But what about me?
My partner recently
I feel sad for him, that he struggles with this, and I desperately want to help him.
We have good days and bad days and he still functions in
He isn't a talker and likes to figure things out for himself. He isn't ready for professional help yet.. he wants to try himself first, by doing lots of research, seeing what the pharmacy has to offer that's available without prescriptions.
Sometimes he shuts down. Needs alone time, gets irritated by small things, doesn't communicate or outright gets angry with me.
And even though I know this is depression it hurts. Because I'm always on the receiving end.
And selfishly I think; what about me? What about my feelings?
I don't say that to him but I think it...
I'm not completely sure what I want with this topic. I know I can't say
It would be good reading experiences of other people in the non-depression position or ways to maybe communicate in a manner that doesn't cause a 3 day fight, that I have a hard time coping as well.
Have you seen this thread in Supporting Family & Friends section? It offers some helpful tips from a partner's perspective:
Thanks for your post, if it was me I'd be guilty about posting, and guilty about my feelings -and I'd be very wrong.
I have PTSD, depression, anxiety. It started a very long time ago and now I'm able to mostly live a normal life. This gives me a measure of understanding for what you are both going though.
The first thing to say is if your husband has a mental illness it needs treatment. It is not a case of soldiering on or initial self-treatment, any more than it would be for a broken leg. I made that mistake, had physical symptoms dealt with and left the causes alone. I ended up worse and more difficult to treat.
It may be that by endeavoring to self-treat your husband is denying part of the problem. There is no doubt that he should be properly diagnosed, and if found to have illnesses then have the appropriate treatments. Until this happens there is, or I should say - was in my case - not much chance of things getting better.
For me there were four things, medical help with meds, with therapies and self-help combined with family support. I doubt I'd be here without my wife who had to bear the burden of it all.
I guess that if all that is underway then things might get a little easier. When I was down it took my wife a great deal of patience -and insight- into knowing what to do and when. To comfort, just be present, leave alone.
It may be possible to enter into a pact that your husband can stick with, even when in the blackest place -not to say anything irredeemably hurtful. I almost got it right with my first wife, and when she died and I remarried I have got it right this time. We do not say anything that can't be taken back. This is what I, in my more human moments, tried to set myself to do when completely self-absorbed and suffering.
Two more things, please, if you have not done so already, have a look through The Facts menu above for causes, symptoms and treatments for anxiety and depression, and have browse though those sections (plus Carers) of the Forum to see how others have coped.
Please post as often as you'd like, you will be met with car and understanding
Hi Sophie_M & Croix,
Thank you for both your answers.
I just finished reading the whole booklet with information about depression/anxiety + the part for carers.
I guess, Croix you exactly say what I want to
But at this moment he refuses to seek professional help and for
It's like I'm stuck in the middle. I need to support his decisions even knowing they won't help the cause.
I need to
What if he doesn't want help in 6 weeks? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? Am I just to sit by and watch it
I'm glad to hear you're doing so much better now and hope my husband will get there too at some point. 🙂
@KassJo's; gosh that's
We laughed a lot. I really enjoyed the weekend.
It's going well still now. I notice that during the week his mood goes down a bit. It makes me wonder if his depression is instead more work stress related?
He isn't depressed like for example KassJo's
I love how he is when he's in a good mood. We both forget about the worries. I think that's making me even more