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My husband does not love me anymore.

Jasmine-Tina
Community Member

I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months.

He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. ​I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

54 Replies 54

dear Tina, if he loved you and wanted to be intimate with you, then he would want to go to bed with you, however what is more important for him, you or the pot, and when you tell him that you love him then he would want to be with you in bed surely.
It's always a great excuse 'it helps him sleep', more than I am addicted to pot and need it.
I don't think it would be nice for the two of you to be intimate when he is high on pot, is this only what he wants, rather than enjoying each other's company.
You cut off the last sentence. Geoff x

Dear Geoff, Thank you for your post. It is marvellous to have someone else look into my home situation. You are so right and I strongly believe the reason he smokes pot is because he is addicted to it and he needs it. I have been so blinded by his BS excuse and have been naive about it. You have opened my eyes whenit comes to living with an addict. I am very grateful. I wouldnt be intimate with him in bed anyway. Not after him smoking pot. I hate the smell of it and I wouldnt want to kiss him either. The last sentence was, everyone also believes I still love him. Im not sure anymore. I believe its time to focus on what makes me happy. I will update with what get up to. J-Tina.

Jasmine-Tina
Community Member
It has been awhile since my last post. I was in the hospital this whole time. I was discharged yesterday. I had an operation and it was a success. I have been advised of the result while I was in hospital and it was not cancerous. Such a relief. I will continue my recovery at home as I can walk unassisted. I will be out of work for at least 3 weeks. Today is the 34th day since my husband declared the love for his wife is no longer there. Between the pain of such declaration said out loud and the physical pain I am recovering from is normally too much for one person to take on. However for me, since being on this site, I have shielded myself against unimportant issues that are out of my control and turned my focus on my health. For this to happen successfully, I am aware the healing will take time and stressing less. Here are the updates: We haven't had THE conversation yet. No surprise there. He did not see a counsellor. No surprise there, either. He doesn't play his online violent games as much as he used to. A little improvement there. He still smokes pot but have slightly reduced. We sleep in the same bed and he still comes to bed much later. Before I go to bed, I have been receiving a good night kiss on the lip. Some more improvement, again. I have decided, when he is ready for the TALK, then he can approach me. I cannot read his mind and I don't intend to. I have prepared myself when the time comes. My priority at the moment is my recovery. He has been caring for me as I cannot do much. I feel he is coming around, but not quite 360. But I will not be blindsided anymore. He could be doing this out of guilt, how am I suppose to know? As long as it aids to me recovering, then this is a good deed that he is helping. I will post this for today. J-Tina.

dear Tina, good to hear from you and I have my fingers crossed for you as this would have been another problem you were trying to cope with, but I'm so pleased to hear the result, but it will need to be monitored, only for your own protection.
I wonder by him helping you that there could be a change in the wind, but with addicts it's hard to predict what will happen.
Take great care of yourself to heal and to gain your strength back, but please post again. Geoff. x

Jasmine-Tina
Community Member

It's been 22 days since my last post. Healing has been my main priority at the moment. This is going well but my home life has been silently suffering. I haven't been able to do much and I have been resting so I can recover quickly. I am still living with my husband but he has been distance and occupied with other things that doesn't include me. He's been spending all his weekends at his pot smoking friend's place who by the way has a wife and 2 kids under 5. This doesn't affect me as much as I don't mind spending these weekends by myself. I have the whole house to myself and its been good. I can do what I want and watch my chick flicks whenever I want.

My husband is in a very dark place and he is pushing me away. He has been very difficult to deal with and I can only try my best to help. At the end of the day, only he can pull himself out of this darkness. He has agreed to see a marriage counsellor together so we can save our marriage. He told me he wanted to try and save what we have. The actions that he has been displaying is totally the opposite to what he tells me. The next few weeks will be the make and break of us. He doesn't have any motivation to do things together. He is too busy playing his on-line games. He still believes there is nothing wrong with him. He keeps saying he needs space and time alone. So many mixed messages, sometimes its so hard to keep up.

I am not ready to give up on this marriage as yet so I am doing everything I can so that I don't step into this dark place that he is in. I have been fortunate so far that I haven't let him drag me down. The person that he has become in the last 3 months is not the person that I married and met in the beginning. I want to help him out of this dark place he is in but he won't let me in to help. I think that being here is all I can do. Even though, I'm getting this vibe, he prefers to be living the single life as that is what he is doing now. If he wants such life, then I want him to tell me that it is over. I want him to be a mature adult and tell me he wants a divorce. All I get now is I don't know what I want as I have never been in this situation before.

I believe he is taking his frustration out on me because I'm here. As he is high on pot every night, whatever he says, I don't really take much notice. When the day he decides to make a decision, I will only believe it when he is under no influence of pot and alcohol. For now, I will keep myself above the horizon. J-Tina.