DCp , GOM18+

[Leah_P]

• I'm needing support and guidance With how to be a person after kids go into care
• I have been a mum since I was 17 ,I am now 34& completely lost on figuring out how I become a person , without being a parent 

[Croix]

Dear Leah_P~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, sadly I can't make head or tail of your title "DCp, GOM18+". Would you like to tell me what it means - I'll probably realise it was obvious and should have known:)

I think it was a good idea to come here. If you look around you may find others who now face life without kids.

You said you have spent half your life to date, from a young age, as a mum, but now that's over (forgive me if I misunderstand). It is however only half you life to date, and you have plenty of time to adjust -and that's OK

Looking after kids most often means putting you last, and while there may have been good reason now things have changed and you are the center. It can certainly leave an empty feeling, even feelings of purposelessness and being all adrift. Plus sadness and loneliness. For many worry over the absent kids' welfare too.

It's not easy to pick up the ideas and ambitions you had as a teenager, after all you have changed.

I'd imagine you had lots of practice looking after your kids through their difficult times, you need to look after you in yours.

Trying do deal with a life where you are now your main concern is not easy or fast, it takes many steps, and it is easy to get discouraged in the meantime. It is also something that is not best done all by yourself. May I ask if you have any support? Family or friends perhaps you can lean on for now?

So how to find a purpose and who you are? It is not straightforward, you can find things you like, try things out, talk to  others, look around for what seems worthwhile and join in.

If you do not have good thoughtful and caring support can I suggest you consider getting some counseling? It can stop one from feeling overwhelmed, and help overcome the greif, loneliness and all the rest of those feelings.

When I ended up alone from my partner passing away -I know, not quite the same thing, and was alone I got a pet (a bossy one as it turned out:), it made an empty house back into a home

I would like it if you came back and talked some more.

Croix

[sbella02]

Leah, 

Thank you for opening up to us here, and we welcome you to the forums. 

You've said that your parenthood journey began at 17. This can be a time of great change for many people, as it symbolises the end of childhood and beginning of adulthood. Lots of events and experiences may come to an end, but new ones also begin around this time. For you, this was parenthood. 

I'd imagine from what you have said that you haven't had much of a chance to explore your identity that exists separately to your children. Like what sparks your interest, what you like to do for fun, or what experiences you enjoy having. Did you have any hobbies or passions during your adolescence that you would be interested in returning to? Anything like sport, gardening, or something crafty, adventurous, perhaps something to do with socialisation? 

There are generally city-specific Facebook groups that you can join as well, and you can connect (safely and cautiously) with others who are in similar positions or with similar life experiences to yourself. Regardless of whether these connections are strictly online or whether they come to fruition beyond the online space, you may find others who can give you specific advice on where to look, or events and activities to attend if you're interested.

Even something as simple as shopping around can give you a place to start. You don't necessarily have to buy anything, but just heading into certain stores, you may find that there are places or items you gravitate to, and these can perhaps give you an indication of where your interests lie.

I hope this can help you, please chat with us some more if you wish. We're here to support you.

All the best, SB