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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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LaraC Still felling extemly depessed and lonely a recent break up
  • replies: 3

We were together almost 1 and a half years. In the beginning he was head over heels in love with me (told me after just 2 weeks) I was in love/crazy about him too. we talked about moving in together and even went on an overseas holiday only a few mon... View more

We were together almost 1 and a half years. In the beginning he was head over heels in love with me (told me after just 2 weeks) I was in love/crazy about him too. we talked about moving in together and even went on an overseas holiday only a few months after we met... everything was going good, well for me anyway . slowly things started going downhill, the smallest things about me were annoying him, these became larger things... and some issues due to what his family thought about me. He thought I was very self absorbed and selfish, when infact I was quite the opposite. Cut a long story short... after about 6 months all the talk of moving in, marriage etc stopped, I accepted this because I am quite an easy going person and was just happy to let things plod along because I loved him so much and didn’t want to lose him. After a year and a half together he decided he had had enough and he broke up with me. I went onto a deep depression for a bout a week, started on some new meds and am seeing a therapist. my question is how do I stop thinking about him and continue the no contact rule? When he first ended it, I was completely in denial so wa still messaging him almost daily but now it has been almost 7 days and I haven’t called/texted nothing! I do feel good about this.... but in those really tough moments like Saturday nights or Sunday morning how can I stop myself from doing it. my therapist has since told me that he was a narcissist which explains a lot! But I still love him,miss him, and want to be with him and I’m so angry at myself for feeling that way

Ladybird1 The In-Laws not very welcoming
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for over 2 years now. I am 19, he is 21. We don’t live together but we either both stay at mine (I live with my dad) or we stay at his (his grandma’s house, she has recently gone into care) every night. We both work full t... View more

I have been with my partner for over 2 years now. I am 19, he is 21. We don’t live together but we either both stay at mine (I live with my dad) or we stay at his (his grandma’s house, she has recently gone into care) every night. We both work full time, I cook tea for him every night and clean both houses. We are saving up to buy a house together so it’s not just a short term thing. I have never really clicked with his family, I have always been polite and tried to get along with them but they have never gone out of there way to make me feel welcome. His parents live about 30 min drive away so we see them regularly. They go on at least 1-2 family holidays per year and they userly include another family going with them but I never get the invite. I thought this year seeings we had been together over 2 years I may have been invited but I didn’t. My partner asked if I could go as there was a spare bed but the answer was no. He only has younger brothers and none of them have girlfriends as well as the other family none of the them have partners either. but my boyfriend was making excuses for his parents not inviting me. How long do we have to be together before I am finally accepted? His mother still baby’s him, she has full access to his finances, emails ect. She will tell him “your pay slip still has not came through yet” or “your pay is late this week”. Or a few weeks ago “you only have $100 left in your account because I paid your power bill out of your account for you”. I have tried to talk to him about telling his Mum to take a step back and that your an adult now and that she can’t just do things like that without telling you but he just gets mad and tells me to leave it alone. What should I do? I’m lost.

Jems Sad daughter
  • replies: 15

My 19 year old daughter is so sad and lonely. I just don’t know how to help her now. My marriage with her dad broke up last year and my daughter, my son and myself moved house. She goes to uni and works casually and she’s always been a sensitive soul... View more

My 19 year old daughter is so sad and lonely. I just don’t know how to help her now. My marriage with her dad broke up last year and my daughter, my son and myself moved house. She goes to uni and works casually and she’s always been a sensitive soul but now I can’t say anything without it being a major issue. I know I’m not perfect nor do I try to be but I do know I’m a good Mum. My kids are both amazing humans so seeing her so miserable is heartbreaking. She doesn’t see friends anymore and rarely goes out without me. Even writing this is helping and I’m thinking probably some counselling to start with. It’s been an absolutely horrible year and I can see the toll it’s taken on them. BUT I’d also appreciate advice to help with her confidence. She’s asking why nobody likes her. Anything other than or as well as counselling? Thanks in advance.

sheero I don't know if i should break up with my boyfriend
  • replies: 4

my relationship with my boyfriend is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety.... I have known him for a little less than a year...things pretty moved on quick because my boyfriend wanted to have a baby as soon as possible.... my visa was coming to an ... View more

