Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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EmmaSwan Is there any hope that things will improve?
  • replies: 4

I’m sitting here in the dark and I feel like I have this invisible, all encompassing weight pressing down on my shoulders. So much so that I’m barely able to raise my head. All my life it’s just been me. My parents were abusive and from the moment I ... View more

I’m sitting here in the dark and I feel like I have this invisible, all encompassing weight pressing down on my shoulders. So much so that I’m barely able to raise my head. All my life it’s just been me. My parents were abusive and from the moment I understood them they told me over and over again that I had ruined their lives. Up until two years ago I had my Nana who is the only person that ever loved or liked me. I married a man who ended up being almost exactly like my parents. I left him after he attacked our oldest but still little girl (she was 4). Now I raise my three little girls by myself. I’m so tired. And just beyond sad. I feel like I’ve doomed them to a life without family or support. Yes of course they have me however I only have me and honestly it’s getting harder and harder to keep going. I cry silently all of the time trying to hide all of my pain from my children. Knowing that I don’t have any help or support. Even just to have a hot tea while the baby is awake is a fantasy. It’s a burden that is becoming too much to bear. And if I can’t, how on earth will my little ones manage. How do people manage. I’m so tired of being the strong one but honestly there is no other choice. I never want to be in a relationship again. I won’t let anyone hurt me or my children ever again. Without family or close friends I just don’t see how I will manage and yet the thought of letting anyone close - I just can’t. Has anyone else lived through something like this and managed to make a positive life for their children, maybe even themselves or am I kidding myself? Is there any way out of this? Is there any hope that things get better? Or have I cursed my children to be as alone and devoid of hope as I am?

tashi my cup is empty
  • replies: 5

im 28 yeara old , engaged with two yong children. 3 years ago my father died and i dont quite understand the greif , it doesn’t feel normal. i replay the weeks/days leading up to his death over and over in my head and it hurts all the time. on the ot... View more

im 28 yeara old , engaged with two yong children. 3 years ago my father died and i dont quite understand the greif , it doesn’t feel normal. i replay the weeks/days leading up to his death over and over in my head and it hurts all the time. on the other hand my partner is a chronic pain sufferer. this has become increasingly difficult on me and my family, including my poor fiancé. he has told me if its too much that he understands if i need to leave . but i don’t believe this is the answer to my problems. im exhausted. i dont know how to make things better, i cant fix any of this . i need to br a mum first and foremost and the rest ive got no idea

Anon_G I committed adultery
  • replies: 4

Before you judge, please hear me out. I have been with my husband for 7 years and in an almost sexless relationship. He has trouble opening up his body to me and I have tried many things to help us become comfortable. Emotionally, he is introverted a... View more

Before you judge, please hear me out. I have been with my husband for 7 years and in an almost sexless relationship. He has trouble opening up his body to me and I have tried many things to help us become comfortable. Emotionally, he is introverted and I like to spend time outside doing things. We are very compatible when it comes to other important aspects like household chores, finances, asset building- we are both driven, successful in our own ways but emotionally I feel a big hole in my heart where I want my partner to hold me, love me and tell me am valued but he doesn't understand why verbal validation is so important. I am not sure if am a narcissist because I actively seeked sex outside my marriage which was deeply unfullfing and I felt terrible afterwards. I feel so guilty for my action but I have been so open with him about my issues that I feel divorce is the best course of action but something deep down just wants him to change. I feel so stuck and helpless.

A_Nobody How to be a Father, when I did not have one?
  • replies: 4

Recently found out of I am going to be a father. I didn't have a dad, well I did but he left when I was young (primary school) that has left a void I cant talk about and bury it deep down. I grew up with just mum who showed me everything and taught m... View more

Recently found out of I am going to be a father. I didn't have a dad, well I did but he left when I was young (primary school) that has left a void I cant talk about and bury it deep down. I grew up with just mum who showed me everything and taught me everything while supporting me being in and out of work. I met a girl who is amazing and kind and loving who knows I have "issues" but is always there to support me. She is first generation aussie of greek background who loves me for me and I am forever grateful to have someone so humble and kind in my world. Recently she told me she was pregnant and I am scared and unsure and what should I do? I cant be a father, I had no father, how can I ever be a father??? I mean its amazing she is pregnant but I am very scared of being a father. I know nothing of being a father. I have no one to ask or talk too about being a father, I feel very alone and scared. I dont want a child to grow up with that I had, feeling alone what I had. I Don't know what to do. I am not scared of not having a house or not being able to support the child but what I am most scared of is being a father and a good role model I did not have. I am scared. Should I run or stay? I dont want to run but its so hard. I feel ashamed and like I am not a man. How can I ever provide for someone so small and helpless. What skills can I ever share that will be worthwhile? I am just a nobody with no skills who can offer nothing. I feel alone and closed off. I dont know what to do. What should I do? Where should I go? Who can help me?

