Need my partner to get help.
You can support someone that wants help. But, I don't think you can make someone get help if they don't want it. Have you thought about this is effecting you?
You must be feeling exhausted by all of this? It sounds like you have done a lot to try to work through the problems, talking, joint counselling but there is some resistance to change from your partner. It doesn't sound to good if the counsellor is refusing to work with him any more.
Do you think that your partner wants to change?
You wrote that there is a background to your partners drinking behaviour, which is tough to fight unless he wants to do so. Relationships need both partners to make it work. It rarely feels like it's 50/50 and often we feel like we are doing more than the other, which probably makes about right, since we all struggle to see the entire picture.
How much work do you feel like you're doing in this relationship? Is the relationship giving you what you need?
I'm glad that you found us and wrote to the forums, there are a lot of people that can offer help. When your up to it write back and let us know your thoughts.
Hey there. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. First and foremost your partner has a serious alcohol problem and needs to detox. You can't be expected to handle that. There are significant other issues but outside help is the only way. I mean you could contact AA and other helplines to see how you could get him onto these services, or get suggestions on how to do it but......if he doesn't want to help himself, you can't make him.
How have the last 7 years been for you??? I mean it sounds like you really love him, I get that, but you're in an abusive relationship and seriously need to consider getting some change happening - as in he needs to stop drinking and go into detox or your gone. He'll likely need help from professionals too because suddenly stopping alcohol can have serious medical consequences.
I don't think AA can help you as a relation directly, however you can google "drug and alcohol service" in your state. Wishing you well
I'm sorry about your situation with your partner. It sounds very hard for you both individually, as well as on your relationship.
I won't repeat what the others have said, but they've given very good advice.
The only thing I'd reinforce is that you need to make sure you're taking care of yourself as well. Psychologists themselves need professional help just to cope, and right now you've got first hand experience dealing with your partner. So please, don't neglect your own mental wellbeing even if it's small steps like giving yourself space away from your partner and doing the things you enjoy.
Don't forget that, in the end, we only have control over ourselves. Your partner will need to fix his problems and you can support him through that, but you also need to pay attention to what you can control which is your own health.
Good to hear from you. I can see that you are in love and you work hard at the relationship. Sadly you said that it is 100% you.
Can I ask if you are in love with the person he is, or the person he could be? You know you can't change him and that it’s his choice to continue these behaviours. Even though he knows how you feel (is that right?) and that they are damaging to, your relationship.
Unfortunately, our history in how we treat people often predicts the way we will treat people in the future. If his history is such that he has messed up a number of relationships, well what do you think that means for your relationship?
I know you want to fight for this relationship. I am concerned that you don’t seem to be getting anything out of it? What do you want out of a relationship?
Just a thought, what if you went to see a counsellor together.
Take good care of yourself