Missing my unique best friend

[Helpforpartner]

Hello everyone,

long story but basically my family life fell apart and I ended up going through all of my life savings. Eventually I became mega depressed and was constantly suicidal. 
when all hope was lost I met somebody who was to become my best friend. Sometimes she would call me when I was so very down and I almost thought she was psychic (and no I don’t believe in that stuff)! She became the only person who could life me up and give me energy. The only one to put a smile on my face. I’m very certain she saved my life and helped me to get out of bed and start becoming a productive member of society again. She became my favourite person. I was never interested in her in a romantic way at all, however I felt like I had a spiritual connection with her at some point. 
Now the sad bit. She seems to have gotten very busy and we don’t talk anywhere near as often. I miss her very much and I’m worried it’s just going to be less and less contact as time goes on. It makes me very sad. I was actually glad at one point I went through all my dramas cos if it wasn’t for that I would not have met my friend. Now I’m losing this too (or at least having MUCH LESS contact.

1. Is it normal for someone to develop such a strong bond for someone who essentially saved them?

2. Any tips for dealing with my sense of loss. I still have her but just 5% of what it once was.

it sounds strange and some understand some don’t. She felt like a guardian Angel and I feel so sad and lost that the contact has dropped. I have lost of friends but generally people drain me but she did the opposite! I miss her lots but I don’t want to say anything and be a burden.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Helpforpartner, 
 

This is such a brave and powerful post, thank you for sharing it here. We hope our lovely community members will be here to support you soon. 
  We can hear you've been feeling alone since your friend got busier. It's great you foun d a connection with them and that they guided you through a difficult time in your life. For moments like these the Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you and would welcome your call or online chat, anytime it would help you to speak to someone.  

 
We’re sure you’ll hear from our community soon, but in the meantime here’s a few of articles we thought you might like. We’re hoping some of them can bring you a bit of hope or new ideas for when your friend is going through busy periods and can't be there for you: 

• Fun activities to do on your own 
• Finding your tribe 

• I know I need support, but how do I ask for it? 
   

It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums. You never know who might read this thread and feel less alone in their own experience.  
  Kind regards,
​​​​​​​ Sophie M

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Helpforpartner,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums,

I am so sorry this is happening to you, I can somewhat understand how this friend became like a guardian Angel for you because that happened to me…Mine was with my support worker, who we connected very well together and she helped bring me out of a very dark PTSD depression, not just though her work, she made herself available to me 24/7 and even came for social visits many times and we went on little outings together…Then after about a year of knowing her, she sold her home and moved hundreds of kilometres away…we still have contact with each other but very limited…I so much miss her being in my life on a regular basis to help guide me and be the friend she was (and still is)  to me… I’ll be forever grateful that our paths crossed when I was in dire straits…

It’s been about 2 years since she left…at first I felt so lost, lonely and vulnerable…and didn’t know really how to do life without her….it was hard for a long time, but I realised that people come and go from our lives all the time, some stay but unfortunately sometimes things happen that others have to move on…..they might stay in contact with us, then they may not…I think that it’s important to be very grateful and honoured that you/others/me had such amazing friendships and that, that friendship we had was/is so precious and treasured to us that we hold them close in our heart…

I am pleased that you still have contact with her, even though it’s only around 5%..maybe she’s gotten really busy in her life right now, having that 5% contact is hope that maybe in the future things will change again… and you could both be there for each other..

My kindest thoughts Dear Helpforpartner,

Grandy..

[Bob_22]

Hello Helpforpartner,

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. It sounds like you made a great friend you was there for you in your time of need. It's very rare to meet people like this. It is absolutely normal to feel a strong attachment to someone like this but it is easy for that attachment to become unhealthy. Almost viewing them as a safety blanket. I'm not saying this is the case for you but I've had this definitely from personal experience. The best way to get around this is to consult professional help to supplement the support she has given you. A professional could also have a look at your relationship and help you understand it's nature and any boundaries.

It could also just be that you now have moved into different phases of life. I still have close friends who I rarely contact (sometimes once a year). This doesn't mean we're not still strongly attached but that our journeys aren't as aligned anymore. I'm sure she would feel the same way. But if you're missing her there is nothing wrong with reaching out every once in a while. In my experience its best to hold onto the good memories/preserve them while appreciating/acknowledging how your relationship has developed into something else now.

I wouldn't worry too much about being a burden. There's a good chance that the lack of contact has little to do with you and is simply life getting in the way. 🙂

Sorry if my post is very confusing. It's confusing just reading it back. But I hope it helps a little. 🙂

Bob