Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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My_name_is_Jane I am being abusive? Or am I being abused?
  • replies: 4

My partner is suicidal and currently staying in an inpatient mental health clinic. Things have been very difficult leading up to his admission. I had to watch over him for two weeks straight. We has many arguments, which I attributed to the stress of... View more

My partner is suicidal and currently staying in an inpatient mental health clinic. Things have been very difficult leading up to his admission. I had to watch over him for two weeks straight. We has many arguments, which I attributed to the stress of checking in. I have tried not to take it personally, but it gets difficult. I saw him today and he was very quiet and distant. He ended our visit by stating that a lot of his therapy time is “wasted” on our relationship problems and how he doesn’t know how to have conversations with me without me blowing up. He accused me of abusing him and being nasty by screaming at him and slamming doors (which I have never done). This took me my surprise because I always felt it was him that fuels the fire during difficult conversations (i.e., interrupting me, sighing loudly, talking-over me, monologing/not leaving space for me to talk, picking my words). He tends to twist my words and I am often left questioning myself. For example, I have never once screamed at him, nor slammed anything around – but he is so sure I have, and I find this so confusing. I have caught myself raising my voice at him to match his at times. But I have never screamed/slammed things. When he gets like this, I feel like there is nothing I can do but apologise or else he won’t move on. He often recounts events in a way I don’t remember them – usually in a way where I look very bad. Once during an argument leading up to his admission it got too much for me. I didn’t want to say or do anything that might upset him or make things worse. We were arguing on the sofa. I asked him if he could just give me a moment to sit there and think. He kept pushing and not letting me take a breath. I then told him that I need to distance myself - go for a short walk arond the block. I made it clear that I was only going for a 20min walk. The moment I stepped outside he texted me that he was thinking of “making an attempt” on his life and I had to go back. As soon as I got back, he took that chance to jump back into the argument. He told me today I should learn to regulate my emotions/not be so explosive. I feel like there has been times I have tried to take some time to think before I act or get space to gain perspective - but hasn’t allowed it. I feel like I can’t win. I guess I am seeking for advice/validation. Making sure that I am not being abusive, and if so, how to stop that cycle. I just feel like I am questioning myself a lot lately. I hate feeling this way.

Beaser Im scared of going back to despair again.
  • replies: 15

Hi my best wishes to everyone. Ive had a very traumatic weekend . My partner of 18 months has ended our relationship. I know that we have problems. I have been heavily involved in my football club it has been like my family as i dont have any that i ... View more

Hi my best wishes to everyone. Ive had a very traumatic weekend . My partner of 18 months has ended our relationship. I know that we have problems. I have been heavily involved in my football club it has been like my family as i dont have any that i see. My girlfriend struggles with my need to see my friends and we just dont seem to have that common ground. Im scared of being alone again but i need my friends and interest outside of our relationship. Ive tried to be a good partner and help wherever i can and include my partner with my outside interests. I think that the two years of covid and the isolation has caused me to be needy. I dont know what to do or where to turn. Things are spiralling for me. I am hating my job as its very negative and there are a lot of unhappy people there. I have been there for about 13 years. I have been in a very bad space after previous relationship breakups and im so scared of going there again. I have leant heavily on friends and im scared if i do it again it might scare them away. Thank you for reading my post. I would be open to any ones thoughts and suggestions. Brett.

Teena1__ Husband comments explicit comments on single women content on social media
  • replies: 7

Caught my hubby complimenting beautiful & sexy women on social media everyday for months, as if he's single. He makes sexual comments too. I am in no way jealous of these women. They are single & flaunting their half naked bodies on social media beca... View more

Caught my hubby complimenting beautiful & sexy women on social media everyday for months, as if he's single. He makes sexual comments too. I am in no way jealous of these women. They are single & flaunting their half naked bodies on social media because they simply can. But my husband comments on their bodies, flirts with them & complimenting them, as if to let them know that he likes what he sees, or to let them know he's interested. Even comments in ways where he wants to sleep with them. I want to know what other people considers this as? We've been married for almost 8 yrs with 3 kids together. I have confronted him and I was really hurt but all the comments (Yes, I read them all, bad idea) I find it really disrespectful to me as his wife and how he just gives his attention away so freely. I mean, he may as well just go ahead and do the physical deed and cheat. He says it's “just comments" or that he'll look but won't touch, or that it means nothing. Then proceeds to say that he will get rid of all of his apps if it upsets me that much. The man is trying to gaslight me. I'd love to know your thoughts. This quite frankly is the straw that broke the camels back and I'm just set on leaving. Am I doing too much?

