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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Cj99 Dazed and confused
  • replies: 2

First time ever writing online. I thank you in advance for taking the time to read. As of now 3 months ago I have given up smoking marijuana after more than 20 years. I have never felt better in my life. Unfortunately at the same time my partner of 1... View more

First time ever writing online. I thank you in advance for taking the time to read. As of now 3 months ago I have given up smoking marijuana after more than 20 years. I have never felt better in my life. Unfortunately at the same time my partner of 13 years decided to seperate from me. Didn't want to talk or get any kind of help to see if we can save what we had. Assumed the issues between us, which was basically a lack of communication could not be fixed and simply wanted to move on. We also have a 2 year old girl. 50/50 parent agreement has been established. After finally moving out 6 weeks ago to a girlfriends house and only lasting for a short time she has now moved in to her new partners house. Both of these people she works with and have gone through separation as well I feel threathed by this move knowing that a new man is in my daughter's life half the time. I know the relationship is over but how do you cope when one parent is so determined to be happy that they seem to be forgetting about the child being moved around from one house to another. There is no stability as far as I can see. The so called new relationship that my ex has was apparently only friendship weeks ago. It can't be serious. There is no stability in that relationship surely. Unless the relationship she now has, has been going on for longer than see is admitting to. I feel lost, helpless. I am improving myself every single day but hearing my little girl say mummy, daddy and her partners name that cuts deep. Is my daughter confused. Children will always copy words and names. How do you deal with such change in small amounts of time. How do I continue to function when my world has changed so dramatically. Saying that I have never been more determined in my life to succeed, grow, become the person I want to be. There are things that need to be sorted and there is no help coming from the person who left. I am struggling financially which begs the question of child support. How will that effect the situation. We both want to be amicable for our daughters sake. I'm just not sure what to do.

Sparrow90 My partner can’t accept my mental health issues...
  • replies: 1

I’ve been with my partner for 8+ years, we share 2 children together and another from my previous relationship. Ever since I’ve had my children I’ve slowly noticed my anxiety & depression getting worse, the more children I had the worse it got... I’m... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 8+ years, we share 2 children together and another from my previous relationship. Ever since I’ve had my children I’ve slowly noticed my anxiety & depression getting worse, the more children I had the worse it got... I’m now a mum of 3 and struggle to leave the house let alone get up and do my motherly chores, I’m constantly feeling tired and worn out even though I have a full nights sleep, I’m constantly feeling unwell over it to, and my partner doesn’t understand at all about it. He just thinks I’m faking it or being lazy and no matter how many times I’ve explained that I physically can’t help it he gets the cranks and says I’m lazy and there’s nothing wrong with me... How else am l meant to get it across to him, counselling? We are currently not in the financial state to pay to see someone. i don’t want to end my relationship over it, but I need him to understand and support me instead of put me down and further into a hole. i need him to be patient and I know it’s hard for him to but it’s also hard for me to watch him watch me like this too. I’m my own disappointment and I don’t need him to be disappointed in me too. I’ve tried multiple medications and I’ve had side affects with most but nothings worked, so I gave up on it and accepted that this is who I am even though this is not who I want to be. How can l help myself when I don’t have the support from my own partner!

Em_bee Friends with benefits break up
  • replies: 8

Hi, new poster here. I recently was left by my 'friend with benefits' that is a self admitted commitmentphobe. Can't hold a job, girlfriend or where he lives. He dumped me by text message because he was 'confused' and is now ignoring me. We spoke eve... View more

Hi, new poster here. I recently was left by my 'friend with benefits' that is a self admitted commitmentphobe. Can't hold a job, girlfriend or where he lives. He dumped me by text message because he was 'confused' and is now ignoring me. We spoke every day at length, and like me also suffers from depression. I reached out after this saying I really wanted to meet to chat and say bye for closure, but he said he doesn't need closure. I'm struggling to accept this and it's really pulling my self worth down. I didn't want anything more than what we had (neither did he) and I knew he would make a terrible partner. How can I stop continuing to idealize this in my head as something I want when I definitely don't. I've gone a week without contacting him, it's taking alot of self control. I have been diagnosed with ptsd, depression and anxiety. Thanks for all advice in advance.

Maikru Difficulty relating with others... and now...
  • replies: 1

I've been struggling for the past few months with a variety of factors causing me to find it difficult to relate to others, including family and friends. My absence and fogginess has been clearly noticed by others and in particular has taken a strain... View more

