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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Froggy_you I’m cornered
  • replies: 3

Idk how to start. I’ll just put it out there. I’m getting bouts of anger these days because of all the pent up frustration of living with my husband. He fights with all his family members and/or other people if he feels like he has been “disrespected... View more

Idk how to start. I’ll just put it out there. I’m getting bouts of anger these days because of all the pent up frustration of living with my husband. He fights with all his family members and/or other people if he feels like he has been “disrespected”. His ego is so bloated but so fragile that even a non-familiar coworker spelling his name wrong feels like an attack to him. I have to be the middle man in the fights and try to keep things afloat when the fights happen. So this stresses me out. But that’s not the worst. The worst thing is when he and I play games for recreation and he loses. This even includes board games. He starts blaming me and saying that I am boring or I don’t know how to play or that I am the reason he lost. I don’t get it! He is so self entitled and gets annoyed easily. Sometimes he even wakes up angry. For no reason! I have to walk around eggshells 24/7 and think about how he would feel or if he would like or not like if I did or did not do something a certain way! And on top of that, he keeps gaslighting me so much I’m so tired! The emotional stress is triggering so much in me. It’s not just emotional, there has been one instance of physical assault. We talked through it but he’s not getting the help he said he would. I have no hope in this relationship at all. To be honest, I pride myself for being a patient person. But I’ve lost all patience now and I just want to leave. In fact forget about patience, I am now just turning into a bitter, guarded, scared and approval-seeking person. please help.

Guest_3847 Someone to talk to / vent my frustration
  • replies: 3

Hello all need someone to talk / vent to My wife and I have been married for 22 years with have two late teenage boys My wife suffers from has depression and trauma induced PTSD she has made 4 attempts on her life since Dec the last one was the day a... View more

Hello all need someone to talk / vent to My wife and I have been married for 22 years with have two late teenage boys My wife suffers from has depression and trauma induced PTSD she has made 4 attempts on her life since Dec the last one was the day after my birthday I feel like I’m a slave in this relationship as I do 90 to 95% of the house hold chores And I work full time my wife has no attention to detail and forgets to do things because of her depression which causes issues in your relationship her depression is dragging me down into one as well as I now longer want to do my hobbies I no longer talk or communicate with friends or family i don’t want to say anything in case I’m the cause of attempts or be accused of gaslighting

Elizabeth Louise My husband holds grudges
  • replies: 8

My husband holds grudges and resentment against me. We had a fight 3 weeks ago, I was really upset over it, and I know that we were both at fault but I chose to let it go and forgot about it because we couldn't see eye to eye on what had happened. A ... View more

My husband holds grudges and resentment against me. We had a fight 3 weeks ago, I was really upset over it, and I know that we were both at fault but I chose to let it go and forgot about it because we couldn't see eye to eye on what had happened. A few days ago I reminded my husband that I had organised a date night and booked a restaurant so that we could spend some time together without the kids as it's been over a year since we last did that. He replied "Why are you pushing this"? "I don't want to go on a date night"? I was a bit shocked and asked why he doesn't want to spend time with me. He said if we talk about it will cause a fight. I kept probing and basically it was the incident that I forgot about 3 weeks ago that he still hasn't gotten over were he kept trying to blame me He says it was not "resolved". But how can it be resolved if he can't see what he did wrong? All he can do is focus on my actions. I think this is why I have learnt to just let things go, because we can't even agree on what had happened we have a totally different perspective. So I give up on trying to make him understand my perspective. The discussion about the date escalated and started another fight. I know I got triggered, upset and I was obviously very tired. The problem when I'm really tired and then get triggered i have had some meltdowns and can't stop crying and yelling. He says the kids can hear me and I need to stop. I'm not really listening at this point as I'm so emotional. Eventually I start thinking and go have a shower to calm down. But this time, even that didn't really help. He says it's a deal breaker. I know I overeacted and I should have gone outside or I should have done something to stop the meltdown. But I struggle when I'm exhausted after work and stressed and upset. I know it's something I need to work on. I think the main cause is a communication breakdown and he should tell me how he feels at a better time and not wait until things come up. Also he doesn't let things go like I do, I wish he would. I know he needs to talk things through and "resolve" things. How do I help him let things go when we don't see eye to eye? He thinks I'm invalidating his feelings when I do things like organise a date night. Its as though i cant be happy if hes not. I'm not saying things are perfect between us, I'm just trying to help us and make things better. I want more joy and happiness and less negativity and stress.

