FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Need help

Deborahsh88
Community Member

I need help please

I don't know what to do....I'm lost and scared.

I need to get out of a relationship and I don't know how.

He's a sex addict and it's destroying my soul. He's too interested in other women, almost an obsession. He's on porn sites and I saw he went into chatterbait. I had never heard of it but discovered its a live Web site. It makes me sick.

I live in a caravan with him and my furbaby dog Audrey and another furbaby my 3 month old lamb. I cant live without my furbabies so they are with me forever.

I have no one .... no family or friends..

I am truly alone.

Where do I start? What do I do?

I feel sick and can't stop crying.

I want to die.

I have no home. Was in a 30 year old marriage which ended 4 years ago and been in this relationship for 3 years.

PLEASE I don't know what to do.

5 Replies 5

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hey Deborah,

Thanks for reaching out tonight,

We're sorry to hear about the issues you're experiencing with your partner. We can hear how distressed and upset you feel. Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or have you in the past? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts and feelings that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.

Gabs_
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Deborahsh88,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like you don't know which way to turn.

From a mental health perspective, you might want to call Beyond Blue as recommended by Sophie_M. They also might be able to refer you to some appropriate services.

You could also contact 1800RESPECT - you can call them and they also have an app called "Daisy",. However, their website allows you to find a service within your local area, including finding a safe space (somewhere to live). I've included the link here: https://www.1800respect.org.au/services

That might be the best place to start to see if you can find some accommodation for you and your fur-babies. You can also try Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 and they might be able to refer you to some services in your local area.

The first step is always the hardest and I'm so proud of you for posting on the forums. The next step might be a little harder, but know that there are services out there to help you and get you to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Having the self-respect to know you have to leave is a very brave thing. Remember that.

Please know that we are here for you if you need to talk more.

Big hugs,

G x

Thank you so very much

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Deborahsh88,

I’m sorry that you are being subjected to this, you don’t deserve how you are being treated. I left an abusive relationship several years ago, and I was at rock bottom beforehand and felt paralyzed, and I will share what worked for me. I really left the relationship mentally a year before I physically left. I had a medical event and when I came home from the hospital to recover, the abuse didn’t stop and I knew then that I couldn’t do this anymore. That was the moment I decided to leave. And so I shifted my thinking to being very practical, I began to disassociate emotionally, switch my emotions off to the situation. Instead I began to make plans. I made sure that my income was stable. I started doing things on my own a lot more, going to medical appointments, reconnecting with old friends, building up my life outside of my relationship. So that the transition wasn’t so massive. And then after an argument one day, I took the next day off work, packed up my things and never looked back. I stayed with my sister at first and then moved out when I found my own place. Instead you may need to look for an apartment or a caravan somewhere else a month or so before you are planning to leave, so that you have somewhere to go with your fur babies. Do you have a job that can support you? I have recently moved to a new area and have joined bumble to meet new friends (there is a friend feature) and have also joined a social sports team and have made some friends there. It’s clear that he is not going to look after your best interests sadly so you need to start investing in you. The important thing to remember is that I know you are probably putting a lot of pressure on yourself to leave, and then feeling freaked out by that pressure (I did when it was me anyway) but there is no pressure, you can do this in your own time when you are ready. But I would start building yourself up now, there’s no harm in looking after yourself

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Deborahsh, can we offer you a warm welcome.

It's very difficult for someone with an addiction to porn to change because every time they are looking at another person, you start to think and it affects how you feel and alters your mood, so your personality changes from being relaxed to being on edge, plus his constant suggestions certainly become annoying and after a while, all you want is to stay away from him, but this only encourages him to use the website he's viewing.

Living in a caravan is not as cheap as expected, so you would have every chance to be able to rent a flat/house, something with a backyard, but this takes time, unfortunately, so are you able to put an ad in the local paper asking for somewhere to live, alternatively ask your council, opp shops or Anglicare who have flats/houses for those people in need.

If you receive Centrelink payments then they can provide the bond money and 2 weeks rent, which you slowly pay off these amounts over a certain time.

There are also shops that rent out computers if you don't have one, this will give you the opportunity to explore other avenues.

Please let us know how you get on.

Geoff.