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My depressed partner has left me and I'm pregnant

Community Member

met my ex 3.5 yrs,In Aus1.5yrs. 2months into relationship he told me he has depression. Said he'd been to counselling&taken meds in the past but manages it himself.Afew mths later, I tried to end things as I was moving to Aus. He wanted to come with me&didn't want us to end.10 months into the relationship he said'I need to tell you something but cant'.This went on for2mths.I was relentless&started guessing.He said he didnt think he wanted to marry/have kids.When hes depressed he can hardly look after himself&was afraid of passing it on-His dad has depression.I took this as a fear of committment.He hadnt spoken to his dad in12 yrs,Dad left his mum&they'd a bad marriage.later mum told me he was reclusive for 5 yrs in his 20s.We kept going.Had regular sex&got on good.4 mths before our move, he said he had doubts about Aus.He'd say I was the best thing to happen to him&I thought'cold feet'We moved to Darwin.Beginning was tough.Id a job he didnt.We fought a bit. Hes V introverted/awkward socially-I'm the opposite,but the smartest person I know!Back on track&things were good.I went to counselling to help me support him.We travelled&became so close. Arguements wouldnt last long as I found better ways to say things.I noticed every 6 months he'd have an episode&doubt us.His dad died&he didn't go back home.Another episode!I thought hed committment issues.I said if we split, I wouldnt want to see him.He was devastated by this.We kept going.Had the best4-5mths when I got pregnant.He said he didn't love me&he wanted to break up.Wants to be there for me&baby as much as I want.Says I make him happy,I'm his best friend,the best thing thats ever happened to him,if there was no baby he'd follow me anywhere as he wants me in his life.says Im beautiful.I found his depression difficult at the start.I couldve been more supportive.Im his1st serious partner/lived with/1st I love yous.When we met,hed many social issues/no job/living with mum/couldnt drive.Now hes a good job,in Australia,has a truck licence.I KNOW Im a positive influence on his life.Ive tried to keep my distance but Im in Darwin til Jan.Ive no friends or support. L night I asked him over. I had a terrible time last week. Was so down, angry&full of resentment. Crying&panic attacks.We watched a movie.He gave me kisses&hugs&sounds excited about baby.he smokes weed every day.Im moving to Perth in Jan&having the baby in Feb. Hes coming too.Ive lots of support there.Id love2leave now but don't want to screw up my visa.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Gezell

Thanks for taking the time to share what is going on with you. We hope you find our forums supportive.

First of all congratulations on your pregnancy. I am glad to hear that you have a lot of support in Perth ahead of your baby being born.

In the meantime you need to focus on what is best for you. Can you join a community group and meet new people there? Or go to a prenatal yoga class? Are there any people at work you can spend time with?

I am trying to think of positive ways to use your time before January.

Is it worth seeing a counsellor or psychologist to get some objective support? It sounds like spending time with your ex can be quite difficult and talking to someone might give you some helpful ideas on how to constructively work through the relationship.

Being close to someone who has depression can be all consuming and harmful to your mindset. My ex partner had depression and our relationship wasn't strong enough to last plus he wouldn't look after himself.

My husband has depression but now manages it well so it is not a daily issue, rather a long term illness that we manage together.

Blue Jane