Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Anna_Mac Missing ex boyfriend
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me in November due to depression. He said he will start counselling and we may be able to date again once he feels better. His depression was caused by a family situation, very difficult parents etc. I spoke to h... View more

My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me in November due to depression. He said he will start counselling and we may be able to date again once he feels better. His depression was caused by a family situation, very difficult parents etc. I spoke to his best friend recently and was told that the guy I was dating was very sad and hurting a lot about the break up, and was very unhappy with the situation. Apparently he is planning on leaving the family farm so he can be happy again. I miss him so much but can't talk to him as he wanted space to sort himself out. He was my best friend and we loved each other very much.

YoYo_Steve A very lonely guy fearing rejection looking for guidance
  • replies: 6

I've been off the forums for a while but I'm feeling particularly lonely around Christmas with little family and few friends. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been pretty bad at times. Just this year I've sta... View more

I've been off the forums for a while but I'm feeling particularly lonely around Christmas with little family and few friends. A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been pretty bad at times. Just this year I've started to get on top of things after overcoming some very real obstacles like a long term relationship breakup, change of jobs, financial stress, etc. After ending that relationship (actually a good thing) I found myself very lonely. I'd lost touch with most of an already small group of friends and my life had being rapidly going down the toilet. Instead of asking for support I hid away from people. I've always been quite shy and introverted and pretty lousy at maintaining relationships. Rather than sitting at home alone which was really getting me down I decided to look for some social and activity groups to join. I’ve often found it downright scary approaching people I don’t know, especially the opposite sex. I got over that fear and did it anyway, which is great and I’m a lot more confident in that area now. There are a lot of people I see on a regular basis for activities but I’m terrified to ask people for their phone numbers or add them on Facebook where I have a small number of friends. I’m very insecure, always wondering what people are thinking. I had a couple of bad experiences where it became obvious to a couple of people who I met that I was struggling with some issues. I’ve been trying so hard this year to make new friends and also tried to reconnect with old friends. It’s just been really hard and taking a long time. I’m terrified people I meet will pick up that I’m still not 100% and not be interested. Some of the people I’ve tried to reconnect with haven’t been overly receptive. It seems like I’m always or nearly always the one who has to get in touch with people and suggest something. I feel like I’m on the right track, but it’s really slow going. It’s distracting me from other important things like work etc. Really sick of feeling lonely and want to feel wanted. I’ve been spending time trying to learn more social skills online. I’ve used up all my available govt funded psychologist sessions this year and aren’t in a financial position to pay privately. Looking for any suggestions of how I can get over this debilitating fear of rejection? Do I just need to keep on the same path and be happy with slow progress?

KerryW 27 year marriage over - not coping
  • replies: 6

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelle... View more

Hi I am on here because I am not coping. On the 5th December my husband of 27 years told me our marriage is over. He has been unfaithful with a lady in Vietnam and has been back twice to see her. I never even thought to not trust him when he travelled alone, call me stupid, I dont know. I trusted him with all my heart. It would seem now he has fallen in love with her and out of love with me. I am broken, I am trying to function for my 3 kids and for my full time job but I cannot breathe. Anxiety is taking a hold of me and I cannot function. I have a Psychologist appointment this afternoon and I am unsure they help but I am just so desperate for the pain to go away. I want to feel strong again and in control but I just want to curl into a ball and not move. I want him to love me like he did, I want him to try and fix this with me so we can be a family again. None of this is possible though and that just crushes me. How do I get through this? How do I stop from waking at night shaking and not being able to stop the vision of their relationship entering my mind. Even harder still I am protecting him and the kids don't know what he has done. Why? I don't know. I just feel alone and like I will never be happy or whole again.

