Lost

[Guest_43373528]

Hi I've never done this kinda thing before but I'm reaching out and hopefully it will give me the strength to do something about my life. 

I've been married for over 30 years and never had to worry about abuse but the last five years it's changed.  The lack of effort, the lack of attention etc then came the hitting and name calling . Now I'm not your skinny kinda girl I'm built solid but when your man starts to call you fat pig and tells you their no point in talking to you and makes you fill like nothing you  starts to believe it you see I'm to scared to go cause I have no money and I've never been alone . I've now turned to drugs to numb my fillings as I fill very alone . I believe he is having an internet affair but covers his tracks very well so I can't even catch him cause then I no I would have the guts to go to cops and put a statement in then he would be gone but then I'll loose my house and my adult kids would hate me . I fill so lost that I ask God to send me a man who would take me away to a happier life . 

I no this sounds stupid but this is what goes through my head on a regular basis .

I think I love him or maybe I love the security of home , I cry nearly every day cause I no I'm unhappy but got no friends or family to run too . 

I don't no what to do 😔 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Guest

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums…

I am so deeply sorry your going through all that…

I was in a very abuse (physical, verbal, emotional and sexual) marriage for over 30 years, afraid to leave him, afraid to take my children away from their dad and because I had never been living alone…plus their was not much if any help available for abused women….so I stayed with him…He passed away nearly 13 years ago but even today I struggle with the effects of all those years of abuse…ptsd, which has caused me depression and axiety…

It’s both unacceptable and a criminal offence to abuse your spouse…and you can charge him with these crimes he is doing to you….Like you I was to scared to do that…I also used to daydream about what my life would be like if my late husband was a loving and caring person towards me….but unfortunately my daydreams never became a reality…

But there is help out there today for you and the hundreds of abused wives…so please seek out some help…one of these helps is 1800 RESPECT…(1800 737732)…in supporting you and your mental health by being with you and even helping you if you want to leave him…Please Dear Guest, try hard to find your courage and give that number a ring, you deserve respect...

Your children are now adults…Its up to you, if you want to…to explain what’s happening to you, concerning what your husband is doing to you…Will they condemn his behaviour and give you the support you need off them?….from them.

Thinking of you with kindness and care..

Grandy..