I've been struggling for the past few months with a variety of factors causing me to find it difficult to relate to others, including family and friends. My absence and fogginess has been clearly noticed by others and in particular has taken a strain on my family and marriage. On a daily basis I feel like I'm on the edge of an abyss and just can't find space to be a truly available and centred husband and father. I've basically just been getting by, which differs from how I was in the past. At this critical juncture of time, an ex of mine (one of those you never seem to get over), who is from overseas, has reached out to reconnect with me. It might seem innocuous, just a "Hi, how are you" message, but my intuition (and past experience) tells me it's more than that. I have a particular history with this ex, where we spent a short and extremely intense period of time together 20 years ago, and then broke up for reasons that were never quite clear. After that short period of time together I admit to pursuing her, first to to resume our relationship, but then as friends when it became clear she was suffering from depression and unable to be in a genuine relationship with me. This ended up being unhealthy for us both. I only wanted to be with her and when I would get close she would end up running into someone else's arms. The worst part was that deep down we both knew that we would only be happy if we were with each other. Despite both sides trying and dreaming of it working (changing countries, jobs, etc), we both made that unspoken decision to move on with our lives (at least on the surface) rather than keep hoping and praying that things would somehow work out. I can't speak for her, but I made a conscious decision not to have her in my life anymore because of the pain it created that we weren't together. Why I'm writing this post is that I'm really torn about replying to her message. This is someone I know I will consciously and unconsciously love for the rest of my life. I am tempted to write back to her, but fear that even though we have other lives now (we both have spouses and children) that I'll likely get sucked back into that space from the past and feel compromised and dependant which is exacerbated by the fact that I've been struggling lately. I don't want to dishonour this person who I feel is likely my one soulmate in this life, but am concerned about getting into a highly charged contact when I'm in such a vulnerable space. What should I do?

onlinefriends Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history…
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history… I was the youngest of two, raised by a physically and verbally abusive father, a neglectful/absent mother (who was also a victim of the same abuse), and a older ... View more

Hi, I am looking for advice on how to get over or ‘let go’ of an abusive family history… I was the youngest of two, raised by a physically and verbally abusive father, a neglectful/absent mother (who was also a victim of the same abuse), and a older sister who was my father’s favourite and who basically got anything and everything she could ever want - we had two very different, incredibly seperate childhoods (despite having grown up in the same house - for example, my mum stayed home and breast fed my sister the first two years, but when I was born, I was put in daycare after two weeks because my mother told me that my father forbade her to breastfeed me, or wake up with me at night, and that she had to work and leave me in daycare) My question is… I am feeling a lot of anger that I cannot express, as both my parents have passed away (separately, they were divorced) in the last couple years, and it has brought up a lot of memories and realisations that I van’t talk to them, or do anything about now. I also cannot talk to my sister (I have tried, but she thinks I am lying, as she didn’t experience anything like what I did, and has no idea of what it was like for me when I was alone with my father). Anyway, I want to ‘get over it’ and forget about all of them, but I have lost so much - my confidence, relationships, trouble at work with authority figures, etc. that it is hard for e to ‘just let go’ without being so angry about it all! I was hoping someone could please shed some light and help steer me in a direction to find a way to stop being ‘their victim’ and feeling sorry for myself and begin living my own life completely without any trace of feeling or memory of them… I am not looking to ‘forgive’ - just accept that I was unlucky to be born into that family and move on - very practical and ‘logical’ approach (as I also have Aspergers ) Thanks!

Skara Damping down a health libido
  • replies: 1

Gday all, Strange topic I know but I've given it a lot of thought and I really don't see any other option to my situation. Only 2500 character so let see how we go. I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for almost 12 of those and have ... View more

Gday all, Strange topic I know but I've given it a lot of thought and I really don't see any other option to my situation. Only 2500 character so let see how we go. I've been with my wife for over 20 years and married for almost 12 of those and have 2 awesome little girl (6-11). Recently my wife and I had some trouble getting along and communicating effectively and I suggested couples therapy however after 4 months of it being put off I decided to go on my own. I went and saw the GP and got on a health plan and also went to a phycologist. It really helped me deal with some of my issues and feeling and how to work with them along with ways of opening communication doors with the wife and things between my wife and I are pretty good again apart from one area. We have always been a little, how to put it, on opposite sides of the scale, Both of us (well at least I think) enjoy sex however our desire for it is quiet different and always has been (not a recent development). I find it increasingly difficult to handle the rejection to the point where I defiantly wont try and be spontaneous and I even fear to ask. I just live in hope that it will happen or I make subtle suggestions. I find my wife extremely attractive no only physically but personality wise as well which doesn't help matters. We have talked the ears off a donkey on this subject with mixed results often having any improvement that are made quickly return to the old status quo. I find it extremely difficult to deal with these days and it is really affecting my moods and overall happiness, however leaving simply isn't an option as I am still deeply in love with my wife. My question or request for advice is has any one else out there dealt with this by seeking medication to reduce their libido? I really enjoy sex and would miss it greatly however I would rather give it away then feel the hurt of rejection or pressure my wife into doing something she simply doesn't want to do. Its just something that I can't handle anymore and yes I have spoken to my phycologist about this and I have tried to work and communicate on the matter but as they say it takes two to tango and I'm sick of being the lonely bloke dancing on his own. Please any advice from people that have been through this?

doed03 How do you become emotionally independent?
  • replies: 1

I really do believe the cause of my low moods is from me being too emotionally dependent on people. I rely on them for my happiness, helping me through my problems, giving me validation and all that. And when I don't get the response I want, I start ... View more

I really do believe the cause of my low moods is from me being too emotionally dependent on people. I rely on them for my happiness, helping me through my problems, giving me validation and all that. And when I don't get the response I want, I start feeling hopeless and that no one cares about me etc etc. Don't get me wrong, having support externally is not a bad thing, but I want to be able to be there for myself instead of relying on people for this support. I just don't know where to begin.

