My sister has cut me out of her life

[Rose88]

I am in a place where I have no idea what to do about this situation.

My sister (who I have only known as an adult as we are half siblings) has told me that she no longer wants to be a part of my life. She says that she can't be around me and see me have so much success in life while she seems to get nowhere. She has been quite verbally abusive towards me telling me that I have never had to work for anything in my life and that I get everything handed to me (not true). She says that because she is envious of my relationship and education she can no longer be around me. She had a complete meltdown and I am worried for her safety as she has depression. I told her I love her but she said that she doesn't believe me because she doesn't believe anyone can ever love her. She said that she is a bad person and anyone who gets close to her sees it and hates her (also not true).

Today our father contacted me and told me that she has also cut him out of her life. She offered very little explanation and I think he left the conversation feeling very confused. I feel like someone has died and so rejected. I love her but she doesn't want to speak to me.

Any advice on dealing with this would be great.

Also, I have generalised anxiety disorder and have suffered from depression in the past.

[MarkJT]

Rose, a terrible difficult situation to find yourself in. I am not going to say that i understand how you feel, because i don't.

I think that you have two choices here, one is to persist and see if a relationship can be built or two, cut ties and get on with your life. Unfortunately both are going to come with some personal pain.

If you choose to persist with trying to rebuild a relationship, if you constantly show that you love and care for her, there may be a time where she actually starts to trust you and could open up a line of communication. I wouldn't bombard her with messages or calls, just every now and then send her a message to say that you are thinking about her and hope she is well.

Are you connected with her on any social media sites? It may be an idea to post some positive messages about supporting those with depression or GAD etc. This will it will show her that you are in tune with mental health.

If you choose the 2nd option, which i don't thing you will, cutting ties with someone is hard work. Really hard work. You will forever be wondering if you could have done more.

By choosing the first option, at least if she maintains that she wants nothing to do with you, you will be safe in the comfort that you did everything that you could to build and maintain a relationship.

Please feel free to continue updating or talking about this in here. We will stand beside you as you go through this journey.

Mark.

[Croix]

Dear Rose88~

Like Mark above said, both your, and your father's situations are horrible. Whilst in no way qualified to make judgments I have the feeling I've heard the same words your sisters says from myself when I was in the grip of depression.

Is there anyone she holds in high enough esteem to persuade her to seek medical help?

Please look after yourself and ensure your GAD is under appropriate treatment.

We look forward to hearing from you.

My best wishes

Croix

[Rose88]

Thanks for your responses. I'm going to wait a few days and see if she contacts me and then send her a message just to ask how she is doing to see if she responds. Right now I just feel really hurt. My dad came around today to talk about what happens. We are supporting each other through this and are becoming closer because of it so at least there is that positive. I really hope she changes her mind once she calms down.

We found out that there is a friend staying with her so she at least has someone there to look out for her.

[geoff]

dear Rose, as Croix and Mark have said I go along with, but you have to remember that she is suffering from depression and when someone has this illness then normally what they say is not what they mean, it's their depression making her say this, which may seem to be difficult to understand, and I can accept that, but you need to know that her mind is not thinking clearly, so it's easy to blame someone who is better off than they are.
If you can appreciate this then that's why she has included her father, who must be so upset, just as you are, but because it's the two of you then this illness has control over her in what she may do and definitely what she does have to say.
Once she starts to feel better it maybe a sore point which she may not want to talk about, but if the occasion comes along then just develop your r/ship once again and regain this love for each other, if this is possible, unfortunately I am unable to say whether or not it may happen, but I certainly hope so. Geoff. x

[MarkJT]

Rose, great to hear that someone is with her and looking out for her.

This is a turbulent time and as what Croix has pointed out above, make sure that you take good care of yourself. There may be a time where she returns to you and wants the help you can give her, you need to be in good condition to be able to do that.

Thank you for posting back and letting us know what is going on.

Mark.

[Rose88]

UPDATE: My sister called me and apologised. We spoke about her needing to work through her jealousy issues but she says that she is over it now she has admitted that was the case. The problem is she still puts me down all the time. She tells me that I have "horrible taste in friends" because I stayed in an abusive relationship for years and I never 100% cut ties with him. From my point of view, I am no longer in that relationship. She says that my mum is a horrible person (we have different mums) because she never stepped in and forced me out of the relationship I was in. I really don't like it when she calls my mum names to my face. My mother has some flaws but she is a human being and not perfect. I can't even bring her up without her mentioning how much she hates her. I feel pretty hurt right now. And because my sister has put me on a pedestal she doesn't even believe that it is possible to hurt my feelings because apparently I have amazing self-esteem and can't be hurt according to her. I want her to stop attacking me and our dad (for allegedly being horrible people) all the time.

[MarkJT]

Rose, great news that she made contact with you and apologised but not so good news that she is behaving in such a manner.

Even though it is hurtful, and so it should be, perhaps slowly introduce into a conversation that you do not like being put down. I don't think there would be any use in just blasting it out, build the relationship and add bits here and there until it flows into an ongoing conversation.

There are reasons why you stayed in the relationship and never 100% cut ties and you can convey this to her. Add that you do not expect her to understand and by no means you need to justify yourself as to why you stayed but if you give her the reasons why, she may understand and ease off the comments.

Sam pretty much goes for any issues she has with you. Introduce the subject little by little and hopefully over time it will flow into full conversations.

Keep in mind though that no matter what you say or do, some people have certain ideas about things that cannot be changed. Hopefully this is not the case for you.

Mark.