Manny1967 Wife in denial
  • replies: 4

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every aftern... View more

A couple of months ago I noticed my wife displaying the following symptoms, pushing our children & I away, shunning physical touch, staying in our bedroom most of the day, listening to extremely loud music, tired all the time & has a nap every afternoon. We have tried to discuss this with her but she flatty refuses to accept that she needs help & says it's all my fault. She has now decided that she is giving up on our marraige of 20+ years & will find a full time jobe & leave me, even though she is truggling to maintain a part time job currently. She is happy to live in the same house & carry on until she can set herself up but she doesn't see any other option. My family & I are worried sick about her & feel so helpless & don't know what to do anymore. This is tearing us apart & she seem oblivious to it. I'm sure others have faced similar situations & I'm not the first to experience this. I would appreciate any advice or support as I don't know how long I can keep this all together anymore. Thank you

DJPTigerland140414 Issues in life stemming from family upbringing!
  • replies: 2

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can... View more

Some of us weren't blessed with the best family life or upbringing etc. We don't get a hand in choosing who our parents are but its amazing to see how different people turn out due to their upbringing. Im not blaming my problems on my parents but can see how my upbringing has contributed to the issues that I still suffer from today. Parents are so important in moulding their children into the people they will become one day and they need to realize this responsibility they own. I was continually called all sorts of derogatory names that dented my self esteem and confidence day by day by day. It never really hit me until I was older the impact it had and still has. Having a parent who is a scientologist conducting weird mind altering exercises on you and making you read the literature against your wishes also doesn't help. Being the supposed bad seed in the house everything that went wrong if the other members denied it it was punishment until I confessed. Confessing to crimes you didn't commit isn't right. Every little mistake you made being such as not making bed, not hanging bathroom towel over rack evenly on both sides, putting clothes in basket folded inside out and not washing a glass etc being rewarded with lines or fines makes people into nervous wrecks and still does to this day. Being told to not tell your father anything or your going to get makes someone scared to act. Getting called every name under the sun and then ignored for 12 months when you dropout of university by the man you looked up to all of your life doesn't help you progress as a human being and person. Parents be aware your actions do have consequences for people even long after they are out of your life. Through many years of councilling my hate has disappeared but I am aware of why I am the way I am and am still trying to break through these barriers. Councilling is so rewarding and I encourage anyone to use this service it really helped me off the canvas. I don't talk to any of my family except my brother and sister which is a real shame when it comes to Christmas etc every year and you see happy families everywhere but it is what it is I guess you can only play the hand you are dealt. I believe family or not if someone is a negative influence on your life don't have them in it. This is not a sob story or someone looking for sympathy its a message to any parents out there kids are sponges and look up to you. Be someone to look up to and guide them down the right path.

Vendyn Dealing with ex dating again when living together
  • replies: 5

Me and my partner have a 5 month old. We have just split up within a week ago. Thankfully it was amicable and we both want to be friends and make it work and share parenting 50/50. We are living together with plans of moving to seperate apartments bu... View more

Me and my partner have a 5 month old. We have just split up within a week ago. Thankfully it was amicable and we both want to be friends and make it work and share parenting 50/50. We are living together with plans of moving to seperate apartments but can’t afford it whilst she is on Maternity leave, and I am supporting us on one wage. She has just met a guy on POF and is going on a date Thursday, I thought I could handle it but my heart is starting to ache and I have been freezing up emotionally. I know breaking up was the right choice for us but I didn’t expect this to affect me soo much. I have told her it is hurting me but she says she needs this as she hasn’t felt wanted by me for quite sometime... she is right I have been emotionally absent and distant romantically and she has every right to search for her happiness. I just don’t know how to manage my feelings of jealousy, betrayal and loneliness and prevent them from affecting my decisions and ruin the chances of a more civil breakup. I won’t lie, I am imagining all sorts of ways to get back at him but know I can’t as that is not good for me or my son. Just scared as hell and I feel like I’m burning inside and don’t know how to put the flames out without destroying more in the process. Any advice or just if there’s anyone that has experienced something like this and has some good coping recommendations for me?

Back2happy Not coping
  • replies: 2

I have/had an amazing partner for the last eight months who I love with all my heart. Unfortunately I also have depression newly diagnosed. I have been on medication for approx 3 weeks and have seen a psychologist 3 times. I have a history of trauma ... View more

