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17 yr old at home

SmithAnnoush
Community Member

Hi there

 

I have a 17 yr old son who is fuelling my anxiety in me right now to the point where I cant sleep. He’s always made rash decisions - poor in retrospect - and he's recently decided to drop out of a great degree three weeks in cause he wants to do another one. This other one he starts in semester 2 and in the meantime he is doing nothing. He hasn't got a job. He sits around on his laptop all day. He applies for jobs every now and then but I’m not sure why he isn't getting them. He’s not offering to do housework off his own back. Of course he wont listen to me - I’m very accommodating most of the time but every now and then I blow up. We aren’t paying for anything for him other than unfortunately a phone under contract we bought him when he started uni. I can’t bear to see him

waste his days not doing anything. He could be learning to drive, finding an activity he loves. All his friends are at uni and working including his girlfriend. He makes these very impetuous decisions without thinking. He has a track history of it

 

He’s a smart kid and did well in the HSC getting into a degree which is prestigious and which he was passionate about in yr 11. but he says it wont get him a job. So he's changed.

 

I can’t bear the behaviour and attitude of disdain he has towards me when I ask him to help or remind him

he has to get up and make his life work. I’m at breaking point and can’t bear being in the house alone with him. What do I do and how do I manage this? If anyone has any advice for how I manage him and also my own mental health Id appreciate it. As an aside I have GAD so this isnt helping.

2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello and welcome tothe site.

Sometimes parents aspirations don't match with their kids and what they want to do in life and is unusual and may probably happen when your son grows up and has children, never the less, but there are two issues here as far as I can see, firstly, that you are unfortunately suffering from anxiety, which doesn't allow you to see other consequences why this may be happening and secondly, that your son may also be suffering from some type of depression which hasn't been mentioned and be a reason why he doesn't want to help you around the house.

He may be trying to hide it from you, but his lack of actions could be a sign of this, and you could say to him if he wants to contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 just to talk with someone, they are available 24/7.

I understand your point of view, plus I know where he is heading.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Thanks Geoff. My son has anxiety and we are currently treating this so he’s in good hands with a therapist every fortnight and we leave it to him to raise it with him - he has a strong positive connection with his therapist so we’re happy about that. He really values the time he has with him.

 

I think that yes some of this is my anxiety talking. Its a very difficult time for him as all his friends are working and he feels like he's in a liminal state. Actually if i dig deep I think my frustration is just insane worry that he’ll feel depressed and lonely while he doesn't have a job and all his friends work. I have seen him through some bad times - I've been at the coal face - and so a shift in his wellbeing is a huge trigger for me  and maybe this is what is talking. My worry about him and his happiness not necessarily him being ‘lazy’. He has made some bad choices but he’ll figure those out you are right.

 

In sum I think I have some insight now into what I am feeling and why. I agree he could be feeling depressed and we’ll support him

through that. Equally we do ask him how he is and talk through things. I think sometimes he says so little to us so often we dont even know whats going in in his head! 

 

Thanks so much for your response 🙂