle. Have put so much effort and work into understanding my issues. To sum up: it feels like I am "close but no cigar". I try to see it as 'almost there' and to see my fight as brave. But sometimes I think I am 'pathetic', that I should become a hermit. And that people who are a good deal less mature and decent are still messing me around and I am really annoyed that this is still happening. I feel like I really should not be experiencing this anymore.

Mdoddy Hypersexuality, bipolar, relationships, cheating
  • replies: 8

Hi all, Here is a backstory: I am in a relationship with a beautiful man (I am also a man), and we've been together since June 2016, living together since September. At the beginning of our relationship, before committing to one another, he wanted to... View more

Hi all, Here is a backstory: I am in a relationship with a beautiful man (I am also a man), and we've been together since June 2016, living together since September. At the beginning of our relationship, before committing to one another, he wanted to be upfront and honest to say that he has hypersexual disorder, also commonly known as sex addiction. He wanted my input on the idea of him having sex with other people, outside of our own sex, to fulfill his constant and high sexual desire, however promised to love only me. Eventually, I came back with the response that I wouldn't want him to suffer or be unhappy, so I would agree to it, but I never want to know about it. A couple of days later, he said that he wanted to do it, but couldn't do it to me, that it was too painful for him to do that to me, and that we would think of other ways to cope with it. This is secretly what I had hoped for as, for many people, we would love out partner to only want to desire us, and us alone, I thought. So, that's the backstory. Fast forward to about a month ago, and for two or three weeks prior, I had had my suspicions that he was cheating. I, very rudely, went through his phone and found evidence pretty quickly that confirmed my suspicions. I calmly brought it to his attention, before pouring out all of my emotion. Naturally, he was speechless and could only say "I'm sorry". Since then, we've had a million open and honest conversations about how we're feeling, that I was fulfilling his irrational fear of me not desiring him, what we desire, etc. We recently tried sex with a third person, which turned out to be quite fun and good for us, and I think has brought our communication closer. I could go on and on about the fine details and complexities. Since then, I have felt depressed, angry, sad, happy, joyful, stressed, anxious. You name it, I've felt it. Countless conversations with friends, until I had a breakdown at work last week. I now have a mental health plan, and have my first session this week. What I need opinions/advice on: What does hypersexual disorder feel like on its own like in a relationship? How do I help him? How do I help us? How do I help myself? I can't think of much more to write. I have felt better since my "breakdown" last week, which is relieving.

Gill1989 Parents & Partner differences
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My parents and my boyfriend are completely different people. My boyfriend has always had difficulties clicking with them, and vice versa. Sometimes I think he tries too hard and it makes me so uncomfortable and I also get mad at him for trying so har... View more

My parents and my boyfriend are completely different people. My boyfriend has always had difficulties clicking with them, and vice versa. Sometimes I think he tries too hard and it makes me so uncomfortable and I also get mad at him for trying so hard!!! I honestly don't really care what they think of him and I wish he wouldn't either. We have been together for 5 years, and I think marriage is probably on the horizon soon and they are probably thinking this as well. Anyway the past few weeks my parents just keep on telling me they do not think he is "right for me". They say they think I always look annoyed or uncomfortable when I am around him and them. Which is obviously because I AM uncomfortable when they are all together!!! None of them get along! Then they just tell me I really need to think my decision through because its "for life" (as if a person with anxiety hasn't already thought this through a thousand times?!?!?!) Their attitude towards the whole thing is really getting me down, and I don't know how I will cope if/when we get engaged. How will I deal with having such an unsupportive family during that time All I want is for people to be happy and excited for me, but they are just going to be disappointed and probably keep telling me "Its not too late to back out" arggghhhh. anyone been thru anything similar?