My boyfriend has an only fans account

[Sam145]

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is.

I consider this cheating. The reason this is more of a problem is because he said his sex drive was low and because of that we would hardly have sex.

He has had the account for 2 months. he has also cheated on me and been unfaithful and unoyal in the past. We have been together on and off for 4 years. We have only just come good and it’s been a year and 4 months.

I know his sex drive isn’t low because otherwise he wouldn’t be on only fans and wouldn’t be paying For random girls nudes when he can just get that from me for free.

my sex drive is quite high so he isn’t deprived of it

i don’t know what to do. My head says I deserve better and to leave but my heart wants to try and understand why he felt the need to do it

his reasoning was I don’t know and he wanted to feel validated. When I brought it up to him he straight up went to lie about it but I already knew the truth

[ecomama]

Dear Sam

Yes, that's completely understandable. This is a very challenging time and if you feel this way just pour it out.

Many people here have had to leave their partners and I'm only speaking for myself but it was the BEST decision I made. It felt impossible at the time. Now it's so clear. I'm a billion % better off in every way.

Sometimes we feel like we're being tumbled all over the place at this stage. The partner we are trying to leave contributes to this.

Clarity is what we need.

You can ALWAYS talk with us here.
You can ALWAYS phone BB Helpline.
You can ALWAYS phone 1800REPECT too.

Breaking free is exactly that. You'll be free of this confusion one day.

Hugs EM

[Juliet_84]

Hi Sam,

I’m so sorry you are hurting at the moment, I remember vividly what that feeling felt like. I left a partner after 14 years together, had finally had enough, and packed up and left one day. It was excruciating, everything reminded me of him, everyone else made me feel more alone and empty. I also had to move out of my home and find a new one, and the loneliness was crushing, I couldn’t barely stand being in my own skin. I don’t want to be one of those people who tells you that things will get better, but they do, it’s a fact! It will take a little bit of time, but you will slowly notice that you stop thinking about him, and then start seeing him more clearly for what he actually was. Things will start to feel brighter than they did before and you’ll stop thinking about him at all. And the final step, you will meet someone that makes you glad you weren’t still tied to him and going through the drama.

You deserve to be happy, and it’s clear you won’t get it from someone who is so perfectly comfortable with treating you that way.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Sam , waves to each lovely person on this thread

I know you're in pain. It sounds like a really horrible situation. You obviously did have feelings for this person, but you showed that you're putting yourself first. Not an easy thing to do, by any stretch.

For me the biggest red flag in your story is that you found out now, and he's had it for 2 months. That deception is huge and I think you were right to be upset by it.

Let it all out here, if you don't feel you have good friends. Call Lifeline. Call Friend Line (1800 4 Chats) - have another voice talk you through it.
Consider it your time to get strong and recover, it really is a big and major recovery from betrayal and grief. Sometimes we feel like these things are small but omg whoever has gone through it knows it hurts. We are here for you every second of the way. x

[geoff]

Hello Sam, also wondering how you are coping.

One enormous adjustment, and there are several, is to cook and eat on your own, so we wonder if you are doing this because there are ways to cope with this.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Sam145]

Hi right now I am forcing myself to eat healthy and eat good, it’s lonely at dinner time but I have a cat who keeps me occupied

[Guest_1643]

that sounds hard at meal times, glad you have a cat though!

what healthy foods are you eating? good for you for dedicating to putting good food in your body, and having good meals. Great achievement during a hard time!!!

[Sam145]

Just heaps of fruit and veg! And have been trying not to eat out. Butter chicken, shepherds pie, beef strog, chicken schnitzel

[Guest_1643]

yum, really hearty and wholesome food. really smart of u!!! i hope that feels nurturing.

you must be a great cook!

[ecomama]

Sleepy 21, I think we're going to Sam's house for dinner!

Sounds like GREAT food you're eating Sam! Well done for looking after yourself.

How are you going otherwise?

I hope you're doing much better...

Love EM

[Sam145]

Today was hard. He moved the rest of his stuff out and we had a fight about him wanting something back from overseas that he gave me as a present. I’ve been down all night about it and don’t know how to pick myself up from it, I’ve been motivated all week but tomorrow I just want to lay in bed and do nothing 😞