Feeling resentment to my partner for relocating us, self destructive and wondering if it is okay to leave part time to join a yoga school
Hi there, My partner and I moved to AUS from the USA 6 months ago. We were happy in the states, had friends, socialized, i had a great job, we could surf every day and enjoyed each other. Since moving back we have been relocated out of melbourne( where all our friends and activities are) to a rural town. I am unable to join yoga classes as after 6 months of doing them alone in the living room am craving people. I am so very used to being outdoors and active. I have fallen into a depression that is so destructive. I drink every night, I am unavailable to my partner, I cry all the time, I eat because i am bored and have almost stopped all my hobbies. When we visit Melbourne it is almost like the weight is lifted but the bridge is burnt. I've caused Max so much anxiety, he doesn't want to go out because he's afraid i'll hurt myself. The relationship is going down quick but we both love each other and don't want to give up. together we decided it would be great for me to finally do my yoga teacher training, however it is located in melbourne. The only problem with this is that I feel horrible leaving him by himself in a place I know he also hates. It's a short term contract, we will leave in a year, and I want to know if it is okay for me to go to melbourne and we'll see each other weekends or should i stick it out and wait until we move together? I am afraid I will hurt him even more by leaving even though he assures me that he would rather that than continuing like this. WhT do I do?
Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums, we are really grateful that you decided to reach out here tonight. It sounds like this has been an incredibly big adjustment for you and your partner in the last 6 months, and we're sorry to hear that you've been feeling so low after relocating to a rural town. We can hear how difficult it must be to be away from friends and the activities you find comfort and joy in, and we hope that you can find some wonderful advice and support from our caring community here. This is a safe space for you to express yourself, and please know that support is always here for you.
If you feel up to it, we think it might really help to be able to talk these feelings through with the kind counsellors at our Support Service, who are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on also through Webchat (1pm-12am AEDT) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport Our friends at Lifeline are also there for you anytime, day or night, on 13 11 14, whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.
Please feel free to keep updating us here on what you're thinking and feeling, whenever you feel ready.
I must say, you've seriously triggered my imagination, big time. I'll share...
Imagine a lot of people facing the mental health challenges that come with living in the rural areas within a particular region. Imagine the limited resources they have when it comes to reconnecting with aspects of their natural self (positive emotion, mental and physical wellness/stress release and a sense of wholeness etc). Imagine there was a person who everyone came to love because they helped these people reconnect in amazing ways. This person offered group meetings which created social opportunities, as well as providing one on one support sessions. They traveled all over the region, providing this service. I can easily imagine you being this person for others but that would involve you training to be this person. Can you imagine being this person? I know it sounds like I'm perhaps trying to sway you but, in reality, I'm just sharing with you what I imagine. I also imagine you going on to provide meditation classes and other natural therapies.
Could you imagine how you and your partner would manage not physically being together 5 days a week? A strategic plan could hold a lot of positives. Could you imagine how much you would look forward to seeing each other on the weekends? How would you both manage your mental health during this temporary period of training?
I know, there's a lot of imagination involved here but, typically, any significant shift in reality (how we see or live life) begins in imagination. In hand with imagination often comes emotion. Does what you imagine naturally 'raise' you or does it bring you down. I find emotions or feelings make for an active and often reliable compass at times. 'Does this feel right? Does this feel wrong? Does that idea feel depressing? Does this idea feel thoroughly inspirational? Am I feeling challenge? Does it feel like a constructive challenge worth navigating wholeheartedly?' Are you someone who naturally feels your way through life but at the moment just doesn't feel anything other than down? How would it feel to wait things out for a year? Maybe that last question will help with a sense of direction, especially if you're someone who doesn't like waiting but loves doing instead.
I've actually been thinking about looking more into Yoga lately. As a 50yo gal, I get up in the morning stretching out the tension in my body wondering how much of it is stored in there at a deeper perhaps more mental level.
I wanted to thank you for your input. This is how I imagine my life going. Max and I have talked very much about our plans and have really set up a pathway to make this possible.
I think you can't live someone else if your not loving yourself. Self care is important. Being away doesn't mean our relationship can't still be supportive of each other.
These are all the things I know but lose sight of when i'm in the midst of sadness and panic. I think his anxiety also is so high that we kind of build on each other.
We had a really good weekend talking through our feelings and why we act the way we do. We told each other what we needed from the other and what we are and aren't capable of handling right now. It's always about communication for us. Sometimes we get a little lost but I think this is going to help immensely.
We both told each other how much we missed that person we were a year ago, but we're still there. I miss the same person he misses in me and vice versa. I think we've been challenged and have taken a little time to work with our challenges and now we can approach them as a team rather than alone.
Today i feel good. I'm sure I will still have some bad days. But i tell myself all the time, i get to wake up and start over if i need to. Keep looking forward and try to be mindful.
You are both so fortunate to be in a relationship where you love each other enough to encourage open communication and fearless expression of your feelings. These are both incredibly important skills to have and build upon.
To be in a relationship where you also help raise each other through challenges is incredibly special. It can feel heartbreaking when a partner says 'Oh, you're being ridiculous' or 'You're so emotional, so sensitive. You need to toughen up'. You know, all that kind of stuff. I believe...to be invested in the evolution of another is what it means to love another. To be invested in the evolution of your self is what it means to love your self. With that last one, I try and remind myself that all challenges are pushing for the evolution of self, for me to discover greater love for myself during and on the other side of the challenge. It's definitely a mantra that's hard to keep in mind when your right smack bang in the middle of some overwhelming mind altering and sometimes potentially depressing challenge.
If you decided not to do the Yoga training right now, do you have any idea of what you'd like to do? Personally, I don't like to wait. I try to never wait for things in the future. What I do with 'the in between time' is not considered waiting, in my book, it's instead considered 'A lead up'. With access to internet, could you do a bit of casual online study of your own when it comes to yoga and the different types? Kundalini Yoga is an interesting one. Researching the origins of Yoga, how it all interacts with us on psychological, biological, chemical and natural energetic levels etc would be interesting. You could be so well researched that when you come to do the training, you actually cruise through it without a single issue, compared to others that may be learning from scratch. You may even come to know more than the trainer, in certain areas.
If you're a naturally wonderful person (you wonder about a lot), then online research can become exciting. Wondering about how Yoga works, how many different types there are, the best diets for a Yoga practitioner, the energy systems involved etc may become like a bit of a wonderful rabbit hole. Once you begin exploring through wonder, sometimes things branch off in all directions, leading to more wonder and more revelations. Wonder is often good exercise for the soul and a way to naturally evolve.