my relationship with my boyfriend is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety.... I have known him for a little less than a year...things pretty moved on quick because my boyfriend wanted to have a baby as soon as possible.... my visa was coming to an end so the question of marriage was always hanging over our heads especially because we did plan to get married eventually... he however kept changing his mind about this....i told him to make up his mind about it but every time he would change his mind again...this caused me to have lots of anxiety....my boyfriend is very indecisive....i have always known that because he never can make up his mind about anything we eventually did book a marriage date...he said he was afraid of his friends and parents reactions....eventually when he did tell them things went sour .... he decided that we should not get married and that he does not wanta baby anymore...we are still together but am not happy yet I love him soo much it's causing me pain and sleepless nights . ...he has since become distant and emotionally unavailable ...he doesn't want us moving in anymore.... he also has this female friend whom they have always had flings whenever both of them are not in relationships they are very close and chat all the time...he even sends her money when she asks for it.... he says it's all nothing but friendship but this bothers me as I think they are each other's back up plans... his lady friend and the fact that he is indecisive is driving me crazy....everyday i think of breaking up with him but I love him so much.. ... it annoys me because am in my early 30s and such stuff shouldn't bother me...i have developed bad anxiety because of this relationship ... I know I should quit but am afraid i will regret it

tdpat do i want to leave my relationship
  • replies: 5

i have been with my partner for six years and i proposed in september. She has 2 kids from different marriages and i have none (first real relationship since my 20's). I have had panic attacks in the past caused by conflict with my partner, im seeing... View more

i have been with my partner for six years and i proposed in september. She has 2 kids from different marriages and i have none (first real relationship since my 20's). I have had panic attacks in the past caused by conflict with my partner, im seeing a phycologist and have tried medication in the past but it makes me worse. I have done the pros and cons but there are more pros. The cons are the youngest child who was 1 when i meet his mum, has cystic fibrosis and the eldest 14 now i almost cant stand to be in the same room with him cause of the attitude and disrespect. I dont want a child with her cause of the situation with the other two and i dont think she is a great mother, lets the kids do what they want, eat what they want, buy what they want, using the excuse that the kids asked her to, or that the kids talked her into it. she has always accused me of not making an effort with her eldest. When the eldest is at his dads we are okay, but the mention of him coming home has my stomach in knots and nearly having a panic attack. I enjoy the time i spend with her one on one (fairly rare, but everyones in the smae boat). I have never been the fatherly type, i used to help with my sisters kids but i could always give them back or go home. What im asking is, is my body telling me to leave by having these panic attacks? my heart says stay but sometimes my mind says get the hell away. I have thought about leaving in the past a couple of times after fights about the eldest, but i have always told myself to never make a big decision while mad. I think im looking for reasons or justifactions to leave now, thanks for reading and any advice given

Geodude My boyfriend hates crying so my depression is ruining our relationship
  • replies: 3

I have struggled with depression for a very long time and occasionally it seems to spike and I get REALLY emotional for no real reasons or get upset about really tiny things. My boyfriend doesn't like crying and doesn't know how to deal with it and g... View more

I have struggled with depression for a very long time and occasionally it seems to spike and I get REALLY emotional for no real reasons or get upset about really tiny things. My boyfriend doesn't like crying and doesn't know how to deal with it and gets really frustrated which comes across as angry which then makes me more upset which in turn frustrates him more and pushes him away or starts a massive argument. I hate myself for being so emotional because it feels as though it's ruining my relationship which makes me even more upset! I don't know how to control it and I'm terrified of losing my boyfriend. We live together and things are usually great between us but when I cry about things or get emotional it ruins things. Totally lost on what to do to control it or help him deal with it before he just quits on me help!!

positivity is it my hormones or just me in general?
  • replies: 1

hi all, I'm really frustrated lately, my partner and i have been arguing a lot lately, due to the lack of intimacy we have in our relationship. When he questions why i won't sleep with him, i really can't think of an exact reason besides from being t... View more

hi all, I'm really frustrated lately, my partner and i have been arguing a lot lately, due to the lack of intimacy we have in our relationship. When he questions why i won't sleep with him, i really can't think of an exact reason besides from being tired and never in the mood... however i have been thinking about it more. When intimacy is brought up it usually my partner arguing with me regarding it. I have been with my partner for 6 years now, the way i show my affection is through cooking for him or buying gifts, mainly me sacrificing something, in order to spoil someone else ( i have no issue with this as i enjoy the happiness it can bring to people, although i do wish it was reciprocated- which its not). The passed couple of years our sex life has dwindled, this maybe due to increased stress i have during the week. A working week includes me being a full time student, working full time as a manager, volunteer internship which is required for uni, assignments & assessments, 1 hour physical exercise per day, cooking, cleaning, washing, food shopping. The past year i have developed insomnia, where some nights i get barely 3 hours of sleep, i have also started taking medication for anxiety and depression.My doctor has repeatedly told me to reduce the stresses and tasks i do daily (however this isn't an option) and if i keep carrying on like this it could result in me having a severe mental break down (which is a scary thought). Last night, my partner decided to blow up at me saying our sex life isn't satisfying enough or as often and thats why men cheat on women due to the lack of sex. I was actually upset about this and really started to blame myself (in my head), I'm mad because, despite my partner being the bread and butter winner in our relationship, he really doesn't do much except work full time and go to the gym... the rest is me. Is it normal for us women just to lose our sex drive?, in the beginning we used to have frequent intercourse but now it once a fortnight, which is something he always quizzes me in regards to. Is it my hormones? is this normal for me to feel this way? where has my sex drive gone? how can this be solved? i feel embarrassed going to the doctor and telling them my sexlife. thanks for taking the time to read my novel.

