Dear CP;
I'm so glad you and Ross have found each other! Btw Ross, great support and encouragement.
I've read thru the posts and find some wonderful examples of what this forum is all about; helping each other. For Ying there is always a Yang...
I see you're preparing to talk with hubby by writing something down, this is a great idea; I've done it myself.
To address what I've said about the balance of power; three's definitely a crowd when it comes to marriage. The thing that strikes me is how as women, we rely on our husbands to defend us when we're vulnerable and hurt. When they don't, our hurt becomes worse and sometimes turns into resentment.
As Ross has suggested, men in this situation are in the middle and will be torn in allegiance. Explaining how you feel powerless and hurt will give him a sense of his and your position on the power scale, putting his mother in control. No-one likes to be controlled.
As long as you talk about how you feel without pointing the finger at him or his mother, using emotive language and asking for what you want specifically, the ball will be in his court.
Working out what it actually is that you want can be confusing and scary, so maybe you could take a bit more time to think on it.
Let's face it; if you had to defend your children, wouldn't you go to any length to support them? This is what women need from their men... defending and protected from threat or humiliation. He's the love of your life, you're the mother of his children and her Grandchildren. That's enough...
I wish you well in your endeavours CP. You too Ross; there's no time like the present to change for the better, no matter how small an offering.
I'm in your corner...you're both heard and validated by me.
Kind regards;
Sara