Moza Losing direction
  • replies: 2

Hi there people. I have been through a few years of losing losing losing. Not much of a writer , but I will give it a go. Started about 4yrs ago , when I lost my identity within my marriage, I felt controlled to the piont whereI couldn't speak for my... View more

Hi there people. I have been through a few years of losing losing losing. Not much of a writer , but I will give it a go. Started about 4yrs ago , when I lost my identity within my marriage, I felt controlled to the piont whereI couldn't speak for myself. I started to gamble to escape from the control , I felt that I was in control of these moments, and it made me feel good. Of course my then wife found out what I was doing , and told me to stop or it would end our marriage , so I couldn't stop what I was doing, and our marriage ended While we were separated my wife started seeing someone else, and I seen them together out the back of our then home pashing. It was so hard to watch. We had been together since we were teenagers, I remember the pain from that day. And it still hurts.. I then left town to head closer to my parents, who were both ill. I was still gambling, and it got worse. I needed to go into a debit agreement to pay off the gambling debit. Mum was very sick and dementia set in , and we , my family and I decided to put mum into a nursing home, where she could get the 24/ 7 care she needed. Well she wasn't there long and passed away. Dad didn't take it well , his health wasn't great either, he had diabetes type 2 , and had a leg amputation, closely followed by a second, and ended up in a nursing home as well. He didn't last long , about 18 mnths, and he also passed away I tried to make a fresh start somewhere else, but my daughter got very ill , and now has to do dialysis every second day. She was following behind in everything that she couldn't organize. She is a single mother of three . I have dropped everything. My full-time job, my girlfriend , and relocated back to live with her to try and turn things around . I have got a job back where I left a few years ago, close to my X wife , and spend my time off helping my daughter. (I work 1 week on 1 week off ). I have also started gambling again .after stopping for a while when I was with my new girlfriend . I am lost once again, and don't know if I can continue to do what I doing. I need more help. I so sad it is all hurting I don't know if what have written, makes a lot of sense. I probably left a lot of stuff out , but I know one thing I an hurting, like I have never hurt before. I am not a bad person. Why does bad thingskeep happening to me

Dragmedown Im ruining my relationship
  • replies: 4

I recently had a miscarriage and than my partner and i moved house. And we have been arguing almost non-stop since. And its becoming such a strain on our relationship. And i struggle so much he is reaching out to a female he works with which i feel j... View more

I recently had a miscarriage and than my partner and i moved house. And we have been arguing almost non-stop since. And its becoming such a strain on our relationship. And i struggle so much he is reaching out to a female he works with which i feel jealous and threatened by. I dont have anyone to talk to and im so down and so alone. But my partner doesnt seem to care no matter how down i get how much i try to tell him in such a dark place, nothing is ever said or done to ensure my safety. And because i try to keep it together all the time, it comes out in little outbursts of anger or 5-10 seconds worth of crying. So the smallest thing can set me off so im whinging to my partner alot. When ive calmed down i always apologise but lately its becoming longer and longer until i calm down. It might be silly of my to think this way but im worried he will get with this female friend at work and leave me... I just dont know what to do, i dont want to lose him but i dont know what i can do to stop arguing with him....

Vintageheart I’m sorry, I’m selfish.
  • replies: 4

Hey Everyone, I’m a newbie here, this is my first post and I’m a little nervous but I thought I would give this a go.. a bit of background info: I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have since I was a kid - (I lost very close relatives due to illn... View more

Hey Everyone, I’m a newbie here, this is my first post and I’m a little nervous but I thought I would give this a go.. a bit of background info: I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have since I was a kid - (I lost very close relatives due to illness) and had trouble dealing with that growing up but always thought ‘this is just the way I am’. It wasn’t until a few stressful events in my life just piled up and piled up (terrible work environment, another illness in the family, a sudden death amongst other things) that I kind of just broke. it all got a little too much and I tried to seek help (seen my local gp) and was told I had anxiety and depression but that’s as far as it went. I never did anything with my referral, I think because I’m not overly comfortable with letting people see my emotions (I have a good poker face) I just have a bit of anxiety following through with it all. But lately I feel so selfish, everything in my life is great - really! Everything just seemed to fall into place the last year or so. Aside from having my dream man, I managed to get the dream house, dream job and my friends are wonderful! yet nothing seems to make me happy. I know I should feel great but the inside of my head is a mess.. I’m not happy with the way I am - I care what people think way too much it consumes my life and I know I am way to hard on myself but If I’m not then Ill feel like I’m not trying hard enough. I’m super paranoid, I always feel guilty and I don’t know why. I have trouble communicating with people yet my job relies on it! And most of all I’m just angry at myself. Angry at myself when I can’t leave the house or go to the shops, Angry at myself for listening to the negativity in my head, angry at myself for feeling this way when I have everything to be happy about, angry at myself because there is always someone worse off and yet here I am with no reason to be sad or anxious. Sorry if this post is long and boring, I just thought I’d try sharing my feelings for a change - I would love to know any tips or advice for loving yourself and life again ! Sincerly C