somekid Possible new stepdad, don't know how I feel about this
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lately my (single) mother has been looking for a new relationship. just last Friday I found out I was an illegitimate child and my real dad had refused to marry my mother once she was pregnant. obviously this struck a huge mental blow to me, given I'... View more

lately my (single) mother has been looking for a new relationship. just last Friday I found out I was an illegitimate child and my real dad had refused to marry my mother once she was pregnant. obviously this struck a huge mental blow to me, given I'm in year 7. since then I've been feeling horrible. my mum has been looking to get in a relationship with a friend of hers whom I personally dislike. I don't know him well and am afraid that this would cause a rift in our relationship. my mum has become increasingly hostile to me and my questions. I'm afraid of abandonment, that my mum would ignore/neglect me to pursue this new man. I haven't been sleeping well, I've let tears and emotions get the better of me at school, and I'm prone to bouts of crying. I don't know if anyone's there for me - the only people I can talk to have sided with my mother. I feel distant and I feel like my life is falling apart.

Stagnated Realisation
  • replies: 1

Goodmorning I don’t know where to begin. Most nights my dreams and thoughts are plagued by self hatred and doubt. How Ive lost friends through either my fault or because of divorce many years ago. How I once had them at my 50th yet I wasn’t invited t... View more

Goodmorning I don’t know where to begin. Most nights my dreams and thoughts are plagued by self hatred and doubt. How Ive lost friends through either my fault or because of divorce many years ago. How I once had them at my 50th yet I wasn’t invited to theirs. I am upset during the night and truths are revealed. Mainly Ive been fooling myself into thinking I am a good person. Yet here I am. No friends to speak of and an unproductive useless life. I am an embarrassment to my children and my Ex competes for their attention. To which they make time to see him each week, yet Id be lucky for small mercies once every few months. That includes my grandchildren. My head is muddled and I self loath as a result. No confidence and my stomach is churning along with my emotions. Sucks being a failure and constantly being shown that I am unworthy. I try to pull myself up but it’s a constant battle. I have a partner with no friends to speak of and no income. Basically I feel completely lonely and on my own 🤷🏻‍

JJohn117 Very Mismatched libidos
  • replies: 24

Hey everyone im 30, have been with my wife for nearly 7 years (6 months married so far) we're on the cusp of trying for kids I have been struggling with this for a long time but for the last year I have been experiencing depression symptoms. im going... View more

Hey everyone im 30, have been with my wife for nearly 7 years (6 months married so far) we're on the cusp of trying for kids I have been struggling with this for a long time but for the last year I have been experiencing depression symptoms. im going to try/fail to be consise ha. We have a very loving non sexual and sexual relationship, she is my whole world but our libido's are completely opposite and i am not handling it well and to cut a long story short the reason im on here is because no matter how much i research, how many relationship podcasts i listen to i have this overwelming sense of dread that our relationship will faulter. I read fully through the "my wife isnt interested in sex" thread not long ago and cryed for days, the other day i listened to the shameless sex podcast "reviving the sexless relationship" and my wife has been asking me if im ok for days (im not, the sexologist on the pod reckons im doomed, shes one of many), she really loves and cares for me and i am a very lucky man. Im so overwelmed with guilt for feeling this way but the resources i am encountering are basically summing it up as im going feel this way forever or ending relationship. ending it would not help, it would ruin both of our lives, she would never try again and her mental health would suffer irreparable damage and Im definatly not as much of a catch as she thinks i am. I dont know that i could ever forgive myself for doing that to her or ever be as happy nonsexually ever again. For the record we do have great relations, and I love every second of it, but its all me, im the one who puts in the effort, she VERY rarely initiates. this will all get allot worse when we start a family and get older understandably, shes already to tired or has headache, i dont even try to initiate anymore it hurts me to much to be rejected but then im hurt anyway from knowing the outcome if i did try. im terrified for the future, im lost and i dont know what to do. im hurting her, none of this is fair on her, she doesnt deserve this its not her fault.

anonymouszebra I don't know where this is going
  • replies: 8

My parents have been not talking ans been in a spit for 2 weeks now. As a teen that is hitting the important end of his schooling life now, I am really uncertain to how I will deal with the stress of this and my parents being like this. Neither of my... View more

My parents have been not talking ans been in a spit for 2 weeks now. As a teen that is hitting the important end of his schooling life now, I am really uncertain to how I will deal with the stress of this and my parents being like this. Neither of my parents will give in. When I ask one of my parents to fix things up, they just reply with 'this is just a part of our life'. It's not just like that, this is really chipping away at my mental health every day that goes by. My grades are going well, my hobbies are going well, I have good friends, I just dont understand why and how this is having such a big effect on me. It's a regular occurrence for them to have an argument and not talk to each other for about 1 week, but this time it's 2, and it's really getting to me. Im fearing the worst for their relationship and my family. With winter approaching, it is also a time of the year that my main hobby does not happen, so therefore I lose that avenue to improve my wellbeing. Currently the best I can do is try to stay out of the house or stay in my room, but that is slowly starting to become ineffective too.