Gabetockens22 My parents relationship isn’t working
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I am a middle child (22 years old) still living at home with two siblings. My mother and father have been married for 35 years. My dad is OBSESSED with my mum, he calls her 5 time a day for no reason, follows her around the house, needs to ... View more

Hi there, I am a middle child (22 years old) still living at home with two siblings. My mother and father have been married for 35 years. My dad is OBSESSED with my mum, he calls her 5 time a day for no reason, follows her around the house, needs to hug and kiss her every time she leaves and constantly asks where she is, who she was with etc. he has no social awareness skills at all and no idea what he does is too much and no idea when others are put off by the things he does. The problem is that my mum is completely out of love with him. She finds him controlling, creepy, weird, insecure, overly jealous and just a sad excuse of a dad and husband and completely changed from the first years she knew him. she’s tried to enrol him in counseling and tried to get him to change but he cannot acknowledge what he does and he always reverts to the same behaviours. It’s sad because he loves her more than he wants to breathe yet she’s doesn’t like him at all - and I understand why. when my mum hears him arrive home, she is filled with sadness and often does the “shoot your self in the head” gesture. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t get a divorce and she says that she doesn’t think we can financially live without him AND she is worried what he might do to us or her if that happened. This is because his whole life revolves around her and we all believe he would be capable of violence or worse if the situation is bad enough as sometimes he can appear to have a few screws lose in his head. whilst he has never physically abused her, I can tell that she is exhausted and depressed being in this relationship and struggles everyday to put up with him - and I’m sure it’s hard for my dad who always notices she doesn’t love him. i Guess I wanted to write to this forum to hear if anyone has any suggestions. Therapy is hard when the person refuses to go and he is also paranoid that if I bring it up to him that it was Mum who suggested it and that she is wanting to divorce him. Please feel free to respond. thanks

Cinderelessar Coping with a breakup
  • replies: 5

I am f, 40 years old. 5 days ago my partner of almost 2 years and I broke up. I am not coping with it. I can't stop crying. Back story. We have been trying to have a baby for over a year. I didn't get pregnant. I thought it was time to seek medical i... View more

I am f, 40 years old. 5 days ago my partner of almost 2 years and I broke up. I am not coping with it. I can't stop crying. Back story. We have been trying to have a baby for over a year. I didn't get pregnant. I thought it was time to seek medical intervention. I had a fertility test done to check my egg reserves. The next step was him getting a sperm analysis. I brought it up with him on Sunday (not the first time we had discussed it) and he lost it. He took it so personally. It all blew up from there. I said some things I'm not proud of - basically implied that he's having a questionable relationship with his mother. And there was a couple of other things I can't mention on here. No one got hurt or anything like that. I'm doing everything right. I've reached out to my friends, my Dad, my support workers. I've seen my Dr, I have an appointment with a psychologist on Tuesday. I'm still leaving the house - I went and did the grocery shopping today and sat in the sunshine with my cat. I'm spending time with my son. I'm taking my medication as the Dr prescribed. I'm doing everything right. And I still feel like crap. I see photos of my friends happy with their partners and I hate them. I want everyone to be as miserable as I am. I am also saying goodbye to my last chance to ever have another baby. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to feel like this.

gloria10 Sad about changes in my family
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have been feeling upset lately to the point when I’m crying (which I dont do much). Our family had been falling apart. As siblings, we talk to mum more than each other, but I know my brother is there for me. I understand my sister is busy, but ... View more

Hi, I have been feeling upset lately to the point when I’m crying (which I dont do much). Our family had been falling apart. As siblings, we talk to mum more than each other, but I know my brother is there for me. I understand my sister is busy, but she barely makes time for me now. We never had a great relationship but we tried. When we do speak she snaps. At a recent family event she looked very angry and barely said two words. When I tried to express myself, Mum turned it around on me saying it’s because I don’t always go to family events. There’s never been compassion regarding my social anxiety and I’m expected to push through. Have you dealt with a family that separated before? How did you manage it? Thanks Gloria10

JRRabbit My Girlfriend broke up with me because of her parents
  • replies: 5

Hi, first time posting but I wanted to see if anyone has been through a similar situation. My girlfriend broke up with me with a single text message two months ago after little to no communication for a month prior. Her parents disapproved of the rel... View more

Hi, first time posting but I wanted to see if anyone has been through a similar situation. My girlfriend broke up with me with a single text message two months ago after little to no communication for a month prior. Her parents disapproved of the relationship to the point where they physically assaulted her for having feelings for me. Since the breakup I’ve talked to a friend of hers who says she is happy, and that she wants to find another boyfriend which her parents will approve of. In the breakup text she said I hurt her, which is something that I would never want to happen because I love her and still do. She blocked me on all social media and told me not to contact her. I have felt terrible about this for months now and I miss her so much. Everyone tells me I did nothing wrong but if that’s the case, why did she leave me? Has this happened to anyone else? Did they come back to you in the future? Any view would help, I just want to try make sense of this. Thanks.

