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My husband does not love me anymore.

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I was so shocked by his admisson that my whole world came crashing down. I showed a brave face and I did not share a single tear. I could not reveal my disappointment in knowing this is how he felt for the last 3 months. We have been together for 4 years and married for 1 year & 8 months.

He has an addictive personality and for the last 3months he plays online violent games until the wee hours. He also drinks a lot of alcohol, to the point of passing out. I was unhappy so I told then he told me he was unhappy for the last 3months. To avoid spending time with me, he turned to alcohol & on-line games. I am so lost and my head hurts so much. ​I am too embarrased to tell my family and friends. I am hoping I could get support here.

54 Replies 54

Dear Geoff, Thank you for your post. I can see the support and suggestions you have provided. You are straight to the point and I admire that. When I am tired of living this life then I need to be prepared to leave it all behind. The marriage life, this lifestyle of no love at the moment and really walk away. You are right, I am afraid and I am very disappointed of how my life will not be the same. Not that it would be for the worse but it will be

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.. very different to what I have dreamt of. To tell you the truth I still hold a glimpse of hope that he still loves me but is upset so he said he doesn't anymore. I don't really believe him but he said it out so it must be true. My family have insisted I don't walk out on him. I should stay and play the wife role and hopefully he changes his mind. As much as I want to believe something tells me it is not going to work. I have only been doing just enough. I am away this weekend at camp with my brother and his family. I do not intend to tell him. I want to spend time with my nieces and nephew and have a wonderdul time. My brother and I aren't close but we are blood and we love each other. I find my older sister is better suited for the talk. I will post this and hopefully find courage to face this situation head on. J-Tina.

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Hello all, its been awhile since my last post. Here is the update on my situation. Coming back from camping when I entered the house he greeted me. I was taken back a little. He said I can sleep in our bed. I've had two nights in our bed but no contact at all. He is heavily smoking pot and ocassionally plays his on-line violent game. I am kind of grateful for the new change in him but we both have been ignoring the big issue. I am not bothered too much. Work has been busy and it helps not thinking about my home life. He told me he is going to seek help. I have supported this move. I am happy he decided to do this. I know he is not well mentally but he refuses to talk to me about it. I am over that now, seeking a professional is better. I have decided to see my cousin on the weekend and have a sleep over. He can spend more time doing whatever. I will not be burdening my cousin as I want to have a good time. I think I deserve it. J-Tina.

dear Tina, I'm sorry that I haven't got back to you, it was just by chance that I clicked onto page 3 I think, but I get caught up on all the replies on page 1, but if you want to talk to me then just continue on with your current post then it will go back to pge 1.

Is there the chance that he may have been frightened to touch you in bed or was he bombed out.

When my 25 yr marriage ended, it was scary knowing what was around the corner waiting to happen, so there were some issues which I was sad about; firstly the house that I gutted and it was a big house that I could no longer live in because it had to be sold, but then this is where my life changed, in that my life did a full circle, it changed completely and perhaps I changed with it or could it be that now I was allowed to be myself, do what and when I wanted to do, it made a massive change to be able to be just myself.
It's good that he is going to get help but with some people the addiction far out weighs the benefits of stopping, and often keep coming back to it when something wrong upsets them once again.
If I was to get married once again ( which I'm not) I would never marry an addict. L Geoff. x

Dear Geoff, Thanks for your post. You are right, once an addict finds something worse it all flows back. I have to admit when I first met him he was so caring and loving. I knew about his past but I hoped our love,would out weigh everything. If I knew this would happen, I would not have persued him and this relationship. But its too late and here we are now. He told me he doesnt know what he wanted. I believe that is BS.

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.. He is in a bad place. I can see the signs. But I am not responsible for his actions and his hapiness, Thanks to all the wonderful support and suggestions on here, I am now aware of that. I am a planner when it comes to our social life and I enjoy doing it. I like to look forward to doing things together but since this happened I have done nothing. Its sad but I will not be suggesting anything anytime soon. I feel selfish a little but I actually dont care anymore. It has taken me awhile to get to this point.

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.. He still havent made the appointment yet to see a professional counsellor and this irritates me. However I will not show it. I have been asking everyday and I am sure I sound like a broken record. I can tell he gets frustrated so Ive decided Im gonna back off on that issue. I dont understand why he doesnt just do it. Anyway sometimes I think he does this to annoy me and it works. So its best if I just leave him be. I have been keeping my chin up as I will not be letting him drag me down to where ever he is. He needs to figure out what he wants in life and if I am not in it, then just tell me. Then I can make some solid plans to my own life and well being. If I am in his future, then

dear Tina, sometimes we have to live with someone to find out what they are like, because so much could be hidden away that we don't know about and only surfaces once we are together.
Can I relay the old story which most of us know and it's not about your situation but about the bashed wife that keeps on going back to her husband after he promises time after time that he won't hurt her again, by showering her with flowers and chocolates, it's all good for a day or so and then physically abuses the poor wife.
This may go on for awhile until finally the wife leaves, sorry Tina but the same happens to an addict, they promise not to gamble, drink or take drugs until the urge becomes too strong, money is missing, and payments he was supposed to make for the mortgage only goes on weed.
Tina there are so many other guys out there hoping and wishing to find someone like you to form a loving relationship, one that you can trust and have the greatest happiness. Geoff. x

Dear Geoff, that is such a true statement. We only truly know a person after we live with them. Thank you for your post, you have a kind soul and I appreciate your reassuring words of knowing there is a guy out there who would benefit and deserving of the love I can give. I think, right now, if this marriage fails which probably will then I will not be in a hurry to go down thay road for a very long time. Unless I meet Mr. Right, then why not. Life is too short these days to let a good thing slide by. I am aware of the story of the drunk man and the wife who sticks by him, then finally leaves him. It is a great reminder. You are right, an addict cannot stop being one. It is not in their nature. This is the hardest time that I have ever experienced. But I am always wanting to see the best in a person. Everyone deserves a second chance in life. For me its my marriage.

Dear Geoff, I just realised I did not answer your previous question. The reason of no contact in bed is not because he is frightened to touch me. Maybe bombed out, could be. Im always the first one in bed. Hes been coming much later. I am mostly asleep by then. After he smokes pot, he would crash for a few hours. Lately that has bbeen a routine that hes been doing. He says it helps him to sleep. He knows I love him as I have told him this in the beginning but now Im not so sure. I havent showed him of this any other way. I am sure he still believes I do. So does everuone else. yhis in the