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Don't want to be alone anymore

cazz79
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I have 3 amazing kids so I'm never truly alone, it's not that type of loneliness. It's feeling like I have no one by my side to help me when my days are long and dreary. My x husband made me feel like I was disgusting he never showed any affection towards me except in the privacy of our bedroom. 

Since the divorce I had gotten myself together again and was happy, for the first time in over 8 years. I then met another guy, he had no kids, so when he moved in it must have been full on for him to step up and be the dad. And then I found out I was pregnant and from there it went down hill. I started to realise I would now have 3 kids and my partners attitude to my other 2 kids started to get mentally abbusive I let it go on too long and finally told him to leave. But I'm scared, I'm a single mum and suffer from major depression and who would want someone like me. I can't even stand me. I've put so much weight on, I am tired constantly I hardly sleep through the nights and my kids and my house are suffering. Just wish there was a miracle cure cos I want to be happy again and to be the person I know is hidden in me somewhere 

 

2 Replies 2

Leo_Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi cazz79

I'm sorry you've found yourself to be so low. I understand your predicament. Being single is hard, especially when times get tough and you're looking for a crutch. It's true what they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. When there is noone around who do you speak to? Unfortunately I don't have an answer for that but perhaps I can help you look from a different perspective. A partner shouldn't complete you but compliment you; the best you. So my thoughts are why don't you focus on being the best version of you for yourself and your kids? Are there physical activities you could do with your kids? Or if they are old enough get them involved with healthy cooking and housekeeping? They would learn responsibility for their home and wellbeing. This would give you exercise and invaluable bonding time with them. Perhaps it may even start to repair some of the mental abuse the eldest ones suffered from your previous partner. Do you have family or friends nearby? Have you spoken to any of them about your thoughts and feelings? Do you have hobbies or interests you can indulge in? I appreciate having children means a lot of your me time disappears. Perhaps that is something you can come back to when the kids are older and less dependent. 

I hope this wasn't patronising in any way. I just want you to consider what you can offer yourself in terms of being happy and strong. Because that way if somebody does come along they will be attractive to you out of want not necessity. 

Take care 😊😊

pipsy
Community Member

Dear cazz.  It must be awful for you, trapped in a situation you didn't ask for.  You got away from one abusive relationship, straight into another, then fell pregnant again.  It's hardly any wonder you question your self worth, but you are worthy.  Ask your kids who they love, who's there for them.  I realise it's a full-time, sometime thankless job, but looking after and raising kids does have it's rewards.  Are you on any meds to help you with the depression, if you're not, perhaps a visit to the Dr might be a start.  ScottishJen suggested activities with the kids, outings, picnics, things that don't cost much.  You need to try to get out of the house, to build up your confidence.  Maybe through the kids, you could join a young mother's group, that way, you would at least have an outlet.  There must be heaps of mums in your boots who would welcome a friend.  Perhaps going to daycare (how old are your kids).  Often through your kids interaction with other kids, you could meet and make friends with other mother's who need friends too.  The weight you've put on is through the depression and feeling unworthy.  Once you start mixing with other's, this will help along with seeing your Dr to discuss your depression.  I'm sure you are a beautiful person, you just need encouragement to 'bring it out'.  You sound as though you are a loving, caring mum who would actually be able to help maybe a first-time, scared mum who has no-one she can turn to. 

Hope I've helped you not feel so alone.