My sister reported me to the police

[MisterM]

I can't forgive her, I can't forget it, I feel so angry about it.
She thought I was going to hit her was her motivation for going to a police station to report me, I've not once in my life done so and never threatened to.
It was all because I was at her house to support my brother in law who was in a bad place mentally after the two of them had some marital problems. She wasn't home at the time.
This happened a number of months ago, I am angry at her for doing such a thing and cannot wipe it from my memory.
Me and my sister have been estranged for a number of years and have not spoken.

[MisterM]

I'm having an anxiety attack right now having read your post, I really don't want my name on record indefinitely. I did nothing wrong. I might have to speak to my BIL to sort this out as I don't want to speak to my sister.
Should I go to the station and speak to an officer?
I don't want this to stop me being able to become a teacher.

[pipsy]

Hi MisterM.  Definitely do not speak to your BIL, because he is married to your sister, when the chips are down, his loyalty will be, first and foremost, to her.  I'm sorry for your anxiety attack, that was not my intention.  Yes, go to the police station, tell them what happened.  Explain you were there at your BIL's request.  Tell them you've never been in trouble.  As I said earlier, let them know your sister has issues.  As I also said earlier, keep away from sister and BIL, you're probably good mates with BIL, but, bottom line, he is her husband.  Let the dust settle, sort it out with the police, make sure there is nothing on file about this incident.  Tell them you want to be a teacher and don't need this to be public knowledge.  Don't lose your 'rag' with them, be calm, polite.  Once they realise that your sister has issues, they will probably advise you to stay away.  As I also said, you don't need to go into detail, only tell them what they need to know. 

Again, sorry to have upset you, that was not my intention.  Good luck with the police.  They may 'read you the riot act', this is part of their job.  Smile, apologise, play the game their way.  Above all, keep distance with BIL.   

[MisterM]

Hi pipsy,

This whole situation has got me feeling depressed.
I feel uneasy and scared to go into a police station and get given a riot act, especially when I did not do anything wrong. I want to reach out to my BIL, I need to know exactly what she said.
I don't want to rock up to the station without knowing exactly what my sister said. I can't even remember the date, it was back in June.
All I know is when I was with my BIL at the time he received a call on his mobile from an officer, I didn't hear anything other than my BIL's answers but can't recall anything about me.

[MisterM]

I forgot to add, why do I need to apologise? I haven't done anything wrong.
This is all weighing heavily on me, I want to turn to someone but I don't know who.
I'm feeling panicky.

[pipsy]

Hi MisterM  I totally understand where you're coming from being uneasy about fronting the police.  They can be a bit daunting.  However, you said yourself, you've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear.  If you ask your BIL what your sister said, you're putting him in an impossible position.  He's married to your sister, his first loyalty must be to her.  You don't need to apologise, there's nothing to apologise for.  All you need to do is talk to the police, explain as you've done here.  Tell them you can't remember the date.  Tell them you feel a bit uneasy as you have issues yourself with sister, parents etc.  Once they understand the whole thing was a misunderstanding, they'll probably caution against further contact with your sister and that'll be that.  Tell them you're a bit concerned about you being 'on file' because of your own future as a teacher.  As I said before, explain your BIL contacted you, not the other way around.  I think your best bet though is, avoiding your sister and BIL, let them sort their own problems out.  If you do want to keep contact with your BIL, tell him you don't want to know about him and your sister. 

Do you have a close friend who can accompany you to the police?  Maybe talk to your counsellor or Dr before you go. 

[MisterM]

Hi pipsy,

Yeah it is daunting, Police always look mean and intimidating. I've gone into a station before to get documents certified and always felt anxious at the scowling police officer at the counter.
I am thinking of trying calling legal aid first for free legal advice, see if they can explain what the police may have done with my details.

My friend could accompany me but noone outside the family is meant to know what happened. I'd feel like a big mouth if I tell my friend my BIL and sister's business.
All this has left me feeling sick in the stomach.
I understand what you are saying about my BIL.
I am kinda angry at both of them, I was at home that night watching TV when I was asked to drive to their house to let my BIL into his house he accidentally locked himself out of then got told what happened between him and my sister. I got dragged into this and now my name is most likely on file.

What do you think of me texting my sister to ask what she told the police?
I want to know, I will feel like a fool going to the station not knowing what my sister said other than she thought I and her husband would hit her.

I'm so angry, my family keep trying to destroy me. If I knew it would end this way I'd have told my BIL to sort it out but I was worried he'd take his life or self harm as he was in a agitated way.

[pipsy]

Hi MM.  You could try texting your sister, asking her what she told the police.  At least then you'd know.  Perhaps, rather than texting, ring her direct.  If she hangs up, then text.  You said she and you haven't spoken for some time, so ringing or texting, she could be on the defensive straight away.  I understand where you're coming from, it's a very unusual, sticky situation.  If you text, tell her why you went there in the first place.  Ask her what made her go to the police, if she's never been frightened of you before, ask her why she is now?   Explain why you were concerned for her hubby.  Legal aid probably wouldn't know anything about how the police work.  Unfortunately, if your sister won't talk to you, your best bet is to go directly to the police.  There is a good possibility none of it has been put on file, but if you don't inquire, you'll never know.

You have no reason to fear, you were trying to do the right thing.  Try asking your sister.  Good luck. 

[MisterM]

Hi pipsy,

Thanks.
I forgot to mention,
Last year I didn't hear my phone ringing and saw a missed call from my sister.
I thought long and hard before calling her back but she didn't answer.
Then my BIL told me a few days that was him calling as his phone was broken.
I'm kind of peeved off, he could've texted first to let me know it is him calling, now my sister could tell the police I was contacting her.

[pipsy]

Hi MM.  I think, to put yourself out of your misery, contact your sister.  Find out what, if anything, she told the police.  All the dilly-dallying around you're doing is only adding to your stress.  Get it sorted, one way or another.  If sister has told police you were 'hassling' her, find out why she said it.  If she didn't, you've lost nothing.  It actually sounds as though she and BIL were having a domestic, she's gone off in a 'paddy' leaving BIL with no way of getting back into the house.  BIL contacted you, she saw you, decided in her own mind, you were trying to come between her and husband.  She's panicked thinking you might assault her, based on whatever hubby may have told you.  The whole thing has blown up out of something and nothing.  Get in touch with sister, see if you can sort it out, explain her hubby called you, tell her you don't want to 'buy' into whatever's going on between them, and leave it at that. 

You need closure, the only way you're going to get it is to talk to sister.  If she and her hubby are having problems, let them sort it out.  There's nothing worse than getting involved with matrimonial situations.  The sooner you get it sorted, the better off you're going to be. 

[MisterM]

Hi pipsy,

I spoke to BIL, I know you said not to but I can't bring myself to call sister.
He assures me there is nothing to be worried about and that there won't be any record as I need to have a police check soon for a new career I am embarking on.
I still feel crap and stressed though.