The man I love is afraid of commitment

[Bonnieee012]

I’ve been seeing this boy for the past 3 months, early on he told me about his depression and anxiety and I tried to be as supportive as I could. Every time he got in one of his moods, I would give him space and when he needed the extra love I was always there to cuddle him. We had our moments where we would fight, but it wasn’t anything too major. Then out of the blue he is saying that he doesn’t want a relationship, he still wants to see me and does see a future with me but doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship, but even himself doesn’t understand how it works. He opened up last night about his ex and told me that he was in love with her and things went sour and he hurt her emotionally really bad and doesn’t want to do the same thing to me. That he wants to be single for the rest of his life and that his scared to fall in love again. I want to be with him and I’ve reassured him that he has the biggest heart and he is capable of loving. Do people with anxiety and dewpression have trouble committing to there partner? I don’t want to give up on us, but I’m not sure what I can do. He has admitted that is scared of losing me and that he knows he wants me in his life but seeing someone eventually leads to a relationship and I don’t want to end up heart broken in the end.

[Guest_7403]

Its fear of abandonement. A defence mechanism he has to defend himself, he'll push you away to protect himself

[quirkywords]

Welcome Bonniee to the forum,

Thanks for sharing your story and posting.

To answer your question if people with anxiety and depression have trouble committing to their partner?

I think maybe no more than anyone does or it really depends on the individual.

The man you love has been deeply hurt and is afraid of being hurt again. He is open and has told you how he feels.

Of course you don't want to be hurt. Do you think bot of you make consider relationship counselling.?

It sounds like he was so hurt he does not want to try again yet he with you. I think if you want avoid being hurt you would avoid relationships then you may be sad and lonely.

There are many threads on relationships, have a look around at different treads, there may be so that can also help you.

Quirky

[Juliet_84]

Hi Bonnie,

I’m so sorry, how devastated you must have felt during that conversation. I can imagine because I felt a similar devastation when I had that conversation with someone I had fallen for. He too was afraid of commitment, and I was only aware once it was too late and I was in too deep. I ended up seeing him off an on for a year and a half and gave him space when he needed it for fear of scaring him off. And he did eventually commit to me, as much as he could, but it was never enough for me. I felt like I was always holding back and could never truly be “me”. I also thought about the important moments in my life, I didn’t want to be standing at any alter with a doubt in my mind whether the man I loved would show up, or if I needed him, he might be going through a phase and wouldn’t pick up the phone, the moving in together freak out, etc etc. I wanted more than I was getting, and feared that I always would. I left in the end and when I did, he told me he loved me, and I believed it, but it wasn’t enough. He would say things that would give me hope, he wanted the same things as me, bear with him etc, but people deceive you with their words, just judge their actions. In the end, you have to decide the kind of life you want.