Hello Goanna, I'm not sure you're alone in how you are feeling, especially if they're big drinkers and you're not and what they say and behave like are not for everyone as the day/night continues.
The concern is how you and your husband are feeling because if you are both unwell mentally, then one feeds the other in how they behave, talk and act every day, encouraging the other to feel down along with them.
Are you able to front up to the bbq for 5 or 10 minutes, then you may have satisfied your husband and then if you decide you can go home, it's just the brief appearance from you, if however, it's going to be too difficult, then don't go.
Another option to consider besides this is to think about getting the help you and your husband need because from what you have told us there is much the two of you need to talk about with someone who is trained, as there seem to be several issues that need to be sorted out.
If you like you can talk with us as it's best we don't indicate these problems unless we actually know.
Take care.
Geoff.