Nosyla Husband wants to separate and has told my friend he has feelings for her - Says has positive feelings but wants to cut marital ties before hates me
  • replies: 3

I am needing some ideas. Both my husband and I have PTSD from our work life. He was diagnosed with ASD last year. We have good and bad times like all relationships. He withdraws, avoids and I try and solve problems find solutions and make things work... View more

I am needing some ideas. Both my husband and I have PTSD from our work life. He was diagnosed with ASD last year. We have good and bad times like all relationships. He withdraws, avoids and I try and solve problems find solutions and make things work. He doesn't like taking advice or having help from others, preferring to just ignore things or take advice that suits his purpose. We also have 3 children - 4, 9, 12 with ASD. We helped a friend and her kids leave a relationship earlier this year. After she found he own place they kept in touch without my knowledge. It developed and they were catching up. He decided he wanted to separate, told her he had feelings for her, got rejected by her as she told him she was my friend and it need to remain professional, he came home and told me he loved me. Later told me the above about being rejected and that's why hugged me. Even though he expressed feelings they still keep talking and seeing each other without my knowledge. Still want to separate but wouldn't leave the house or property as wanted to have all the benefits of family life without me, yet I was still living here which has been ongoing for weeks. He refuses to live by himself, take time out for himself to stay in caravan and has moved in with a 22 year old friend. He gets irritated and frustrated with this friend easily and quickly and when initially spoke of living with friend to have time was against it. He has mentioned not wanting to stay with them as currently in a very small 2 bedroom house. I know that he is struggling and needs help. I can't help him anymore and need to look after my own mental health and that of the kids. Why is it that I am struggling so much and so up and down. I know that only he can decide to get help and make his own life better. I feel like I have let him down as I struggled with chronic pain for a few months which was the negative cycle and that's all he can focus on. Even admitting that everything had been going really good, but that as we have good then bad is is trying to make it go bad to justify his decision. I want to help but need to focus on me. How do I get over this so it doesn't have my stomach in knots, and like being stabbed in the heart.

Sarah86 How to let go of resentment?
  • replies: 8

Hi, I’m struggling with holding on to resentment and the thoughts of why life is so unfair. 4 years ago I found out that my now ex husband was cheating. We had 2 young children at the time 4 and 6 years old. We met overseas, lived in another country ... View more

Hi, I’m struggling with holding on to resentment and the thoughts of why life is so unfair. 4 years ago I found out that my now ex husband was cheating. We had 2 young children at the time 4 and 6 years old. We met overseas, lived in another country together and eventually moved back to Australia so that I could be near my family. Anyway after building a life together, kids, buying a house etc I found out that he had been having an affair and that it was not the first time. He was giving his number out at work. All while coming home to his family. I’m sure there were signs I missed, but I was focused on raising our beautiful children. When I found out about his infidelity I was obviously shattered. I couldn’t understand why he would do that to me. I took care of him, loved him and put everything into my family. He never said he was unhappy. To this day he tells me he wasn’t unhappy. He has since moved on. They are now having a baby together. I am still single, have our children 99% of the time. I work full time and weekends are taken up by kids sport. Don’t get me wrong I adore my children and I am so thankful that I have them. My relationship with them has improved since I left their father. They have improved dramatically.they are completely different children. They are happy, content and thriving which makes it all worth it for me. I give them 100% of me to make up for their seemly absent father. He is very much a Disney dad and throws money at them but doesn’t give much of his time. I still hold on to so much resentment. I can’t wrap my head around how he can behave so horribly but he is the one that gets to move on and be happy and have another child and live in a big house. I on the other hand have been single for many years, live in a small 2 bedroom apartment where I sleep on the lounge to allow my kids to have their own rooms. All I do is go to work and come home. I want to be happy again. I want to fall in love again and share my life with someone. I don’t miss my ex, I would never consider taking him back. So it’s not that he has moved on that is the issue. I hate feeling that life is so unfair. How can you be a good person and do the right thing by people but still not be rewarded by happiness. I really want to get rid of this resentment so that I can have a happy future. It’s hard when my kids are getting excited about a new sibling when all that brings me is further heartache. When do I get my happily ever after??

