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Marriage breakdown...?

Nat1993
Community Member

Hi,

So I don't really know where to start, but I think my marriage is breaking down, we have been married for almost 2 years and been together for over 4 years, we have 2 beautiful children together, I'm 24 and he's 31. In the beginning we had a few problems here and there but in reality who doesn't. Everything just seems to be getting a lot worse at the moment I mean It gets better and then goes straight back to being pretty hard to keep together again. Our intimacy is next to nothing, with his excuse being he's too tired or can't be bothered and even he's not in the mood, whenever we try and talk about any sort of emotions one of us is feeling he seems to start an argument which always includes "I don't know why I'm with you" Or "I'm sick of your shit constantly" Or "You are such a nasty person to me", Now I know I'm not perfect I mean who is but I am also not a nasty person I do everything for my husband and kids, cook, clean, look after everything you can name I do it, and I'm so appreciative for him working to support our family I make sure when he comes home he doesn't do anything, I'm someone who would prefer to drown myself in a heap of things to do and responsibilities before putting anything onto someone else, in my eyes my husband does enough already. But on Monday I was in a car accident I got rear ended by another car and it was my first accident I got pretty bad whiplash and everyone was saying I should get seen to by a doctor...except my husband when I asked him to drive me to the hospital he rolled his eyes and made a face... I asked why he did this and he just got angry at me... he didn't even give me a hug or anything when I came home there was no sign of love or worry towards me... it was like he just didn't care at all... I ended up going to the hospital and making sure everything was ok the next day and was thankful my husband took me and sat with me but after the day had ended he was complaining about how much driving he did and how exhausted he was from all the driving.. Today we had a little argument and it ended up with me asking him "if he is so unhappy why is he with me?" he replied "I'm really starting to think that myself" I just feel completely looked over and I have no idea if he even wants to be with me, if he even loves me, if hes planning on leaving me. My mind is going a million miles an hour and my anxiety is through the roof..

any advice would be fantastic

N

3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hello Nat, and please let me welcome you to the site.

I am sorry to hear that the two of you seem to be having problems but I want to commend you for being able to do everything so that your husband can come home and do nothing as he's the breadwinner here.

I'm awfully sorry about the car accident but pleased it's now on record because there maybe repercussions resulting from the injury later on.

The car accident wasn't your fault because if someone hits you from behind then makes them responsiblefor the damages.

Your marriage seems to be a problem at the moment and have you discussed this with your doctor or thought about a short separation.

Are you worried about what he is actually doing in his spare time because if you are then this may cause friction.

Hope you can get back to us with a little more information which may help us even further.

My best wishes.

Geoff.

jpet47
Community Member

Hi Nat. I'm fairly new to blue forums, so i'll do the best to give the best advice I can. Your situation resonates with me, I've been in a similar relationship to yours and the anxious feeling of constant doubt and looking inwards for fault, walking on eggshells almost because the person you love is acting in a certain way, its honestly horrible and can be really debilitating to the way you see yourself. Can I ask how long has this kind of behavior been going on?From what I've gotten from your post, it seems as though you are a very kind and considerate person, considerate of your own behavior and caring for you husband and child. Is there any of your friends or close relatives you can go to for advice on this issue?

Hope you're feeling better from the accident xxx

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Nat~

I'd like to join Geoff and Jpet in welcoming you here and I must say I'm very sorry to hear of your predicament.

The days of a spouse doing absolutely everything because her partner goes to work are gone, they were completely unrealistic and unfair. It is a partnership after all. Bringing up you kids should be a two-person job, where attention, love and effort is given by both parents, basically out of love.

Yes a person can come home from work tired, and need a rest. However it is not an excuse to do nothing ever, or to squib out on normal family activities, from washing up to reading stories. Being at home is not a doddle, it is hard and often isolating work, as taxing as going out to work - in some cases more so. Household duties should be shared (I'm not saying it has to be 50-50, but it has to be fair in both peoples' eyes).

Before you accident you said your partner habitually insulted and belittled you and said you were of no value to him. While lack of intimacy may be for many reasons lack of affection and care is another matter. All the more reason to see to your security, happiness and welfare if physical affection is not possible.

Unfortunately you accident - I hope you are OK BTW - has simply highlighted a complete lack of concern.

I'm not trying to suggest you do anything. I'm trying to give you perspective - another person's point of view who is looking at things without any emotion to cloud judgment. Once you have an idea of what is reasonable then might be the time to consider what options are practical.

Do you have family, or a friend, to give you support, someone you can talk frankly with and not feel alone?

Croix