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Marriage breakdown due to childhood trauma

Printers
Community Member
My wife was great when I first met her, fun, outgoing, adventurous she was my best friend. When she fell pregnant it all changed. I knew she had been abused as a child but not to the extent and the damage it did towards her. Her child hood trauma came up from pregnancy and then when our child was born she developed anxiety. It crippled her and as she sought professional help our marriage suffered. We were sleeping in separate beds, living separate lives but co existing for our daughter. At the same time my estranged eldest child from a previous relationship went through child protection and I attended court and tried to connect with my eldest but my ex wouldn't allow it. I drank regularly to numb the pain of it all and lied to my wife about my drinking which she linked to her childhood trauma and our relationship dissipated. She wants to be single and keep working on herself and I hope she finds the inner peace she deserves.
3 Replies 3

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hey Printers,
Thank you for joining us on the Beyond Blue forums today. We appreciate your openness in sharing your journey here. We're so sorry to hear about the disconnection and drift between yourself and your wife. We acknowledge that this must be a very painful and confusing situation. How recently did you and your partner separate? We understand this time of adjustment can be so difficult. Please know that you are not alone and that many in our community have had similar experiences and understand. Hopefully, a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice.  If you'd find it beneficial, we'd recommend speaking with a counsellor about your situation. MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/ We'd also recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. Thank you again for posting and If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.


 

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Printers,

We can see that you've begun a new thread around similar issues. We're going to close this thread off and ask that you and the community keep to the one thread below: 
Wife left me due to childhood trauma ptsd

Keeping to one thread per topic makes it easier for members to keep up with your story, and saves you having to repeat information.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear :Printers

I read elswhere you asked

" Do you think maybe one day in the future she will heal enough to want me back?"

Nobody can answer that any more than you can. You wife probably does not know the answer herself.

All she does know is that her present life is bringing back all the injury she suffered as a child , this being partly the pregnancy and child and partly the pressures of your court case over your own child by a previous marriage.

So she wants out.

Actually I'm afraid resorting to alcohol and shouting can have had a great effect, more than you can imagine on her.

I'm not blaming you in the slightest, you are under great pressure. I can understand sadly why you have drink as a coping mechanism and lie about it, Family Law is one of the great and terrible pressures one can face in life. As an ex-policman I've seen its effects too often. Please do not think becuse I understand I am condoning the drink, It will not help you or your case or marriage. -sorry to be blunt.

Your wife would be very fragile, the hurt and injury providing many trigger points and reminders, and while she had a stable and happy marriage with you to start with the child and court case have simply been too much.

The fact she opened up to you is a hopeful sign -though how she feels about it now I do not know. As least at the back of her mind she will know there is someone she can be honest with. Feeling able to continue to work is good too.

I am concerned about you, Sophie has give you a couple of places to go to, and I think they can only do you good. To be isolated and at sea simply makes matters worse.

Apart from that do you have any family or friends you can talk with frankly and lean on a bit. It makes a big difference as I found out if someone will listen with patience (I tended to say the same things over and over) and care -but not suggest impractical ideas on how things can be fixed.'

You are always welcome here. We do care

Croix