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Need advice, heart broken

theaussiedude
Community Member

My ex broke up with me, we had the most respectful, caring, supportive, kind relationship, we both said we are perfect together in so many ways, we had qualities that are so hard to find in someone, had so many things in common, the feeling of being safe in each other presence, two of the nicest people ever who generally cared about everyone.

And she broke it off because I was taking too long to open up and let her in. I have a letter, I express myself better in words than verbally and I am not sure if it's the right thing to send. I'd like to get some advice if its a good or bad idea?

It's just been a really tough few weeks, I lost the love of my life, my dad's cancer is getting worse and my mum finds out next week if she has motor neuron disease.

I'm no spring chicken, I live with my mum at the moment caring for her as she has a disability when I get home from work, and it's all becoming a bit too much.
It's hard to work, I'm trying so hard to be a role model to all my students, and I on the verge of just crying in class

26 Replies 26

Guest_4643
Community Member

Hi the aussiedude, welcome.

I'm so sorry you're struggling and dealing with so much. I don't know about relationships so I can't comment on that but I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry your Dad has cancer and your Mum may have MND, I hope not. Thinking of you.

Maybe if I told her about the promise ring, her thoughts about breaking up may have changed 😞
Do I mention to her that I had a promise ring for her?, I guess I have nothing to lose

I think it may be best to let her go, I know it's hard and easier said than done. She sounds like she was nothing but toxic to you and it's tearing you apart emotionally and mentally, I would let her go. You don't need her.

We are trying to help theaussiedude. We understand how difficult it is, but you have to try and take and accept the advice - baby steps. It sounds like you should discuss things with a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist, or even a GP.

Sorry but l agree with mb.

rx

Thanks randomx, I appreciate it.

I know how hard it is, believe me. I was mentally abused by a guy I used to like in high school, turns out he used to like me, we never dated. I have PTSD including nightmares and flashbacks about him, and random thoughts when I don't even think about him. So believe me I know how difficult it is. But it's for the best.

Ah really sorry to hear that mb such a shame at so young , maybe he was just acting like and idiot bc he liked you after all , we can do a lot of really dumb things when we like someone. Hope you can move on one day hey.

rx

Who knows, it's hard but I'm trying

Feral
Community Member

Hi theaussiedude

After my husband's infidelity, I started a journal of my feelings, and eventually got my husband to read some of my entries. Over time I have been also getting him to write some things down as he has difficulty expressing his feelings (part of the problem that led him to being unfaithful?) and that has been helpful in his starting to bring his walls down. He is also seeing a counsellor, and is happy to keep doing so for the time being, whereas I decided to try a psych as I felt a counsellor wasn't digging deep enough for me. Personal choice but I feel that talking to a neutral person to be helping us progress. You could perhaps start by sending the letter and seeing a professional (and telling her you are) to help develop strategies to express your feelings. She may appreciate that you are making an effort and it would be an indication to her of how important she is to you. Nothing to lose? Good luck

Hi Aussiedude,

My mum got diagnosed with alzhiemers and it put a strain on my relationship at the time . Sadly it led to divorce but i started understanding that if my partner cant be by myside through something like that are they really the right one? It took me along time to realise it. When he left i messaged him alot and sent emails and he hated me more.. i think give her some space. It will be very hard to do but its something i wish i did.