So_heartbroken Marital advice
  • replies: 6

I recently discovered my husband was having an affair and was planning to divorce me behind my back. He had rented a house and ordered furniture for it. I confronted him on ot and initially he lied and then eventually owned it. He had been saying he ... View more

I recently discovered my husband was having an affair and was planning to divorce me behind my back. He had rented a house and ordered furniture for it. I confronted him on ot and initially he lied and then eventually owned it. He had been saying he was stressed out and needed a break. We have been married for 18 years and together for 22. We have 3 kids 9,11,12. He took off for the night saying he was staying at a friends and I drove past and he wasn’t there. That’s when I went through his emails. He had changed our bank account passwords and all his personal passwords. I just managed to have an old device. He now says he didn’t know what he wants. He hasn’t been happy for the last 3 years and he hasn’t decided if he was actually leaving. He said he stopped all communication with the woman. A week later he was acting weird and I found he’d book a weekend away with her and bought her very expensive gifts. I kicked him out. I desperately want my husband back because I love him so much. I know it’s stupid to want to forgive him but I do. My problem is he keeps saying I don’t deserve him. He has been awful to me and I deserve better and he can never come home. I did write to his new girlfriend and tell her that we were a happy family until a few weeks ago. She consequently dumped him because he hadn’t told her the full truth. I’m not 100% sure I believe him but I have no way of knowing. I have said I’d be willing to forgive him but we would need to do a lot of counselling. He keeps saying he loves me but not in love with me anymore. I keep asking him to see a counsellor to at least try but he is giving me nothing. He shows up randomly to feed the kids breakfast or say hi. He doesn’t have furniture for the house for the kids to stay with him yet. I don’t know what to do. He says he’s broken and drowning and a middle aged cliche all alone in a house. He keeps saying he can’t come home. And I say he can. Do I give up on him? What do I do? I’m so heartbroken. I haven’t eaten or slept for 4 weeks. I’m just so lost and confused. I thought he’d want to fight for me or at least beg to come home but nothing. Help!

Drunk_mess Do I leave
  • replies: 2

I have been with my husband for 18 years and I have never felt madly in love with him. He is an alcoholic and can be aggressive towards the kids and I. Lately I have been absolutely consumed with the thought of leaving him. It’s driving me mental, I ... View more

I have been with my husband for 18 years and I have never felt madly in love with him. He is an alcoholic and can be aggressive towards the kids and I. Lately I have been absolutely consumed with the thought of leaving him. It’s driving me mental, I can’t sleep unless I drink and I know that not good. I don’t want sex with him and we haven’t shared the same bed in over 3 years. I think I know it’s over I am just so scared my kids will hate me and I will never find anyone else and become a lonely depressed alcoholic. We are about to build another home to gather and this will just throw our lives in absolute chaos but I just don’t think I can do this anymore. My mind feels like a total mess.

Herat I feel so heartbroken
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I was feeling so lonely, depressed and sad in the last few weeks. My dad passed away when I was 16 and I’m still dealing with ptsd. I can’t sleep at night, I keep having nightmares and wake up like 20 times every night. I was talking to my partner ea... View more

I was feeling so lonely, depressed and sad in the last few weeks. My dad passed away when I was 16 and I’m still dealing with ptsd. I can’t sleep at night, I keep having nightmares and wake up like 20 times every night. I was talking to my partner earlier and I told him how I’m so depressed and lonely. He told me that I’m so ungrateful and spoiled, he said I just complain a lot and looking for a fight with him. He told me he is so exhausted. He said goodnight and left. All I wanted from him Was to stay and hold my hands and tell me it’s ok, everything will be fine. I couldn’t turn my broken heart into anything more than a mosaic. It’s like my heart is bleeding. I feel a heavy pain in my chest. I wanna close my eyes and sleep. I want to forget everything, the past, the pain and all those memories that hurt a lot. Despite everything I still don’t want to give up on my self, it hurts but I don’t want to give up.

Jacob_M_728 My girlfriend has been very depressed and is pushing me away. What do I do?
  • replies: 3

Me (18M) and my girlfriend (17F) have been dating for around 8 months now, and we are both at our last year of high school and the final exams are coming up soon. Recently, I've noticed that she has been very depressed and distant and I would have to... View more

Me (18M) and my girlfriend (17F) have been dating for around 8 months now, and we are both at our last year of high school and the final exams are coming up soon. Recently, I've noticed that she has been very depressed and distant and I would have to assume part of this is due to her being stressed with the upcoming exams and such, but after asking her about it she said she was dealing with some problems of her own also. It wasn't long after we had this conversation when she removed my name from her social media bio to which I was quite upset and confused about, but I decided it was not the best time to confront her about it. I replied to this saying that I am always here to be there for her to which she was very thankful of. Couple weeks pass, we occasionally text each other however recently she hasn't been responding at all. Not opening my snaps, not reading my texts. The problem is that she has been active on social media and she still seems to snap other people but me which was really concerning. I just don't understand why she is being so distant towards me, we have never had any problems like this in our relationship and I know that the final exams have something to do with how she is right now, but It just doesn't make sense for her to push me away. I tried to cheer her up by dropping off some flowers and snacks to which she was again thankful for, but days pass to the present and she starts ignoring my texts again. I really don't know if she's seeing someone else and lost interest, or if she genuinely is going through some problems of her own. I feel so damn worthless and I have absolutely no idea what do do anymore.