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Marriage after betrayal and conception stress
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Secondly we've been trying to fall pregnant for almost 2 years. Again I feel I'm making the sacrifices and he isn't commiting. I get that guys tend to focus on only one thing and think that's enough.
I suppose I just needed to let that off my chest, but wondering if there is success after cheating. I know normal is out the window but I just want the pain and worry to stop.
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Hello Advicerequest, a warm welcome to the site.
I don't necessarily believe it was your fault, simply because people don't send 'sexting' messages to a colleague unless an attraction has been formed, one way or another over a period of time, maybe this was the time when he has been caught out and didn't cover his tracks.
If he definitely regretted doing it, then he would be telling and showing you that he did love you, especially when you're trying to have a baby, but you can't be sure what he texts under the influence of alcohol and may then erase.
If my wife had been doing this with a workmate, I would have serious questions she'd had to answer, betrayal doesn't stop with one person and maybe a continual problem, I'm sorry to say, however, there are ways to overcome this if you decide.
Best wishes.
Geoff.
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Hi there.
I agree with Geoff and would like to extend on that a little bit more. I want you to know that you are only human in how you feel, it's totally normal, however, I do believe that sometimes both partners can lose track of what brought them together in the first place.
Sometimes things happen and we get lost in what ever we are doing. His bad behaviour and infidelity is no reflection to you, he chose to make that happen. Now, in saying this, you need to lay out your boundaries so that you can get something out of this relationship. It's two-way so it's best to be open to him about how you feel, meaning that he needs to understand your boundaries, that since he has been with someone he is not entitled too, that for you to work through [his mess], not yours and for you to be able to trust him (due to his inappropriate bad behaviour), that he allows you to access his telephonic device.
Some people might disagree, however, if he cares for your health and loves you, he will be more than happy to share access to his device (without hesitation) because he will do anything to earn your trust. If he refuses, you can be the judge of that.
Truth is everything and trust needs to be worked on by him. Do not devalue yourself because of how his bad behaviour has made you feel - that's his issue and you do not deserve to hold on to his mistakes/actions.
Give yourself compassion, stay strong and know that he can resolve his issues but he must acknowledge your boundaries. Also, you have a right to terminate him from your relationship if you need space and remember, he behaved badly, not you.
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