Worriednow17 Partner self harming during breakup
  • replies: 11

My partner of 3 years and I are separating. I initiated this after there has been multiple occasions where he has sexted other women. now he knows I’m serious about ending it he has become so distressed to the point of attempting twice and needing me... View more

My partner of 3 years and I are separating. I initiated this after there has been multiple occasions where he has sexted other women. now he knows I’m serious about ending it he has become so distressed to the point of attempting twice and needing mental health admissions. He’s adamant he can’t get better if we are not together but I know it’s not the right thing for me. I have never seen him so broken and I feel such guilt. he will agree to go to hospital but then get angry and try to get out of the car when he needs admission. He is also having financial issues with his business and kids - I’ve said he can stay until he gets some things sorted but he agrees and then speaks and acts as though we’re not ending i just don’t know how to manage this but I do have an appointment for counselling

Annett76 Toxic/narcistic mum/parents?
  • replies: 4

Hello there, I'm completely new here and I am not really sure what I am asking for. I moved to Australia from Europe in 2005. I have two children myself (6 and 9) and since becoming a mother myself I have become even more aware of the strange/disconn... View more

Hello there, I'm completely new here and I am not really sure what I am asking for. I moved to Australia from Europe in 2005. I have two children myself (6 and 9) and since becoming a mother myself I have become even more aware of the strange/disconnected relationship I have with my parents which by the way was already strange before I moved overseas. If I am honest their behaviour was a contributing factor in starting a new life here. I just don't feel loved and supported by my parents. I will only mention a few of the most triggering and/or recent events. There is so much more from my childhood and teenage years. Firstly, whatever I do isn't good enough. My successes and life events are not recognised the slightest. They are doing the same with our kids. If they get a reward at school or did well at a sports event and I tell my mum about it she will just keep talking about her life. Secondly, especially my mum has always been jealous of the job I have, the money I earn etc. Thirdly, my mum is super sensitive and constantly wants to be praised and validated. She also does not like my husband. We booked our flights for this year and are planning to visit from mid June to end of July. When we told them they didn't show any joy. We haven't seen each other in 3!!! years due to border closures. All my dad said was that they will need to find some jobs around the house for my husband to do for them while we are there!!!!!!! Last Sunday they told us that my dad's rehab provider (the country they live in provides rehab in a clinical setting away from home for people with certain conditions every two years or so) sent them the paper work for this year's rehab which could very well fall into the time when we are there. He also said that he doesn't really want to go in winter after we asked if he can mention our visit to the rehab provider so they can perhaps work around these dates. If I want to be honest, I'm already dreading going there because there is absolutely zero support from them. How do I go from here? Are they toxic/narcisistic? Or am I too sensitive or expecting too much from my parents. I know they are bitter about us moving half way around the world but things were already strained before. Many thanks for reading. xxx

Greygrey How to harmlessly share feelings?
  • replies: 3

Hello My partner & I both have mental health issues and are on the autism spectrum. There are some things I'd like improving in our relationship, related to how we spend time together & things we do together. But every time I bring up these things I ... View more

Hello My partner & I both have mental health issues and are on the autism spectrum. There are some things I'd like improving in our relationship, related to how we spend time together & things we do together. But every time I bring up these things I just seem to upset my partner. There is some history.. I don't like to feel that I nag or ask for things too much so I often stopped bringing things up or avoid it being too often. But that led to me bottling things up which has led to a lot of breakdowns, over different issues or stressors, both to do with our relationship & things unrelated to it, which they often help me through. Recently I had a big cry to them because something they'd said had triggered an old wound, but at the time I'd tried to just deal with it on my own cos it felt like an issue I have, rather than something they caused. Dealing with it on my own though hadn't worked & I ended up feeling it eat away at me and we talked it out a bit. I felt good about it & decided to again try & bring things up as I feel them/remember them tonight. ( I have issues with remembering how I feel about things bc I'm used to pushing my thoughts aside, essentially gaslighting myself, & forgetting it until it happens again or until I've bottled things for so long I can't take it alone anymore. ) I sent them a simple message saying that I'd like to discuss X issue some time & didn't get a response nor did they seem to react. Checking in on them tho they were clearly upset but not saying anything. So I tried to clarify, & apologised, saying that I just wanted to mention it & have it something we think about for a little while rather than try to jump into a conversation about it at some point. So we have time to think about our feelings/what we wanna say. They stayed the same & I just started to feel really deeply guilty & upset, cos I just feel like no matter how I broach topics I upset them. I ended up deleting the messages & apologising again, to let them know this isn't what I intended & that I'd walked away cos I needed to for me, not that they'd done anything wrong. I know in the past how issues have come up has been thru tears, so I'm trying to be better... But still I just upset them. I don't know what to do? I've tried asking them, but no dice... How can I express myself without upsetting them? How can I healthily deal with being dissatisfied with aspect of our relationship without it feeling like I'm maybe blaming them?