Here2Talk Supporting children with autism
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). ... View more

Hi all, I have a 6yo son with level 2 asd. An interesting episode tonight. He tripped last night and got a small graze on the top of his foot, and after a day it finally bloodied up (you now how grazes can sometimes not bleed or scab straight away). Anyway he was distressed, as usual, when getting into the shower, because he said “it’s going to hurt”. I tried to placate him and persuade him that it would be manageable; alas he was so distressed that eventually we just put a bandaid on and let him shower like that. The exact scenario is not that important; I am just Wondering if anyone has thoughts or ideas or experiences with autistic children, and in terms of what you should do in terms of nudging them to try and do difficult or uncomfortable things? He is very intelligent young man (ahead of the class eg in maths and spelling and reading), but has trouble with rigid ideas and subtlety characteristic of autism. I’ve heard of others with autism being guided very well, some even becoming very successful in careers etc and I just wondered - philosophically - how much one should try to encourage children With asd throughout development. Obviously one can’t (morally) push any human to do things that are distressing - but in trying to make everything conform to a child’s agenda and protect them from every difficulty they might encounter would seem like depriving them of skills necessary for life - this world is going to throw difficulties at children .... So I guess does anyone have advice for the ultimate amount of pushing vs placating/comforting a child with ASD- more geared to level 2 high intelligence children but any advice/experiences in general are welcome. Best wishes.

tabitha_ My family has fallen apart
  • replies: 5

Hi guys. I don't really know why I'm on this forum - I don't know if anyone will reply or what I'm going to gain from posting here but I googled 'what to do when your family falls apart' and this was the first link, so I decided to join you guys. Ess... View more

Hi guys. I don't really know why I'm on this forum - I don't know if anyone will reply or what I'm going to gain from posting here but I googled 'what to do when your family falls apart' and this was the first link, so I decided to join you guys. Essentially, my Dad has been accused by my sister (who has a husband and 4 kids with 1 on the way) of sexually assaulting her multiple times during childhood, in addition to doing so with his "best friend' who used to visit our family home every Sunday while we were at church with Mum. I have 8 siblings and another sister claimed (before the assault claim came out) that this same friend had inappropriately groped her while she was alone at home once and then deflected attention to the whereabouts of my Dad when she retaliated. This sister told our whole family in an attempt to get my parents attention about it and have him removed from the family home but my Dad claims he is 'stupid' and 'ignorant' and does it all the time. As far as I'm aware, he's been fired from every job for near-miss sexual assault of children. My sister (with the 5 children) claims they are both guilty and my Mum is complicit. Both men have denied all claims and still remain friends. My whole family has fallen apart about 5 months ago and my Mum has decided to leave my Dad because couples therapy changed very little of his narcissistic ways in their relationship. She doesn't know what to believe, she is a good woman, but she is ignorant at times and I think she's just shocked in this situation and needs space. Essentially I feel guilty knowing they are ultimately alone now in their 60's with no children who contact them and ultimately no real family left except their own flesh and blood. As you can imagine, I feel hopeless and my depression has taken an all-time low. I am incapable of working my day job and studying psychology feels like a farse at this point in time. I'm so close to provisional registration but not being able to meet my financial needs because of the stress I feel from everything makes me wonder whether I should give up altogether. I really need to talk about this/have someone listen to the details of my thoughts and my therapist isn't enough for me in the cold dark nights and dreary days that seem to keep passing me by. I apologise if anyone I actually know has had to read this - I feel like I just need to talk to people and I can't talk to my loved ones about it anymore without feeling like it's a burden for them. Thanks guys.

MB19 Forgiving Drunk Comments
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Hi all - first time poster here. I'll try and keep it short and sharp... My partner had one too many beers and decided to say "we don't love each other anymore." When I was obviously upset/angry at this comment he explained a number of reasons why he... View more

Hi all - first time poster here. I'll try and keep it short and sharp... My partner had one too many beers and decided to say "we don't love each other anymore." When I was obviously upset/angry at this comment he explained a number of reasons why he doesn't love me anymore. Including we never spend any time together - it is always about the kids and more. Points I had already got upset about recently and was asking for us to have more couple time rather than just in our parent roles. He purchased flowers and chocolates the next day when I told him what he said and now is acting like all is good. But I am still heartbroken and depressed. He says it was just stupid drunk comments, but I feel you don't say things, even when you're drunk, unless you feel them in some way! I can't un-see his face when he said it or un-hear the words. I don't know how, or if I can move forward and each day seems to pull me down further. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!