Making the best of a loveless mate

[Dadmeister]

I’m a 50 year old Dad with ADHD , anxiety and depression. I’m a catastrophiser and critical overthinker. My wife of 26 years has slowly been drifting away from me to the point now where she hasn’t spoken to me other than for mundane chores for 3 months. It’s been the hardest time of my life but with some cognitive therapy I am trying to keep positive. My children and my mates have been incredible and I realised that the easy way out would be divorce. I’m trying to find happiness in other ways as she refuses to sit in the same room as me and I’m just trying my best to be here for her and hoping that she turns around. I’m trying to put myself in her shoes and understand how hard it must be living with someone like me. I’m really hoping that things change. Any suggestions on how to find happiness in a loveless marriage would be appreciated, this is my first post.

[white knight]

Hi and a warm welcome

Silence, has a few sides. My ex wife used it as a weapon- that's being narcissistic. However that's quite different to falling out of love with your partner.

In your case it seems the horse has bolted, that for whatever reason, there is little hope in a happy future.

We humans can be "fixers but, we can't save the world and that includes changing people's mindset.

I'm sorry to give you the bad news but is it bad? Some circumstances demand a new beginning and while it's commendable of your effort it eventually becomes self inflicting harm. Self preservation and acceptance must become priority.

We are here for you if you want to keep chatting.

TonyWK

[Dadmeister]

Thanks Tony, I tend to agree that the horse has bolted. She is my first and only love. I’ve known her 32 years since we were both 18 and we were best friends for 30 of those years. I accused her of having an emotional affair last year and asked the other guy to stay away from her, from that point on it has pretty much been all over. We tried counselling but to no avail. Just doing my best to keep myself busy, work hard and be the best dad possible.

[white knight]

Ypur last post echoed my attitude in 1996 when I split from my wife.

As my dad once said "better to be the best part time dad than no dad at all".

So, then my daughter's were 7 and 4yo. At 12 my eldest came to live with me.

So I know the horrible feeling you're going through. You weren't at fault over the emotional affair.

The important thing to remember is- there is a life after this. The grief period (I've gone through it 3 times) will decrease and other interests overtake.

Good luck TonyWK