My husband..... and his comments.

[Aria87]

So, my husband does anything for me. He does more for me than most (and im not bragging).. alot around the house, helps out more than our share together, he is also OCD neat freak, which for me, i am not. im not messy but im not a neat freak. I find when my husband is stressed, and i slip up on one issue, he flips his mind.. but today, i feel i dont deserve the comments he laid out on me via text.

We have spoken MANY times how i tell him not to text me etc. MANY times how rude he comes across, and yes he admits how he is sorry but he was just mad. 
But, even if im the messiest in the world, i feel i dont deserve these comments.

Today, i found him furious, as i forgot to do 2 tasks, over the weekend. Mind you i had a horrible weekend with computer systems failing and finding myself working over the weekend also.

His reply to me today was: this week, i want your cupboards cleaned out and tidied. you have all weekend to do that.. i have had enough.. you make me look bad always, ive never been this frustrated before in my fucking life. use your brain.

Wow.

Stress or not, watch your mouth.

Mind you, he has had a VERY stressful upbringing with his family, yet hes so stressed i left something around the house undone.

Yes being OCD may be tiring for that person, but living with someone who has OCD is more tiring lol

[Croix]

Dear Aria87~

Welcome back. In hte past oyu have always been able ot see reasons (mainly your family) why your husband has behaved as he did, and seemed reasonable happy wiht him

This appears ot have changed. You mention he has OCD and has been abusing oyu for not having everything done his way -and his way is unrelaistic and does not take your feelings  into account.

I'm very sorry to hear this. May I ask if your husband has sought medical help for both OCD and also anger managment?  Neither is osmething one can deal properly wiht by onself, help is necessary.

If he is seeing a medical professional it might be worth reporting the current treatment is not effective.

This may seem a hard thing to do but it has stood me in good stead. I have an agreement with my partner we never ever say anything to deliberately hurt, and nothing that cannot be taken back . It works well.

While I can understand your husband's condition may drive him to anger and frustration things do have to change for both your sakes.

Do you have support? A family member or friend to lean on? It can help

Please do feel free to come back and talk some more, it is a very difficult situation for you.

Croix

[Carus]

Sorry to read this.....

Unfortunately I don't see this getting much better....

I would say there are other underlying issues that lead him to be that way, as in, it's not just you...

However, is this a way to talk to someone you supposedly love and support...??

.....or anyone really for that matter.

I feel you have some big decisions to make in the near future. It is horrible to have to be around that kind of anger constantly....

Sending You Strength*

Regards*

[Carus]

Also >you make me look bad always< is classic gaslighting....

Don't fall for that*

Regards*

[Aria87]

Hellooo!!

Correct, those issues are definitely not home related.

My husband does not express his feelings too well and seems once he has an outburst, he realizes AFTER how much my feelings are hurt and then apologies, but i dont seem to accept them too well as its too reoccurring. 

He has recently started a new job also, which draws him away from the home more... i think because he doesnt have so much control in the house anymore, he blows up and does dramatic discipline etc. with our son.

I have recently overcome the fear of speaking up to anyone... he knows how hard this is for me.. and now when hes mad, he just cuts me off does what he likes and changes the entire mood of the house.

The gaslighting.. oh tell me about it, i always relay that to him until he understands.

Its like he comes to, AFTER the episode.. then hes fine again, and the smallest issue elsewhere he blows up at home with it.

He wont seek help with the OCD, as he feels if you arent tidy youre purely messy.

[Carus]

It is good you're aware of the gaslighting. It can do a lot of damage if it goes unchecked.

Sounds like your husband has trouble regulating and controlling his emotions. Whilst it's always good to vent and release anger, it shouldn't be directed at someone you're supposed to love and support.

Maybe he needs to find a way to vent his frustrations without taking it out on his family. Many men use physical exercise like the gym or sport or bike riding etc....

Hopefully he can find a way before it's too late....if you know what I mean*

Sending You Strength
Regards
Carus*