I have/had an amazing partner for the last eight months who I love with all my heart. Unfortunately I also have depression newly diagnosed. I have been on medication for approx 3 weeks and have seen a psychologist 3 times. I have a history of trauma having been a domestic violence relationship with an ice addict for several years. My partner and I went away over Christmas to another state to spend Christmas with his family and so he could see his daughter. While we were away, I felt myself becoming quite low and feeling alone and irrelevant, like maybe he didn’t need me and he was happier being with his daughter and family. I did not get much chance to have any alone time with him and I felt like he was treating my kids differently. Unbeknownst to me his daughter had made comments about him being wiht my kids all the time and rarely seeing her which make this behaviour make sense but I didn’t know this at the time. I found myself feeling unloved and unwanted and lost in a sea of negatives, crying and hanging on to things I shouldn’t and making a drama. Long story short, the day after we got back, after telling me that he loved me to death and we could get through anything, my partner told me he was leaving me cos it was too hard to be away from his daughter and he wa a moving back. He just came home, told me And packed all his things and walked out. Since then we have had limited communication all on his terms. He came to see me on Friday morning and he told me he does want to be with me and does think it could work but I need to get better first. I’m so confused. He won’t talk to me properly. Says he’s barely sleeping or eating and neither am I. The only thing That makes sense is he thinks this is the best for me as well. Like i can’t get better with him. I’m feeling so lost and hopeless, how am I meant to get betttr when my biggest support has just walked out the door.

Brenans Stuck in the middle
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have been together with my current partner for 12 years and married for 2. There has never been any major problems. However, over the past 12 months the issue of kids has come up, we both acknowledge we stopped trying and became more housemates... View more

Hi, I have been together with my current partner for 12 years and married for 2. There has never been any major problems. However, over the past 12 months the issue of kids has come up, we both acknowledge we stopped trying and became more housemates than partners. In this time I met someone at my workplace that i have formed a connection with that I never thought I could. We both said that there is genuine love there and I believe that totally. I think about her constantly! The relationship I have with my current partner started when we were 19 and now nearly 12 years on with everything we’ve built and done together I don’t know whether I can let that all go. I’m hurting both of them and I’m literally in bits about it constantly. The stress and anxiety around what’s happening is so intense at times. Feel like I have to make a choice and the fear of making a wrong one has me completely frozen. I have love for both of them, but what do I do. Give up a very solid, and happy 12 year relationship that’s hit some hurdles. Or I feel like I could be giving up the shot at something special with someone I have an incredible connection with. Exhausted just thinking about it!

FallingAngel Feeling Trapped
  • replies: 1

A week before Christmas my mum got drunk on 2 bottles of cheap wine, she asked me to download messanger for her, I did. I said goodnight to her everything was fine she said it back... then a few hours later I’m woken up by her screaming out and so is... View more

A week before Christmas my mum got drunk on 2 bottles of cheap wine, she asked me to download messanger for her, I did. I said goodnight to her everything was fine she said it back... then a few hours later I’m woken up by her screaming out and so is my partner. We walked out to see what was happening... she started yelling at me.. calling me for everything because her phone wasn’t working for her. I asked what was going on as I was confused with the whole situation. She made me wake me 2 year old son up at 2 am and told me to leave. So I left and went to my grandmothers who lives around the corner. My mum kept calling and causing me problems. I went to grab the phone off my sister to try and make sense of he whole thing..and she kicked my in the stomach.. what the hell???! Now my partner and I are staying with his family. We came here to start a new life in our own home... the other night the whole family of 6 Poeple and my partner pretty much made the decision that we would take half the place and pay half the rent for 6 months. My partner is becoming extremely emotionally abusive towards me. I have no family left now and no friends. No car and all my money going on surviving. I have had so many calls from real estates and have had to turn down. My two year old son has been moved around constantly and I feel so much guilt for him. I am confused and feel trapped I honestly don’t know what to do !? I try to reach out to my partner for support and he just ignores me or beats me down emotionally. I suppose I am trying to reach out. I have social phobia so that makes communicating with people difficult for me. But I can’t sit here in silence while my life is falling apart anymore.

Raining Trapped
  • replies: 5

Hi All. I am new to these forums. I have hit a real low point. I suffer from depression and anxiety myself. My partner of 8 years suffers from chronic severe depression to the point that he cannot get out of bed for days at a time. We both already se... View more

Hi All. I am new to these forums. I have hit a real low point. I suffer from depression and anxiety myself. My partner of 8 years suffers from chronic severe depression to the point that he cannot get out of bed for days at a time. We both already see psychiatrists. He has been in and out of jobs for the past few years. He has always been kind and gentle with me. But I’m at the point that I feel I cannot cope anymore. I love him so much but I don’t want to live a miserable life. Any advice or suggestions will be helpful.