Hi John
I can understand your concerns as they relate to some of the torment my brother faced when he had to make the decision whether or not to have a child in his mid 50s. He faced some of the inner dialogue that dictated 'It's too late', 'I'm not as young as I used to be. Will I have the energy?', 'Is this a challenge I'm prepared to face at this time in my life?' and the list went on. It was a massive decision that really tormented him in a lot of ways. Having married a younger woman who'd decided she didn't want kids, she changed her mind in her 30s, suddenly developing to compulsion to have a child. This was a compulsion I also personally didn't feel 'til I hit 30. Compared to most women I knew, I was a gal who was a late starter.
From a purely logical point of view (feelings aside), would make sense to be attracted to younger women (maybe in their late 20s or somewhere in their 30s), if you want to become a dad. If you're not too concerned in how you become a loving and guiding father to a child, maybe adoption or fostering will be your path with a partner in the future. You never know, you could come to be one of the greatest foster dads in the history of fostering, changing the lives of so many kids, for the better. Imagine that, kids growing up to tell people 'If it wasn't for John, I wouldn't be the person I am today. If it wasn't for him I would never have found the best in myself'.
Life would definitely be so much easier with a crystal ball. If we could see the course of our life, it would in some ways put our mind at ease. If you could see yourself with a younger woman who you love so much and who loves you, it would be reassuring. If you could see yourselves both loving your child or children so wholeheartedly and so joyfully while being able to also see all the ways in which they will come to raise you, you would have nothing to worry about. You may even be excited. You'd simply track down the woman you see in that crystal ball, so as to begin the process. Just because you can't see for now, doesn't mean the path to fatherhood is not there for you. It may already be in place.
Waking up/becoming more conscious can be so tormenting at times. Enlightenment is not always an easy thing to manage. Having manged a number of depressing challenges throughout my 52 years, one of the important things I've learned comes down to 'Now that I'm more conscious, what am I going to do with this higher state of consciousness? Will I use it or will I suffer through it?'. Have faith in your ability to use it.
🙂
