Maybe more than a friend? But ignoring me now.

[Nicole85]

Hi, I have been friends with a guy on and off for 19 years. He has wanted to be with me since the day he met me. I turned him down due to being a teenager and my friends etc. little did I know at the time it would be the biggest regret of my whole life. When he hasn’t had a partner so when we are allowed to talk we always manage to get in contact with each other. The universe somehow always manages to bring us back together. We are kind of like best friends. We hadn’t seen each other for 16 years but had talked through text. I knew he had depression so always helped him. He would go weeks ignoring my texts at times. His ex messaged me telling me a big secret of his that I didn’t know and he was ashamed to tell me that he is a drug addict including ice. Even though I hadn’t seen him for 16 years I rocked up at his house to see if he was ok as he was ignoring my texts as obviously ashamed. From that day we grew closer. He finally got the courage to start ringing me too occasionally. We could text and talk on the phone for a minimum of 7 hours easily at a time. I was married and had kids. I have now left my husband for him as we know we have something. We got real close as friends. Calling on phone and talking 3-7 hours a night and texts too. He even discussed us having a child together and even told his parents and sister about me and what he wanted he said. He even asked to see me and we met twice and watched movies as friends. It was so good and he wanted to do it more. He did ignore me for a week. I rocked up at his house and text multiple times during that week. He didn’t answer door or my texts. Then he text me saying he hated himself and not me then was like normal again and asked to see me. Then I agreed with him and I said I felt the same way and want to be more than friends. He said he does too but scared about what if we won’t work and we lose our friendship and than said he didn’t know what he wanted. Now he has ignored me for 3 weeks. Ignores all my texts and calls. He did text me about his kid a week ago but then nothing since. I rocked up last night at his house. He wasn’t home he was at a mates house I got told. Why is he ignoring me then? Is he not into me anymore or never was? He can go to his mates but ignores me. I even would send an encouraging good morning and goodnight message every day. So he can go to his mates but not text me? Also I got him off the drugs too. Do I just give up?? Thanks.

[Nicole85]

After that week he ignored me and I kept rocking up at his house and texting and ringing him constantly I said sorry for being annoying and said I just cared and he said I noticed. I said sorry and he said don’t be. So I’m just not sure what to do. Especially now I have expressed my feelings are mutual.

[geoff]

Hello Nicole, welcome to the forums.

I can see how much you want to be with him with all the long discussions together which is lovely, unfortunately, there are two issues that he needs to attend to if your relationship is to survive.

It's hard to tell whether he's been using 'ice' to try and 'help' him with his depression or has his depression made him take up ice.

You can certainly help him, although it's going to be very difficult not only for him but for you also, so does he need to stop smoking the ice first or does he get help for depression because both are causing the other to happen.

This is something you need to ask someone who is experienced but I would think that he needs to stop the ice then he can get the help he needs for his depression.

Neither of these is going to be easy, especially his drug habit because if he can stop then any time when something bad happens, he maybe tempted to start once again.

I can't tell you to leave or stay, but if you were my sister I would suggest that it would be easier to leave him, rather than having to cope with his drug addiction.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Nicole85]

Thanks. He is off the drugs and doesn’t take them anymore. He surprisingly rang me last night and he sounded so sad too but I was about to head out so couldn’t talk and he said he would call me back later. He never did. I tried ringing multiple times and text and he never replied. I hate myself so much now as I’ve been waiting weeks for him to contact me and it’s a big step for him when he rings someone and I abandoned him. I feel terrible and I just want to talk to him.

[quirkywords]

Nicole,

Welcome to the forum.

I understand how much this guy means to you and how you really enjoy communicating with him and how your friendship has developed more since he confided in you about his drug addiction.

You mentioned that he did not tell you about the drugs until an ex girlfriend told you and then he told you and that helped you help him.

I am wondering if he was having problems with depression or a relapse with drugs or another problem do you think he may be worried to tell you as he may be a bit ashamed. He obviously thinks a lot of your friendship which is why he was worried about going further in case it spoilt the friendship.

I don't think he would feel you abandoned him but he may have really wanted to tell you something at that moment and so later when you contacted him he was not in the right frame of mind to reply to you.

Maybe would you be able just to wait till he contacts you again, as he does not seem to respond when you contact him multiple times.

It sounds like he has a lot going on , and maybe when he is ready he will contact you.

These are just my ideas and only you know what would be the most suitable thing for you to do.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Quirky

[Nicole85]

I hate myself so much for not talking to him. He has ignored my texts today and I said he can ring me tonight but he hasn’t 😭😭 I miss our chats so much and I miss him.

[geoff]

Hi Nicole, I'm really sorry this has happened but you can't be expected to drop everything if you have other commitments, it's a 'give and take' situation.

Do you know if he is getting any help for his depression and drug use?

Take care.

Geoff.

[Nicole85]

No he doesn’t get any help at all. I am his help when he needs it.

[geoff]

Hello Nicole, it's very difficult for you to help him when he doesn't respond to your text messages, so it's difficult to know what's going on.

The problem is if you are unable to communicate with him or if you do then it's only sporadically, so you are going to be worried most of the time.

You have asked whether or not to give up, well at the moment you can't be living every day waiting to see if he is going to contact you, not knowing whether or not he has relapsed back into taking the drugs once again.

You know he needs professional help but I'm not sure whether he is or whether he knows.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Nicole85]

Makes it hard too that I left my husband that I have kids with for him as well. Now I’m guessing I shouldn’t of. My husband never drank, smoked or anything and I left him for someone that’s depressed, drug addict, on the dole, lives with his parents and is an alcoholic. 😕