Mother with cancer

[Kib]

I live with my mum and she suffers from cancer. I feel myself breaking under the pressure because I am the only one who can help. All responsibilities rest on me. My older sister in in university and she lives a couple of hours away, so I can't ask her for help. My father is no help at all. I haven't seen him in years. And other than some cousins and an aunty, my mum and I have no one else.

I have had to go to hospitals with her, doctor appointments, others cities to get treatment. It's been hard.

And did I mention that I'm in high school and have so much school work too.

What I'm saying is that I want someone else to help me. My friends have forgotten my problems, not to mention they have their own and I can't see a specialist to help with my problems because then I'll have to tell my mum that I'm struggling.

I have no one to confide in and I really want someone to confide in. But I don't and I can't.

I know that I'm being selfish, my mum has bigger problems then me, but I feel crying, screaming and shouting all at the same time.

I know I can't tell anyone, they'll think I'm weak, my family doesn't show weakness, we bottle up emotions and put on fake smiles while figuring out our problems my ourselves. That's how it's always been.

Not really a question or anything, I just wanted to get everything off of my chest.

Thanks for reading, I guess.

[geoff]

hello Kib, can I please welcome you to the site and can feel the strain you are under with caring for your mum and trying to be in high school.

I knew an old friend suffering from cancer and yes I also would take him to appointments but for treatment at the hospital, I would get his doctor to organise for a car to come and pick him up and also drop him back home, especially if he had to go from country Victoria down to the city.

Her doctor will know who to contact so this will free up your time because you need to seek help yourself, so you can do these several ways, by talking with your own doctor, your mum's doctor, Reachout, Headspace or perhaps the local community centre.

You are by no means weak, you are remarkable in what you are doing, it's an enormous amount of work both for your mum as well as for high school, but please consider these options I have suggested.

It would be great to hear back from you whenever you can. Geoff.

[Just Sara]

Dearest Kib;

What a legend you are! How valuable are you to your mum eh? What you do for her is absolutely inspirational as well as bloody hard work; physically, mentally and emotionally. My heart and blessings go out to you.

You must be feeling very alone indeed. Please don't despair as there's support out there ok. You're classified as a home carer and can apply to govt services for financial and respite benefits for yourself, and help with/for your mum.

You're by no means selfish; please know this. If you were in the same boat as your mum and someone was helping you, there'd be no way you'd say that about them now would you? You'd be ever so grateful..

Maybe it's time to shatter that old family habit of not talking about how you feel. There's no time like the present. Your mum would definitely understand the challenges you face. She must feel very sad watching you go thru this alone.

Here's a link for carers to help each other as well as find support from govt services.

www.carersaustralia.com.au

This site has all sorts of info about what you go thru and what to do about it, and also about what you and your mum are entitled to. Do you realise there's other carers out there your age and even younger? You're not the only school age kid that cares for their mum. See, you're not alone...

I would also suggest talking with your school counsellor or your favourite teacher. It's often the case that studies and activities like sport or drama class for instance are neglected. This is preparation for your future, so please think of the long term effects.

You can always write here to shed a load off your shoulders too don't forget. We're only a click away. I do reiterate though, to take care of yourself. It's no good telling us and not doing anything about it. You must act now to head off depressive moods or breaking point down the track. You'll be no good for your mum then will you?

I wish you luck Kib. Again; please ask for help! You so deserve it...

Kind and warm thoughts;

Sez

[startingnew]

HI Kib and welcome to the forums


the others have covered quite a lot but wanted to offer some extra support.
That is a lot to handle on your own, I can really understand what your going through. I was a carer for my nan who had cancer through my schooling yrs too so there are others who have been in the same position as yourself (im 21 and still a carer but for my pop) The endless appts, and watching people have their good and bad days isnt easy to go through. As others have said your not alone, and not all the responsibility has to be on your shoulders. I wish I had known this when I was going through high school. Take a look at carers Australia but also Young Carers (ill add a link in at the end)
there is also a site called NDIS (again will add a link at the end) who I think you and your mum may be elidgable too. They have home care nurses, and people that can help with transportation, services and allow you to go to school without having to worry so much and lead a less pressured life.
Reaching our for support isnt weak at all, nor is accepting your struggling. Actually its one the hardest things people have to do. It means accepting that you cant do it all on your own and need abit of help.


Please dont think you have to do it all on your own, these site provided can help you with more services in your area and help you and your mother to arrange other services as well.
Im/we're more than happy to keep talking more to you as well, to listen and confide in.


ill add in these sites here that I think might help you as well..

youngcarers.net.au

https://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/patient-support/ (says patient support but its got more info than suggested- take a look at the entire site if you would like..)

https://www.humanservices.gov.au/individuals/services/centrelink/carer-payment

https://www.ndis.gov.au/

ill start with those ones for now, please keep talking here and know that your not alone xoxo

[Kib]

To Geoff,

Thank you taking time to read AND answer. It means a lot to me.

Also thanks for the advice, it was quite good.

I don't actually have my own personal doctor. But I will look at the sites you've recommended and I'll look at asking or talking to community services, too.

Thanks,

Kib 😊

[Kib]

Hi, Just Sara!

Thank you for advice, and the complements, you didn't have to. Your response actually made me cry because no one has said such nice things about me and what I'm doing.

I'll also look into what you said about me and my mum being entitled. I'll ask her about it too!

And I'll definitely try to break down those family traditions, it'll be hard but I'll try. 🙂

All and all Thank you and bless you and your soul. You're so kind to say those things!

Deepest thanks,

Kib. 😊

[Kib]

To startingnew,

Thanks for the reply! And thank you for the Links. I'll check them out when I get the time!

My mum and I actually talked about getting a nurse but my mum's stubborn and think she can do everything by herself. So we settled on a nurse coming every 3 days to help her with pain management and talk to her about her day and stuff.

It's pretty helpful.

Thank you for your extra support, it was great advice!

I know others are going through the same problems as I am but I find it hard to reach out and talk to people about my personal problems.

I don't tell my family or friends about them, but I'll try to.

A million thanks and hugs,

Kib 😊 xox

[startingnew]

HI Kib its nice to hear back from you

ts good to hear you have a nurse coming in that is a really good start for you and her. mothers (and grandmothers) can be really stubborn and shes probably upset about loosing her independence and needing to rely on others to care for her too. take a look at the links there and the sites the others have suggested too, there is heaps of information on them i think might benefit you.

it can be really hard to talk about things esp after shoving them down for so long. sometimes simply saying to someone im having abit of a rough time at the moment can initiate that sort of convo with other friends and family members. you dont have to go right into all the details but its nice to have that support there too.

youve always got here too 🙂 and headspace also has a webchat meaning you wont be on the phone talking outloud but rather having a convo similar to this setout but with a mh professional. they dont send records to gps or anything (unless you need emergent assitance) you just talk, let it all out and they help you with managing your emotions etc as well.

youve managed the first step and thats talking here so well done 🙂