MiaC Partner will not discuss or support me in dealing with inappropriate behaviour from his adult children and his friends
  • replies: 17

I have been with my partner for seven years now. He has two grown up children who have partners of their own. His son has been diagnosed with anxiety and can be quite obnoxious and rude to me. His daughters husband has anxiety and ADHD and has on sev... View more

I have been with my partner for seven years now. He has two grown up children who have partners of their own. His son has been diagnosed with anxiety and can be quite obnoxious and rude to me. His daughters husband has anxiety and ADHD and has on several occasions acted quite offended as he believed that I had said some things that were insulting. However I had not actually said anything at all. On every occasion where my partner should have discussed with me what had happened, he simply blamed me for it. This has happened when some of his friends were quite rude to me, he tells me that I am too sensitive and laughs it off. If I ever get upset and state what really happened he will defend his son in law or his son or his friend. I am now supposed to visit his daughter during Easter. I said to my partner that I will be happy to visit her if he will support me and not allow any bad behaviour to go unchecked. I said that if he allows any unpleasantness to occur that I will not allow it to be ignored this time. He will avoid discussing it, saying that I am being unreasonable. It is not unreasonable to expect to be treated with respect. I dont enjoy seeing them and they certainly dont include my partner and I in anything at all. I did think it was because they couldnt accept their father being with someone other than their mother but now I realise that they really hadnt seen much of the father before I met him. He says to me that those things are in the past and dont matter. He will not simply say that he will not allow them to behave in an unacceptable manner and he will not discuss it with me so I dont feel that it is over at all.

Tesss Cannot seem to let it go.
  • replies: 4

Hi all , Ive been quite miserable of late.. My unhappy marriage ended three years ago and I thought I was over it . Nope. We function well as seperated parents. I want to let go of the anger and disappointment I feel toward him. I want to forgive mys... View more

Hi all , Ive been quite miserable of late.. My unhappy marriage ended three years ago and I thought I was over it . Nope. We function well as seperated parents. I want to let go of the anger and disappointment I feel toward him. I want to forgive myself for staying...its hard . I am generally a happy very motivated person....even I think it sounds silly . It was 3:years ago....

James_A At the crossroads
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am lost. Dont know where my life is going and dont know how it got to this. I am 48 years old and married to a wonderful woman with a 3 year old son who is the love of my life. After being married for almost 9 years, my wife told me in October ... View more

Hi, I am lost. Dont know where my life is going and dont know how it got to this. I am 48 years old and married to a wonderful woman with a 3 year old son who is the love of my life. After being married for almost 9 years, my wife told me in October (6 months ago ) that she thought we should separate. Although I was shattered to hear this I wasn't surprised. Our marriage has been ordinary at best and we live like flatmates. Sex has been non existent and we haven't slept in the same bed for 3 and half years. Since our son came along my wife has been sleeping with him. We dont have much in common and never really did when I think about it. We have been to counseling several times even prior to getting married when I look back we probably should not have got married as it has never been joyful. We bicker and disagree on many things and have different values on many things. We have decided to give counseling another try and just had our first of a few sessions last week. Going back to when my wife told me that she wanted out last year, it was really hard to hear as I feared for the effect on my son and my fear of being alone. She did agree to at least give counseling another tried but thinks that it will be highly unlikely that we will turn it around. To make things mure more difficult and clouded, my sister got married last week and she asked my ex girlfriend from 17 years ago to be the celebrant as they have stayed in touch ( i hadn't kept in touch at all however I always thought about her but tried to put it out of my mind) My wife knew about my past relationship and we managed to get through the wedding. We did put on our fake happy couple act as we always do At the wedding I spoke with my ex alone on several occasions including a bbq at my sister's place the next day that my wife didnt want to go to. Whenever we spoke we instantly connected & left off as if 17 years didn't not pass. We did have a bad breakup that broke my heart and if I'm honest with myself I never got over it. (It was my fault(. She is married with kids but has confided in me that her marriage is rocky. With this I have realised that I still miss her deeply and often think what could've been. This has also made me own that my current marriage is wrong and that hanging around for the sake of our son is not fair on anyone. I am not sure what may happen with my ex but I do know that my wife isn't the person I am supposed to be with. I am clouded and dont know what to do. James A